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uniath
Finland
30 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 12 2019 : 11:12:43 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Charliedog
quote:
So yes, I believe the simple practices we do here impact not just the self, but the Self.
I use the AYP heart-breathing practice during some daily moments. Since Love became my Ishtha, this practice feels as a doorway for Healing. Breathing in the Love of the Universe and breathing out, letting go the suffering of all beings.....
Lokah, Samastah, Sukhino, Bhavantu  
Thank you for a reminder of this lesson. I've been looking for gentle ways of bringing that quality of ecstatic bliss, that is ever-increasing in practices, to be an abiding part of daily life. Perhaps this, alongside with increased role of service, is just what is needed at the moment.
I find that oftentimes, especially when in company of others, third eye begins to vibrate and attention is naturally drawn to the third eye and beyond. This is associated with blissful sensations in various parts(especially frontal) of the brain. Perhaps heart-breathing at such times, would be ideal for the purification of the heart. |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1532 Posts |
Posted - Nov 07 2019 : 12:22:26 AM
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Dear all,
I feel loss. It is hard to put into words. I am scattered, thin, practically non-existent. I tell myself I should rally my personality and go out and be useful in the world but to what purpose? I can't find my Will. I am neither here nor there. Part of me feels I should do something, another part of me (right now the stronger part) ignores this with "it is being done". Could this be a rarer symptom of overload? My practices are very moderate - once a day, just the basics. Or is it just an in-between phase?
Would appreciate feedback from others who have been there or going through similar. It's a recurring theme with me but I still feel that way...
Sey
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Nov 07 2019 : 02:01:20 AM
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Sey,
I haven't been there, but you know I love you.
Let's talk,
Lori |
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sunyata
USA
1505 Posts |
Posted - Nov 07 2019 : 09:34:12 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by SeySorciere
Dear all,
I feel loss. It is hard to put into words. I am scattered, thin, practically non-existent. I tell myself I should rally my personality and go out and be useful in the world but to what purpose? I can't find my Will. I am neither here nor there. Part of me feels I should do something, another part of me (right now the stronger part) ignores this with "it is being done". Could this be a rarer symptom of overload? My practices are very moderate - once a day, just the basics. Or is it just an in-between phase?
Would appreciate feedback from others who have been there or going through similar. It's a recurring theme with me but I still feel that way...
Sey
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Edited by - sunyata on Nov 08 2019 06:09:36 AM |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1532 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2019 : 12:14:19 AM
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I am trying to get an answer to something far more fundamental here, not really looking for practical advice. You lovely people have given me plenty of those; not your fault if it's not working. After some private discussions with dear Lalow, I can perhaps better express it.
Will is felt as a contraction of personality that is pushed outwards towards a goal. After years of purification through, little ego-self (personal preferences) has dissolved to a large extent... then you're what? Candle blowing in the wind? Stillness dancing with no influence or preference? And we should be ok with that?
I find I am not ok with that (yet), but can't go back... I cannot find something to grasp, to hold on to. It's no gravity. I understand this is where our journey takes us but there was supposed to be joy and bliss and a natural acceptance of this way of operating.
If others who have gone through this process would be willing to honestly share, it would help. Thank you Charliedog for sharing. I live in nature. "Spending time in nature" is a city thing 
It's rainy season here and a pair of mating frogs have taken up residence in my garden and keeping me up at night for the past week. They were cute at first, now I am ready to hunt them down.
When do we surrender and when do we proactively engage?
Sey
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1532 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2019 : 02:01:53 AM
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I just found this in the Gitanjali by Tagore
LET only that little bit left of me whereby I may name thee my all.
Let only that little bit left of my will whereby I may feel thee on every side, and come to
thee in everything, and offer to thee my love every moment.
Let only that little bit left of me whereby I may never hide thee.
Let only that little of my fetters be left whereby I am bound with thy will, and thy purpose
is carried out in my life; and that is the fetter of thy love.
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Edited by - SeySorciere on Nov 17 2019 02:20:30 AM |
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Christi
United Kingdom
4363 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2019 : 08:12:55 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by SeySorciere
I am trying to get an answer to something far more fundamental here, not really looking for practical advice. You lovely people have given me plenty of those; not your fault if it's not working. After some private discussions with dear Lalow, I can perhaps better express it.
Will is felt as a contraction of personality that is pushed outwards towards a goal. After years of purification through, little ego-self (personal preferences) has dissolved to a large extent... then you're what? Candle blowing in the wind? Stillness dancing with no influence or preference? And we should be ok with that?
I find I am not ok with that (yet), but can't go back... I cannot find something to grasp, to hold on to. It's no gravity. I understand this is where our journey takes us but there was supposed to be joy and bliss and a natural acceptance of this way of operating.
If others who have gone through this process would be willing to honestly share, it would help. Thank you Charliedog for sharing. I live in nature. "Spending time in nature" is a city thing
It's rainy season here and a pair of mating frogs have taken up residence in my garden and keeping me up at night for the past week. They were cute at first, now I am ready to hunt them down.
When do we surrender and when do we proactively engage?
Sey
Hi Sey,
All of this is in the realm of Self-inquiry practice. There are no actual answers to your questions, but when inner silence is present, we can begin to discriminate between things and find out what leads to joy and peace.
So, when things arise, we can ask: "Will this lead to greater joy and peace if I act on it, or will it lead to greater joy and peace if I surrender it?". And we might find that we get it wrong sometimes. In general, actions that have a selfless motive will lead to greater joy and love and actions that have a selfish motive will lead to increased suffering and pain. So, we will naturally want to let go of actions which have a contracted motivation and we will be drawn to actions that have an expansive and selfless motivation.
This naturally spills-over into service to others. So, we begin to ask: "What can I do to help others today?", or "What actions can I take to make the world a better place?". It is a natural progression from the cultivation of inner-silence, to Self-inquiry and service to others, to stillness in action, to outpouring Divine love in the world.
So, there is a point in the process of enlightenment where we stop asking: "What can I get from this?" and begin asking: "What more can I do to help others?". That is the crossing-over that we make.
In terms of the evolution of the mind, the stage where we are asking if an action will be beneficial for ourselves and others or not, is called "discrimination" or Viveka in Sanskrit. In the beginning it can feel quite difficult and cumbersome as we can be constantly questioning everything that arises in the mind. But at some point, this process becomes automatic. As we progressively let go of selfish actions, there is an expansion that takes place in the mind and we begin to automatically choose to act for the benefit of all in every situation. This stage is called "dispassion" or vairagya in Sanskrit. In the stage of vairagya, we are no longer making decisions, but simply acting from a place of stillness and love. An energy is moving through us and causing us to act in the world.
Samyama practice also plays a big part in this whole process, because the practice is about releasing into stillness, which is exactly what begins to happen automatically, as we enter the stage of vairagya. Everything is relased into stillness and those things that will be beneficial for the world become manifest.
The stage beyond vairagya, is unity, or yoga.
You may find these lessons useful:
Lesson 327 - The Evolutionary Stages of Mind
Lesson 120 - "Getting Enlightenment"
Practices for Moving Beyond the Witness Stage
Addition 350.1 - The Witness in Relation to Self-Inquiry
You may also find Yogani's book on liberation useful.
Christi |
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kumar ul islam
United Kingdom
791 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2019 : 2:31:18 PM
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the human experience
lets talk of metaphors and rivers and seeds
wear our badges of which we maybe pleased
place ourselves upon a cross
count our blessings or mark our loss
in every which way we turn and see
the light of intellect shows us what to be
candles in the wind without they are still
how remarkable to be human and half way up the hill
it reminds of the grand old duke
evolution creation or maybe a fluke
half way up or all the down
with our tied on millstones watch out you dont drown
you should never ever be content
the will continues its hell bent
on being born on life then death
drawing the human to the ultimate depths
the ocean has tides it ebbs and flows
from the rise of joy to the poets prose
after years of this that do last
its so easy to be forgetful how you felt in the past
lost in space might help to describe
when searching for truth was sure to inbibe
a sense of longing a devotion true
when you knew who was what and what was you
now the dawn has come and the true light appears
it becomes apparent its years upon years
days upon days nights upon nights
the perciever renounces but still delights
is it stillness dancing without music or tune
lifes human experience without gods or boon
maybe we all need to listen the croak of frog
a language in secret to dispel the mental fog
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interpaul
USA
524 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2019 : 3:05:25 PM
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| SeySorciere, I am new to this forum and certainly not in a position to share wisdom from this practice. Being in my 50s I definitely get frustrated with myself expecting I should be in a different place emotionally/spiritually than I am. I'm not sure if I believe in multiple incarnations, but if reincarnation is true, it would suggest we all are on this very challenging path of enlightenment. You do bring up a really important point, that is, when you achieve something, like dissolving the ego, does that ultimately lead to peace. People who want to astral project often freak out when they successfully leave their body if they aren't prepared. In my recent explorations with SBP/DM I am now feeling more ecstatic energy. Yogani talks of it being like a constant orgasm throughout ones body, I find it a bit distracting at times. Your ongoing inquiry is great and I appreciate being able to learn from you as you've shared your progress over years. It seems like few people truly reach enlightenment here but I sense many of the regulars on this forum have found a place of deeper peace. Good luck on your journey. I enjoy seeing your posts. |
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Dogboy
USA
2192 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2019 : 6:36:15 PM
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quote:
now the dawn has come and the true light appears
it becomes apparent its years upon years
days upon days nights upon nights
the perciever renounces but still delights
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1730 Posts |
Posted - Nov 09 2019 : 12:21:33 PM
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1532 Posts |
Posted - Nov 09 2019 : 9:51:37 PM
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Kumar - love the poem.
Sey |
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Nov 10 2019 : 11:31:17 AM
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| kumar is bringing it! Love it! |
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Blanche
USA
859 Posts |
Posted - Nov 11 2019 : 07:53:58 AM
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Hi Sey,
You know what it is happening: It is the place in-between. In my experience, before switching to a new level of consciousness, there is an emptying. Going back to knowing nothing, like a newborn. Everything I thought I knew, my beliefs, my thoughts, my ideas, my attachments had to be left behind. The deepest, most private fears have to be looked straight up, considered, and let go. The things that have been true until now are not true anymore. The “story of I” is just a story, a collection of moments. The “I” is just a made-up concept, socially learned. If I tried to struggle, to question this process, to resist, it became painful. It has been easier and easier to let go of everything, not because “I” know how to surrender, but because there is no alternative.
There has been some discomfort at times – how does one function? how to go on? how to be with others and in the world? Working to be comfortable with discomfort. To be comfortable not know what I am, what this is. Feeling like falling backwards, going on and going on, letting go, relaxing into it because there is no alternative, and then realizing that the backwards fall is just as much a flying up, without limits, without boundaries. There is a great bliss and joy to let go in the heart of holding the world together around an “I.” Bliss and joy to let things be as they are. Bliss and joy to just come to the show of the world without expectations. Bliss and joy to be nothing and become everything.
At some point, the sense of agency is gone. The “I” is not the doer, it has never been. After some time, it becomes obvious that something else is doing it all. It has been doing it all along. “I” does not do anything – nothing is happening. It was helpful during this time to just do what has to be done next, without judgements. Keep up the routine of life. Just be with the flow. Gradually, a strong sense of dharma clarifies and things do get easier.
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1532 Posts |
Posted - Nov 12 2019 : 12:32:57 AM
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Thank you so much Blanche. What you have written speaks to me. Very helpful.
quote:
..not because “I” know how to surrender, but because there is no alternative.
I have resigned myself to it (at the moment, I'm sure I will be back moaning soon enough ). Internal struggles and worrying about what my dharma should /will bring is not helpful. And there is no going back. I will just have to keep surrendering... knowing / not knowing; feeling purposeful /feeling useless. Such is the path.
Sey
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Blanche
USA
859 Posts |
Posted - Nov 12 2019 : 08:05:21 AM
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| Sey |
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Buffle37
Switzerland
79 Posts |
Posted - Nov 16 2019 : 11:06:26 AM
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Hi all
I read this thread with interest and want to share my experience, as I am also in the middle years with a little over 11 years of practice.
I discovered AYP in May 2008 and I remember going on holiday on the Mediterranean coast in June, passionately reading Volume 1 of the lessons and thinking to myself: "Oh yes, of course that's perfectly right. " I feel that all the pieces of the puzzle found their place.
With enthusiasm, I started many practices at the same time (deep meditation, spinal breathing, samyama, asanas + Tantric masturbation that I had already been practicing a few years following Mantak Chia‘s teaching). As a result, in October of the same year, I could no longer sleep because of the energy currents that were flowing through my body. Then during years of practice I never succeed to establish a stable platform. My self-pacing has been a succession of "stop and go". I practiced and then had to stop sometimes for a few days, sometimes for several weeks, but I always start again with perseverance. But I have to say that these events have never really handicapped me in daily life, although sometimes my wife tells me to stop as I was loosing my temper. (I have written a short text on this subject, Appendix 1).
During this period, I also had moments when I was very upset by recurring thoughts of frustration about everything I could have done in my life that I didn't do. I wrote a poem about it (Appendix 2).
Now, as I write these lines, everything has changed. It only took me a few months to feel the ecstatic conductivity, but more than 10 years to start to become a little aware of the inner silence and the witness. In the past few weeks, I have radically changed my practice. I have completely left out everything related to energy techniques and I only practice deep meditation and samyama. Before, when I practiced samyama, I used to fall asleep very often in the middle of the sutras to come back after 10/20 minutes without knowing where I was. Now it doesn't happen anymore and it has been replaced by great clarity and the sutras are released in stillness.
That's where I am today...
Didier
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Appendix 1- Kundalini - French
Oh Déesse ! Pourquoi joues-tu avec moi comme le chat avec une souris ?
La nuit, tu as d’abord pitié de moi et tu me laisses dormir 3 ou 4 heures, mais c’est pour mieux me réveiller et commencer ton jeu cruel.
Tu m’inondes de frissons d’extase, ton énergie courre en tous sens, dans ma colonne vertébrale, bien sûr, où tu joues avec mes vertèbres comme avec des osselets, dans mon ventre, mon sexe, ma poitrine. Tu n’arrêtes pas, je demande grâce, je voudrais dormir mais non, tu es impitoyable…
Quand parfois je m’endors un court instant, c’est pour faire des rêves absurdes, sans queue ni tête qui semblent poutant tout aussi réels que la vie même.
Que puis-je faire ?
Oh Déesse ! Déesse bien-aimée ! Je me résigne, j’accepte, fait de moi ce que tu veux, je m’abandonne. Que je ne sois plus qu’un jouet entre tes mains sacrées !
Il est 5 heures, le jour se lève, il est temps de reprendre une vie normale. Tout rentre dans l’ordre, l’énergie me laisse, comme une mer qui se retirerait à marée basse…
Jusqu’à la nuit suivante, où tout recommence…
04.06.2014
Translation
Oh Goddess! Why are you playing with me like the cat with a mouse?
At night, you first feel sorry for me and let me sleep for 3 or 4 hours, but it's to wake me up better and start your cruel game.
You inundate me with shivers of ecstasy, your energy runs in all directions, in my spine, of course, where you play with my vertebrae like with a game of knucklebones, in my stomach, my sex, my chest. You don't stop, I ask for mercy, I would like to sleep but no, you are ruthless...
When I sometimes fall asleep for a short while, it is to have absurd dreams, nonsenses that seem as real as life itself.
What can I do about it?
Oh Goddess! Beloved Goddess! I resign myself, I accept, do with me what you want, I abandon myself. May I be but a toy in your sacred hands!
It's 5:00 a. m., the day is coming up, it's time to get back to a normal life. Everything is back in order, the energy leaves me, like a sea that would retreat at low tide...
Until the next night, when everything starts all over again...
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Appendix 2 – en français- Nuit noire
Désirs inassouvis, pulsions insatisfaites,
Temps gâché, temps perdu, ombres de mes défaites.
La nuit vient qui s’étend, et c’est le temps qui passe.
Tristesse, déception, l’espoir, hélas, s’efface.
***
Dans ce chaos immonde où se trouve mon être ?
Pour quelle raison sur terre ai-je dû apparaître ?
Ce je, qui interroge et qui cherche sa route,
Trouvera-t-il un jour la réponse à ses doutes ?
Illusion, illusion, vais-je percer ton voile ?
Que faut-il faire enfin pour déchirer la toile ?
L’espoir est-il permis, l’angoisse seule est-elle reine ?
Désespoir au présent, ma vie est à la traîne.
Pourquoi, pourquoi chercher, s’il n’y a pas d’issue ?
Des efforts inutiles, s’il faut finir déçu.
Au fil des jours qui passent, le désespoir grandit.
Le cri poussé en vain se noie dans la chienlit.
***
Chercher, chercher encore, sans espoir, sans relâche,
Et la mort qui viendra me prendra à la tâche.
Octobre-décembre 2016
Translation :
Unsatisfied desires, unsatisfied impulses,
Time wasted, time ruined, shadows of my defeats.
Night is coming, time is passing.
Sadness, disappointment, alas, hope fades.
***
In this filthy chaos, where is my being?
Why, on earth, did I have to appear?
This I, who is questioning, and who is looking for his way,
Will he ever find the answer to his doubts?
Illusion, illusion, will I pierce your veil?
What finally needs to be done to tear the canvas?
Is hope allowed, is anxiety alone the only thing that matters?
Despair in the present, my life is lagging behind.
Why, why search, if there's no way out?
Unnecessary effort, if you have to end up disappointed.
As the days pass, despair grows.
The scream made in vain drowns in the mud.
***
Search, search again, without hope, without respite,
And the death that will come will take me to the task.
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Dogboy
USA
2192 Posts |
Posted - Nov 16 2019 : 9:55:11 PM
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quote:
Now, as I write these lines, everything has changed. It only took me a few months to feel the ecstatic conductivity, but more than 10 years to start to become a little aware of the inner silence and the witness. In the past few weeks, I have radically changed my practice. I have completely left out everything related to energy techniques and I only practice deep meditation and samyama. Before, when I practiced samyama, I used to fall asleep very often in the middle of the sutras to come back after 10/20 minutes without knowing where I was. Now it doesn't happen anymore and it has been replaced by great clarity and the sutras are released in stillness.
I’m about four years into ecstatic conductivity and these past few months I feel I “get it” better. To have the ability to read your body, get an energetic signature, and then move your body to feel release has been a game changer. I find I bring yoga into my day, always conscious how I am moving through space, carrying my weight, maintaining balance, or using my non-dominant side. I am playful and patient with my body.
How are you feeling physically in these Middle Years, Sey? |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1532 Posts |
Posted - Nov 17 2019 : 02:18:00 AM
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I did DM a whole year (perhaps more) before I moved to SBP, for the simple reason that my friend gave me the DM booklet and not the SBP one until a year later. I had little access to the internet back then and somehow, it did not cross my mind to check out the website. However, I find that was greatly beneficial. By the time I moved to SBP, I was well aware of the Witness /Inner Silence. I could from there, clearly see what the energetic practices did and could adjust accordingly. I was stable for 10 years, doing practically the whole gamut of practices.
So how do I feel physically after years of practice? Not doing so great in that area. I am obviously older, moving from a slender person to putting on some weight; went through menopause early (as a result of the practices, it would appear). Asanas is my weakness. I do not like physical activity. So sometimes, I feel a huge amount of energy that instead of flowing into the world is clogged up - when it gets too bad, then I throw in a couple of asana sessions.
Then a couple of tragedies threw me into instability practice-wise. I am slowly recovering from that but Christi also mentioned in a thread somewhere that we do not need a lot of practices (type of practice and longer duration) in the middle years; the flywheel effect is well established and you just keep topping up with the core practices.
Hope I have answered your question properly.
Sey
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Christi
United Kingdom
4363 Posts |
Posted - Nov 17 2019 : 05:32:19 AM
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quote:
Now, as I write these lines, everything has changed. It only took me a few months to feel the ecstatic conductivity, but more than 10 years to start to become a little aware of the inner silence and the witness. In the past few weeks, I have radically changed my practice. I have completely left out everything related to energy techniques and I only practice deep meditation and samyama. Before, when I practiced samyama, I used to fall asleep very often in the middle of the sutras to come back after 10/20 minutes without knowing where I was. Now it doesn't happen anymore and it has been replaced by great clarity and the sutras are released in stillness.
That's where I am today...
Hi Dider,
Good to hear from you. And thanks for sharing.
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Christi
United Kingdom
4363 Posts |
Posted - Nov 17 2019 : 05:41:42 AM
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quote:
So how do I feel physically after years of practice? Not doing so great in that area. I am obviously older, moving from a slender person to putting on some weight; went through menopause early (as a result of the practices, it would appear). Asanas is my weakness. I do not like physical activity. So sometimes, I feel a huge amount of energy that instead of flowing into the world is clogged up - when it gets too bad, then I throw in a couple of asana sessions.
Then a couple of tragedies threw me into instability practice-wise. I am slowly recovering from that but Christi also mentioned in a thread somewhere that we do not need a lot of practices (type of practice and longer duration) in the middle years; the flywheel effect is well established and you just keep topping up with the core practices.
Hi Sey,
It sounds as if you would do well to add an asana routine to the front of each practice session. Only doing sitting practices can lead to tamas building up, with a sense of frustration going along with it. If you have noticed that you have stagnant energy at times and that asanas shifts this, then that is a good indication of what is needed at this time.
It is true that there can be a flywheel effect coming in at a certain stage on the path, and that when that happens, we do not need to be "pushing on the pedals" as often as before. But, even when this is happening, we still need to be keeping an eye on self-pacing, which means increasing practices when necessary as well as cutting back when necessary. So, we are always looking to keep our practices at the right level, even if it is easier to do so, because of the increased energies flowing through the body and the natural inclination towards stillness that occurs.
Christi |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Nov 17 2019 : 08:53:04 AM
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Thanks for sharing your wisdom here at the forums Christi
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Nov 17 2019 : 11:30:39 AM
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PS and everyone else  |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1532 Posts |
Posted - Jan 08 2020 : 01:10:12 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by SeySorciere
I look forward to the day that I will laugh and laugh. I look forward to the day that I will open my eyes in the morning and not groan at having to get up and go to work. I look forward to the day that I will live life fully and joyfully un-hindered by thoughts of material insecurity and anxiety.
Anyone living like that right now?
What I can do is retreat into my Self and let go /be at peace when I realize the little dramas of the day is getting to me. But there is a difference between being spontaneously joyous in every moment and retreating to safe grounds when you realize you are getting too engaged / attached to things going a particular way.
Sey
For the past weeks - since the frog incident - I have woken up joyous and mostly stay joyous all day. There are lapses but generally joyous.
Sey |
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Christi
United Kingdom
4363 Posts |
Posted - Jan 08 2020 : 03:40:49 AM
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The Middle Years
