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Jim and His Karma
2111 Posts |
 Posted - May 24 2007 : 2:26:25 PM
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I had the strangest dream a few months ago.
I was in a place where I could view the cosmic list of names of people dying, as they died in real time. The list was scrolling with dizzying speed. And, amid tens of thousands of blurry names dashing past, was mine. I wasn't surprised to be on the list...I somehow understoodd that I'd not have even been able to see the list if I wasn't dead, so that was not surprising. But the thing was: my name was not asterisked. It was not highlighted. it was just another name on the list. It scrolled by and was gone. And I experienced a deep, visceral horror at its unremarkable passage.
The reason the dream troubles me is that, awake, I feel no horror whatsoever. Physically, emotionally, mentally, I have no pretension of being special. In fact, I'm rather proud of what I'd assumed to be my shrunken ego (irony fully noted). My recalling of the dream, when awake, doesn't give me the slightest micro-jolt of negative feeling. But that's abstract recollection. In the dream, it was HAPPENING. It was REAL. And the horror was potent. And I have failed, in the past months, to find a way to breach the disconnect.
I'm not looking to insulate myslef from the horror. Quite the contrary, I'd like to explore it, understand it, and address its underpinnings. But i just can't get there, or anywhere close to there. |
Edited by - Jim and His Karma on May 24 2007 2:27:52 PM |
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Balance
USA
967 Posts |
Posted - May 24 2007 : 2:43:47 PM
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| Interesting dream Jim. The words "breach the disconnect" stood out for me. I kept repeating them. There are probably fears of dissolution that are harbored deep within that go way back to the first instances of self-identification as a seeming separate entity, and the early experiences of relating to others, like parents, who were clothed as similar artifacts. We have long identified with a small, vulnerable self which is doomed to be obliterated. Feelings of sadness and horror arise from the attachment to a phantom self that ultimately is an illusion. |
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Kyman
530 Posts |
Posted - May 24 2007 : 4:21:17 PM
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Perhaps the dream gave you the opportunity to explore what your conscious mind couldn't access. Maybe the dream itself was your being addressing this subtle attachment. Have you felt any differences since then? Perhaps this isn't something you can address with the conscious mind.
I had a horrific dream a few weeks ago. It was quite terrible.
In this dream I felt like I was a child that was kidnapped and about to be molested, brutalized, and then killed. But I wasn't the child. It was more like I could feel a child somewhere and this child was hoping for its parents to come, but I knew that they weren't. The child was lost. The innocence of this child could be felt, along with its agonizing fear. I could only weep uncontrollably in my dream, and woke up weeping. It was quite terrible, more so than I am able to get across. |
Edited by - Kyman on May 24 2007 4:40:29 PM |
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A Dream of My Own Insignificance
