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Mr.Krikkit
Netherlands
11 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 17 2009 : 12:09:52 PM
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So hello all,
I wanted to contribute with what for me showed me that i am not confined to feelings of despair and destined for a path of sarcastic nihilsm, but that happiness and joy are things more true than the daily murmers we fall into.
So, beforehand i must mention that i propaly had a traumatic kundalini rising while on drugs ( my neck is captain cruncy at the moment. )( also stomache is very fat + back problems )(racing thoughts )- i tried kundalini exercise once after this but the faint silver energy shot up in an instant into my neck and dissolved into (again) heavy thinking, so a no no for me at the moment
So here is the story,
I was going to the university/pscychiatry to get a diagnosis, seeing as a suffer from extreme apathy and anxiety in public.
So as i sit there telling the lot, ( mainly conspiracy theories, always perhapsses, but trying to get logic into my life, really borderlining chips in the mind but still what ifs )
The woman starts to pull my strings and i find myself increasingly aroused, while i was sitting in the waiting room while she was talking with her supervisor, i found that i was getting quite excited, started breathing really nice and heavy, sweet sweaty smelly everything basicly, so, this is quite something i thought at the moment and then i was called to enter the conversation with her and the supervisor and then while i had to supress these feelings
and at the same time not let the supervisor know anything off my apparent sexual arousment it just shot straight out of my head,
I sat there smiling for what seemed an eternity with my head in my neck feeling absolutly blisfull.
My father thought i was going nuts but i didnt even noticed him sitting next to me.
so absolutly no mind and the guy was still asking questions about the conspiracy well, i couldnt say i word, what conspiracy man ?
i feel great ! i get it !
after 30 seconds or so i started saying a few words like : people
and i also said hmm. people. oke .
Well the conversation ended with me putting it to end with yeah people, arrree cynical and iiijje feel very very good sir ! i get it all! Poor woman though, feel quite a dick as i must put her in deep embarresment in front of her supervisor.
Well thats the story so far 
Put it to rest and resumed my old habits again.
when i was at a moment laying racing thought again thinking im going mad in the bed - i prayed please please help me - and well good dreaming ensued and again the nice calm blisfull feeling was in my heart for the rest of the day, Had a shivering moment in the garden that night and well - hence my commitent to further my spirutual endouvaurs. |
Edited by - AYPforum on Jun 10 2012 9:39:15 PM |
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porcupine
USA
193 Posts |
Posted - Jul 17 2009 : 1:10:38 PM
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| you sound just like me, and made me feel better, always stay on the positive side |
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Quisabo
Germany
15 Posts |
Posted - Jul 17 2009 : 7:35:11 PM
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Glad to hear everything is good for you  |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Jul 18 2009 : 09:24:32 AM
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hi Krikkit,
thk you for writing and sharing and i hope everything will keep going toward what's better but i'm sure you know that life is all filled with ups and downs and spiritual practices give us the advantage of being unaffected by these ups and downs and changing there effect on us and sometimes using that effect for the good of our spiritual evolution like redirecting frustration and hurt feelings into bhakti and hunger for god.
ups and downs will keep on happening no matter what, before and after realization we will mostly experience a down every now and then but we will be aware and not affected by it when it happens for we will react to it from safe solid ground "the witness" and say hello downy and thk you for dropping by now and for giving the chance to grow now finish what you need to do and go.
love,
Ananda |
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Mr.Krikkit
Netherlands
11 Posts |
Posted - Jul 21 2009 : 1:53:43 PM
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Nice to hear it made you feel better porcupine :)
But it is indeed funny how such a happy expierence seems so real and natural but fades into the fog of daily live and is easily forgotten.
Greetings,
Mr.krikkit |
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Just wanted to share
