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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 21 2012 : 12:48:02 PM
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Integrating Awakening into Daily Life / Work
It’s an age old question, that comes up again and again, I’ve seen it on these forums. But I just can’t get over it, it’s been an issue for years, and I feel sure others experience this.
There’s a state of increasing joy, ecstasy and love in my life. Furthermore, for some increasing periods recently, I feel established as That, free awareness itself, completely free from the body/mind and its destiny, but also non-dual – i.e. one with all experience, including the body/mind.
The recurring question that buzzes around in my head: This is all very nice, but it’s not integrating well into my work life.
In the absolute sense, whether or not this body/mind can find motivation to work isn’t that important, but I’m not going to try and squash a relative concern into absolute truth.
The problem specifically:
-Previously my primary motivation for working was fear (not having enough money = unhappy future), and desire (have enough money = happy future, financial freedom)
-These two factors no longer motivate me. I just can’t find enough fear or desire in me, to motivate working really hard for a ‘financially better future’
-My job is involved with the financial markets/trading. Not much room for sharing joy and helping people here.
-There’s no self-motivation, really, for anything other than this spiritual unfolding, and generally becoming a better person if I can. This kind of precludes changing jobs, because I can’t imagine doing something else is going to invoke much more motivation.
This has been the case for 2 years or so, on and off. Amazingly, I seem to be doing pretty well at work anyway, I’m making quite a lot of money for the company (so I feel comfortable that I’m repaying them for what they do/have done for me) I don’t know how, because I feel like I don’t really do anything. More often than not, the days are a bit of a drag, and I spend them doing spiritual reading at my desk, and just handling the few important issues which need my attention.
Maybe it’s not really a problem at all, and I’m just working more intuitively. But it’s a very uncertain time with many questions: why do I turn up every day to do something that I don’t care for? Why can I just find no desire to even become motivated? Etcetera.
Writing it down at least helps. Keen to hear thoughts from anyone.
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Aug 21 2012 : 3:16:14 PM
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| Same happened for me, I left a year ago. |
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - Aug 21 2012 : 3:23:41 PM
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Thanks Karl, I remember reading you just took a leap into the dark. I take it you just resigned, and waited to see what would happen?
I'm considering doing the same thing. |
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AumNaturel
Canada
687 Posts |
Posted - Aug 21 2012 : 3:34:24 PM
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That same bit of insight is what I also ran into not too long ago. I don't know how it will continue to play out, but so far it has been far from harmonious. How can that ever be, with something that's by all definitions based on and sustained by various forms of ignorance, beyond just personal, but instead a collective 'entity' in its own right?
That layer of 'madness' is superimposed on the dreamers' world, and it has little to do with real limitations, or even the examination of limits.
What keeps coming back from that inquiry is to keep at the twice-daily, inquire in whatever form seems to resonate best, test such thoughts and visions of reality regardless past & projected futures, and let the natural course restore the balance.
"All my working life I was a cigarette-maker, helping people
to spoil their health. And in front of my door the municipality has
put up a public lavatory, spoiling my health. In this violent world
how can one keep away from violence of some kind or other?" (Sri N. Maharaj, I Am That, p. 149).
"..we will not be fully enlightened until everyone is enlightened. This is why so-called enlightened people continue to work for the benefit of all. Their liberation will not be fulfilled until everyone’s is" (Yogani, Lesson 329). |
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kami
USA
920 Posts |
Posted - Aug 21 2012 : 3:42:26 PM
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Hey Josh,
This whole awakening business is about integration into life, isn't it? It seems like it would be so much better to go off to a mountaintop and abide in the unfolding, but then, who wants to deal with bugs and creepy-crawlies and just eat fruit all day everyday? 
On a serious note..
Trust me, I have had these same questions come up fairly regularly the last couple years. It is an ongoing nidus of laughter for my husband who hears me talk very seriously nearly every other week about quitting my job so I can focus on unfolding. But then again, it is all about surrender. I'm learning to trust Life to have put me here for a very good reason - so unfolding can progress at the perfect rate for me, in this exact situation. If there was a better situation for me, I'm sure I'd be "there". 
These kind of fluctuations in motivation are very common, and constant questioning of one's purpose can be a good thing. However, awakened or not, we must all continue to chop wood and carry water. Perhaps this is a great time to revisit the essence of karma yoga - which is not really just about "selfless service" as it is made out to be. It really is the attitude with which one chops wood or carries water. Can you see if you are resisting the is-ness of your life situation at the moment? Is there a mystery and curiosity in the present moment even though your work may be uninspiring? Can you access it as you go about your work? You are right - changing jobs may not be the answer; although you may want to give that a thought. Is there a particular kind of work you think would hold your interest over the long-term? To me, it seems like the fact that you are doing well is an indication that that is exactly where you need to be, and that your unfoldment is being facilitated by all of what is happening right now in your life. Perfectly.
Lastly, a very wise friend (thanks, Christi) gave me some solid advice recently - don't get entangled in the drama of awakening. I have to remind myself of this pearl all the time 
Love,
kami |
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AYPforum
351 Posts |
Posted - Aug 21 2012 : 3:56:32 PM
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| Moderator note: Topic moved for better placement |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Aug 21 2012 : 4:05:20 PM
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| I didn't have to make the decision... I was thrown out of my job last October. I thought Life was now about to make a big shift, and have me serve at some new job where I could really flower and let all gifts - intellectual and spiritual - be natural ingredients. Felt as if it was time to do something more "meaningful". I've done samyama on "work" since then. And nothing has happened as yet. Accepting what is - apparently Life saying "continue to rest". Economy going down the drain, not getting the jobs I apply for, which has never been a problem before, so a new experience... Truly challenging the concepts "trust" and "relax" and "Let go and let God". Putting very much stress on the paradox "God helps the one who helps himself". Constant thoughts coming critizing that I procrastinate and should work harder to get a job - any job. So far, so good, but where will this end? I do have lots of time for the unfolding process - that's good. And my nervous system seems to need this time to learn how to relax again properly after years of stress. So I can see benefits and how everything seems to work out for the best... still... very challenging to be "on-hold" like this... |
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - Aug 21 2012 : 4:05:49 PM
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Hey
AumNaturel - quote:
What keeps coming back from that inquiry is to keep at the twice-daily, inquire in whatever form seems to resonate best, test such thoughts and visions of reality regardless past & projected futures, and let the natural course restore the balance.
Thank you. I think that's great advice.
And Kami - Lol And I like that word 'nidus'. I'm going to be casually slipping that one into everyday conversation from now on. I think you're probably right too. There's probably no need to jump into any dramatic changes right now. I will consider the long-term job ideas too.
Love to you all,
Josh |
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - Aug 21 2012 : 4:07:48 PM
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Thanks for your post emc, I can imagine that's challenging but nice too in a way.
hope it works out for you! |
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HathaTeacher
Sweden
382 Posts |
Posted - Aug 21 2012 : 4:12:50 PM
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That's an eternal question, as old as yoga. This post is about one possible solution, although far from The ultinate universal one :-)
www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....ID=2982#69377
Swami Satyananda suggested spending a critical period (before & during Kundalini awakening) in an ashram-like environment where everbody else understands what's going on within (that's not easily done in a Western Capital, I guess). He also wrote that even during a total de-motivation, it's necessary to stick to one's daily Saddhana (that's an inch easier). |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Aug 21 2012 : 4:35:24 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by mr_anderson
Thanks Karl, I remember reading you just took a leap into the dark. I take it you just resigned, and waited to see what would happen?
I'm considering doing the same thing.
Yes, that's it. when you see that everything is one, you see that you didn't choose anything at all. That doesn't mean you should quit or stay, whatever you decide will be exactly right. You will know when it's time to accept things as they are. |
Edited by - karl on Aug 21 2012 5:59:18 PM |
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kami
USA
920 Posts |
Posted - Aug 21 2012 : 4:53:44 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by mr_anderson
And Kami - Lol And I like that word 'nidus'. I'm going to be casually slipping that one into everyday conversation from now on. I think you're probably right too. There's probably no need to jump into any dramatic changes right now. I will consider the long-term job ideas too.
Glad to be of service, even if it is a very "medical" vocab
Love you dearly!! |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Aug 21 2012 : 4:54:19 PM
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I went through the same thing but have gone the opposite direction it seems most here have gone. I had Life throw me into my work and put spiritual practices on the backburner. But it wasn't a decision I got to make, it was made for me. It's taken several months (into month 8 now) to integrate this but it seems that the integration is indeed happening. "They" say that enlightenment is becoming extraordinarily ordinary... this seems to be the trajectory here. Instead of working as a "spiritual teacher" like I had envisioned (yes, I have a very large ego   ) I started working as a locomotive specialist. But, as things unfold it has become easier and easier to relax into Life as it is (ordinary) and let go of all those ideas about what kind of work-life an "awakened" person would/should be engaged in. So, now, Life is very ordinary.... work, family, a bit of spiritual practice and as much fun as I can pack into every single day. For me, a lot of the spiritual practice that was packed into two daily hour+ sessions for years is now a single half hour practice and non-stop inquiry integrated into every moment.
Love!
Carson  |
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cosmic
USA
821 Posts |
Posted - Aug 21 2012 : 7:29:03 PM
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Dear Josh,
Thanks for sharing. I enjoyed this post very much. Sounds like a nice place to be.
When it's time to fly, the universe will start to nudge you off the branch
You are blessed to work in the stock market. What a lovely, constant reminder of impermanence.
I'm experiencing something different, but possibly related. This is a time of deep satisfaction in all aspects of my life. With this satisfaction comes a sort of pointlessness.
I've always felt and operated as though life has an end-goal, but didn't know what it is ("Success" would come close). If you keep playing the game and do the best you can, you might eventually win.
That striving for something more has suddenly vanished. I didn't see it go, but the resonance in your post has shone a light on its absence.
Deepest gratitude, my friend.
Namaste
cosmic |
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cosmic
USA
821 Posts |
Posted - Aug 21 2012 : 9:14:38 PM
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Forgot to mention: The pointlessness is felt when I imagine all the other things I could be doing instead of what I'm doing, and nothing seems any better than whatever I'm doing. Even idealistic things like getting enlightened and saving the world seem like more of the same ole same ole.
quote:
Originally posted by mr_anderson
There’s no self-motivation
Mmmm... no-self motivation
Peace |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2516 Posts |
Posted - Aug 22 2012 : 02:41:08 AM
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i have been there...for years the idea of leaving my work (banking so similar to your work) and going something "more worthy and spiritual" was lingering....
like Carson ,life circumstances obliged me to stay at work...last april i got promoted to become a head of department and i have more work to do
but it was the best thing that happened to me cause in june i was overloading like hell (to me the pysical symptoms of overload are the worse lolll...much worse than the psychological ones) and it was the crazy work that saved me and grounded me...so every day i was looking forward to go to work just to work my ass out because it was extremely grounding...u know the endless tasks that need to be done...the countless phone calls...the countless emails...plus guiding the collegues that work "under my authority" (lolll) ..and convincing top managers i work under their authority even when they suggest wrong solutions
so i say that life puts us in the excat place where we need to be in order to grow and unfold
keeping this job made me face all the things in me that i was trying to avoid and not see
escaping is not the solution...living an ashram is not the solution...the here and now is the solution....spituality is about becoming more down to earth ...it is very ordinary....it is goign back to square one so to speak
yet out of this ordinary you feel more creativity coming to you....it is a paradox
and you seem (so do i) have enough time to do spiritual things so it is the best mixture....you are blessed to be in such circumstances!! |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Aug 22 2012 : 03:20:25 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by maheswari
so i say that life puts us in the excat place where we need to be in order to grow and unfold
keeping this job made me face all the things in me that i was trying to avoid and not see
escaping is not the solution...living an ashram is not the solution...the here and now is the solution....spituality is about becoming more down to earth ...it is very ordinary....it is goign back to square one so to speak
yet out of this ordinary you feel more creativity coming to you....it is a paradox
and you seem (so do i) have enough time to do spiritual things so it is the best mixture....you are blessed to be in such circumstances!!
Definitely, either circumstances create the change or it appears that you make the decision. For me I began to accept my inner Guru and move in synchronicity with circumstance. This is the beginning of unity although it appears still as if it's a physical action and a mental choice.
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kami
USA
920 Posts |
Posted - Aug 22 2012 : 07:57:57 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by karl
so i say that life puts us in the excat place where we need to be in order to grow and
Definitely, either circumstances create the change or it appears that you make the decision. For me I began to accept my inner Guru and move in synchronicity with circumstance. This is the beginning of unity although it appears still as if it's a physical action and a mental choice.
Karl,
How beautiful!! That is the key, isn't it - first, meeting the inner guru and second, learning to listen to that small still voice?
For me, like Maha, self-pacing is something that is forced, probably because I tend to be hard-headed When I'm overloading and still refusing to cut back on practices, my life and work circumstances will change in a way where I absolutely need to focus completely on those things, invariably with no time for twice daily sits. It really is astonishing how this happens 100% of the time. After things return to baseline, I realize I'm much more balanced. Maybe the inner guru needs to bludgeon some us on the head to get our attention when we don't listen to the small voice
Cosmic, I can resonate with that pointlessness. I've been participating in the rat race for so long, always looking at something else that needs to be achieved/done, somewhere else to be.. Now, I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather be than right here, right now. It isn't a hopeless giving up, but like you say so well, satisfaction and a sense of release ahhh.. Out of the race at last!! And surprisingly, the less I care about the outcome, the greater the "success" at work and life in general.. Beautiful paradox.
Love,
kami |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Aug 22 2012 : 2:45:02 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by kami
Karl,
How beautiful!! That is the key, isn't it - first, meeting the inner guru and second, learning to listen to that small still voice?
For me, like Maha, self-pacing is something that is forced, probably because I tend to be hard-headed When I'm overloading and still refusing to cut back on practices, my life and work circumstances will change in a way where I absolutely need to focus completely on those things, invariably with no time for twice daily sits. It really is astonishing how this happens 100% of the time. After things return to baseline, I realize I'm much more balanced. Maybe the inner guru needs to bludgeon some us on the head to get our attention when we don't listen to the small voice
Oh the Guru will do that and more
I'm in the last quarter of my book and I was writing about self pacing, grounding and not being bull headed, gritting teeth and pushing through the pain barrier. The time needed to break through is exactly the amount needed to prepare for being awake. Before that we aren't ready, we are green apples, too hard and unripe. As you know there is no point in pushing it because it just hurts more, you can only go as fast as you are able to go so there is absolutely no point in causing yourself pain. However, just like I did.....Nah, nah......I'm not listening |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Aug 22 2012 : 9:15:39 PM
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mmmmmmm - green apples 
If you learn to change your perception you can do miracles.
You may see your job as the most worthless, unnecessary activity there is. Then you go home and think "What would have to change for me to see my same job as a gift from God, so I love doing it?"
Then you may imagine yourself as a monk chopping wood and carrying water and devoted. Then you decide you could do that. So the next day you love going to work, and you do the best job you can even though you couldn't care less about what you are doing, because it is for God, not yourself.
And then one day when you have completely accepted your plight for life, someone offers you a better job!
At first you resist because you already have a perfect job....you have changed your perception, and the world seems to change. |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Aug 23 2012 : 04:17:06 AM
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I found it harder to leave than to stay. To quit without any income when the job you do pays very well, you getting very little hassle and have a good reputation within the company, that's quite hard to do.
Sometimes it's easier to stay in the job even if it isn't perfect. I couldn't stay in the job, my Guru wasn't going to let me , I didn't even have a 'better life' in mind. I didn't think it would be better without a job, a car, money and the respect you get from being in that position. I could buy virtually anything I wanted, travel widely, eat at expensive restaurants. I gave it all up and believe me I was a hedonist trying to buy the past with my future.
Anyway we do it will be right. |
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jeff
USA
971 Posts |
Posted - Aug 23 2012 : 08:20:17 AM
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We should all "go" where the inner guru leads, but often we are driven by a percieved aversion to something. If something bothers us... It is pointing to an underlying issue.
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Integrating Awakening into Daily Life / Work
