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kindiviolet
Ukraine
4 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 04 2014 : 04:40:05 AM
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Hello everyone, I am happy that I found your forum, so maybe I will finally get some advice here. Please, excuse my English, my native language is Russian. I live in Ukraine (Eastern Europe) and I have not found any good kundalini-related site or forum in my native language.
Please read my story, I never had a chance to tell the whole story to anyone before.
I am Kate, 25 years old and I have been experiencing k-awakening from November 2012. Before this, I did not do any spiritual practices, did not believe in God or spiritual forces. I had hard life situation in that time (year 2012) connected with drug addiction (amphetamine, alcohol, several times LSD) and I thought that I was in a trap and did not know how to get back to normal life. I remember one day (it was early October 2012) I just looked into the window and talked to the sky that I want to stop drugs and live normal life but I do not know how. I did not actually think that these words could result in anything, I thought I was just talking to myself. But then, the miracle began.
I`ve never went to church on my own will before, but such situation occurred (middle October 2012) that I had to go there – i am working as translator in building company, and we organized excursion for our conference guests which included visiting old churches in my city, so I went there. After visiting church I felt weird, I had feeling of some energy vibration on the top of my head but did not pay much attention to it.
Few weeks later, my friend who was interested in esoteric stuff (I know she is doing Reiki now, but we are now not friends anymore so we do not have contact) offered me to visit her. In that time I had unrequited love to one guy, and she told that she could help me with that. So, she did the following: I was laying on bed and she was saying some Christian prayers upon me, using the book of prayers, icons and holy water. She said this would heal me from my unrequited love. She did not say anything about kundalini, I think at that time she even had no idea about such thing (as well as me).
So, after this “ritual” I did not forget the guy I loved, but much stranger stuff started to happen. As I now understand, it was start of kundalini awakening. The whole November 2012 something was going one with my mind: I suddenly just understood things, such as we are all united and connected to the Source, that love is the basis of all being and stuff like that, I think you know what I mean. I felt very happy and full of energy, like never before. I felt energy vibration on the top of my head (Sahasrara I guess) and it was somehow synchronized with energy in the centers of my palms and feet. This energy got activated when I hear beautiful music or poems, or even when I just think about something spiritual. I surprisingly found out that now I understand meaning of all spiritual books (Osho, Grof, Tolle and so on) which I could not understand before.
Kundalini changed my life totally. This is the most beautiful and precious thing that have ever happened to me. K made me stop using drugs, stop smoking and drink a lot, eat junk food. K showed me new life full of meaning and love to the whole world.
But there are still some problems.
1) I am on this path alone and I feel very bad about it. I have no guide or guru, I do not talk about it with my friends. My mother understands me but she has no experience in such a things. Often I feel very lost and separated from the whole humanity, because thing that is my primary interest (kundalini and spiritual things) is unfamiliar for all people around me. Recently I started to feel symptoms of depression because of this…
2) Earlier when I did not know what is happening and thought that I am insane, I started to feel panic disorder, also depersonalization, derealization and obsessional ideas neurosis. Things got better when I started hatha yoga 2 months ago, but there are still problems…Maybe I need more grounding?
3) I left my boyfriend in March and now I do not have sex with anyone. I feel that this sexual energy activates kundalini and it is hard for me. I do not know what to do. I do not want to have sex with someone who I am not in love with. But there is no such person and I do not know when I will meet him…what should I do? Maybe there is some technique to reduce sexual energy?
4) I started doing hatha yoga on my own. I feel very good about it but sometimes I feel overloaded after asanas. I also would like to try pranayama and meditation, but I am scared that I will do something wrong. Should I do it on my own or should I seek for some teacher? Is it safe for person with active kundaline to do this?
5) And the most harmful issue for me…Can it be so that my kundalini was awakened for some mistake? You know sometimes I feel that maybe I do not deserve such bliss, I was only drug addicted girl without ant understanding of spiritual things…Please tell me what do you think.
Thanks you a lot for reading my story…It is very, very important for me.
Hope to get reply from you soon
With love, Kate.
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Dogboy
USA
2201 Posts |
Posted - Aug 04 2014 : 06:32:12 AM
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Dear Kindiviolet
You have come to the right place. I will yield to more experienced yogis to help you maintain equilibrium learn about grounding techniques. Your kundalini was activated prematurely, but that does not mean you do not deserve the bliss. We are all apart of a greater whole; we deserve everything, and nothing at all.
What led you to a spiritual awakening is not as important as the path you take from here. I wish you peace and better answers than I am providing! |
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Anima
484 Posts |
Posted - Aug 04 2014 : 6:04:30 PM
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Hi kindiviolet,
Our kundalini opening stories are very similar. I was also atheist until my opening in December of 2012. Yes, grounding is good. Early crown openings can be hard to ground, maybe because of chaotic energies (K and obstructions).
I suggest reading the main lessons and tantra lessons, but slowly. I usually wait until I am shown one. Reading can overload me.
You could try spinal breathing pranayama. That seems to help me a lot. It does not tend to overload me when done in small, consistent sessions. It distributes and balances K through the body, and more.
The hatha yoga sounds like an excellent practice.
You are free to be honest here. Thank you for sharing your story.
 love and light
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kindiviolet
Ukraine
4 Posts |
Posted - Aug 07 2014 : 4:15:45 PM
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Thanks for answering me!
So glad to meet understanding people.
I know that feeling of "reading overload" - it is confusing when you read some spiritual stuff and begin to tremble with anxiety So i will read lessons little by little |
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pkj
USA
158 Posts |
Posted - Aug 07 2014 : 4:38:02 PM
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Kate
One thing start doing lot of relaxed walking and may be just mindful mediatation. start with 5 minutes just paying attention to your breath and then can increase it if it does not overloads. Also diet wise try eating Vata/Pitta pacifying diets as these will be helpful as well.
All the best
PKJ. |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Aug 07 2014 : 5:29:42 PM
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Wow. That's an awesome story. I got sober and quit drugs about 4 years ago and starting diving head first into the spiritual practices (gotta get high somehow  ). My main social network is AA, but I also go to other meditation groups in the city. I've been fortunate enough to go to 3 AYP retreats, and there are some fabulous people in the AYP network (each with their own unique, imperfect past).
I'm building a website called "AYP for Recovery", which uses AYP methods and principles to deal with issues of recovery. This mainly comes from several years of finding certain deficiencies within the AA psychology, as well as a fundamental misunderstanding of addiction. What I have found is that the source of all addiction is bhakti, which is the very, very pure desire for God-consciousness and union with Source (as you so elegantly mentioned in your post). So, the only riddle and adventure is filling in the blanks of HOW, and that is clearly where you're yearning for answers.
I'm still quite fresh on the path, but above all, I would say that Yogani's formula [Vision + Desire + Action = Achievement] has helped me substantially. I've certainly stumbled and made some mistakes since shifting gears into AYP, but the progress is also quite palpable and real. Change is gradual. The path is winding.
Wishing you the best, and don't be afraid to go meet people in your community. 
P.S. The samyama practice is one of the real gems of this website. |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1532 Posts |
Posted - Aug 08 2014 : 02:03:12 AM
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Welcome Kindiviolet. Breathe, relax... We are all crazy here  , heavily intoxicated on ThaT /God.
Sey |
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kindiviolet
Ukraine
4 Posts |
Posted - Aug 08 2014 : 11:09:48 AM
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PKJ, thanks! i am scared to try meditation because i am afraid that it might unground me even more than i already am. But in the way you describe,it does not seem dangerous. i will try.
Bodhi Tree, it is so interesting that i had the same thoughts before. When my K awakened, sense of drug and alcohol addiction bacame very clear to me (since i have expirienced these addictions myself). This is just unconsious desire and attempt to achieve our real, natural state of mind - bliss, love, union with the world. In another words, taking drugs and drinking is a way to become at least distorted version of who we really are inside, to express ourselves, just for a while. If only explain these to people and tell them that yoga and meditation can lead to bliss, but to real bliss in a natural way! - recoveries would be much easier! it is cool we have similar thoughts about that
SeySorciere, yes! this is the best intoxication ever
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parvati9
USA
587 Posts |
Posted - Aug 09 2014 : 3:48:15 PM
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Hi Kindiviolet
Short comment ...will maybe try to add more later. Discover the various grounding techniques. So you know what your options are. And can then choose the ones best suited. Often k awakening is difficult because we don't incorporate grounding activity into our daily routine. It is essential to make sure you are doing some grounding activity every day (or as much as is useful) in order to help stabilize k awakening.
love
parvati
edited to add:
Some methods of grounding include but aren't limited to: 1)Physical exercise. Especially walking, hiking, jogging in a natural setting. Walking on wet grass. Walking in mud or wet sand (my personal favorite). 2)Socializing. Have fun. Be with your friends or family members. Taking care of children or elders can be especially grounding. 3)Dance,sing, or play music (non-spiritual). You may find that spiritual or religious music doesn't aggravate. However for some of us, spiritual anything tends to overload. 4)Spend time in or near water. Frequent baths/ showers may help. Washing dishes or clothes may provide some relief through contact with water. 5)Try a heavier diet. 6)Creative endeavors such as writing (preferably non-spiritual) making pottery, drawing, painting, etc. 7)Volunteer work.
The main idea is to substitute some physical or mundane activity for your spiritual obsession. While you may not consider your spiritual interest and proclivity an obsession ...it is what generally causes us to overload in a spontaneous k awakening. In my case, there were times of overload where reading spiritual books had to be eliminated for awhile.
All the best,
p |
Edited by - parvati9 on Aug 11 2014 6:33:22 PM |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1730 Posts |
Posted - Aug 12 2014 : 11:18:16 AM
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Hello Kate, welcome to the AYP forum
Thank you for sharing. Yours is a very touching story.
You have already got some good advice about grounding. Here's what I can add from my own experience. I too have to be careful with my kundalini energy. The good news is that it is possible to keep things in relative balance.
There are several things you can try - at the end of the day we can only make suggestions, but only you will be able to figure out what works best for you. It may take some trial and error, so take it steady. Any practice you take up, start with short intervals e.g 10 minutes of meditation insted of 20, and build up very slowly as you go along.
If you're thinking of trying meditation, you may find the breadth focused one to be more gentle (with less risk of overload) than the mantra meditation. Here is the lesson about breadth meditation
http://www.aypsite.org/367.html
Spinal breathing pranayama (SBP) is good for balancing the energy. Personally I find that it's very important to find the right dose of SBP. It could be as little as a few breadths or a couple of minutes. In my case, doing too much makes kundalini more active. If you haven't found it already, this is the lesson that teaches it:
http://www.aypsite.org/41.html
All the best. Hope to hear from you again.
By the way, your English is very good. |
Edited by - BlueRaincoat on Aug 12 2014 2:03:53 PM |
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Dogboy
USA
2201 Posts |
Posted - Aug 12 2014 : 1:37:58 PM
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quote:
All the best. Hope to hear from you again.
By the way, your English is very good.
2nd that! |
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pkj
USA
158 Posts |
Posted - Aug 12 2014 : 1:41:27 PM
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Kate
Here is my post for the oversenistive meditators.
It has helped me greatly.
Once Kundilini is active lot of fears and the past karma starts coming out. so we need to find some place to let it out. For me any breathing overloads but this practice definitely helps.
http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....14490#122967
All the best
PKJ |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1730 Posts |
Posted - Aug 12 2014 : 2:01:42 PM
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Hi pkj
Just noticed the link in your post above does not load. Is it copied correctly?
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yogani
USA
5195 Posts |
Posted - Aug 12 2014 : 3:03:53 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by BlueRaincoat
Hi pkj
Just noticed the link in your post above does not load. Is it copied correctly?
Looks like the link fairy fixed it.
The guru is in you.
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pkj
USA
158 Posts |
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pkj
USA
158 Posts |
Posted - Aug 12 2014 : 3:05:17 PM
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Yogani,
Thanks.
PKJ |
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kindiviolet
Ukraine
4 Posts |
Posted - Aug 13 2014 : 03:59:43 AM
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parvati9, you gave very useful list of grounding activities, I did not know about some of them. I will try. By the way, I already started jogging about a week ago, so I am on the right way! You are absolutely right about “spiritual obsession”, that is what I am going through…I will try to balance my spiritual interest and regular daily activities. Thank you very much for your advice!
BlueRaincoat, I also think that breath focused meditation is the right choice. Thank you for giving useful links! I will read them.
Also thank you, and Dogboy for mentioning my English, I studied it 5 years in the University
Pkj, thank you! Really useful info for people like me who are sensitive to everything and easy to overload.
In general, thank you ALL guys. Process of talking with people for whom spiritual things and kundalini are common - it is great healing for me. After almost 2 years of thinking that i went nuts, i suddenly feel normal again |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1730 Posts |
Posted - Aug 13 2014 : 04:13:55 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by yogani
Looks like the link fairy fixed it.
So he has. Aren't we blessed to have this fairy watching over us? |
Edited by - BlueRaincoat on Aug 13 2014 5:57:21 PM |
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NewbieGG
Bulgaria
52 Posts |
Posted - Oct 12 2014 : 1:06:16 PM
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| Hello everyone , very nice questions and answers here . I have one very simple yet important question about breathing - the regular automatic daily breathing . I have problems similar to Kate's and I wonder should we try to modify our daily breath in some way . Since I have a strong and clear sensation about energy flow i can direct it anywhere in and out and i did notice that if keep it in the spine up ad down my nostrils and forehead are burning and aching less or even zero . Should i try to watch it all day long or just in meditation or pranayama |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Oct 12 2014 : 1:26:50 PM
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If you have a strong sense of energy flow, and can direct it at will, it might helpful to have a place to be centered at (so you're not constantly going back and forth, or up and down). AYP recommends the solar plexus as the place of centeredness (during practices like Deep Meditation and Samyama). The easily favoring of the solar plexus naturally spills over into daily life beyond practice sessions. I have used the enhancement for a couple years with excellent results.
http://www.aypsite.org/368.html
Best wishes on your journey. |
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NewbieGG
Bulgaria
52 Posts |
Posted - Oct 12 2014 : 2:50:56 PM
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Thanks Bodhi , i tried your advice straight away and it brings me stability and satisfaction , i realize that i am actually doing that spontaneously a few times during the day , ill try to make a habit of it :)
So many people having problems like mine , cant believe , I thought I am the freak of the world ,it is such a relief to find this forum |
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Unexpected Kundalini awakening. Need help!
