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Kentox
India
61 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 25 2017 : 2:14:18 PM
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These few days my headaches were getting worse and worse, I tried grounding and all, but it doesn't work most of the time. It can only delay the pain.
I get extremely intense all the day, it's a good thing during day but it really hurts when you try to sleep.
My senses have improved tremendously, in just a month. My stamina was dogsh*t before. I could only do 2 laps of my park before I start panting like a dog. Without any additional exercises done, just through my meditation and diet(which is not so strict as it was before) My whole body became over-energetic. I don't get tired easily but I can't sleep either. Whole day it feels like I am on the edge. Few weeks it chipped my sleep little by little first I could only sleep 8 hours, then 5 hours, then 3...then 1....I get extremely irritated by sounds, I also get angry whenever there is even a little bit of arguement. I feel confident,sometimes overbearing and somewhat strangely bright like a sun, I feel like a radiate intensity wherever I am which is like anthithesis of my being which is shy, hesitant and having a dull and dim sense of being, teacher of my own class couldn't recognize me as her student when I brought my parents to meet her when I got scolded for not doing homework. She barely knew I existed in the class.
My concentration became better too, I'm more focused and my mind has alot of clarity but it doesn't stay on all the time. After a few hours, my tummy starts to hurt and little by little concentration is gone and I am slowly slowly burning away. But whenever I am concentrated I can hear and feel vibrations of music so beautifully...It was wonderful, I could even enjoy that dumbsh*t people call dubstep somehow which I thought was impossible for me.
Desperate for a cure I restarted pranayama, although I stopped all yogic activities due to such a heavy reaction it was not working at all.
After 2 days of trial and error, I found my way to relax and slowly worked towards it. It took a entire day but I could finally relax...
but now I am slowly completely inactive, I sleep most of the day and still am not finished...I keep feeling like I need more sleep.
It is not like I am getting tired easily, it's just I feel that urge to constantly sleep and sleep and sleep.
During few moments of balance in those slightly hellish times, I found myself much closer to opening of agna...like a proper opening, not just twinkling ground and patterns, I could properly see my Aura much much more clearly than ever. It was brilliant. It felt like I couldn't see myself in the mirror I was almost transparent it was a unbelievable sight to behold, only clothes were left to see.
Just a day earlier I saw it again...much much clearer. I could see proper colors most of my visible head was green, one part of my face was indigo and back of my head was red. I could see that with clarity. To check I was not hallucinating, I closed my eyes and checked again, it was the same.
But the problem is even with pranayama, it just jumps from one extreme to the other. Either I become super intensely aggressive or super gentle bordering on level of sloth.
How do I find the middle ground, I want to enjoy both of these states. Or do I let it happen, and watch as it goes...and perhaps it might show me the way just it did when I was embroiled with rage 24/7. I want to be fully intense but still relaxed...it feels so good when it comes into balance.
It was a bit weird and intense month...This is probably the first time Kundalini interfered to the extent of disrupting my ongoing life. But It was wonderful, not a single moment I regret, not apologetic for anyone I've offended through these days, nor I am able to suffer any longer. Despite causing alot of unpleasantness around me, I feel at ease...which might sound weird but it is so. I feel like my pent up rage was vomited all over during this entire month. I feel tired and slothful now but It is fine...I'm happy, for year and years I've never felt this much alive, breathing and full of vitality.
Sometimes tears comes into my eyes when I look back on how much I died inside before...I was always searching and searching for something I lost long ago, I do not know what was that as I grew up I felt something was missing...something I lost...what was it? I didn't knew...but the feeling wouldn't go away...more I struggled more confused, more depressed I became. As I grew I lost my shine, my friend circle grew thinner and thinner, I became clumsy, lacked energy, stopped doing sports, all sources of enjoyment became useless little by little. I was backed into a corner, I even contemplated suicide...but even still the longing was always there...I had no idea what I was longing for
It was only after watching Sadhguru Jaggi vasudev, that I became aware of yoga and its inner dimensions...it all started coming together whatever he was saying not only could I relate I knew for a fact that he is saying absolutly right due to my own experiences, I didn't take long to start my own practices and slowly and steadily over these few months, I Learned about Kundalini, the more I learned more fascinated I was, but I realized there was something nostalgic about it. I just breathed in a certain way...and orgasmed...for 3 days I could do that with ease, I felt like I was on cloud nine, unknowingly awakened kundalini It went on for a certain time until blockages started appearing, clearing them lead to greater vitality, strength and clarity. I could no longer get regularly sick like before...in fact cold hasn't even touched me except for the time when I was going through throat chakra purge and spilling a fountain out of my right nostril for 2 days straight. And there was a bit of congestion when my chronic sinuses infection was getting cleared.
But I realized that along the way, that this is exactly what I missing, a sense of grace and internal force over me. When I was little, I was somewhat aware of its existence. I wouldn't get hungry easily, sharp senses, could see aura effortlessly and inability to suffer easily which was little by little chipped off by my own foolishness. I realized even when I was a child that I was gently guided, there was no voices, no entities, no nonsense just a slight feeling which was almost unnoticeable but it was there, always there. The more I progress, the more that old feeling comes back...perhaps slightly more stronger than before...
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nic
USA
51 Posts |
Posted - Sep 16 2017 : 6:45:54 PM
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Just to throw in my 2 cents, I would slow down a bit. Having time without practices isn't always a bad thing, and sometimes it actually accelerates our growth- its also the best way to ground. We tend to go through these expansion and contractions cycles. Sounds like you're teetering on both at times, or wanting one or the other. Take your time, let your anger out, beat a punching bag if you have to, no sense in storming the gates of heaven when you're already there :D
Best of luck and kind regards,
Nicole |
Edited by - nic on Sep 16 2017 7:49:08 PM |
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Kentox
India
61 Posts |
Posted - Sep 17 2017 : 01:36:28 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by nic
Just to throw in my 2 cents, I would slow down a bit. Having time without practices isn't always a bad thing, and sometimes it actually accelerates our growth- its also the best way to ground. We tend to go through these expansion and contractions cycles. Sounds like you're teetering on both at times, or wanting one or the other. Take your time, let your anger out, beat a punching bag if you have to, no sense in storming the gates of heaven when you're already there :D
Best of luck and kind regards,
Nicole
Yes, I've realized the importance of taking a time off. My nervous system was overheating due to such intensity so I had to cool down, change my sleep position to west and do ida breathing especially to calm down. It was fantastic experience but it was quite harsh on the body, I could feel myself be active and stronger than before but I'm not sure this body can take it for a extended period of time, you can't even sleep properly because you are so active. After cooling down my nervous system went fine, my acne dried off and are disappearing which almost relapsed before. It's normal for Kundalini to get overactive when you sleep eastward, I've seen a post describing the exact circumstances and found that is exactly the case.
I realized that was not particularly due to any of my practices, It was a by-product of sleeping eastward and not spending energy on active pursuits fast enough(despite the fact I had to go long way to get to my job everyday, that was a exercise in itself). If I meditate like that, I can go deep so easily just like that but I can't handle that much excess energy
Secondly this isn't likely the anger you think it to be, it's more like just raw intensity. When your spine is channeling ki relentlessly, you become like sun, absolutely intense. It's not a bad feeling unless people try to be around you, it's gonna get real bad because you can easily be angered. This is not a bad practice just need a proper base and bit silence, not good for social situations. This pure Yang in play, very powerful and very repulsive.
On flipside, there is also yin way, which attracts people to you and makes you more magnetic. I've not yet properly experienced it well enough.
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Christi
United Kingdom
4381 Posts |
Posted - Sep 17 2017 : 02:50:07 AM
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Hi Kentox,
You have received some good advice from Nicole already.
If you could answer the questions in this questionaire, we will be in a better position to be able to help you.
http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....=11628#11628
Christi |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Sep 17 2017 : 03:04:24 AM
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Take care kentox,
I do recognize much of the raw intensity in your posts. It is addictive. It can be such a relief to self pace and find peace. You will not loose anything except the sharpness of irritability. |
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parvati9
USA
587 Posts |
Posted - Sep 17 2017 : 08:52:34 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by nic
...no sense in storming the gates of heaven when you're already there.
So true, very well said. .  
love
parvati |
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Progression of kundalini, Absolutely intense.
