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interpaul
USA
525 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 13 2023 : 6:48:13 PM
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| I had an interesting experience last night. After some rather deep conversation with a few friends I exchanged some final parting words on the street with one friend. As I spoke with him I became aware of a different vantage point. As best as I can describe it I was acutely aware of there not being any "me" in my visual field, just the visual and auditory awareness of my friend. This was followed immediately by a somewhat disconnected feeling of not identifying with "me" I had a brief moment of panic as it reminded me a little of a feelilng I'd experienced 40 years ago on psylocybin in which my sense of self was temporarily disrupted. I wonder if this is a normal part of the non dual path. My practice has largely remained unchanged over the last year except adding "I thought, who am I" to samyama ~ 6 months ago. I realize this could be a call to self pace but I am not interested in dialing things back if this is a normal stage in releasing my ego. |
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Walter
United Kingdom
41 Posts |
Posted - Jan 19 2023 : 2:09:17 PM
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Hello again, Interpaul.
Different responses occurred to me regarding the title of your topic relative to its textual content.
As regards the title ”Who am I?”, this, of course, is the absolutely fundamental question for us all and meditating on this question alone has been the Way for many spiritual seekers. To me the question is also the answer. The question, being a question, awaits, in silence, some form of answer. The answer, when realised, without words, is the Awareness of that Silence. This amounts to a personal Consciousness of Consciousness experienced in Silence (the Atman), which, according to the teaching, is of the same Nature as Prime Consciousness (Brahman, God).
That silence is broken when an answer is formulated. Nevertheless, certain formulations help us to return to that Silence when recalled in practice and also to converse with others on this fundamental issue as best we can.
My choice of ‘formulated answer’ to your question “Who am I?” - though no such answer should be sought by the questioner in the practice of meditating on it - would be any or all of the following:
I Am.
I am That.
I Am That I Am (Exodus 3:14).
I am the Way, and the Truth, and the Life (John 14:6).
I am Thou, Thou art I, and wherever Thou art, there am I also, and I am sown in all things,
and whencesoever thou gatherest Me, in gathering Me thou gatherest Thyself (Gnostic text ‘Gospel of Eve’).
As regards your recent experience with your friends that you recount in the text of your post, this does seem to me to be a momentary taste of Non-dual Consciousness. More experienced yogis may care to comment.
I am not sure where your psilocybin experience in youth sits in this context, or any experience under the influence of psychedelic drugs, really. They may possibly involve a disoriented ordinary sense of self, somewhat akin to ‘seeing double’ in alcoholic intoxication, affecting different areas of the brain. But the long history of such psychedelic drugs in religious ceremonies certainly suggests a (perceived) greater significance. Comments from those who have experienced both drug- and spiritual practice-related altered states of consciousness would be much welcomed.
One experience of mine may (or may not) be relevant. About five years ago I was engaged in DM while sitting propped up at the head of my bed and suddenly became vividly aware of another ‘myself’ viewing my-‘usual’-self from the foot of the bed. Immediately this happened I was aware of that ‘foot-of-the-bed me’ begin to float back to my ‘head-of-bed me’, experienced both visually and with an unimaginably pleasant sensation, then re-fusing with (re-’dissolving’ in) my usual body, back-first, very gently and exactly, full length-wise except for one awkwardly positioned arm, which took marginally longer to re-fuse. Then I woke up ! Just a dream (lucid or otherwise)? I don’t know, but very vivid and equally memorable. Any comments welcome.
These rather dramatic altered states of consciousness are very alluring but, for me, not needed for spiritual fulfillment. Just surrendering to my spiritual call (Bhakti?, the Holy Ghost?, or whatever one likes to label it) seems completely sufficient in itself.
Please, experienced teachers and other practitioners out there, correct any misinterpretations expressed in any of the above.
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Dogboy
USA
2198 Posts |
Posted - Jan 20 2023 : 05:44:20 AM
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No need to dial back, Interpaul, unless in discomfort or distress, for these episodes are transitory and as suspected, a hint of non duality.
Who are you Walter? We are holy ghosts of course  I love your take on the silence following the question is the answer in and of itself and why we sit in that very space. |
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Blanche
USA
859 Posts |
Posted - Jan 20 2023 : 2:01:40 PM
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Hi Interpaul,
Your experience is in the right direction. Did you notice anything else then? How about now, looking back at it? Further: where did this experience go? Where is the awareness or the witness now? Where is the experience/awareness and where are you? What could you truly say about the "I"? Investigate.
Then look to see where the fear comes from and what is that about.
When it is hard to go deeper, practice brings clarity. It may take time.
Dogboy: the answer is silence. 
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interpaul
USA
525 Posts |
Posted - Jan 20 2023 : 6:40:52 PM
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Walter,Always enjoy your sharings. Very thought provoking. Your story sounds like an out of body experience. I've been considering astral projection as another way to reassure my anxiety about the finiteness of this lifetime. A patient of mine who was dying of cancer gained a deep sense of peace in his astral journeys confirming the multidimmensional world we live in. I suspect my fear as experieneced in this most recent experience will ease as I broaden my experiences.
Dogboy, Thank you. Yes, no distress so I'm proceeding down the path.
Blanche, Always appreciate your wisdom. Yes, the witness seems to be more present since and my practices feels deeper. Despite an intensification of marital discord my ability to witness and discern seems much stronger. I do sense a period of growth. The temporary dissociative experience in retrospect is not as alarming realizing how quickly I was able to return when needed. I imagine there are parallels with astral projecting here. Being comfortable knowing you can return to your body allows for the exploration. It also fits with my experience of hypnosis. Granting myself permission to let go and go into trance, knowing I can safely return at any time is reassuring. I suspect my fear is related to the premature awakening I experience on psylocybin as I had no control and was forced into a scary dissociative state for hours. |
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who am I?
