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gabrielghost
United Kingdom
3 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 06 2018 : 10:12:37 AM
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Hey all. Perhaps a long post brewing but Wil try to keep it as concise as possible. Thank you so much to anyone who has the time to read through it. Here goes!
It’s about sexuality. Or sexual energy.
I have repressed feelings for the opposite (or even same) Sex for a lot of my life through fear. My parents relationship wasn’t the best and these fears stem from that. I’m aware of the ingredients that have gone into this knot but find it hard to work it out.
I would use masturbation to drain my energies so I didn’t have to confront my fears (intense feelings of love/lust etc). This worked for a time, but looking back on it now I think it left me unhappy and unfulfilled - as any fears that are repressed do.
This reliance on masturbation meant that the first time I was intimate with a real life girl all of the fears were still there - I was very nervous and didn’t last very long! And this, unfortunately has been a continued pattern through my life. Yes I have at times enjoyed sex (with the help of alcohol to reduce my sensitivity) but I have never been able to relax into the situation.
More recently I stopped masturbating entirely but this lead to other complications - I would drink and end up kissing or attempting intimacy with others that wasn’t really intended. It doesn’t happen when I don’t drink (which is infrequently) but I do feel sexual energy that is looking to be released that can’t always be drawn up the spine.
Basically unmanageable behaviour.
So what?
Well I feel I’m in a tricky situation where I don’t enjoy Sex, but that is because there are lots of knots all around it - perhaps? I also at this point don’t even feel I need Sex or intimacy in my life - the universe can offer so so much more, I can see and have experienced it myself. BUT I have this feeling that unless I address these issues with intimacy the energy will find a way to leak out, and I won’t really progress with yogic practices.
So I try to embrace my sexuality and all that happens with a partner is it is over very quickly, and my vital energies are drained and haven’t really worked out any of the issues. I feel like there must be another solution, I have been to two different therapists for this and haven’t had much luck. Perhaps hypnotherapy would be a good idea?
Any thoughts that you have about my situation would be very well received. To be clear - I crave the ultimate and find the path to oneness through a physical partner the less efficient way to do it, but I don’t want to cripple myself by not confronting these issues I have. Is it convenient for me to avoid Sex when actually I really should be going head-long into it to work through my ‘demons’ around it?
What is the answer? What is the process I should engage with?
Avoidance doesn’t seem to work. Engaging doesn’t seem to work. So I’m frustrated stuck in the middle. Ideas
Hopefully I’ve been clear in this.
Many many thanks.
Gabriel |
Edited by - AYPforum on Sep 06 2018 10:27:34 AM |
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AYPforum
351 Posts |
Posted - Sep 06 2018 : 10:27:34 AM
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| Moderator note: Topic moved for better placement |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1730 Posts |
Posted - Sep 06 2018 : 3:28:58 PM
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Hello Gabriel
It sounds like a complicated web of emotional issues.
Here is my take on it: Since there is no urgency about getting into a relationship and becoming comfortable with physical intimacy very soon, I will say put these worries on a shelf for a bit and give AYP meditation a go. Get into a steady routine, do it every day, like you brush your teeth, as Yogani would say. There is nothing like meditation for dissolving emotional blockages. You are drawn to spiritual practice anyway, so you will be following your bhakti and solve the sexual-emotional issues at the same time.
You can, of course, try counselling or therapy. It can take a long time to find a way round the issues you have described. Whether you take the counselling route or not, mediation will help things massively. Not to mention that it can, with steady practice, solve your problem single-handedly.
Give it at least a try for a few months, see what happens. Have you read Lesson 13 on this website?
All the best. |
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Dogboy
USA
2193 Posts |
Posted - Sep 06 2018 : 11:15:30 PM
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Hello Gabriel, welcome.
I agree with Blue Raincoat in that you should start with a dedicated yoga practice first, as it is the path to access all the blockages and repressed/unaddressed emotional baggage. You can never be a good partner with someone else if you are not first in a partnership with self. My sense is you are young, that your urges (sexual, emotional, devotional) are strong and unregulated. By being in silence on a regular basis, eventually you find yourself witnessing these urges in real time, and begin to explore how they drive you, and learn over time how to drive them.
I would refrain from sex with a partner until you have the trust of friendship first, someone you feel you can talk to deeply. And when you find this someone, you should both commit to no sexual union until you have both explored many avenues and many instances of touch: holding hands, kissing, hugging, massage, while leaving the genitals out of it for awhile. You need to be comfortable enough with someone to be able to talk freely, not only about arousal (what you like and dislike) but also be vulnerable about your fears of intimacy or staying power. Take the time to listen to their story, to learn how they tick and think. If you set up a relationship with a lot of front end work building familiarity and trust, your worries and fear regarding intimacy will melt away.
In the meantime, practice arousal with yourself by bringing up to orgasm many times, over days, without crossing over. Strive to retain your sexual fluids as best you can, and also allow yourself ejaculation occasionally, and then start the cycle over again. It is best not to attach to either extreme, ejaculating every time or not at all. By devoting your attention to your triggers, and how you express arousal, you will build confidence when you are ready to share it with another.
You are young and have a lot of time in front of you. Spend this year getting better aquainted with yourself, through yoga and arousal. Peel away the layers of your fears and examine the nuggets inside. Allow patience with yourself, and be loving. When your trusted partner makes themselves known to you, you will be ready, and a better partner for all your hard work! |
Edited by - Dogboy on Sep 06 2018 11:17:55 PM |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Sep 07 2018 : 03:02:04 AM
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Hi Gabriel, welcome 
You received great replies already. I would like to add that Yogani wrote a beautiful lesson on sexual healing, you are not alone in this 
Yogani: The human race is in quite a fix when it comes to sex. We are the custodians of this great power that has been given to us by God, yet we are still to find the maturity to manage it responsibly. Hence, sex is at the heart of much of the debilitating karma we carry around with us through life after life.
Sex isn't really the problem though. It is the immaturity of our human nervous system. We are an in-between species on the evolutionary scale. In-between the animal kingdoms and the divine being kingdoms. We are a species in transition. This transition is intimately tied in with the knowledge of yoga, the knowledge of human spiritual transformation.
The primordial force of sex rules the planet for the purpose of perpetuating the many species. In the plant and animal kingdoms, it functions with impressive harmony. In the human kingdom, where mind and free will reign along with sex, it is not so harmonious.
What does all this have to do with attracting a member of the opposite sex to the love chamber? Everything!
Sexually speaking, we are a race of the "walking wounded," injured over and over again by the immature processes of interaction between the pleasure-seeking mind and sex. Our sense of self is wrapped up in it, and 99% of it is lodged beneath the surface of our conscious awareness in the so-called subconscious mind. Many of the obstructions we talk about in the lessons in the main group are related to these sexual dislocations that have occurred over the course of many lives. There are other kinds of obstructions, but the obstructions created by sexual misappropriation are a huge influence in all of us, as folks like Sigmund Freud have pointed out.
So we need healing, sexual healing. It comes with daily practice of yoga disciplines for sure. We barely have to think about sex as the housecleaning is going on while doing the "right-handed" disciplines of advanced yoga practices discussed in the main group. It is a pretty luxurious approach to cleaning up all the subconscious mess. |
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Sexuality - Engage or Disengage - Neither work
