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Wil
Sweden
156 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 30 2023 : 03:07:05 AM
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29/09/23 - Tell me if you agree or disagree with any of my thoughts
Today I arranged for some friends to go out. It was all fun and dandy until I suddenly really saw them for what they are to me. I have seen hints of this earlier but, this was an explosion. They are beautiful, but I remembered when I first met them, how even then they did not even remotely click with my ideals except as fun friends. And now today meeting them, I got this surging feeling that these friends are not right for me now. The reality really hit me. I felt hints of this for a time but now it really feels wasteful to let it go longer.
Altough I like spending time with them, they bring out alot of friction. Alot of the time I have to expect nothing from them, play down my strengths assume the blame and accept, accept and accept. They have teached me about my Ishta but merely what it is not, they teached me acceptance of all exterior things that is not my Istha. As external behaviours go, they do not represent my Ishta/Ideal even remotely.
My Ishta can not express and breathe with these friends. Many reasons do I have for this. Firstly it is a tall order to expect someone to transform intellectually, take up a more spiritual path or even to just be a little thoughtful. And yes, I have taken responsibility for telling them about what I seek in friends. They know I have a big ideal/Istha that I have a hard time seeing in them. I stuck with them because I also just want to celebrate and have fun, but now this type of frivolous fun is over.
Today, I really see that I have another path to walk externally in terms of friends I give my time to. My Istha must get a breather and express itself externally.
I actually think there could be too much of wrong-grounding, and I think I have hit that spot with these friends. It is unneccesary to give your time to something that just puts out your flame for years. If they also don't remember anything I value too, it is hard for me to just give' for years. And yes, it is all about giving I know. But really, this feels wrong. Again these friends can only can represent a social aspect. They can not be a mirror for the Istha at all but they give me opportunity for acceptance and giving.
Finding balence in responsibitites of daily life is important to me. We have to have an ego to act in this world anyway? Why not use ego for multiplying efforts before being ready for a forever accepting and giving monk state? Like Yogani said, 'we won't be without opinion'
I think I just need a ,somewhat , idealistic friend, a guru or other yogi friend I can project my ideals/Ishta onto easier. In youth my father was too much of an accepting bro. I think having a father without clear ideals created this surge for an external ideal in me too, esp. in those developmental years.
There are benefits either way but really, enough, I have one life and some time to give here on earth and I think practicing-acceptance does find me anywhere so why not find people I can see my Istha in easier.
The following quote feels me. If I am supposed to not have honour I'd rather it be with idealistic friends, or I'll just rather be a prophet among strangers. Let me be closer to god! 
?A prophet is not without honor except in his own town, among his relatives and in his own home.? - Matthew 13:57
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Edited by - Wil on Sep 30 2023 03:22:06 AM |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1537 Posts |
Posted - Oct 02 2023 : 1:07:05 PM
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I hear you, Will.
Sey |
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sunyata
USA
1508 Posts |
Posted - Oct 03 2023 : 10:07:53 PM
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Hi Wil,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
I always remind myself that this journey is not linear but circular and continuous. I've also experienced that what is good for me right now, may not be good for me 5 to 10 years from now and vice-versa.
Regarding friendships: I always gauge how I feel after spending time/communicating with them. The body mind gives you feedback. Look like you have already tapped into it from your post.
Also, joining spiritual circles in my local area has been really helpful.
Much Love,
Sunyata
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Dogboy
USA
2207 Posts |
Posted - Oct 04 2023 : 03:46:48 AM
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quote:
Finding balence in responsibitites of daily life is important to me. We have to have an ego to act in this world anyway? Why not use ego for multiplying efforts before being ready for a forever accepting and giving monk state? Like Yogani said, 'we won't be without opinion'
Yes we are ego, as is the mind in which AYP practices have given this yogi the siddi of Witness to watch my thought process, much like scrolling text on a screen, and the reflex of inquiry. In DM the mind takes on the voice of inner guru: simply be here now. In exercise, a coach: take it up a notch. how am I feeling? find inner silence. This ego and mind became willing servants, having bought into the promise of liberation in this lifetime. |
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interpaul
USA
529 Posts |
Posted - Oct 04 2023 : 5:07:36 PM
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Wil, Your post speaks to me on several levels. As a loyal person, I find it hard to end relationships. I recall a friend with whom a parting occurred after many years of a complicated relationship. He was the brother of my best friend, making it harder to end. A few years later, he returned to the US after living abroad for years. I saw him at my friend's house and quickly recalled all the reasons I didn't enjoy his company. Additionally he looked horrible, as if a survivor from Auschwitz. I was certain he had cancer. After he finally got a second opinion on a chronic "infection" he was confirmed to have pancreatic cancer. Surprisingly, out of the blue, he called to ask me to spend a day with him. I had very mixed feelings but reluctantly agreed. After arriving at his house I realized he was wanting me to be a nurse for him for the day as he could not care for himself. My anger at his profound narcissism eased as I saw a fragile, dying man before me who humbled himself in his vulnerability. He and I had a very deep exchange in which he struggled to understand where our friendship went wrong. His desire for reconciliation was touching. I knew we could never reconnect in the way we had but some healing occurred. He died 3 days later.
Relationships are tough. I agree with Sunyata about the circular nature of relationships. We continue to change throughout our lives, as do the people around us. It is good to be true to yourself and not draw permanent lines in the sand. |
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Istha-ideal but/and accepting lack of it outside
