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 Jnana Yoga/Self-Inquiry - Advaita (Non-Duality)
 The battle of the egos
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United Kingdom
382 Posts

Posted - Oct 09 2010 :  3:19:54 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Message
I have been a hermit this past year; spending time with my family and pets and not keeping in contact with my friends. Not that I feel its good, or bad its just like that, and I am indifferent.

Well a friend of mine came back from abroad to visit every one, so I made the effort and went for a night out with them.

The situation that I was in was me being hit in the face with their egos! What car do you drive? Where do you work? Why don't you have a girlfriend etc etc and I had nothing that impressed them. I couldn't care less though. I just found it really funny, and made me feel full of joy watching my friends all battle for centre stage. It was as though I was watching a bad soap opera. The macho males, comparing their bedroom conquests and how much they can drink and how much money they have, what clothes they have and comparing themselves with each other.

The only problem is, is that I just can't have a conversation with them. I am not fussed about careers, money etc just indifference. And when I speak to them I just lose interest in the convo. I ended up saying things that were not true, I just did it to fit in.

I ended up coming across as quiet and pretty dull. I doubt I will be going back in a hurry. Don't get me wrong, I love helping people in the shop and talking to them, I interact a lot, but that is just small talk with strangers. If and when I get round to dating it may be an uphill struggle.

So that got me thinking the more aware one becomes, the less they can have every day conversations with unconscious people?

Confused and alone, but laughing all the same.

Edited by - woosa on Oct 09 2010 3:39:51 PM


3615 Posts

Posted - Oct 09 2010 :  3:39:19 PM  Show Profile  Visit Etherfish's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Not at all. After a while you become more compassionate. You can fully identify with their outlook on life even though you choose not to be like that. Then you can speak to them in ways that help them, without looking down on them.
Also, their are other types of people you could party with who are not all about egos. I know a lot of people like that. They are dancers, artists, musicians, writers, DJ's, teachers, and other professions. They have a passion for something in life besides money or status.
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United Kingdom
382 Posts

Posted - Oct 09 2010 :  3:46:55 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Yeah, I think I know what you mean. I much prefer to listen to people's problems now and help where I can.

I think it is me clinging to the past, what I was like a few years ago, but its a bit late now, good things are happening. That outing with my old friends has shown me what has changed.

Thanks etherfish. The penny may have dropped.

Edited by - woosa on Oct 09 2010 3:48:54 PM
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846 Posts

Posted - Oct 09 2010 :  5:27:11 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Etherfish is right, Woosa.

This is just a stage, and you will eventually be able to relate to people like that again, but from a different place.

You may have to say goodbye to those old friends for good. But it's more likely that will have to say goodbye to the old relationship with those friends! And the Good News: a new relationship will be born!

Sounds like you've got a great handle on things! Wishing you the best, man!
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United Kingdom
382 Posts

Posted - Oct 10 2010 :  06:03:38 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Yes TTN I think its best if I have another break away from them. Each year I could use them as a gauge to see how I am changing .

I think I will go back to my hermit cave for a while, wait for this bad weather to pass.
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United Kingdom
1812 Posts

Posted - Oct 10 2010 :  09:27:11 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
sat with our friends eating a meal on Saturday.

My mates wife commented that I could not always be in that state of mind because then I would have no responsibility.

I asked her what responsibility she was thinking of, who and what she thought she was responsible for.

There was a moment of complete bewilderment on her face and then a dawning of understanding. Later that night she asked me how to go about meditating.

When you see things so clearly it is very simple to help someone understand why they do something. I find I can do this from an almost dream like state. I give no advice, take no offence, expect no reward. It's as simple as picking a kitten out of a tree, it's only action and no thought.

I found I also went through /still going through that weird state of disconnectedness. This is the beginning of the Witness I am told by others. As it settles down there is an amazing clarity and a rush of something which I suspect must be bliss (not at all what I expected, a bit like a huge waterfall of - the nearest description is extreme joy- but really isn't, more like a feeling which has no description like you whole being is lighting up with something beautiful and sweet).

You are on your way, keep at it.
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846 Posts

Posted - Oct 10 2010 :  12:53:31 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Indeed Karl, you are correct that this stage of disconnection is pretty normal, and probably a precursor of the Witness.

It feels weird to be so alienated in settings that were formerly familiar!

But it's simple really: We got out on a journey, like Campbell's Heroes, and we become strangers.

But the Good News, of course, is that we return!

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