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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 25 2011 : 12:57:22 PM
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After an immensely ecstatic christmas, in which I was overwhelmed with love, there has been a difficult January and February with depression & irritability and much need for self-pacing. There seems to have been very little ecstasy or inner silence. The ego was certainly displeased not to have been receiving it's share of the ecstasy ;-). An intensely strong melancholy longing for god, for truth and for liberation arose within in me.
It culminated last night. I attended a Francis Lucille meet-up group (he's an excellent advaita teacher), the 4 or 5 people there meditated together (I just sat in silence with my eyes closed, and did nothing) AYP is too much right now. Even to do this around others who were meditating was a very intense experience. The silence was incredible.
Then we watched a DVD of Francis Lucille, and the experience was like being violently slapped. For some reason I watched him with an unusually intense earnestness and engagement. He demonstrated on both a practical and abstract level how we are the perceiver, the identity is not the body, and that there is no "you" to be found. He demonstrated it again and again, in different ways, and it felt as though he was striking a truth hammer against my head each time.
By the end of the DVD, I was rendered speechless (I could not really speak a word for 10-20 minutes), and feeling as though I was sticking my fingers into an electrical power socket. Needless to say, it was not a particularly pleasant sensation. However, as the current reached is climax, it began to turn into an ecstatic sensation and I experienced a tsunami of inner silence.
Suddenly, I was at peace. It feels as though I'm gliding through the world on a cloud, with earplugs in. The inner silence came in intense waves. Unheard of peace.
It's only just subsided a little in the past couple of hours. I also benefited as typically advaita teachers are anti-practises (Francis Lucille is no different): because with practises, people get a self-concept of there being someone who is actually doing the practises. I was shaken out of the idea that I am actually doing anything, or 'making progress towards a future goal' (enlightenment can only happen now), but I was able to integrate the seemingly paradoxical philosophies. Nothing could cause me to stop doing AYP, but it's very useful to have the metaphorical violent assault that advaita teachers can offer from time to time. |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Feb 25 2011 : 1:10:24 PM
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Yonatan
Israel
849 Posts |
Posted - Feb 25 2011 : 2:24:20 PM
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Thanks for sharing |
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Tsunami of inner silence!
