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 Tantra - A Holistic View of Spiritual Development
 Resistance and hatred of tantra and spirit
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emc

2072 Posts

Posted - Jun 13 2006 :  1:22:40 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Message
Hi!

I have a serious problem. I was introduced to the spiritual world by a man through tantra a few months ago. I had just met him and it felt like a "soul-mate-meeting" (at least to me) since it did not resemble anything I had ever experienced before. We just connected, and I have been bound to him since then.

I woke up, started to feel energies and chakras and the first thing that happened was that we got stuck in a hug and energies started to flow resulting in multiple energy orgasms. I was chocked. The first week we did not even take our clothes off, but only had orgasms by hugging each other.

So, my journey started rather quick and I have been developing fast. seeking knowledge from different sources. This has been quite exhausting and confusing, to grasp the whole "spiritual" system/-s and finding myself in awkward bodily reactions etc etc.

Right now I have reached a point of total hatred towards the whole thing. I hate tantra, I hate talk about enlightment, I do NOT enjoy heart-swelling feelings and I do NOT want to make a journey towards some oneness, love, bliss or extatic existence. I want to leave the whole ****. I long for non-existence, not eternal existence. I get totally claustrophobic imagining NO WAY OUT of this soul-trip and incarnation stuff. I feel suffocated. I do not enjoy tantric bliss, energy orgasms, heart orgasms or oneness with my partner. I have even started to hate the man who pushed me over to this new spiritual world.

I read somewhere that people who feel life on earth is "bad" have a stronger longing for crossing the border and seek other dimensions of existence. I have had a "bad" life for a long time, but the latest years I have felt sooo good. I had started to increase my self-esteem and was satisfied with myself and my life. I felt such happiness and life lust. When I got introduced to this other world I became heavily depressed again. Now I just want to die, but I can't... resulting in panic. Constant panic.

Is this strange? Everything I read on the internet about 'awakening' is celebrating the phenomenon and every person I have met who is spiritual only talks about it as if it is heaven on earth. I just feel disgust. What is this? How can I overcome these feelings?

It is extremely strange since I have already been able to "push" another person over the "spiritual border" as well. We were talking about souls and energies and suddenly he got all tear-eyed and felt shivers along his spines and started to feel energies... I felt so sorry for him. That I unfortunately pushed him into this hell.

Why am I feeling this strange disgust when everybody else is talking of love?

The only thing I have read on this topic was in a book (I think it was a book by Mantak Chia) that explained that you should be careful not to use tantra when in a negative mood because whatever feeling you have in you at the time will be strengthened. Could that be what has happened to me? The tantra just makes me feels worse... Am I increasing the negative feelings by engaging in tantra? The latest weeks I have had no interest in sex whatsoever, not normal sex, not tantric sex, I hate nakedness and bodies, I hate everything.

/With hope that anyone can answer me

Edited by - emc on Jun 13 2006 1:47:15 PM

david_obsidian

USA
2602 Posts

Posted - Jun 13 2006 :  1:43:04 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hello EMC,

I can throw you a few angles, though only you can figure out how t odeal with the situation.

Angle 1:
It's true of any kind of endeavor or path that it is 'not for everyone'. This is true whether such a path is 'good' or 'bad'. So it should not be assumed that the tantra path is right for you. If, ultimately, you find that it is not, you should leave it behind.

Angle 2:
On the other hand, repugnance at any stage of almost anything does not necessarily, in and of itself, imply that that thing is 'not right' for the person experincing repugnance. For example, with the whole business of 'love and sex' itself, (never mind tantra), many people experience repugnance at times. So it is a matter of duration and degree and whether one thinks the repugnance will be permanent, and how much one wants what one will have to pay for with some repugnance.

Angle 3:
If this path is for you, self-pacing may be in order. In other words, you may be going too far and too fast. This could be contributing to the repugnance. You may have to slow down, with this person, or with tantra, or both.

Angle 4:
It's also possible that this is simply the wrong time in your life to plunge in so deeply.

Angle 5:
Where are you on the 'bhakti/spiritual desire' equation? You have identified what repels you from this stuff. What draws you to stay in your situation? If there is not enough to keep you there, then leaving is a no-brainer, isn't it?

Hope that helps,

-D





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alan

USA
235 Posts

Posted - Jun 13 2006 :  1:49:36 PM  Show Profile  Visit alan's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
When we first begin to wake up and are between worlds everything is not always pretty. It's uncomfortable to see the difference between the states of being. The body is our beautiful home of sense enjoyment and our prison of pain.

Like when we wake up in the morning out of deep sleep and watching dreams and we cough and our eyes must adjust and our bodies need to stretch, sometimes it's a pisser. The pain and ugliness of it all. We say, "Where's the bliss in this?" Then we do our yoga and have our coffee and see that we are just waking up and everything is good just as it is.
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emc

2072 Posts

Posted - Jun 13 2006 :  1:51:27 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Thanks for your answer!

I do not understand angle 5, though... Can you give me a link where I can read more about the 'bhakti/spiritual desire' equation'?

And I am sorry, my English sucks - what is a no-brainer? Something easy? How can I leave the spiritual path of development? I have not chosen any of my latest spiritual insights... I can not go back to a "not-knowing"-state of mind. What do you mean?

Thanks again for your answer! I am very greatful.
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Manipura

USA
870 Posts

Posted - Jun 13 2006 :  1:54:01 PM  Show Profile  Visit Manipura's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Welcome, emc. It's a great thing that you found this forum because you'll get a lot of compassion and practical help here. I urge you to read Yogani's lessons, as they're written clearly and will address some of the issues that you've written about. I'd suggest going back to this:

>>I have had a "bad" life for a long time, but the latest years I have felt sooo good, being satisfied with myself and my life. I felt such happiness and life lust. When I got introduced to this other world I became heavily depressed again.

Whatever place you were in when you felt that, return to that. From what you've written, it sounds like this guy you're with is NOT your soul mate, else you wouldn't feel so drained of energy. There are people who are extremely sensual and erotic and who are brilliant at the art of seduction, because they need to draw on the good energy of others. They're sometimes called energy vampires. He may or may hot be one, but it's something to consider. I'd suggest spending a week or 2 apart from him - as long as you can - to see if you feel solid and grounded in yourself again. Don't be intoxicated by his assertions - you may be HIS soul mate, but he's not necessarily yours, and may be a very unhealthy partner for you. (this is just something to consider - only you will know the truth).

It sounds like it's too soon for you to be involved in tantric practices. Check out Yogani's lessons, starting at the beginning and slowly working your way through, to build a solid foundation for yourself. This isn't trying to get you to buy anything - the lessons are free online, and you should be able to tell fairly quickly the difference between grounding in something outside of yourself vs. your inner Self. One of the marks of true spirituality is CLARITY. Things just feel clear, clean, uncomplicated when you're on the right track. :)

Hang in there, and don't lose faith! You've come to a great place to find the help you need. :)
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david_obsidian

USA
2602 Posts

Posted - Jun 13 2006 :  2:00:24 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hello EMC,

glad you are finding us helpful.

Can you give me a link where I can read more about the 'bhakti/spiritual desire' equation'?

All I mean is that desire for the 'spiritual path' (whatever that is) is essential for the spiritual path. 'Bhakti' means 'desire for god' or 'spiritual desire' and it can be even vaguer still. The main point being that no-one should be on this path without wanting to be on it. No-one should be forced into a spiritual path.

I think Yogani has a lesson on Bhakti -- haven't time to dig it out now -- anyone?

Yes, a 'no-brainer' means a totally easy decision; it means (in a humorous way) that you don't need to use your brain for the decision.


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Sparkle

Ireland
1457 Posts

Posted - Jun 13 2006 :  2:19:59 PM  Show Profile  Visit Sparkle's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hi emc
I only got in touch with my hatred a few years ago. Prior to that I could not comprehend the meaning of it.

Many of us have been conditioned from an early age that hatred is wrong. When we are children and we say "I hate you mammy" we are often told "no darling we don't hate anybody" or something like that.

In fact hatred is quite normal for a child. I learnt about my hatred when my children were young, about 1 and 2 years old.
I also learned that one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is to recognise their hatred and when it comes to the surface to acknowledge it say something like - "I accept your hatred, it's ok to hate me, this is quite normal, and I still love you and always will love you, no matter what happens"

It is not possible for a parent to do this effectively ( in my opinion) if they have not been in touch with their own hatred.

What you are in touch with emc, is actually a great gift, it is the gift of understanding hatred. The intensity will pass in time. The feelings of maybe wanting to act out with it will pass.
The important thing is to observe it and not to act out the hatred onto others.
To observe, it helps greatly to have some stillness, if this is not possible for you at this time you just have to ride it out, it will pass.
It sounds like you have been brought into this far too quickly and so the necessity for self pacing that yogani advises, and perhaps yogani has other advice he can give you.

Since you are in this predicement now, some help from a healer or someone like this might help.
In the meantime I offer you my understanding, acceptance and love.

Louis
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Shanti

USA
4842 Posts

Posted - Jun 13 2006 :  2:30:20 PM  Show Profile  Visit Shanti's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hi EMC..
I am glad you asked for help. I can almost feel your energy in your post. I think you have to take a few steps back.. like Meg said.

You seem to have jumped right in the middle of a lake.. and you don't know how to swim. My dear, take it easy.. get some distance between you and this guy..

You will need to walk before you can run.. so start from here.
Lesson 10 Why This Discussion?

Yogani talks about Bhakti here Lesson 67 - Bhakti – The science of devotion

You have got introduced to something very powerful and I don't think you are ready for it... We who have been practicing for a while, have a tough time when we have an energy over load, I can only imagine what you must be feeling.

Before you decide you hate spirituality though, give AYP a try... just self pacing and start a structured practice.. this may smooth things out for you.

Wish you all the best.

Edited by - Shanti on Jun 13 2006 4:27:12 PM
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Scott

USA
969 Posts

Posted - Jun 13 2006 :  4:26:30 PM  Show Profile  Visit Scott's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
EMC,

I know how you feel when you say you hate spirituality. Lately, every morning I wake up and think "oh crap, more meditation." I wish you luck...

-Scott
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Shanti

USA
4842 Posts

Posted - Jun 13 2006 :  4:31:05 PM  Show Profile  Visit Shanti's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Scott.. this is just a phase.. please don't stop meditating..
I promise you this goes away.. so if you have to drag yourself to the meditation mat each morning, please do it.. but don't give up...
-Shweta
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emc

2072 Posts

Posted - Jun 13 2006 :  5:33:00 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Thank you for your understanding and kind answers. I will read the lessons at this site. What I have read so far seems nice. Although it feels difficult to find the motivation...

You are all right when you say this hit me too quickly. I saw the film Matrix when it came and I loved it; I saw it several times. When I was told that the movie makers were into this spirituality thing I watched it again. My reaction was very strong. The scene when Neo realizes what "reality" looks like he throws up. I had to do the same. I new exactly how he felt suddenly and ran from the movie to the toilet.

On the other hand, people have told me that you can't go into tantra if you haven't worked through many of your hindrances and emotional blockages. The energy body must be "clear enough" to be able to go into tantra. So, how come I can manage that so soon if it isn't meant for me to start my journey yet? How come it started "too soon" if "everything is exactly as it should be"!?

The problem for me is motivation. When you give advice to not give up doing yoga to each other, or not give up when you feel pain... why not? What is the goal and purpose of not giving up? If I think that the goal sucks it is very hard to find motivation to strive for it. All I want is to give up and leave. For good. But I am stuck in a "damned if you continue this journey, damned if you don't".

And above all of this there is a strong feeling that I haven't chosen ANY of this. Not to be born in the first place, not to "become a soul" in the first place, not to receive a consiousness in the first place... Someone is using me as a marionett. My ego has to be put aside somehow... Gosh... the whole construction of this is mad. It is torture. For what? So that some kind of major force may have a good time? Enjoy itself?

I prefer the emptiness I imagined before. It was only in the contrast of NOTHING/DEATH that LIFE had meaning. When I thought real death was behind the corner it was extremely exciting to LIVE EVERY DAY as if it was the last day. I had intense feelings of happiness and life was beautiful, people were beautiful. I felt full of energy. This has now been taken away from me.
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lucidinterval1

USA
193 Posts

Posted - Jun 13 2006 :  6:12:16 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
emc,

From what little that you have told us it appears that this guy has impacted your energy fields pretty drastically. I am no expert on this, but you may want to investigate undergoing some Reikii therapy to see if they can balance out your energy fields.

Any Reikii experts out there?

With Peace Paul
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bewell

1271 Posts

Posted - Jun 13 2006 :  6:46:35 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
[quote]Originally posted by emc
"...We just connected, and I have been bound to him since then....The first week we did not even take our clothes off, but only had orgasms by hugging each other....
The latest weeks I have had no interest in sex whatsoever, not normal sex, not tantric sex, I hate nakedness and bodies, I hate everything."

Hi emc,

I think I have learned a valuable lesson from reading your lament. Or rather, it reinforces a teaching I already knew: Having a profound, even orgasmic, energy connection doesn't mean it is ok to get naked and have sex. Your feelings of depression and revulsion are completely understandable in that light as I see it.

Edited by - bewell on Jun 13 2006 6:57:45 PM
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riptiz

United Kingdom
741 Posts

Posted - Jun 13 2006 :  6:48:41 PM  Show Profile  Visit riptiz's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hi emc,
I agree this guy does seem to have impacted on your energy circuits.It seems like he has plugged you into the mains.I do wonder if he makes a habit of this and it is a deliberate action on his part? Obviously I don't know his past or motives so I'm not making a judgement here.I might be a little concerned that his energies might trigger a spontaneous awakening causing further problems.The symptoms you speak of seem to be cleansing caused by what could be considered overload of energies.It is common within healing and meditation if one overdoes things.I believe I can help you if you would like to contact me offline.
L&L
Dave

'the mind can see further than the eyes'
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Anthem

1608 Posts

Posted - Jun 13 2006 :  10:07:21 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hi EMC,

Not to minimize your discomfort and frustration, but to me your situation seems pretty straight-forward. You have opened up your sexual energy valves too much too quickly and perhaps before you did enough pre-requisite house-cleaning. You experienced too much release too fast, it sounds like you are going through the proverbial “what goes up must come down”.

You give us the example of how you had all these positive orgasmic feelings flowing through you etc. This energy releases latent negative emotions that are stored in your (everyone's) body. You are feeling this energy and living it right now, but it is temporary and it will pass, unless you continue to stimulate the tantric energy before you have returned to balance.

To me you have already started to self correct, your loathing of the source of your pain is your body taking a break from "too much of a good thing".

All of us here go through similar situations if we over-do our practices (either tantra, pranayama or meditation) as well, but usually to a lesser degree because we constantly monitor ourselves for similar symptoms. For a finite period of time, the world can seem like a bleak, irritating, aggravating place etc. Once we step back and reduce our tantra, pranayama and meditation efforts to manageable levels, our bodies find their natural balance.

If it were me, I would get in some extra physical exercise (preferably aerobic exercise), take a break from any sexual stimulation for the time being and listen to music that cheers you up.

Good luck,

Anthem



Edited by - Anthem on Jun 13 2006 10:18:59 PM
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Scott

USA
969 Posts

Posted - Jun 13 2006 :  10:56:31 PM  Show Profile  Visit Scott's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
*Off Topic*

Shweta,

I realize that despising meditation is just a phase. Thanks for your concerns ;) . Even if my life turns into a living hell, I plan on continuing my sadhana. And even if it turns into a living heaven, I will keep going!

Thanks again.

-Scott
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david_obsidian

USA
2602 Posts

Posted - Jun 14 2006 :  12:02:43 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
emc,

You may be spinning in 'negative' thought patterns, and questions which are the result of negative mood. It's possible that the questions you are asking, and your whole perspective in asking them, is just the result of the mood; is the mood.

And as such, don't expect them to be answered, cognitively, informationally. There are no answers to these questions in the domain of information. You need to address the imbalances that have caused this mood shift. That's all. When those imbalances go away, the questions will be gone.

quote:
Originally posted by emc

The problem for me is motivation. When you give advice to not give up doing yoga to each other, or not give up when you feel pain... why not? What is the goal and purpose of not giving up? If I think that the goal sucks it is very hard to find motivation to strive for it. All I want is to give up and leave. For good. But I am stuck in a "damned if you continue this journey, damned if you don't".

And above all of this there is a strong feeling that I haven't chosen ANY of this. Not to be born in the first place, not to "become a soul" in the first place, not to receive a consiousness in the first place... Someone is using me as a marionett. My ego has to be put aside somehow... Gosh... the whole construction of this is mad. It is torture. For what? So that some kind of major force may have a good time? Enjoy itself?

.... I felt full of energy. This has now been taken away from me.

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emc

2072 Posts

Posted - Jun 14 2006 :  02:33:08 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
I am extremely confused, but I can see that "something" is leading me through this anyway. I somehow manage to do things that keeps me moving. I throw myself out in a forum I have never visited and cry for help, and I receive it. Thank you!

I have now read the lessons recommended above, and the latest comments here in the thread. Yesterday it hit me that I haven't been doing exercise the latest weeks, and that has usually been absolutely necessary for me to keep myself in balance. I have a history of lack of serotonin in my brain and even though the latest years have been ok, I can now recognize the mood. So, Anthem11 your advice is superb:

"If it were me, I would get in some extra physical exercise (preferably aerobic exercise), take a break from any sexual stimulation for the time being and listen to music that cheers you up."

And the last lines of david_obsidian is also comforting. It is a MOOD. And there are no answers on a cognitive level. It is like Babaji says: The whole New Age-movement is just circulating round, round, looking for paths, doing exercises, but there are no paths! The searching for knowledge and information is futile as long as you are stuck in the mind. The mind will never grasp any of it at a cognitive level.

I think I understand the basic problem as well. The man I have met is a wonderful man, I do not think he is a vampire stealing energy. But he is strong and well-trained in these matters. He has a divine longing and he is striving for enlightment. That has never been my goal. He finds himself developing faster through all things I start in him, and we are really designed to trigger each others old wounds to be able to heal them. But I was not prepared for that trip. I never longed for it.

I have heard one explanation from a member of The Deer Tribe: since he has reached a higher level I am "attracted" to him and I am able to follow him intuitively to his level. But since I am unstable and have no clue of where I have myself, it becomes a roller coaster-trip for me, when thrown back to my own level when he is not around.

I need a break from him, that is clear! I need to find myself again.

THANK YOU!!!!!

I shall read the lessons on breathing next, I think. Two weeks ago I found myself breathing very slowly, and I could even stop breathing for a while without any problems. The deep stomach-breathing just came to me, without any exercises or wishes. One morning it was there and it was constant several days. Now it disappears when I am negative or feel stress, but as soon as I just relax and become aware of my breathing it is there again. Without forcing it.

Things like this is just happening to me. I don't know why.
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yogani

USA
5161 Posts

Posted - Jun 14 2006 :  11:03:16 AM  Show Profile  Visit yogani's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hi emc:

A belated welcome, and thank you for sharing. You have been getting some terrific suggestions here.

Let me add that it is our innate desire for evolution that moves us forward in consciousness. That impulse to grow is found in all of nature, yes? It is part of you, and me, and everyone. Well, maybe you want no part of it, but it is part of you, and here you are.

The difference between not being aware and being aware of our spiritual possibilities is found in our ability in the latter case to apply certain methods that will accelerate the natural processes that are ever-expanding within us. It is evolution moving into high gear via our conscious participation.

If you do not feel the urge to participate consciously in the process, you should not force it. For now, you are compelled to deal with certain energy issues, and so on -- this thing that has stirred and is coming up inside you. But that does not mean you have to continue at such a fast rate. It is always your choice. While others can impact us to a greater or lesser degree, it is ultimately our decision. It is very important to understand this. If we think it is "happening to us" we will continue to be vulnerable and be blown around by the four winds within and around us.

In any case, the sooner you get in the driver's seat the better. Paradoxically, this is a surrender to who and what you are, and to what you can be... You will know what it is as it happens. Daily deep meditation is a good place to start. It opens us to the vast peace, energy and joyous creativity that has been hidden in us all along. From a base of rising inner silence, all that we have been talking about here becomes much easier...

Be careful and measured with the tendencies for purfication and opening you are finding in yourself (breath suspension, etc.) While such tendencies are signs of our spiritual potential, if we over-indulge them, they can eat us alive. "Automatic yoga," as we call it around here, is an indication of our possibilities, but cares not for our physical or mental well-being. That is why you hear so much about structured practice and self-pacing in AYP. If you have over-indulged, check AYP lesson 69 for some additional suggestions on how to stabilize things. The further you get into the lessons, the more on self-directed management of practices and experiences you will find. It goes with the territory.

Finally, you might find some comfort in knowing that there is agreement here with you on the fragility and temporary nature of earthly life, and this is precisely what makes life so special. What came before and comes after is mostly an unknown void. We are here with our awareness, tendencies, possibilities and some accumulated knowledge, and that is all we have to work with. Every moment we have in human form on this world is absolutely precious. The whole idea of yoga is to make the most of it -- experience the truth of it as much as we can ... we are all wired for that.

Wishing you the best on your path. Enjoy!

The guru is in you.
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emc

2072 Posts

Posted - Jun 15 2006 :  4:04:35 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
I'm honored to get your response, yogani.

I have been away for two days, spending my time by the sea, watching the ocean. I think it was very good for me. When riding on a boat trip, water splashed in my face and I felt the shivers up my spine giving me back some life energy and good mood. Later I went for a walk in the forest and came to a cliff where the earth energy started to stream up my legs and my stomach was so full of energy that I felt as stable as the rock I was standing on.

My best friends right now are the trees. I like connecting with trees, feel who they are and present myself to them. They are always very honest and kind.

I shall read lesson 69 and actually... I made a promise to myself already a few months BEFORE I met this man to start meditating! =) I also became a vegetarian at the same moment. I think I started to prepare for a shift even before I was pushed over to the other side by this man.

I guess I just have to accept that I am moving on some sort of path. Since I can't decide anything about the path or the fact that I am moving on it, but still according to your information have a chance to become "the driver" I might just as well start driving then. Who knows, it might be interesting once in a while.

Jeeez... I am glad I have made so many years in therapy and have so much knowledge in psychology. Otherwise I think I would have gone psychotic long ago.

You are wonderful people!

Best wishes, emc


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emc

2072 Posts

Posted - Jun 16 2006 :  10:12:05 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
PS:

When I read some messages here in the thread I get energy reactions in my stomach. Is that good or bad? What does that mean?
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yogani

USA
5161 Posts

Posted - Jun 16 2006 :  12:03:19 PM  Show Profile  Visit yogani's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
quote:
Originally posted by emc

PS:

When I read some messages here in the thread I get energy reactions in my stomach. Is that good or bad? What does that mean?


Hi emc:

It is your inner energy moving - purification. It is good as long as you keep in balance, and comfortable. Keep grounding (exercise, etc.) and limit your exposure to spiritual stimuli (including us!) as necessary to keep things on an even keel. Within that framework, a routine daily deep meditation would be desirable. That way you will be experiencing more abiding inner silence, and more tolerance to the ups and downs of life.

Don't become too much of a stranger here. We are really very nice -- just pretty stimulating sometimes. Welcome to the all-you-can-eat yoga-fest. Dine with care...

All the best!

The guru is in you.
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emc

2072 Posts

Posted - Jun 26 2006 :  05:14:58 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Since this is the thread I started I will continue to write in this about what is happening to me and hope for some reflections from you. I have the greatest respect for your knowledge.

It seems as if I get "rewarded" every now and then when I am on the right track. I have felt energy flowing in all my chakras and up through the crown chakra 3 times. The first time I was doing a tantra practise that I had been taught - by breathing and using the PC-muscle I managed to open chakra after chakra and eventually I got a full-body orgasm when reaching the crown chakra, bathing in light. It was a strong and very cool experience.

The second time it just "happened" to me. (Haha, I know I should be in the driver's seat, but that's how it was.) I had just finished writing my thesis and I had been given the hawk as a sign - meaning "the messanger of the gods" (how I was given that sign is a long story and I will not write it now). I knew I had found something important in my research but was so stressed that I couldn't see what it was. I prayed one night (knowing that there is deep communication with the "other side" during deep sleep) that I'd be given a hint of what my important message was. It was something that had to be said, but I couldn't get hold of it. I slept deeply and when I woke up my brain was boiling. I threw myself over a pen an paper and started writing my thoughts. What came out was a simple but sharp message - the main results of my thesis put in clear words and it was very much "heart" in it. I formulated it in my conclusions and the thesis was sent to printing. Afterwards I sat by my computer and thought "Wonder if I managed to get the message down, if the gods are satisfied with my work". And then earth energy started moving up my legs, spreading in my body. When I was safely "grounded" I started to feel the shivers down my spine. I did not do anything to make it happen. And I wondered where it would lead. It got stronger and the energy moved through my chakras just as when I made the tantra excersise. I just let it happen. I got a full body orgasm and the energy went through the crown chakra. I was very happy afterwards and it felt as a direct response to my question saying "Yes, the gods are satisfied and you have brought the message out in the world".

Yesterday it happened again. After a wonderful midsummer weekend with my partner. We are working with our fears together, and one is of course to dare to love deeply, to get vulnerable. I read a sentence on a CD-cover saying something like "If you can go into deep love in a relationship here on earth you get a hint of what divine love means". I have always had love in a relationship as a "goal" - associating to the discussion above about divine longing. So I find it very attractive to think that "if I can feel love to another person, then things will happen on another level as well".

So, this weekend was very relaxed and full of closeness, intimacy, sex, tantra and mutual love. We were about to go to sleep. Then I suddenly feel energies starting to flow in my body. I get visions of snakes, lots of snakes and suddenly I see one snake clearly crawling upwards. At the same time the spine starts sparkling again and it is stronger than before. The energy forces itself through the throat chakra, loosening some kind of blockage and stays for a while in the head chakra before I feel the sparkles at the top of my head and i rushes through the crown. I see beautiful things, light, and it is very strong. Afterwards when I think it is over, I get a night movie of a kind I have never seen before. The energy was still floating around in my body. The creation of earth that was being shown to me... Absolutely wonderful. I now "know" a lot more about why the earth looks the way it does.

I felt it was a "reward" again. I opened up during the weekend, felt true love for my partner and since I dared to do that I got closer to the divine love. I think that is my "journey". It is my way of developing a divine longing. It is big enough for me to be able to love someone here on earth, right now. That is where I have to start. And to be able to love my partner I have to love myself. And I do that more and more.

The only thing I wonder is... When things like this happen I do not feel I have any chance to sit in the "driver's seat". I strongly feel it is appropriate to receive the "gift" and be thankful. It would not be given to me if I wasn't ready for it. I don't know how I could stop it if I wanted to. And when it happens it is so wonderful I don't want to stop it.

Could this still be something that is giving me an "overload", is this something that could be categorized as "going too fast"?

Any thoughts from you?
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Etherfish

USA
3615 Posts

Posted - Jun 26 2006 :  07:43:33 AM  Show Profile  Visit Etherfish's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
just have to disagree with the statement "It would not be given to me if I wasn't ready for it."
As you say you are in the driver's seat. God's probably not giving you gifts for being good. You're probably discovering a path that has been there all along (created by God of course). I would just continue normal practice, and stay away from any attention to the crown, because that CAN be "given to you" before you're ready for it.
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emc

2072 Posts

Posted - Jun 26 2006 :  07:49:27 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
So how would I stop the energy from going to the crown? Just visualising and make resistance, try to push it down again?
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Shanti

USA
4842 Posts

Posted - Jun 26 2006 :  09:21:47 AM  Show Profile  Visit Shanti's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hi EMC,
Not sure if you are dong any of the AYP practices.
However, in AYP we do Spinal Breathing to even out the energy in the body and take the excess energy away from the crown.

You can read up on this here..http://www.aypsite.org/41.html and http://www.aypsite.org/39.html

I hope these help.


Edited by - Shanti on Jun 26 2006 09:23:08 AM
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