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 Satsang Cafe - General Discussions on AYP
 not enjoying my old habits...
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jasis

Germany
27 Posts

Posted - Nov 05 2010 :  9:14:20 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Message
This is not an easy post to write.

I have been following DM and SBP for some time, not so long really, but it already feels like the road home.

Tonight my wife and I had the chance to go out for some drinks and hit a nightclub,something we dont get much opportunity to do with a busy family.

I realised while standing in the nighclub that the whole drinking and partying thing, something that I have had plenty of previous fun with, seems to hold little attraction and I sense the gap between my wife, who is wondering why Im not having "fun" (and I think about that word when she says it) even though I am smiling and, well not feeling bad, rather just detached from the whole drinking/party experience. I dont in any way feel superior, just kind of detached. I'm standing outside the club now writing this post, getting some "air".

I feel torn. Can anyone relate to this?

Thanks

machart

USA
342 Posts

Posted - Nov 05 2010 :  10:49:08 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hi Jasis,

I think I can relate...
But one of the benefits of practicing yoga is the ability of being happy in every situation.
Happiness is contagious!
Try to make everyone feel good!
Complement the Hell out of all the women (especially your wife!) and joke around with all the guys when you are out socializing.

...this behavior has worked for me and I'm pretty much the happiest guy I know.

Edited by - machart on Nov 06 2010 03:02:36 AM
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Medea

Netherlands
115 Posts

Posted - Nov 06 2010 :  05:09:25 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hi Jasis,

I totally can relate to this. I also seem to be on a different level than my friends in such situations, and instead of feeling more connected to them I feel alienated. They feel it too which for me is the most difficult. I have no solution, I've always thought it's just a phase, and it will solve itself in due time. I like Macharts' tips though :)
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jasis

Germany
27 Posts

Posted - Nov 07 2010 :  4:43:56 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Thank-you for your replies and thoughts. To be honest I felt like a bit of a whiner after the posting - oh me me me (cringe). I chose to follow this path - and man it took long enough to find a path worth following - so its really down to me to deal with the fallout, most of which is, well I start to get a taste of inner silence and just a deep feeling of peace and gratitude. I'm sure that this can only help make life better for my family and me hopefully more relaxed and tolerant. Rats, Im woffling again

Oh, this community ... is totally amazing
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riptiz

United Kingdom
741 Posts

Posted - Nov 08 2010 :  12:06:43 PM  Show Profile  Visit riptiz's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hi,
Yes, I totally relate to this.It caused a major rift between me and my wife.I stopped drinking and lost the desire to go out drinking and socialising(no great loss there as I hate being among smokers)even though I tried to ensure my sadhana didn't interfere with our home life. She isn't spiritual and felt that she was no longer a priority almost like I had another woman.She left me and we divorced and she blamed me totally. Took me a while to accept that although I wasn't blameless,it was not entirely my fault.I told her I thought I had been a good husband to her to which she replied 'No you haven't.'
To which I replied ' yes you are correct, I've come home every night drunk,beat you up and kept you short of money.'
Of course I had not done any of these things ever. Her reply was silence!
When I met my present partner I laid it on the line and told her ' this is me, what I do and if you cannot accept me as I am then we are wasting our time.Thankfully she is spiritual and was looking for guidance and a loving life.We are now both very happy and have been together 11/2 years.I am selling my house and moving 105 miles to be with her asap.I believe you can be successful in how you are but you need to do a lot of nurturing and be true to yourself.
L&L
Dave
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jasis

Germany
27 Posts

Posted - Nov 09 2010 :  12:18:36 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Riptiz,

Thats a powerful post. You hit the nail right on the head. I will see where my path takes me. Being true to oneself is the only real choice, no matter how many times we may be mislead by our mind/ego. (I am still adjusting :)



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wonderland

Australia
4 Posts

Posted - Nov 11 2010 :  03:25:20 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
As within, so without.

If only we could see things the way they truly are.

I think you are awakening your true senses, lifting the veil of illusion.
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delta33

Canada
100 Posts

Posted - Nov 18 2010 :  12:15:20 AM  Show Profile  Visit delta33's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
quote:
Originally posted by riptiz

She left me and we divorced and she blamed me totally. Took me a while to accept that although I wasn't blameless,it was not entirely my fault.I told her I thought I had been a good husband to her to which she replied 'No you haven't.'



wow, that's almost exactly what happened with me

happy to hear you've found someone who appreciates you now, riptiz
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riptiz

United Kingdom
741 Posts

Posted - Nov 18 2010 :  12:20:20 PM  Show Profile  Visit riptiz's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hi Delta33,
Thanks a lot for your comments. I hope you have found someone who appreciates you as you are.Life doesn't get much better for me and we are going to India on 27th Dec for 3 weeks to my gurus ashram.It's going to be a hell of a ride again.lol
L&L
Dave
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