Whatever love is, let me be that

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Yoga and Relationships

Whatever love is, let me be that

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k.cherry

USA
85 Posts

Posted - Oct 20 2020 : 11:23:36 PM

Dear all

The past few weeks have been acutely challenging, but I wanted to share some of the remarkable things that have come along the way. I had to move out of my beloved mountains back in August to live with my parents down in the valley so I can get my s*** together. I now haven't smoked or had a drink in more than two months, I'm eating well, I'm getting my finances in order, and my job performance has turned around completely. It hasn't been easy, but it's been helpful.

As drastic as these practical shifts have been, I feel the real transformation is occurring within my heart. Even though I'm not doing any practices right now, my attention is constantly drawn to the center of my chest like an anchor, and there is a sense that something splendid but difficult is unfolding. I find myself in a constant, almost desperate prayer: "Be with me, love. Be with me. Whatever love is, let me be that. But please be with me..."

There are some minor physical sensations around the heart area, but the thing I've noticed most is how my relationships are changing. The crazy-making, fearful relationship I've had with my father most of my life has turned into an unexpected treasure trove of gold for both of us. We're both learning from each other, really seeing each other. It's not perfect, but there is love, and I think that's as good as it gets for this lifetime.

However great that may be, I still feel two major thorns in my heart that will eventually need to come out: my relationships with my mother and eldest sister. In both cases, I ran into a roadblock with them and had to cut them out of my life. I just had to keep them away from my heart while the tiny flame I was kindling in there was too weak to burn on its own. I was afraid that they would snuff it out, because they could not see what I saw in myself. I suspect the relationship with my mother will take longer to mend, but I know with certainty that these relationships will have to heal for love to fully come through me. So yeah...

"Be with me, love. Be with me. Whatever love is, let me be that. But please be with me..."

-KC

Shanti

USA
4854 Posts

Posted - Oct 21 2020 : 09:20:06 AM