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jamuna
Australia
104 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 09 2020 : 06:53:17 AM
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Background:
I was previously a student of Self Realisation Fellowship (2 years), I then practiced AYP for approximately 2 years, during this time a awakened ecstatic conductivity, my practice was DM and Spinal breathing with mudras and bandas + Samyama. I took a 3 month break and went to a 10 day vipasana retreat. During this retreat I had an energetic awakening. My awakening was not tolerated by my nervous system. I felt like I had hyper sympathetic activation in my nervous system. This lead to a period of about 3 years of very bad anxiety and panic (the anxiety constantly diminished over the 3 year period, from 24/7 with little sleep to anxiety bouts lasting hours a couple of times a week). This was followed by period where I become a workaholic and engaged in some dissociative tendencies, it was actually useful in breaking the cycle. This ended with chronic fatigue and zero anxiety or panic being experienced. I have now been improving from chronic fatigue for about 18 months and I have started practices again. I am doing a breath with mantra meditation as taught by SRF, DM mantra meditation is too strong.
Issue:
I am about 7 weeks into practicing a daily or twice daily meditation practice. I am now noticing the sympathetic aspect of my nervous system
become activated again. It seems innapropriate as there is no external trigger to warrant sympathetic activation. I suspect the meditation is the cause. My guess is I need to retrain this response over a period of years through approaches like somatic experiencing. But I am posting here just to get some reflection and external perspective. I have found this very difficult to manage post energetic awakening, now it’s fine because it’s so small compared to before but I want to direct myself very carefully to avoid slowing my spiritual purification down too much and causing issues similar to first experience (very bad).
Additional information:
1. What are your symptoms and how long have you had them? Are your symptoms primarily physical, psychological, or both? Previous symptoms felt like nervous system would not calm down as the day went on, gradually become more sympathetic activated. Also very anxious, negative thinking. Nervous system hype comes first.
Symptoms now, dread feeling in gut, feeling of adrenaline and tension, tight jaw, sympathetic activation post meditation. No anxiety yet.
2. Are your symptoms ongoing, or intermittent? If intermittent, when are they most likely to occur -- during what kind of activity and/or time of the day? Is your sleep affected?
Previous symptoms where ongoing but had a rhythm. Least affected in morning, most affected around dusk. Sleep badly affected.
Current symptoms do not appear to have a cycle.
3. Do you consider your situation with kundalini to be the result of spiritual practices, or do you regard it to be spontaneous? Result of practice combined with issues with nervous system regulation being faulty.
4. What sort of spiritual practices have you been engaged in, if any? How long? How often? Are you aware that excessive spiritual practice can aggravate kundalini, often with a delayed reaction?
See intro.
Current practice.
Breath meditation with mantra, 20 min 1x per day.
5. Do you consider yourself to be “sensitive” to spiritual practices? If so, with what practices, and what sort of measures have you taken to accommodate your sensitivity? Yes I think I am sensitive, energy was activated quickly once started. I just avoid energy stimulating practices.
6. Do you think drugs have contributed to your kundalini situation? No.
7. Have you experienced traumatic events in your life that may have a bearing on your current symptoms? Maybe. Childhood was not as ideal as some alcoholic father, 6 kids. But had a decent time regardless. Notice a tendency to sympathetic, adrenalised reactions during life, seemed to crave adrenal stimulation, conflict etc. participated in boxing and other activities that triggered fight and flight on a regular basis. As young adult relationships tended to feel boring without conflict or some problem being present. Very low tolerance to feeling adrenal situations now.
8. Is your sexual lifestyle affecting your symptoms? Are you aware that obsessively limiting sexual release can increase kundalini energy and symptoms? I understand this. Not the cause imo.
9. What is your general diet? Are you aware that a lighter diet can stimulate kundalini? Current diet is heavy, grounding. Participated in fasting etc before energy awoke. Unable to fast at all now. Also stimulates very strong sympathetic response, can feel very dizzy, panicky etc.
10. Do you engage in moderate exercise regularly, like walking, yard work, etc? Are you aware that regular exercise can help stabilize ("ground") kundalini symptoms? Yes and yes.
11. Are you a highly devotional person? Are you aware that excessive devotional activity, satsang or spiritual study can aggravate an active kundalini? Yes, I am very committed to the path. Awakening has always been my number one priority although I have put it aside when required or unable to practice.
12. Are you engaged in ordinary daily activities like a job, school, family, parenting, social activity, service to others? Are you aware that such activities, undertaken without spiritual intention or expectations, can help ground excessive kundalini energies? Yes working atm.
13. Have you been examined and treated by a medical doctor or mental health professional for your symptoms in the past? If so, what was the result? Yes. Diagnosed with PTSD, general anxiety disorder. Doctors think my mind is the issue, my experience is hyper stimulation precedes mental anguish. I can tell how wired my system is. When it’s calm I never get anxiety even in trying situations. Had no history of anxiety before awakening.
14. Are there other factors and/or measures you are taking in relation to your situation that are not covered above? Not off the top of my head.
15. Optional: What is your approximate age (teen, 20s, 30s, 40s, etc.)? What is your gender? We ask because the manifestation of kundalini symptoms can be affected by these factors. I’m 36. Awakening happened at 28. Started practice in earnest at 24. Practiced meditation from childhood though had a few stints as teenager also that was reasonably consistent and duration. All doing SRF breath and mantra meditation. |
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Dogboy
USA
2195 Posts |
Posted - Jan 09 2020 : 12:02:20 PM
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Welcome back, Jamuna 
As you have over a hundred posts, I assume you were active here early in your practice. Sorry to hear about your history, and I’ve never experienced premature awakening so I can’t advise other than your bio suggests you’ve educated yourself well in regards to self pacing and grounding on a continual basis. You are half my age, and have many many years of yoga experience and opportunity before you, so I encourage you to keep taking leisurely pace toward liberation.
You might be entering a second phase of awakening, who knows for sure, but I have to believe you are in a stronger place spiritually having a vast amount of experience from the first, so perhaps it wouldn’t be anywhere as troublesome? Energy follows intention and attention, so you should (as much as even possible) not focus or worry too intently on new symptoms. You must have some grounding practice you favor (mine is yard work, water immersion, and interacting with others) for those energetic symptoms.
I understand service to others is another way to vent excessive symptoms, giving instead of receiving 
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jamuna
Australia
104 Posts |
Posted - Jan 09 2020 : 2:28:23 PM
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Hi Dogboy,
Thanks for your reply.
I agree with everything you have mentioned.
Intuitively I have a path forward which involved learning to retrain my bodies tendency to enter fight or flight combined with grounding. That being said I posted in case someone has experience of moving through a similar issue/ obstruction. I suspect someone well versed in trauma, or similar who has worked through this might have some extra information that could assist me.
Cheers |
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Restarting Spiritual Practices after overload.
