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Bfoxowl
USA
13 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 26 2022 : 12:28:52 AM
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Greetings,
My name is Bfoxowl and this is my first post on the AYP site. I have been using AYP DM since mid-March 2022. I incrementally added SBP, asanas, tantra and samyama (in that order) over what I thought was a reasonable, self-paced amount of time. At its peak my practice regimen consisted 15 min. asanas, 10 minutes spinal breathing, 20 minutes deep meditation and 10 minutes samyama, twice/day. Things felt like they were progressing well w/ lots of bliss, ecstasy, sometimes wonderful scents, and also automatic yoga happening somewhat even before I began incorporating samyama. However, a few weeks ago my partner and I left on a month-long road trip and this threw off my whole routine. Also, the energy was getting VERY big, i.e. orgasmic incapacitating waves throughout the day, and my partner became concerned and we quarreled about whether or not it was good for me. I was adamant I had found what I had been looking for my entire life, but now I'm not so sure... I tried shortening my routine to just 10 minutes of deep meditation once or twice/day for a few days. Now I'm not doing any practices and I'm struggling with insomnia and brain fog. At night when I'm trying to sleep sometimes my attention parks on the energy waves behind my eyes and it makes it hard for me to relax. I'm concerned that I've done permanent damage to my brain and nervous system. I'm also sad because I feel like I've gone from full-on heaven in my experience to hell. Part of me wants to try and go at a much slower pace when I get back home from my trip, but another part of me is frightened. If any of you have any advice, words of support, etc. I'd really appreciate it. I found the questions below in another thread and will answer them. Thank you so much for your time and consideration.
1. What are your symptoms and how long have you had them? Are your symptoms primarily physical, psychological, or both?
Physical and psychological. One week of sleep struggle, sometimes insomnia. Also brain fog. Feeling anxious, sad and a bit depressed.
2. Are your symptoms ongoing, or intermittent? If intermittent, when are they most likely to occur -- during what kind of activity and/or time of the day? Is your sleep affected?
Psychological symptoms fluctuate, ongoing to intermittent. Sleep has been affected with two nights of total insomnia. Quality of sleep has reduced considerably and I had to cancel a day of work as a result. I'm currently having to sleep outside in our tent because we're camping which is less than ideal. My insomnia started the first night I had to sleep outside. I've tried incorporating CBD and sleepy time tea and it helps a little. Trying to stay away from sugar and stimulants.
3. Do you consider your situation with kundalini to be the result of spiritual practices, or do you regard it to be spontaneous?
A result of practices
4. What sort of spiritual practices have you been engaged in, if any? How long? How often? Are you aware that excessive spiritual practice can aggravate kundalini, often with a delayed reaction?
Four-months of AYP, twice/day. Asanas, SBP, DM & Samyama at my peak.
5. Do you consider yourself to be “sensitive” to spiritual practices? If so, with what practices, and what sort of measures have you taken to accommodate your sensitivity?
I guess I am sensitive as I had what felt like an awakening of ecstasy one-month into my AYP DM practice.
6. Do you think drugs have contributed to your kundalini situation?
I have not used cannabis or any other substances since I began meditation. 4+ months sober. Prior to starting DM I used cannabis periodically.
7. Have you experienced traumatic events in your life that may have a bearing on your current symptoms?
Possibly. I was in a spiritual group that ended badly several years ago and I'm currently visiting where I used to live when I was in it. Some developmental trauma from my childhood. History of struggle with addiction.
8. Is your sexual lifestyle affecting your symptoms? Are you aware that obsessively limiting sexual release can increase kundalini energy and symptoms?
I was avoiding release of semen during the peak of my practices, and experimenting with tantra with my partner. Full disclosure, I masturbated earlier today to try to bring the energies down.
9. What is your general diet? Are you aware that a lighter diet can stimulate kundalini?
Mostly vegetables, fruits, meats, nuts, chocolate. Very little grain or dairy.
10. Do you engage in moderate exercise regularly, like walking, yard work, etc? Are you aware that regular exercise can help stabilize ("ground") kundalini symptoms?
I try to walk every day, 15-20 minutes around my house and have taken longer daily walks on my current vacation. I used to go to the gym to lift weights but my asana practice took precedence. Also, I'm currently out of town.
11. Are you a highly devotional person? Are you aware that excessive devotional activity, satsang or spiritual study can aggravate an active kundalini?
I was strict in my devotion until my situation erupted a few weeks ago. I have a history of some OCD which could contribute to how regular I can be in routine.
12. Are you engaged in ordinary daily activities like a job, school, family, parenting, social activity, service to others? Are you aware that such activities, undertaken without spiritual intention or expectations, can help ground excessive kundalini energies?
I have clients 3 days/week. I'm connecting with my partner and friends as much as I can. If I were home I'd be mowing, gardening, working around the house, etc. as well. I'm trying to hike every day while I'm out of town.
13. Have you been examined and treated by a medical doctor or mental health professional for your symptoms in the past? If so, what was the result?
I've met with a therapist in the past for anxiety, depression and trauma and it was helpful. I may have had a kundalini awakening experience in my early twenties brought on by stress and drugs.
14. Are there other factors and/or measures you are taking in relation to your situation that are not covered above?
I don't think so.
15. Optional: What is your approximate age (teen, 20s, 30s, 40s,
etc.)? What is your gender? We ask because the manifestation of kundalini symptoms can be affected by these factors.
I'm a 44-year old cisgender male |
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Dogboy
USA
2195 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2022 : 03:52:23 AM
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Welcome BFoxowl
Sorry to hear of your troubles, and thanks for filling out the questionnaire. If you just started in March, it seems like you added practices way too rapidly in four months. You have experienced how powerful these simple practices can be, and it seems that chasing, and attaching to bliss, have thrown you off course. The usual advice in this situation is to dial way back on your routine, and ground, ground, ground. ( https://aypsite.org/69.html ) Your history of OCD and addiction tendencies suggest you may be prone to overdoing in general. Be mindful of this going forward, and slow the progression of re-adding practices once you are feeling more stable.
Luckily you enjoy nature and being in it, for this is a great way to ground. I would stop all practices while on your vacation and be content with exploring ways to stabilize (socializing, forsaking withholding semen and other spiritual endeavors, heavier diet, etc) Also, try not to ruminate too much on insomnia because that action feeds upon itself. Sometimes you can still feel rested on little sleep by mimicking the cadence of deep sleep breathing; by dissolving (releasing) thoughts in your head as they come up; by consciously and slowly relaxing your body starting at your feet and working upward. Hopefully surrendering in this way will get you back to sleeping better.
Once you are feeling stable and the brain fog has lifted, only then should you restart your routine, perhaps just five minutes of SBP and ten minutes of DM once a day and leave it at that for at least a month, and then increase this slim practice to twice a day if you are stable. Samyama should not be added until you can safely sustain twenty minutes of twice daily DM for months on end, when you find confidence in Witness, when your insomnia has resolved itself, when you feel confirmation you are experiencing and accessing inner silence.
You are still a young man and have decades before you. There really is not reason to rush the process, especially after this recent episode. Respect yourself, respect this powerful, transformative process. Build a solid foundation for your temple. |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1532 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2022 : 06:37:20 AM
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Dear BFoxOwl,
Dogboy has given you excellent advice above - take a break from practices and ground. I wanted to add a line to hopefully help you cope with the fear. I take it Fear is arising intensely (?) on its own in the belly - try not to drown in it but to witness it for what it is - just another feeling called Fear, very painful but it will not kill you. Look at it, recognise it, don't entertain it. Close your eyes and go to sleep! 
Wishing you inner strength and patience.
Sey  |
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interpaul
USA
525 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2022 : 08:04:25 AM
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| Bfoxowl, I just wanted to add I also experienced some real fear early on in my AYP practices. I also pushed too quickly and overloaded with energy. You jumped into things very fast. Yogani repeatedly cautions to take your time. I believe he recommends having a stable deep meditation practice for many months before introducing SBP. I dialed things back after a couple panic attacks and restarted slower without problems thereafter. I'm now over 3 years into it and have come to appreciate the necessity of honoring Yogani's guidance. Since this is a self paced practice the burden falls on each of us. I have come to trust Yogani has chosen his words carefully. Whenever I favor his suggestions over my own ego things go better. I suggest regrouping after things settle down and start by rereading the lessons and follow his recommendations and you will benefit from smoother sailing the second time around. |
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Bfoxowl
USA
13 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2022 : 8:33:40 PM
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Dear Dogboy, Sey & interpaul,
Thank you all so much for your thoughtful and personal responses! I really appreciate your experience and support with what I'm going through. Hearing from others who have experience with these things is truly priceless  . In retrospect, I wish I had reached out in the beginning for some advice rather than in the throes of personal crisis. I plan to put everything down for a while until this storm passes and really ground in the meantime. It's super humbling to face how prone I am to overdoing things in my life and to meet the consequences of my own self-misattunement once again. I fall and I get up and try again. I'm taking in that this experience is not going to kill me; I can pick it up again in a more slow and structured way someday; I have time; advice around fear; self-pacing; re-reading lessons, etc. I appreciate you all! Thanks for being here! All my best to you. |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1730 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2022 : 9:48:28 PM
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Hello Bfoxowl
You have received excellent advice. One detail to add: Chocolate stimulates kundalini energy, especially combined with a light diet (fruit and veg).
Lesson 422 can be helpful too.
Best wishes to you |
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Bfoxowl
USA
13 Posts |
Posted - Jul 27 2022 : 05:28:26 AM
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| Thank you BlueRaincoat! I appreciate the advice, lesson link and dietary suggestion. I'll do my best to avoid chocolate and try to eat a heavier diet for a while. Best wishes to you, too. |
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Bfoxowl
USA
13 Posts |
Posted - Jul 27 2022 : 11:59:17 PM
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| Would any of you who have experienced something like this be able to share how long it took for things to re-stabilize in your body? I know we're all unique individuals and our bodies and timelines are different but any thoughts or comments would be appreciated. Thank you. |
Edited by - Bfoxowl on Jul 28 2022 12:24:25 AM |
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interpaul
USA
525 Posts |
Posted - Jul 28 2022 : 05:47:59 AM
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| Bfoxowl, It's been a few years now so memory has a way of distorting. As I recall things for me often settled down within days of reducing practices but the stable place where I felt less worried about re-experiencing took a few months. Fear is not rational. Once triggered it creates a very different anticipatory energy as you know. It takes time to trust you won't go back into that state once experienced. I think PTSD and panic attacks both share this type of fear of the return of the uncomfortable experience. I would be careful with cannabis especially if you've ever had anxiety while high as it can trigger fear if you are in a state of kundalini excess. |
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Bfoxowl
USA
13 Posts |
Posted - Jul 29 2022 : 8:57:55 PM
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interpaul,
Thanks for sharing your experience and I appreciate the caution around using cannabis. I was thinking about trying it during the day to see if it would make me more sleepy at night but decided against it. I used melatonin the past two nights and was able to achieve some deeper REM sleep with dreams and that was helpful. However, the melatonin has left me feeling groggy in the morning so I think I'm just going to have to ride this kundalini wave until it settles without complicating things with other substances. Last night I had a dream I was driving a car and suddenly the engine died and it slowly came to a stop. Hopefully my body is not telling me that I've done some irreparable damage to it. I'm going to go with the interpretation that I'm overheated and just need to cool down for a while. I also know what you mean about fear. The anticipation of a future occurrence is the worst part.
Thanks again for your time and support. |
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Bfoxowl
USA
13 Posts |
Posted - Aug 15 2022 : 01:55:34 AM
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Hello all,
Can anyone please comment on why the pressure and energy I'm feeling behind my eyes and towards the top of my head/crown is so big? It feels like my ajna chakra is pulsing and has a gravity inside it which pulls down slightly and there's some slight tingling spreading out from the center of my head. This is one of the hardest parts for me right now about trying to relax and fall asleep at night. It must be kundalini and if I'm not doing any practices right now, and still just focused on grounding, will these energy currents eventually subside or will they always be moving like this? Or will they remain there until I pick up practices again?
Some things I'm trying to do consistently every day for support are putting my bare feet on the ground, take long walks, utilize tapping for anxiety relief with Emotion Freedom Technique (EFT), take supplements like magnesium, L-theanine, etc., homeopathic "Sleep Fix" with microdoses of melatonin, and long soaks at night in a hot epsom salt bath. Does all of this seem OK?
On a final note, one of my friends suggested I submerge my head in water and do some smudging around my crown to help with the energy. Is this OK to do?
Thanks for your time and consideration with my questions. |
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Christi
United Kingdom
4369 Posts |
Posted - Aug 15 2022 : 5:01:48 PM
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Hi Bfoxowl,
These are all quite normal experiences that can accompany a kundalini awakening. It is nothing to worry about. There are various energetic channels and energetic centres in the region of the head, and these are activating. The experiences will change gradually, over time and eventually you will think nothing of them. Treat them all as scenery on the path.
As for the other things you are doing to help you relax and feel comfortable, if they are helping then that is great. Water is grounding, so swimming in the sea, or in rivers or lakes is great. Taking showers and baths is also grounding. And drinking plenty of water is helpful.
Christi |
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Bfoxowl
USA
13 Posts |
Posted - Aug 15 2022 : 10:21:20 PM
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Hi Christi,
Thanks so much for normalizing this experience. It's an enormous relief to hear I need not worry and that it is part of a normal process. I will endeavor to treat it as scenery, keep grounding and get in water where I can. Thank you again!
Bfoxowl |
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Bfoxowl
USA
13 Posts |
Posted - Aug 31 2022 : 12:45:54 AM
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Hello all,
I hope you're well. I'm writing again because I'm experiencing a lot of fear and sadness around my kundalini awakening. I fear that this discomfort and struggle to sleep is never going to end for me and that I've awakened something that I was not in the least bit prepared for in my life even though my devotion was strong. Is kundalini forever awake once it has been stirred from slumber? Do I have no choice now but to do yoga for the rest of my life if/once this kundalini overload ever lets me sleep again? Right now I'm not sure I have the desire to ever get back into practices after what I've been going through. Again, thanks for any thoughts, shared experiences, etc. you may have.
Warmly,
Bfoxowl |
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Christi
United Kingdom
4369 Posts |
Posted - Aug 31 2022 : 11:27:40 AM
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Hi Bfoxowl,
Sorry to hear you are still having difficulties.
To answer your question, once kundalini is awakened in a person, it can fall back asleep again and become dormant. This will happen if people do no spiritual practices. I know this, because it happened to me. I lost interest in spiritual practices for a while and kundalini fell asleep. Then I experienced a second energetic awakening, many years later.
So, no, you do not need to practice yoga for the rest of your life. Practicing yoga is always a choice that we make.
I know that insomnia is very hard to cope with, and is possibly the most difficult of the kundalini symptoms to deal with. My advice would be to ground, ground, ground. Take any opportunity you can to walk, swim in the lakes and rivers and oceans, look after your garden, or someone else's garden, clean the house etc. In your situation I would be spending three or four hours a day walking and swimming.
It does sound as if you are experiencing a premature crown chakra opening, which can be difficult to handle. The crown chakra is an unstable chakra and when open, can cause huge amounts of prana to flow up through the body. Feeling intense pressure on the top of your head is one of the symptoms of a prematurely activated crown chakra.
You may find these lessons useful:
Lesson 201 - The Drama of a Premature Crown Opening
Lesson 199 - Managing the Opening of the Crown
Lesson 287 - Crown Strategy and Kundalini
And this lesson addition:
199.1 - Cracking Open the Top of the Head
Christi |
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Bfoxowl
USA
13 Posts |
Posted - Sep 02 2022 : 04:06:07 AM
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Hi Christi,
Thanks so much for sharing your experience. It's so reassuring to hear that I won't be forever afflicted by this overload and that it can eventually go back down, and also that I have a choice to re-engage with it later if I wish. Much, much later. I feel a lot less scared now and I believe I'm getting a good grounding regimen in place. My partner and I installed a grounding rod in our back garden and I've been spending lots of time with my feet on the grounding mat and holding a wrench we connected to it while I sleep. It's helping a great deal. I am also going for lots of walks, I just reactivated my gym membership and I'm eating heavier meals more often throughout the day. More sleep is actually happening now and it feels like a miracle. I will never take sleep for granted again after this. Hot showers before bed along with magnesium and L-tryptophan are helping too. Thank you for being there and responding when I reach out, and also for sharing these lessons. I really appreciate it and look forward to reading.
Warmly,
Brandon |
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Christi
United Kingdom
4369 Posts |
Posted - Sep 02 2022 : 10:54:49 AM
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Bfoxowl
USA
13 Posts |
Posted - Sep 12 2022 : 9:43:54 PM
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Hello all,
I am very scared to ask this, but is it possible that something bad or evil might have attached itself to me by doing these practices too much and too fast? I ask because sometimes mean things will pop into my head when I look at my partner (like calling her "****ing bitch" or "ugly") and also racial slurs when I look at a person of color. These thoughts are extremely jarring and when I've shared with others that I've experienced them they give me feedback like "that's not you." Is this something to do with the kundalini overload, premature crown opening, my shadow, my unconscious, etc., or am I possessed? Thanks for your thoughts on this.
Warmly,
Bfoxowl |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1532 Posts |
Posted - Sep 13 2022 : 06:38:49 AM
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It can happen that a lot of ugliness arises from our darker aspects to be purified. The best thing is to simply observe - shining the Light of Awareness on it - but not believing in those kind of thoughts and/or acting on them. No need to feel guilty about having them either. They are not you /not from you. Drop the fear and be amused by the nonsense that the mind can come up. "Is that so?" and letting them pass by is the best reaction.
Sey |
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Dogboy
USA
2195 Posts |
Posted - Sep 14 2022 : 02:48:41 AM
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| Irritability can be a sign you have overloaded, and may need to dial back the amount of practices for a short while. Like Sey says, you are not your thoughts, and when these pop up, best to keep them inside and examine them, because you don’t want to involve others in this “fake news”. |
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Bfoxowl
USA
13 Posts |
Posted - Sep 15 2022 : 02:19:09 AM
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Thank you Sey and Dogboy. I appreciate your responses and also for normalizing the experience. I was really getting freaked out that I was possessed by some demon but it does make sense that if excess purification is happening in our neurobiology that it can inevitably bump up against darker aspects of self. It makes me think of an adaptive strategy I employed while growing up in my family where it wasn't really safe to get angry. In order to keep my father's rage at bay I had to be the "good boy" and keep my own rage well out of reach...
Much obliged! |
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Bfoxowl
USA
13 Posts |
Posted - Oct 13 2022 : 11:21:54 PM
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Hi everyone,
I wanted to write and give an update about my situation and see if anyone had any further suggestions or insight about how long this is going to take. I am still continuing to refrain from any AYP practices due to an intense overload back in July. The only practices I am doing are from a Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) class I am taking. Is this OK to do or could it actually aggravate the problem (things like settling into breath awareness, labeling thoughts, labeling feelings, body scan, etc.)?
I am gathering from previous posts and an email exchange with Christi that I am experiencing a premature opening of the crown and it is the hardest thing I've ever gone through. Sometimes I even wonder if I'll be able to survive it. Energy is pushing up into the top of my head at varying rates and intensities. If anyone has any personal experience with this I would appreciate hearing from you about how you got through it and also how long it took. It is frequently hellish. The ugly intrusive thought trains are particularly painful and can make it especially hard to sleep. I am trying to take long walks every day, lift weights, eat heavier foods, refrain from all substances and stimulants (except kombucha and honey), sit with my feet on a grounding mat, work outside, have boundaries with screens to promote sleep, take calming things like GABA, L-theanine, Ashwagandha, etc., drink lots of water... I am considering going on an antidepressant and also something for sleep because my mood is low, anxiety is high and sleep is a crapshoot every night. I have to work with people for my job and this is seriously taking a toll on my ability and confidence to do so.
Is this my permanent hell? I am a highly sensitive person and I think I'm probably too sensitive for these AYP practices. It makes me feel so sad because all I was trying to do was help myself and now I'm in a deep hole. Please let me know if there is any light at the end of this tunnel. Thank you.
Warmly,
Bfoxowl |
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Walter
United Kingdom
41 Posts |
Posted - Oct 24 2022 : 12:19:10 AM
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Hello Bfoxowl
I was very sorry to learn of your problems and am concerned for your well being.
While not as qualified as the previous responders to your calls for help, it seems to me you should temporarily leave off your AYP practices completely and take up some totally absorbing new hobbies for a while (e.g., climbing, table tennis, bridge, chess, carpentry, etc. etc., the list is endless, camping, even getting away from it all to exotic places, all depending on your circumstances, of course) so as to divert your nervous system from its present manifestations, preoccupations and propensities until firmer grounding is achieved. At that stage,you could start your AYP practices again very gently and work up slowly.
As a member of an older generation, I firmly hold to the view that all things are transient, but that one has to seek help at times, professional (medical, psychological, physical) when needed, and also to help oneself where one can. The well-known prayer is relevant: Lord,grant me the courage to change what I can change, the serenity to accept what I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.
I join with everyone else in hoping to have news of better times soon.
Warmest wishes,
Walter.
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Christi
United Kingdom
4369 Posts |
Posted - Oct 24 2022 : 10:57:58 AM
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Hi Bfoxowl,
Sorry to hear that you are still having difficulties. When kundalini is active and we are experiencing symptoms of energetic overload, any spiritual practices can aggravate the situation. This would include mindfulness of the breath, labelling thoughts and feelings, and body scanning techniques. So, it is best to avoid these things until things settle down for you.
As for how long it will take, that is an impossible question to answer. It does sound as if you may have damaged your subtle nervous system through drug taking. This can leave people in a vulnerable position, and it is impossible to know what kind of effect that had.
In your situation I would spend a lot of time walking every day, possibly two hours or more. I would avoid all spiritual practices, including mindfulness practices. I would avoid all drugs including alcohol, tobacco and weed. And I would avoid strict celibacy. I would also eat heavier foods for a while, such as pasta, potatoes and rice, as well as nutritious foods such as vegetables, fruits and salads.
Christi |
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Blanche
USA
859 Posts |
Posted - Oct 24 2022 : 2:14:11 PM
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Hi Bfoxowl,
Congratulations! You are in a process of transforming into a butterfly! Just joking, but the transformation is real. It takes time, depending on the state of your subtle body and karma. This process can be postponed, but ultimately it cannot be avoided. The more we allow it, accept it, and support it, the easier it gets.
Living a Sattvic pure life becomes now very important. Besides what Christi mentioned. make sure you get plenty of rest. Try to reduce stress and overwork - some people change jobs, and almost everybody simplifies their life to allow time and energy for this important transformation.
Other things to consider:
- Respect the yamas and niyamas (code of ethics).
- Honor the body.
- Surround yourself with loving people who support you and your spiritual life.
- Take care of yourself.
- Be true to yourself - your Higher Self.
- Be gentle with yourself.
- Breathe deeply, slowly, diaphragmatically.
- Pray for help and guidance if you feel inclined to do this.
- Adapt to your changing life.
Practice reaps benefit
When pursued for a long time
Without interruption and
With a positive attitude.
Yoga Sutra, I 14
This process of spiritual transformation is a great blessing.
Taking care of yourself, accepting and supporting the process of transformation is now your main practice.
The guru is in you.
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Kundalini overload support
