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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
 Posted - Oct 04 2014 : 7:03:50 PM
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Since I feel that body image is universal, something that effects almost everyone at some point in their lives, I wanted to share this recent experience. In our world obsessed with the cult of physical appearance, I think that many people suffer in the same way.
Prior to today, I don’t think I’ve ever once felt any love for my human face and body. With the deep conviction “I am this body” came all sorts of reasons to be unhappy with the body’s appearance. From an early age, I became painfully “self-conscious”. Every perceived (imagined) flaw and failing of the body becomes “my flaw or failing”. There is something wrong with me, I cannot be loved.
I was unable to look in the mirror without thoughts arising comparing and critiquing my face and body to the faces and bodies of others, generally unfavorably. In terms of pure emotion, at the core of these thoughts, was a feeling of intense lack and inferiority. A sense of being completely unworthy of being loved or desired. In romantic relationships, I always felt that ultimately the other would eventually perceive my unworthiness of being loved. I lived in fear of the moment they would ultimately make this discovery. This led to some pretty screwed up behavior on my part to keep from being hurt.
This sense of unworthiness, separateness, was never far to spring into manifold forms of suffering and self-torture. Reminding me that I am separate, unworthy, unlovable, undesirable.
But over the past couple of weeks, I was able to simply reside as the pure space consciousness within which these thought-forms and emotion-forms were arising. Seeing them without identification I realized they are meaningless, there’s nothing true in them, no reason to believe them. They are just passing appearances like clouds in the sky.
There was a release. I was able to simply be aware of the body, without thought or feeling identifying myself as it, and just appreciate it for the living miracle that it is. Love and peace seemed to flood all the cells. No criticisms or judgements arising, no sense of separateness and unworthiness.
In the weeks beforehand, I noticed I've started to have a gradual change in the way I am relating to people I would find romantically interesting. Just being able to freely give and receive love without expectation or fear.
Anything you can think or believe about 'yourself' is just empty thinking and believing. Thoughts always claim they are true, but they're not. Watch them come and let them pass.
Namaste  |
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Dogboy
USA
2201 Posts |
Posted - Oct 04 2014 : 8:37:57 PM
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| What a beautiful discovery your practice has provided, removing the veils from your Self so you light shines bright! I, too, am in the process of shifting a relationship with my body and yoga is definately providing insight. Thank you for your timely post! |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Oct 05 2014 : 5:49:12 PM
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Well said. Some brave self-inquiry there. Thank you for sharing. You are loved from over here (though in divine love, there's not much object-to-object exchange--as you and I are both realizing through our direct experience--but you know what I mean  ).
Just to stir up the pot a little... ...here's an interesting self-inquiry question to release into stillness: where is the spot, or nexus point, where pure space consciousness meets thoughts, feelings, and body? In other words, where does unchangeable silence touch the noise of our local space and time? Now that's a fun one to play around with! Enjoy! |
Edited by - Bodhi Tree on Oct 05 2014 5:49:58 PM |
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jonesboy
USA
594 Posts |
Posted - Oct 05 2014 : 7:41:52 PM
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Very beautiful 
Thank you Josh. |
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - Oct 05 2014 : 9:46:08 PM
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Thanks a lot guys.
I inquire into that question often Bodhi! There's hardly a gap between the two, I feel as though the space consciousness IS manifestation, it takes shape as manifestation, yet remains free from manifestation at the same time. But the inquiry is on-going :)
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Oct 05 2014 : 11:00:28 PM
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| Nice. Glad you relate. Catch you on the flip...side. |
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cosmic
USA
821 Posts |
Posted - Oct 08 2014 : 9:29:28 PM
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Thank you for this, Josh!
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mil
USA
28 Posts |
Posted - Oct 09 2014 : 6:39:58 PM
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Mr. Anderson
Thank you so much for the post. I think this self abuse of image is really intense in our culture so anyone that wakes up to a different way of seeing the human image is very precious indeed in my opinion.
I rarely see people talk about this subject in the awakening world but I feel it is a big one to "heal", integrate, transcend or whatever word you would like to use.
The yoga world is such a funny place...people doing wonderful things with it and yet so much of it seems to be preoccupied with what the body looks like as opposed to the shift in seeing you mention.
Thank you so much for this |
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - Oct 15 2014 : 5:48:17 PM
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Thanks for the feedback guys  |
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Body Image
