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ausman
4 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 11 2016 : 01:59:03 AM
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Hi to all,
First of all, I'd like to thank Mr. Yogani for this wonderful and resourceful site and for sharing his inner knowledge and experiences with the world.
Secondly, English is not my native language, so pardon me if you find any type of grammatical errors in this write-up.
Before I tell you what I am doing and what I am experiencing, first let me share my background with you people so that you could better understand my current situation.
Right now I am in my thirties and I am practising meditation from last 18 months regularly. When I was in the twenties, I used to chant different types of mantras as instructed by my guru, who I was introduced to by one of my uncles, but I didn't know at that time what were the benefits and how the meditation worked. In fact, I didn't know at the first place what is meditation. Though I faced different experiences at that time but I couldn't translate those experiences into useful actions. When I moved to another location due to my job, I couldn't keep the contact with my guru so every type of meditation was stopped finally.
My actual spiritual journey started exactly 20 months ago when my father was diagnosed of multiple myeloma. I was very stressed at that time. I really love my father and whenever I saw him in pain, I felt his pain in me but of high magnitude.
After fighting with cancer and heart failure for 3-4 months, my father died and left me with stress and depression. I was facing anxiety attacks every 3-4 hours. I tried my level best to get rid of depression and anxiety but couldn't manage to lower it down. I felt as if different types of diseases especially cancer and heart diseases have shifted to me from my father.
Every step to relieve my symptoms was a big fail for me. My faith towards doctors and medicines had vanished away. I didn't want to go to another doctor to get some type of tranquilizers. In fact, I hated doctors and hospitals. Few minutes in the hospital were enough to disturb my remaining peace for days. At that time, I tried to find some other ways to relax my mind and my muscles. I started the exercise and my meditation again as I was told by my old guru.
The fact is I follow Sufism. Though the technique of chanting mantra (Zikr) is different from AYP system, but the real essence looks same.
I chant three types of Zikr (Mantras), one hundred each, every day, as soon as I get up early in the morning. There are one base mantra and other two of its enhancements.
After resuming my meditation after the gap of so many years, the first few months were really tough for me. I didn't know anything about Kundalini, inner energy, bliss or ecstasy. My only purpose was to find calmness, silence and relaxation. I was distorted, exhausted, fatigued, angry, hopeless and depressed. Even a little louder sound caused my whole body's muscles cramp. But there was one good thing for me and that was consistency in my meditation.
I searched the every page on google to find any tip to get peace in my life. I watched the whole course of vipassana on youtube, listened to many enlighted persons, read a lot of books but couldn't get what I was looking for: a shortcut solution to every problem.
As I told you there was one good gift from my God (Allah) and that was regularity in my practice. There were few off-days every month but they couldn't break my routine. After 2-3 months of my morning routine, I added another technique to my existing meditation.
My basic meditation was chanting the mantra 300 times a little louder after closing the eyes every day early in the morning in the drawing room where no-one enters except when we had guests. After following this basic meditation for 3 months, I added another technique in which I started to repeat the mantra in the heart chakra whenever I found time, sitting, lying, standing, walking, driving.
After four months, I had started to notice few new changes inside me. Now I could observe my thoughts and my reactions to different stimuli. But still my mind and my senses were out of control. Even a pin drop was still causing a pain to my ears. It seemed my whole body is shifting to the sound source with strong pain.
Meanwhile, I had read a lot about third eye, Kundalini and enlightenment. My awareness, concentration, thoughts or whatever you call it, was shifting from place to place, from one chakra to another. Sometimes, I felt I was looking my whole body above from my top head. Sometimes it seemed my eyes had shifted between the eyebrows. Often I felt I am going to die. My hands and feets seemed dead cold many times. Now I know it was her: Kundalini.
I don't remember the exact date, but it was the time when Kundalini was playing with me and I found this beautiful site and the beautiful people here on AYP. I read every lesson and a lot of pages of AYP forums. I finally found the true nature of meditation, how it works, in the simplest form, manifested by Yogani. Now I could correlate all my symptoms and experiences with the writings of Yogani and other people on AYP. Though I neither changed my basic mantra nor the technique, but I enhanced, modified and utilized them according to their full potential. I could understand then whatever technique you are following, the basic principle and the mechanism of meditation are same.
Where am I standing now?
Nearly 20 months have passed and I am still meditating, daily, one time in 24 hours, repeating 300 times my mantras a little loudly so I could hear my own voice, and repeating my basic mantra in the heart chakra whenever I find time. Now I am very much relaxed, most of the times. My senses are not out of control. The reaction force and time to external and internal stimuli have reduced. I feel peace in every cell of my body. Whenever I repeat my mantra with a little concentration in any peaceful place, I can feel the every cell of my body vibrating. Sometimes it seems I am there but still I am not there. It feels I am transparent. I can listen to the hundreds of sounds very clearly at the same time without passing any judgement. It feels these sounds are passing through me and I am just an air, except when I am watching movies and listening to any songs. Kundalini is smooth and energy is balanced now.
My perception of many things has entirely changed. Now I try my best to keep myself near to nature. I avoid un-natural things. I love simplicity. Artificial things are not my first priority now.
I definitely know I am not enlightened but I am 100% sure I am on the right path, leading me to the right direction. I can see the signs but the goal is still faaaar away. Enlightenment is nothing but peace. Peace in your actions and reactions.
But one question which is still answerable for many people is whether enlightenment or peace is the final goal. For me, it is not. The non-duality? No. What I believe is that it are your actions (Karmas in Hinduism and Buddhism & Aamaals in Islam/Sufism) which are finally countable. Now one can ask if they are karmas then why we are doing meditation and all other stuff. What I believe is that our nervous system, the heart or whatever you call it according to your religion or path gets impurities due to our bad karmas. When we perform meditation, we remove these impurities so that we can get good karmas easily and happily.
Further guidance and help would be highly appreciated, esp from Yogani.
May Allah bless all.
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Dogboy
USA
2207 Posts |
Posted - Mar 11 2016 : 07:05:27 AM
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Hello ausman, welcome! By the way, your English is excellent!
Even though you may not be following the AYP system, having these lessons and understandings gives you the courage to go forth without a guru, to self pace whatever your practice so that you don't overdo, and to have us, your fellow travelers, available to aid each other through the good and the bad moments. Enlightenment is not my end goal either; I am in it for the journey and to become a better partner, father, friend, human. In this way I am enlightened every time I leave the mat.
It matters not what brought you to yoga, or why; by dedicated practice we are open to change for the better in ourselves and our world, locally and globally. We cannot afford to drift about like flotsam in the ocean. We need to guide ourselves forward as agents of change.
Thank you for sharing your story and welcome again  |
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jusmail
India
491 Posts |
Posted - Mar 11 2016 : 6:39:07 PM
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Hello Ausman,
Welcome to the forum. You are a wise man. Already you have understood the key concepts behind yoga. Continue to meditate, seek, and follow karma yoga, all of which will bring you closer to enlightenment. Enlightenment is not a destination but an ongoing journey into higher plateaus. |
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