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 Yoga and Relationships
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jclone

United Arab Emirates
49 Posts

Posted - Dec 14 2020 :  06:57:33 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Message
Do you agree that singles that living in isolation are more vulnerable to depression and anxiety especially since Christmas is coming? I have a friend who is living alone, and she's always been the silent type whenever we(her friends) were around. I figure if there's anything I can do for here this Christmas, what would it be? Any thoughts would be really appreciated.

interpaul

USA
201 Posts

Posted - Dec 14 2020 :  3:55:10 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Jclone, There are ample studies supporting social isolation is unhealthy. There is a longitudinal study conducting at Harvard for over 80 years that looked into all factors contributing to health and they have concluded without any doubt, social connections are vital to our health. We are fundamentally social creatures. Here is an excellent talk that goes over that study and you might find interesting. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGI8tHau1k4 It is great you are concerned regarding your friends health but I would tread lightly on this. many people experience social anxiety and introverts can find social engagement deenergizing, unless it is on their own terms. Few people like to be told what to do unprompted. And, as you point out, holidays are particularly stressful. It's been even harder lately given the limitations of social engagement during this pandemic. I have some friends in similar situations. I generally try to connect with them in whatever way they feel open. It isn't your job to "fix" them or shame them through pressure.
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Cato

Germany
133 Posts

Posted - Dec 15 2020 :  03:27:22 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
I think your help can only be an offer, that might be accepted or refused. The choice should always be your friends. It could be as simple as an invitation to come over. If she is the silent type and introverted, it will most probably be refused, but sometimes it is just enough to be thought of. Especially at Christmas time.
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maheswari

Lebanon
2439 Posts

Posted - Dec 15 2020 :  04:04:19 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Is that really true?
Some who are not alone in their appartement are going nuts for so many reasons too
Resisting our life situation is what creates suffering not the situation itself
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Dogboy

USA
1796 Posts

Posted - Dec 15 2020 :  07:46:44 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Make a connection (call, text) and tell them they are dear to you. Arrange a time to be in their presence.
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jclone

United Arab Emirates
49 Posts

Posted - Dec 17 2020 :  05:39:45 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Thank you for your thoughts, everyone. I'll be sure to take note of it.

quote:
Originally posted by interpaul

Jclone, There are ample studies supporting social isolation is unhealthy. There is a longitudinal study conducting at Harvard for over 80 years that looked into all factors contributing to health and they have concluded without any doubt, social connections are vital to our health. We are fundamentally social creatures. Here is an excellent talk that goes over that study and you might find interesting. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGI8tHau1k4 It is great you are concerned regarding your friends health but I would tread lightly on this. many people experience social anxiety and introverts can find social engagement deenergizing, unless it is on their own terms. Few people like to be told what to do unprompted. And, as you point out, holidays are particularly stressful. It's been even harder lately given the limitations of social engagement during this pandemic. I have some friends in similar situations. I generally try to connect with them in whatever way they feel open. It isn't your job to "fix" them or shame them through pressure.



I truly get your point and thank you for sharing this video, truly a well time spent watching Robert share his thoughts about happy life. :)
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jclone

United Arab Emirates
49 Posts

Posted - Dec 23 2020 :  04:14:08 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
According to this article, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/ar.../PMC7576375/, young adults are more susceptible to increase loneliness during this pandemic and that can lead to other mental health problems. Do you have a family member or friend who you think is dealing with this feeling?

I wanted to ask my friend how she feels and why is she like that towards us seriously but as you guys advised and what I think, it's overstepping of me to ask that much. Maybe I'm just too worried, I don't know.
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Blanche

USA
671 Posts

Posted - Dec 23 2020 :  07:51:15 AM  Show Profile  Visit Blanche's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
The need for social interaction is a continuum, with little need for some to very high need for others. Obviously, people who were more socially engaged before the pandemic will miss this more now. Some of the things you could do is to give her a call maybe once a week, invite her for a social distance walk, and organize 5 o'clock zoom time with your friends once a week, where people can sign in and chat for a while if available. Friends reported that they stay in touch more with the extended family and far-away friends these days due to online time-together sessions.
It is remarkable how adaptable humans are, so let's make the best of this situation, while doing our part to mitigate the pandemic. This too shall pass.
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lightandlove

Germany
42 Posts

Posted - Dec 24 2020 :  3:40:14 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Its very individual as Blanche said.
As an example, while my girlfriend who is more socially engaged is quickly bothered by every new lockdown here in europe, I don't feel much change in my daily life.
Best you can do is to offer her your time in any way she likes. May it be messages, videocalls or whatever she enjoys.
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jclone

United Arab Emirates
49 Posts

Posted - Dec 25 2020 :  05:20:23 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
quote:
Originally posted by Blanche

The need for social interaction is a continuum, with little need for some to very high need for others. Obviously, people who were more socially engaged before the pandemic will miss this more now. Some of the things you could do is to give her a call maybe once a week, invite her for a social distance walk, and organize 5 o'clock zoom time with your friends once a week, where people can sign in and chat for a while if available. Friends reported that they stay in touch more with the extended family and far-away friends these days due to online time-together sessions.
It is remarkable how adaptable humans are, so let's make the best of this situation, while doing our part to mitigate the pandemic. This too shall pass.




This seems like what's she really needed. Thank you Blanche!
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dietarydongguan

USA
22 Posts

Posted - Dec 28 2020 :  04:56:13 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hi jclone, it's great that you are thinking of your friend, but maybe you should just ask her what she would like. She may not want company for the holidays, she may just want to stay home and be by herself. Then again, she may enjoy having company, but you won't know unless you ask her.

If you want to do something nice for your friend you could make up a food plate and deliver it to her. Include some treats. Maybe with a Classic Christmas move if she has a DVD player. Or you could put on your thinking cap and find a way to make her feel special. It doesn't have to cost much. Caring does not come from a checkbook but from the heart.
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jclone

United Arab Emirates
49 Posts

Posted - Dec 29 2020 :  02:48:48 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Thank you for the wonderful advice everyone. I'm glad I reached out here first before attempting any move that may have resulted in a misunderstanding between me and my friend. Happy New Year!
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Dogboy

USA
1796 Posts

Posted - Dec 29 2020 :  07:26:50 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
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dietarydongguan

USA
22 Posts

Posted - Dec 31 2020 :  06:17:20 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
How is she doing now jclone? Is she going to celebrate the New Year her friends? :)

Edited by - dietarydongguan on Dec 31 2020 06:46:00 AM
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jclone

United Arab Emirates
49 Posts

Posted - Jan 04 2021 :  05:32:55 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
She didn't, so me and a couple of our friends decided to make our own celebration the next morning instead. A couple bottle of sauvignon plus the leftovers for last night's celebration(haha) and it went all well. We asked her to come and I can tell, that she had fun that day too. :)
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TaiPi

USA
13 Posts

Posted - Jan 19 2021 :  06:48:44 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hi jclone,

If someone lives alone they are more used to being isolated and they've probably gone through a holiday or Christmas alone before so I don't think missing a Christmas is any more depressing than an ordinary day. I think it hits older people harder than younger folks. I remember when I was younger. I worked in a restaurant. There were 2 elderly men who used to come in for coffee every morning. They lived in the rooming house across the street. They never bought anything else--I supposed they couldn't afford it. They were friendly and always asked how we were before they ordered. If we weren't busy I'd chat with them for a while. That Christmas for some reason I did a lot of baking. Some to take home and other baking to give as gifts. I did way too much so I packed up a bunch of my goodies into 2 large containers and on my last day at work I delivered them to those 2 men. It almost brought tears to their eyes they were so touched. To me that was the best Christmas present I got that year.

And I guess, you've done the right thing this holiday, with the help of our fellow people's advice here in our forum. :)
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jclone

United Arab Emirates
49 Posts

Posted - Jan 21 2021 :  04:28:54 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Thank you TaiPi, I appreaciate your advice.
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