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dgunz11
USA
3 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 29 2010 : 4:18:30 PM
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Hello all,
This is my first post, however I have been practicing the AYP system for about a year now.
Practice is going well. Just been doing SBP and DM upwards of an hour and a half a day.
The results of the practice have been tremendous.
As a result I've stopped masturbation, pornography and the wife and I only have sex about once a week.
The problem is that I feel like I'm re-sensitized. In many ways I feel like a teenage boy again. I get worked up real easy and well I get to climax in a very short period of time. Sometimes it's literally a couple minutes. This is frustrating me and my wife and it's pretty much been like this for the past 6 months.
Oftentimes it's flat out embarrassing.
I've tried some of the tantric exercises on the website and they really haven't seemed to been working. Admittedly however I haven't really stuck with them.
I believe this is a result of not being desensitized to sex like most of us are in our society. The result of sexual moderation and no masturbation has left me really sensitive. Too much so, I think.
Just wondering if anyone has had similar issues and/or could offer any advice in terms of how I can control my ejaculation.
Namaste,
Dennis |
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Chiron
Russia
397 Posts |
Posted - Aug 30 2010 : 01:49:45 AM
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| Once you feel like you are about to ejaculate, withdraw, flex your perinium muscle until the excitement subsides. Then re-enter.. |
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Anthem
1608 Posts |
Posted - Aug 31 2010 : 3:03:27 PM
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Hi Dennis,
I had a lot more sensitivity that took some getting used to as well. Really it comes down to having more energy in general, sexual included, which is a good thing. So you may find that if you are having sex or ejaculations more often it is no longer an issue and you will feel like you did in the past.
The first thing I would suggest is to buy a copy of "Loving What Is" by Byron Katie and do the thoughts (on the one belief at a time worksheet) that you have which are creating anxiety in this situation. These thoughts/ beliefs are at the root of things.
What you can come to realize is that there is no possibility of ejaculation without the thought of it, so thinking about it is attracting it into the process. Letting it go every time it comes up or focussing on other things will also help. Believing that the new found "sensitivity" is creating a problem would be one of the first areas I would investigate. You will get used to the stronger feelings and notice that they don't necessarily mean ejaculation will soon follow.
That said practicing tantra techniques as outlined in the tantra lessons at the top, will help increase staying power.
Best of luck! |
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dgunz11
USA
3 Posts |
Posted - Aug 31 2010 : 8:23:07 PM
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Chiron,
The problem is while we are joined. I mean within a muinute or so I already feel the orgasm coming. I would literally be stopping every minute.
Anthem11,
I agree so much of it is mental. So your pretty much advising to simply not think about it? Gosh, I'll do my best...
Dennis |
Edited by - dgunz11 on Aug 31 2010 9:28:02 PM |
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Anthem
1608 Posts |
Posted - Aug 31 2010 : 10:59:39 PM
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Hi Dennis,
quote:
So your pretty much advising to simply not think about it? Gosh, I'll do my best...
I don't think trying to do this would necessarily be a recipe for success, this isn't what I meant to convey.
- First, I would say that it is normal to have increased sexual energy from practices and also from ejaculating less now than in the past. If you were to ejaculate more frequently, for example having sex more than once a weak, I think you might find easier again to last and be less sensitive like you report being in the past. This has been my experience. Tantra practices can also help build up staying power and you can do this on your own or with your partner if they are willing.
- From your description above of feeling frustrated, I suggested doing some inquiry to get to the root of things and free yourself from this frustration. Being free of any concerns emotionally can lead to less fixation on ejaculation and whether it is near or not. Byron Katie's book Loving What Is provides a fantastic method to effectively let go of things like this if you are not familiar with inquiry. It's all free on her website at www.thework.com
- The AYP practices over time will take care of things too in the long term, the inquiry mentioned above can accelerate the process if you are open to it.
- Yes not thinking about it is the bottom line, but this doesn't usually come about for most people by simply trying to "not" think about something. It is almost like asking the impossible.
Naturally though, it has been my experience that I don't think about things I'm not worried or concerned about and this frees me to focus on something that is more conducive to the outcome I am looking for.
For some, changing their focus to their partner's well-being will be enough, for others, stopping and letting the feelings pass will be enough, what Chiron suggested could work for many with practice over time. Or you could just have sex a second time, maybe after some rest, being more sensitive has its advantages of more sexual energy overall. Tantra practice can go a long way in helping as well.
Hope this clarifies, best of luck!
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Edited by - Anthem on Aug 31 2010 11:02:17 PM |
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HathaTeacher
Sweden
382 Posts |
Posted - Sep 01 2010 : 11:45:40 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by dgunz11
...while we are joined. I mean within a muinute or so I already feel the orgasm coming. I would literally be stopping every minute.
...is mental. So your pretty much advising to simply not think about it?
Dennis
Hi Dennis,
I agree with Anthem: don't push/chase/rush anything, detach, the AYP package of techniques will help you over time. Detach from the mind's natural tendency to classify things: A holdback every minute ? No big deal, that's already 6 times less than every 10 seconds.
Try to cherry-pick techniques in the AYP lectures here and play with them, like in yoga or meditation, give them a try for some time. No need for judgements, simply travel at your own pace. I had the same "issue", and perhaps even more of it, before I entered the Tantric path. So, I started to introduce the techniques on the 3rd round. Soon, on the 2nd - going to sleep without a 2nd ejac (whatta progress then!  ). Then, on the first (and, only 1 ejac a week). Then extending non-ejac time stepwise.
Yogani suggests having sex as often as before, which also may defuse any obstacles along the path; a good hint but not quite an absolute law. Ideally, given you've tried having sex both "very often" and "not often", the best frequency is the one that made skiping the ejac feel least difficult. Although, once you have several hours of staying power, you often feel like exploring sex more than before, until you detach from it again:
http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....D=6068#54950
http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....D=6683#60117
quote:
...trying to "not" think about something. It is almost like asking the impossible.
The mind is really like that. Highway-safety research indicates that many mass crashes are caused by each driver's (tunnel-visioned) focus on the rear lights before him, thinking "I mustn't get too close", instead of a wider perception that would include even acceptable emergency exits (the median, the ditch, the fields) etc. - whatever doesn't kill him. So AYPwise, the moral is: let's teach the mind where else to go (as an alternative to too-close-crash-bang ) The upward pull on energy is as important as the enjoyment/arousal, and the whole-body sensitising indicates you're on track there. The energy surplus simply wants to be led somewhere - if not straight down and out then up the whole body and toward the crown chakra. Women are almost born with a similar ability whereas for us it takes training. Margot Anand has described even some sensitising exercises in her books on tantra.
The practices here really make more and more sense as you practise.
Enjoy!
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Edited by - HathaTeacher on Sep 01 2010 12:15:30 PM |
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Assorted Vibrations
USA
25 Posts |
Posted - Oct 14 2010 : 08:35:54 AM
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The holdback method, coupled with flexing the perineum, can work miracles. I used to experience PE so badly that I would climax in under a minute, but more recently I have been averaging an hour and have gone up to two. The first few minutes are the most aggravating because you are very excited and sensitive, but if you just relax and have patience then good things come to those who wait. I have had to stop every ten or so seconds for awhile, but then as the energy stabilizes and I relax the intervals become less and less until I can choose when to build to climax and when not to. Then the only limit is that total time before blueballs begin to set in, and even this limit moves further and further back as you continue with the practice. Also, with all this new energy in effect sex becomes much better than ever before. After some nights of loving, I have had fits of euphoric laughter caused by my elevated energetic state. As has been mentioned, years down the road of yoga things will be much easier. I look forward very much to this future.
I hope this helps you as much as it helped me. |
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HathaTeacher
Sweden
382 Posts |
Posted - Oct 14 2010 : 2:05:59 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Assorted Vibrations
The holdback method, coupled with flexing the perineum, can work miracles.
I agree. When you're past one hour, you're on track; gradually, you'll be able to choose virtually any number of hours per weekend.
However, may I suggest substantially less than 48, because water, sleep, a little food, and fresh air in the room are helpful, as is some yoga and meditation. Some tantrists even ask their best friends to make a phone call at a certain hour, to remind the couple of this, preventing dehydration.
After adding, step by step, the relaxed breathing, mudras, bandhas, and a widening awareness, the whole gets better than the sum of its parts. |
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crab
India
5 Posts |
Posted - Nov 20 2010 : 04:05:52 AM
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Hi Dennis,
You may want to take a look at Sexual Chi-Kong and Anal Breathing Techniques from Dr.Lin, at these links:
http://www.herballove.com/article.asp?art=107
http://www.herballove.com/article.asp?Art=85
He also has a book named 'Resonant Excitation of Sexual Orgams - Tao Of Love Coupling', which (IMO) is highly recommended.
The content in the book and his website(http://drlin.org/) is overwhelming, but from my experience, the techniques are good.
A google search can provide lot more information.
Good Luck,
crab
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Louie
Canada
26 Posts |
Posted - Dec 21 2011 : 1:56:42 PM
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I have also had problems with premature ejaculation at times. Recently I have come to understand that it is mostly a matter of tension.
Energy, by nature, wants to move. Aroused sexual energy REALLY wants to move.
If you have been doing practices to open up the nervous system then some percentage of your aroused sexual energy will go up the spine during sex. However, if your body and breath are tense in the sexual act then this limits how much energy can move inside the body. In a sense the body is clamping down on it's own energy pathways. That forces most of the sexual energy to move via the one route that it always has which is down and out.
When you feel yourself becoming very aroused in the groin, try consciously relaxing your body and exhaling deeply. This should allow some of the aroused energy to move into the body and reduce the level of arousal in the groin.
You can practice this by self arousing right up to the point where you feel very aroused but not yet ready to ejaculate, then stop stoking and consciously relax the body and exhale deeply. Will the energy to disperse through the body. |
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belladiaz
USA
1 Posts |
Posted - Feb 01 2012 : 03:30:02 AM
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Premature ejaculation is one of the most common sexual problem found in men under a certain age.There are multiple methods of treatment when
it comes to premature ejaculation, some of them in the form of medicines,some herbal therapies.I think this yogaasanas are good way to cure a problem of premature ejaculation.
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GreenTea
USA
2 Posts |
Posted - Mar 21 2012 : 3:29:54 PM
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I too have developed an extreme PE through practicing DM. DM opens up nerves and fills them with blissful silence, and has also made the penis much more sensitive than it was before, especially as I've been taking an SSRI for a long time, which had greatly decreased sensitivity in the penis. So part of my problem may be the newness of the increased sensitivity.
Although it would be nice not to have the PE, my bigger problem is that the increased sexual pleasure that the sensitized nervous system brings about, is leading to my engaging in self-gratification more often, which hurts the positive results of DM, and can also cause me to feel really lousy, which can take days to fully recover from. And then the increased libido shortly resumes.
I try to avoid this, but DM increases libido in a new way, because it's mixed with the blissful silence in the nervous system; libido becomes spiritualized to some degree. So any thoughts can cause a wave of excitement, probably mixed with some fear too, about losing the energy. Or if my mind allows the possibility of self-gratification, it causes great agitation and excitement, making it virtually impossible to resist (it evens feels like the fluids are getting ready to go); it's overpowering.
So its a catch 22. I need to conserve the energy to feel more of the positive results of DM, but DM makes it much harder to conserve the energy.
I haven't been doing SB, because I'm a sensitive meditator. Does SB help decrease libido by moving energy out of the genitals? |
Edited by - GreenTea on Mar 21 2012 8:00:46 PM |
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Victor
USA
910 Posts |
Posted - Mar 21 2012 : 5:03:19 PM
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| Green Tea, I am confused. Are you male or female? yoni=vagina. Can a woman have premature ejaculation? |
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GreenTea
USA
2 Posts |
Posted - Mar 21 2012 : 7:58:25 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Victor
Green Tea, I am confused. Are you male or female? yoni=vagina. Can a woman have premature ejaculation?
LOL. My mistake; I got my terms confused. I'm male. Is lingam correct? I'll go back and edit my post. |
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appolo light
Greece
29 Posts |
Posted - May 26 2012 : 11:42:16 AM
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Hi brothers and sisters,
first of all i am really happy that i found the ayp site and the forum.
For 5 months now I practice SBP , DM , yoga, and i am a better person, better father,better husband. I am 42 years old, male, and for years i struggled with huge sexual desire, so a lot of masturbation and frustration.
A year ago, I started to take the control in my hands and stopped the nervous situation of masturbation with no reason, just to release the daily emotional stress.
Since i developed PM as dgunz11 describes.
So the last 5 months i try tantra technics with a very slow rhythm of progress, I can last 3-4 min and then I have to stop every 5 sec. The intercourse lasts 20-30 min , with a lot of stopping, 3-4 times of leaking some drops, but my partner can have an orgasm too in the end with my semi hard erection!
I am quite frustrate with my very slow progress,( in solo practice i have no problem relaxing in front of the climax and stopping the ejaculation).
My wife is nervous, because she feels used and not aloud to express herself sexually, since we have to stop and start all the time, and the moment she starts to move herself i have to stop her in order not to ejaculate, so now we make love only ones a week.
I read the tantra book, the book of sexual healing and the anal breathing articles above.
When i am solo, I can control my energy up and and down very well, when we make love i louse my ability, probably because the act of making love arouse me very much!
I should not ask for more advices, since the topic explain very well the different methods,
but i would like to hear from you, any idea about how much time a person needs to learn and get used to the tantra techics?
Another idea, that i would like to share with you, is the fact that i don't know if i have to take PM as a curse or as a blessing! Due to this problem, i started yoga, SBP and DM and i feel fine, the persons who are around me also feels it.
Still there is a lot of job on myself, that must be done!
Thanks for your time and your Ideas!
Namaste.
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maheswari
Lebanon
2516 Posts |
Posted - May 26 2012 : 1:35:06 PM
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quote:
Since i developed PM as dgunz11 describes.
hello Appolo light and welcome to the forums
i am confused ..what do you mean by PM?
or is it PE...premature ejaculation? |
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appolo light
Greece
29 Posts |
Posted - May 26 2012 : 1:37:38 PM
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I am sorry,
correct, PE premature ejac. |
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appolo light
Greece
29 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2012 : 07:10:30 AM
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Dear all,
I am coming back to the forum for sharing and asking!
Doing, The work of K. Byron, I realise that I have an Issue of uncontrolable arousal,  from the very beging of the intercourse, this what creates PE to me.
Any tip to control my arousal, whould be very much helpful.
BTW. the method of counting does not work for me during the intercours.
Namaste. |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2012 : 07:14:58 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by appolo light
Dear all,
I am coming back to the forum for sharing and asking!
Doing, The work of K. Byron, I realise that I have an Issue of uncontrolable arousal, from the very beging of the intercourse, this what creates PE to me.
Any tip to control my arousal, whould be very much helpful.
BTW. the method of counting does not work for me during the intercours.
Namaste.
Next time, see how much in imagination you are before and during the whole thing. Being present and completely present with your partner and whatever is going on, the best you can (dont make it a compulsion, be easy with it... baby steps, like in meditation, we come back to the mantra when we realize we are off it, when you realize you are not in the moment, drop the imagination and come back to the moment) may help . |
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AumNaturel
Canada
687 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2012 : 09:15:37 AM
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| Shanti makes a good point. There really is an instant difference between being present, in the direct sense of looking through your eyes as if looking to read the clock, and being absorbed in a passive state of mind as if in imagination. If this works for you, even a little, it might be enough to use it to stay in front. Initially, it is kind of like being more numb to your internal sensations, so you don't want to overdo it at all which means pausing even before you feel the need to, but eventually this phase should extend and then the 'numb' feeling will give way to having internal sensation be the determining factor for what your body does, and then you can rely on that from then on to judge when to ease back. Imagination then doesn't have an automatic response, and then whatever your partner does, you can better decide whether you need to remain present on your end, or go along with it up to whatever point. |
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appolo light
Greece
29 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2012 : 12:54:26 PM
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Dear friends, thank you so much for the advices.
I do believe that there is some job to be done to this direction!
After my SBP and DM I feel so calm and free that I could deal with anything.But not before my intimate moments!
It is amassing how the brain can be diverted in a good or in a wrong way.
I do believe that with DM I ll be more capable to stay in the present.
Let me share with you as well, that in the catastrophic Greece I am very optimisticI still have a job and I try to help people around me, and all this since I started yoga and DM.
I wish you all the best.
P.S.
I ll try mu baby steps and inform you, hope soon...
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HathaTeacher
Sweden
382 Posts |
Posted - Jun 08 2012 : 09:51:47 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Shanti
...how much in imagination you are before and during the whole thing. Being present and completely present...
Spot on  , IMO. This is where you leverage the training that you gave your mind in the mediation and yoga sessions.
When you're not making love, forget about sex and turn your relaxed, widened awareness to what you're doing here and now (the feeling is similar to the gratitude you express in your last post about coping with the crisis, helping others, etc.)
While making love, again focus on what you're doing here and now - but keep your awareness widened and all-embracing: your loved one as well as the bedroom, the sky outside, the world... (all form/materia is Shakti ). That's why I posted the HWSA research findings above: if the mind isn't stuck in one single spot (rear lights, genitals, whatever), it stays light and flexible enough to find ever-new workarounds quickly (AYP techniques alone are quite a list...) when a situation looks like getting "too close"...
As you mention, it develops in tiny steps, especially when you're still quite young, and more importantly, your experience of yoga still quite short. It would be meaningless and counter-productive to promise your wife that you acquire "staying power" within X months or Y years. It happens gradually, and takes patience on both parties. And gradually, she too will realize that the fruits of it are beyond human imagination.
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Edited by - HathaTeacher on Jun 08 2012 09:55:40 AM |
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appolo light
Greece
29 Posts |
Posted - Jun 09 2012 : 07:45:23 AM
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Thank you HathaTeacher, you are right and so optimistic!
Last update, during love making, i was present, i was calm and the result was again embarrasing!
On top of it, my wife is desapointed, so she is avoiding me, more she is avoiding me , more i run after her and so on...
I am afraid that i have some handicap and I feel less of a men.
Young? I am 43 and i sould be in control of my functions.
I am very sad and quite desperate to be honest .
Any how, there is , you, the people on this forum that I can confes!
God bless you. |
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HathaTeacher
Sweden
382 Posts |
Posted - Jun 09 2012 : 4:27:11 PM
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Hi Apollo,
I should have said 42 is "more young than old", but importantly, 5 mths of yoga make still a very short period of practice, so you can't expect the mind and the body to assimilate the tantra techniques overnight.
I too was afraid "I must be some kind of a diagnosis, or what" (ejaculated usually 2-3 times per evening...) The first months were like a roller-coaster ride, sometimes the tantra techniques worked almost automatically and sometimes not at all, but as I added (and fine-tuned, in small steps over time) more bandhas, mudras, and breath, I became able to "play" with most of those more consciously, in her embrace. I've also become more cautious about movements or positions that arouse only me but not her, and I've also picked up her natural "female" way of combining sexuality and sensuality; this distributes the sexual energy more evenly throughout our bodies, so it doesn't overload the genitals.
In the book I mentioned in the thread www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....ID=9486#81609 , I found inspiring techniques that "smooth out" the male and female pole but work around ejaculation or substitute it (as opposed to traditional sex that speeds it up).
To cut a long story short: it takes long training, but it is doable.
Best of luck.
HT |
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appolo light
Greece
29 Posts |
Posted - Jun 10 2012 : 10:40:57 AM
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Dear HathaTeacher,
Thanks for the comment,more young than old, ,
I just order the book!
All my life i was resolving problems, with efforts, persistence and I was expecting immediate results.
As I realize , this type of issues demands patients, understanding, love, and not the same type of efforts,
I ll keep evolving!
I ll come buck soon for update.
Wish you all the best.
A.
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appolo light
Greece
29 Posts |
Posted - Nov 05 2013 : 06:24:07 AM
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Dear brothers and sisters,
I am cominng back to you to update and to seek!
The last year was intresting, my progress in overcoming the PE is very slow, sometimes i can manage better, sometimes, i have so much stress, that ones i didnot have erection!!!
The most inportant is that i realise my addiction, my inpalce to sex, to masturbation and trying to overcoming this, i reallise my emptinnes and especially my fears that i was trying to cover.
Married man , one child, always working and providing i forgott who am i.
What do i love to do, to eat , i forgott to have fun and the most inportant who to relax and enyoy. i think i have never learned.
My spiritial path guided my to trie to forrfeel my needs, not with sex but other thinks.
I am about to start to love myself and to love , really love, the others,
I am about to learne who to make love, and to have sex, how to feel the momment, to relax and connect with my wife.
I pray to God, to show my how to love,
-sould i follow my heart? litteraly my heart gives me signals like palpytation. When i have to take an action i have some resposnse like this. Sould I concidere this?
This is my question to you, how to love ?
how to open my self and feel free and give, no matter what!
How to forgive myself and these who mistreat me!
I wonder if i ll be able to make love, and not to live in my head with my fantacies, my fears and my neurosis.
Recently I felt in love. I felt in love with this small insect who make a specific, cri-cri, when the sun is seting and the night is folling.
This song, came all over me, my body and mind, it was so peacefull and so sweet,I wonder if it was God himself visiting me!.
Here is my story any input from you would be very much appreciated!!!
Forgive my poor english!
Thank you |
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premature ejaculation
