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k123
118 Posts |
 Posted - Oct 17 2012 : 02:57:00 AM
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I am having a particularly difficult time at work at the moment. We have a new boss, but not only that, a business strategist has been brought in to shake up the organisation and yesterday we were told that all of our contracts would be redrawn and many other changes made. We are also being given a lot of extra work. This is made worse by various quite severe power struggles, politics and general self protection all around, not to mention a general feeling of powerlessness. It feels like an ants' nest that has been given a good kick and all the ants are running around panicking.
My deep meditation has given me a reserve of silence, but I also find that I am more direct than previously and sometimes a bit too direct, especially when things are so uncertain. I need to have the wisdom to know when to speak and when to accept, but in a fraught situation, that is sometimes difficult. This is made worse by worrying a lot less about what others think of me than I used to. However, obviously I don't want to be suicidal about it and get fired!
I have had lots of feelings, ranging from anger at the unfairness of some of what is going on, to fear and panic about my job and mortgage etc. What is really striking is that I am able to allow and even welcome these a lot more lately. Then they pass, like weather. It is very strange to be sitting with anger arising, yet to be witnessing it. Even when the story of "they did this, they did that" comes up, it is mainly seen, although some stickiness remains.
Other factors for me are that I don't want to do a spiritual bypass type thing and shut out the more difficult feelings, like fear etc, rather I would like to fully accept them and use them to deepen my practice.
It is really good and helps a lot to be able to post here. I find I have been looking forward to being able to discuss this here and have turned my computer on before leaving for work to do just that 
Thanks all |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2516 Posts |
Posted - Oct 17 2012 : 04:48:15 AM
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sounds you are handling it well ....i m sure you will find the correct balance between being too direct or less direct...
quote:
Other factors for me are that I don't want to do a spiritual bypass type thing and shut out the more difficult feelings, like fear etc, rather I would like to fully accept them and use them to deepen my practice.
this is very correct...keep it up |
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - Oct 17 2012 : 06:23:05 AM
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hey k123,
Sounds like a tough time and I can definitely relate to what you're going through. In truth, the way you are handling sounds good to me.
It can be a good time to inquire into why such emotions are arising for you. Just a gentle inquiry, recognizing we can't pick and choose our emotions, but it can be enlightening to see why they arise given certain stimulii, and what beliefs are behind that.
best,
Josh |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Oct 17 2012 : 11:07:28 AM
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It's great when practical things come along to test us. It's really easy to get carried away with the belief we have surmounted all problems and emotions and that has to be tested.
What you should know is it doesn't matter what you do or what happens. You believe you have control, but you don't, not in any respect. That doesn't mean you should act irresponsibly, or not act at all, but you should be happy to accept any consequences from all actions or the action of passivity.
So, if you don't speak out then accept the anger, frustration, guilt that will come from it. Accept it because that is an inevitable consequence of a fixed path. If you speak out and get sacked then that is simply what was going to happen anyway, accept the changes, the grief, the hurt, the anger in the same way.
There are an infinite number of apparent choices, but ultimately there is only one that can ever be taken and that's the one you were always going to take.
I had a similar issue and left my job without any job to go to. I grieved for my status and income even though I believed I was in stillness. I started wondering if I should have left and worried about the future.
The reality is it doesn't matter and I learned that. It doesn't matter if you end up destitute on the streets. Obviously that isn't a goal whatever action you make is the action you will make.
I often liken it to stepping on an aircraft. Once you have stepped aboard then there is no un stepping. The plane might land safely or crash in a blazing fireball, but worrying about it won't make a damned bit of difference. Sit back and realise what will be, will be. |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Oct 17 2012 : 8:52:58 PM
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I struggle with this dilemma as well. To speak up or to remain quiet? I see lots of solutions to existing problems, and I often feel compelled to share my thoughts. The trick is not to try to force any results. Once you make your honest effort, let it go.
But what you choose DOES indeed make a difference. Imagine if Yogani had decided: "Well, I'm gonna remain quiet and not share this vast array of yoga teachings. This human problem of suffering will get solved eventually, but not by my help. Let the chips fall where they may." That would've sucked big time, at least in my opinion. I benefit greatly from this resource called AYP, and AYP exists because Yogani made the choice to speak up and unleash the arsenal onto the Internet.
But personally, what works for me, is using the samyama practice/principle. I ask the question: What is really going to help in this situation?...and then release it into stillness. As many times as needed. I find the answer eventually comes in the form of intuition, which is the spontaneous arrival of wisdom in a moment of uncertainty.
Pick up and release. Pick up and release.
"If you build it, they will come."
"Go the distance."
...two quotes from "Field of Dreams".
Good luck and Godspeed.  |
Edited by - Bodhi Tree on Oct 17 2012 9:09:05 PM |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Oct 17 2012 : 10:42:47 PM
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Water finds a way. No matter how you try and contain a system it will eventually fail. Say you have water in a pipe, eventually the pipe will rust, mechanical damage will occur and the water will get out. It might take years, it might be instantaneous.
It's an inevitability that means that one small action will create multiple actions. Now think of multiple small actions creating infinite multiple actions. It becomes cumulative. It's like trying to swim in a vast ocean, your efforts will move you in relation to your first position, but in an infinite Ocean it will not matter.
For instance during my career I have had several jobs and spent lots of time on site. Now the companies I have worked for have evolved, changed, gone bust. The places I have visited have been bull dozed, redeveloped, gone bust etc.
So your contribution feels massive, but actually its just a tiny effect that is swamped by the cumulative action. If you speak out you might get sacked, but equally you might lose your job as the company changes anyway. Speaking out might give you a better job down the line. There are so many variables whatever you do makes little difference because somewhere along the way the water in the pipe always escapes despite your best efforts to prevent it. You might delay it or speed it up that's all. |
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k123
118 Posts |
Posted - Oct 18 2012 : 06:46:34 AM
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Thanks all, first of all, I just wanted to say how helpful all of your posts are at the moment, when things feel so difficult (it got worse yesterday).
maheswari thanks
karl
Yes, that sounds right, and the illusion of control is even stronger when there are problems which bring up fear. I am at the stage where the absolute truth of no control is not a consciously experienced reality, and it is a mixture upsetting and interesting seeing all of the feelings that come up at the moment.
Josh, thank you so much. That approach really resonates with me and this is what I do. I find that gentle enquiry, into the emotions and the resistance really shifts things and allows for the humanity to be there too. Then something opens for me. My aim is to allow all of that messy human stuff and remain open at the same time. I guess that is freedom.
Bodhi Tree, that is a great suggestion. Mind you I do wonder how much of this situation came about because of a combination of some Samyama and also saying to whatever is, "Ok, I am ready to wake up/die as a separate self, bring it on!"
I did this a while ago and at the time there was a bit of me thinking oh dear. But the longing and desire for freedom was just too strong to resist  |
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kami
USA
920 Posts |
Posted - Oct 18 2012 : 09:11:54 AM
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Hi k123
quote:
Originally posted by k123
Mind you I do wonder how much of this situation came about because of a combination of some Samyama and also saying to whatever is, "Ok, I am ready to wake up/die as a separate self, bring it on!"
I did this a while ago and at the time there was a bit of me thinking oh dear. But the longing and desire for freedom was just too strong to resist
This above is exactly my experience! About 10 months ago, I was frustrated with my lack of "progress" on this path. I knew I was stuck in a big way somewhere, but for the life of me, could not figure out what that issue was. I began doing samyama on "show me", beseeching my ishta to "bring it on", as you say. And boy, did He! Within weeks, I was caught up in a storm that would take me apart over the next 6 months, bringing to surface the core issues that had been holding me back. During that time, I did things that were completely out of character and felt utterly out of control. The final dissolution of that whole episode brought so much pain that I began to see it as one of the worst times in my life.
But..
That pain brought up the one issue (the "core" issue, as I see it) that had formed the backbone of what I had built up as my identity all of my life. The clarity of seeing it dissolved it and the ensuing freedom and openings were worth all the preceding pain and confusion. It is only in the last few weeks that I've regained the courage to add back "show me" in samyama 
Samyama works! Just be careful what you ask for
Love,
kami |
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k123
118 Posts |
Posted - Oct 18 2012 : 09:30:55 AM
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Hi Kami
Yes, I definitely feel face to face with lots of core issues right now, it is a mixture of awful, but really interesting and I am trying (with varied success) to consciously accept and send love to those long rejected aspects of myself. The blockages can be very deep and subtle, yet powerful.
As one of the oversensitive practitioners, I only do a little SP and DM and had recently added samyama in to my routine. However, after a particularly deep DM session, I had to remove it again. In the last session, I started with Love twice, but that was as far as I got. It was so strong I had to stop there. It is incredible how powerful it can be.
I am glad to hear your experience of your opening and finding of freedom.
love k123 |
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Balance between acceptance and speaking out
