Advanced Yoga Practices
Tantra Lessons

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Note: For the Original Internet Lessons with additions, see the AYP Easy Lessons Books. For the Expanded and Interactive Internet Lessons, AYP Online Books, Audiobooks and more, see AYP Plus.

Lesson T42 - Equality of the Sexes in Tantra  (Audio)

AYP Plus Additions:
T42.1 - Tantric Husband and Non-Tantric Wife
T42.2 - Concern about Loss of Masculine/Feminine Polarity in Relations 

From: Yogani
Date: Sun May 22, 2005  11:54 am

New Visitors: It is recommended you read from the beginning of this tantra yoga archive, as previous lessons are prerequisite to this one. The first lesson is, "What is tantra yoga?"

Q1: I happened to find your website and read through your material on tantric yoga which I have always been interested in practicing. I found your site so true to nature. Something which I can relate to and practice. I try and study it as much as possible. And found your work more connected to what I want than most other works.

A lot of what you say and all the techniques make a lot of sense, though I would like you to clarify something for me.

You mention in your lessons that women in many ways are superior and also that women in the sex act especially are, since they call for the semen. They are the ones who call it, as per your writing.

But then later when it got to the multiple orgasm, you mentioned that it is harder for women to reach higher levels of ecstasy or realms due to the fact they have multiple orgasms. Isn't that contradictory? I was confused by that, since women are very powerful in the sex act... then how can something like multiple orgasm get in the way? I mean both the sentences seemed very

I personally don't have an answer to whether women have multiple orgasms or not as ... well I don't know what it is to be a man. Whatever I feel is natural to me so I can't really understand the comparison of it or understand what it is.

And most importantly I don't know whether it is a cause of drain really. And even if it is, it can't be more than men's drain of energy. Hence, how can it be harder for women to reach higher levels ? It must be equal, as all your work shows nothing but equality in both sexes ... hence, even loss must be equal. If it is hard for women it must be equally hard for men as well. This is what I feel.

Would really appreciate your assistance with this.

A1: Thank you for writing and sharing.

If there is any implication of unequal spiritual opportunity between men and women in the lessons on matters of sexual energy, it was certainly not intended. Both sexes have equal opportunity for enlightenment. It is our destiny, equally shared.

However, there are some differences in biological mechanics. A man will lose much more lifeforce (prana) during orgasm (ejaculation) than a woman will, while a woman will lose less in orgasm. Some say women actually gain from orgasm, yet it has been shown that multiple female orgasms will eventually lead to a depletion of lifeforce also. These are mechanics rooted in the biology of reproductive function. That difference is what the lessons are speaking of. But it is not an indication of spiritual inequality. Only a difference in roles during the reproductive function.

The key to spiritual advancement from the sexual angle is not much about orgasm anyway. Neither is it about reproductive sex, except to modify the act (if it is occurring) for spiritual purpose. It is about preservation and cultivation of sexual energy (brahmacharya as described in lesson T9). Once that is addressed via tantric methods, the differences in biological mechanics of orgasm and lifeforce flow between the sexes become transparent, and the opportunity for inner transformation is equal and mutually supportive. The task at hand in spiritual sexual relations is "preorgasmic cultivation." In this, both sexes are on the same playing field utilizing the methods for achieving this, discussed in the lessons. Reproductive sexual urges (the giving and receiving of the seed) are let go in favor of preorgasmic cultivation, which serves the spiritual transformation of both sexes equally. Then both sexes are involved in an inner lovemaking as much as an outer one. By transforming the love act to that for a substantial amount of the time, both sexes are engaged equally in the process of transformation going on in each person individually.

That is what these tantra lessons are intending to convey, along with the specific means, and I hope that clears it up.

As mentioned in the lessons, the sexual relations aspects of practice (labeled "tantra") are in support of the broader range of yoga practices, including deep meditation, spinal breathing, etc. There is overlap between sitting practices and tantra when we get into mulabandha, sambhavi, siddhasana and kechari, all which act on the sexual energy as well. Dealing with sexual energy is inevitable in yoga, as it is the primary energy of the ecstatic side of the enlightenment equation -- kundalini. The other side is inner silence, pure bliss consciousness, cultivated mainly in deep meditation and samyama. Together, inner silence and ecstatic conductivity (kundalini) go to make the union of inner polarities in the nervous system that is represented metaphorically by the union of shiva and shakti. What we end up with is unending unshakable inner silence, ecstatic bliss, and outpouring divine love. It is the same destination for both women and men.

Q2: That cleared it up. Yes, of course you are right, both sexes definitely lose some energy. I mean, after all, it is about channeling the energy upwards rather than just letting it out and wasting it.

I read somewhere that when sexual energy goes to the crown and exits the body it becomes divine energy, and that sexual energy is nothing but divine energy, except much coarser. Am I right?

I guess I got confused, as you mentioned at one point in the lessons that a woman might not be able to reach higher realms because of multiple orgasms, and I am sure you meant that for men too. But I guess I read only for the women's part and wanted to clarify on it as I didn't read initially the men's part. But now I understand what you meant that both in their own way have loss of energy.

Also, are multiple orgasms natural or yogic in nature, as in the process? You had asked the question and had said that in fact that had grown to a debate over the years. Could you illustrate a bit on that? You mentioned women have this naturally. Would that in a way make it yogic in process considering it is natural, or the way nature intends it to be? In that sense, everything in us is there as part of the plan, if that makes sense.

The question is, how does one use the multiple orgasm to benefit the yogic practice, and is it beneficial on its own?

Would love to hear more on this as that part interested me the most. I don't even know whether I have multiple orgasms or if it's just one. I really wish I knew the difference.

A2: Yes, both men and women have energy drain from reproductive sex and orgasms. It is most often the man, because he will usually reach climax first before the woman will be spent. For the woman, "spent" would mean several more orgasms, or maybe what may seem like one very long one. That greater staying power in a woman is natural for reproduction -- the purpose being for the seed to be drawn into the womb. This is why I said the woman is "superior" in the reproductive sex act, meaning she will draw the seed from the man. "Superior" is only a relative term, as applied to the ability to last a long time in the sex act. The woman has the natural advantage in that in reproductive sex, because it is the planting of the seed. Mother Earth won't stop until the seed is planted. The survival of the species depends on it, yes?

Once the man has control of his seed, then he can take the lead in lengthening the sex act. That is when a woman will have much longer arousal and possible multiple orgasms, or whatever it is that happens orgasmically in that situation. But, just as it is not tantric for the man to be spent quickly, neither is it tantric for the woman to be spent orgasmically. The typical scenario for developing tantra over time is:

1. Man masters his seed and can eventually delay orgasm indefinitely.

2. Woman is then subject to longer stimulation, which can yield
extended or multiple orgasms.

3. Man and woman work together to both stay in front of orgasm for long periods. That is tantric sex.

The goal is long preorgasmic cultivation, which means lovemaking is conducted so both stay in front of orgasm. That is the fundamental principle behind tantric sexual methods. It is also the principle behind tantric masturbation, siddhasana and all methods relating to cultivation of sexual energy. So, multiple orgasms for women are not yogic, just as too many ejaculations for men are not yogic.

This does not mean that orgasm is taboo and can never be enjoyed. It only means that the more time we spend cultivating in front of orgasm, the better it is for spiritual development, in conjunction with our regular sitting yoga practices -- meditation, spinal breathing, etc. There is no reason why a woman cannot cultivate with her lover (or alone in masturbation) for a long time preorgasmically, and then explore fully her multiple orgasms also. Doing so would be for the joy of knowing what one can experience, but not a good long-term yoga strategy, as it is energetically degenerative, just as excessive male ejaculations are. Conversely, long preorgasmic sexual stimulation is energetically regenerative, and desirable.

Advanced tantra practitioners may have little or no need for going to orgasm, and forego it altogether, even in lovemaking, because the spiritual ecstasy and fulfillment coming up become so much greater. Sex becomes internally spiritualized and far exceeds genital orgasm in its scope and duration, eventually becoming a permanent feature of daily life. That permanent state of unwavering ecstatic bliss is the goal of both yoga and tantric sexual practices. Yet, reproductive sex is never lost, and is always an option. It becomes a matter of choice rather than necessity. That is a liberation for both men and women.

Once our energy goes above the pelvis, it is no longer in the sexual realm. It is spiritual in the middle and upper body, even if it still feels sexual in the pelvic region at the same time, as it usually will during tantric practices, including siddhasana, which is used throughout sitting practices by advanced yogis and yoginis. So the energy becomes spiritually ecstatic long before reaching the crown. The whole concept and practice of sexual stimulation by any means becomes sacred in that (preorgasmic) mode. Spiritual energy is sexual energy that has been transformed to a higher purpose.

By the way, the crown is not necessarily the best place to go with the energy until much later in yogic development, due to the potential for instability from a premature crown opening, which can lead to physical and/or emotional problems, unbalanced energies, unwanted visions, etc. See the topic paths for lessons on "crown opening (avoiding premature)." Spinal breathing and other methods are for proper channeling of our inner energy to be progressive and safe between root and third eye, rather than to crown. The crown comes much later in the AYP approach, after a lot of prerequisite purification has been achieved. This is effective for avoiding kundalini imbalances and the resulting difficulties in most practitioners.

Wishing you the best on your chosen spiritual path. Enjoy!

The guru is in you.

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Note: For detailed instructions on the methods of tantra in relation to the broad scope of yoga practices and the enlightenment process, see the AYP Tantra book, and AYP Plus.

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