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Pheel
China
318 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 26 2010 : 10:56:38 PM
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Namaste, friends!
Perhaps it's phase one has to go through, or maybe it's just a story made up by the mind's fancy. Whichever the case, here is the plot:
Recently, for the past one month or so, almost every thing I hoped to achieve, or I want, is aborted, failed, or just become vaporized. This should be a very frustrating experience. But I realized it might be the mind that's creating this scenario of the me-world conflict. It's not suffering as long as I dwell in the little inner silence accumulated. But it's still pain, as the ego is not used to this, and does not want to summit to it. It's almost like the pain of shedding, shedding the leaves of personal wants and hopes grown on the trunk of being. It's pain of changing and growing, too, perhaps?
It strangely resembles a test (again it might be the mind fascinating). Fed by a recent event that seemed to be chances of what is wanted/hoped happening, once the mind conjured up a hope, a scenario of success, or satisfaction of desire, it will soon be denied. It's as if something larger is playing with me, amused to see me responding to the game he lays out for me.
Or am I overloading in self-inquiry, perhaps a false inquiry, a business of the mind?
I feel that I haven't found the inner voice that'd tell me the truth and the right. I am wandering a bit on the path, confused. Confused, but still there are hopes, deep hopes that keep me going. Is there such a place called "hopes without hoping; doings without acting?" Am I on my way to it? Am I growing?
All travelers who have seen this section of the journey, please shed light of wisdom and enlighten!
Phil
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Sep 26 2010 : 11:06:06 PM
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Carlos Castaneda called it "not doing". What he meant was to take action without any hopes of reward.
Although you can tell yourself that this phase will pass, it is also possible that you are being guided somehow. Only you would know where it could be leading you. Maybe to change direction, or maybe to stay the course, and learn to change the way you handle it mentally.
But either way, "not doing" is the best road to take. Keep plugging along doing your best as if it matters, all the while knowing it doesn't, from a spiritual viewpoint.
Also you can think of the story of Jesus, and how he was a very good person who received the worst of treatment. It sometimes gives me solace because I realize that he was way better than me, and yet received way worse treatment than what I am going through. So you can feel a little better knowing that things going bad doesn't mean that you are bad. |
Edited by - Etherfish on Sep 26 2010 11:12:22 PM |
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Pheel
China
318 Posts |
Posted - Sep 27 2010 : 12:20:47 AM
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Hi Etherfish,
Thanks for the reply and the tips! I think I am trying to do what you advised.Doing things seriously with full focus, yet without caring abt the outcome. Yet your answer is just part of my question. What I was also thinking of is the shedding of intentionality in general. doing without any intention (not acting), as most of my intentions are fueled by personal desires, wants, fancies, etc. It seems to be a kind of "deadly" state. Dead to the mundane and the bodily, yet alive, revived to the spiritual, perhaps. But the problem now is that the old self is being shed like pieces of skin in autumn, yet the inner voice, the guide hasn't seemed to appear yet...guided, perhaps, yet feeling confused. Maybe the confusion is the rubbing off, process of purification? |
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - Sep 27 2010 : 10:21:08 AM
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Philaboston, I'm experiencing an almost identical situation. A great deal of confusion, as I feel no longer motivated to act, as I once was by strong personal desires. I've having some difficulty dealing with it. I've been advised by others, that it's just a phase, and while pass. Just continue meditating.
I'll keep you posted if anything changes. |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Sep 27 2010 : 1:30:43 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Philaboston
Maybe the confusion is the rubbing off, process of purification?
Yes Phil. You got it right. Like mr_anderson said (he has talked about something similar here), it is a phase and it will go away. Just a phase of unlearning to do things with attachment to the outcome. Once the unlearning is complete, we are motivated to do more and more and yet not be attached to the outcome.  |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Sep 27 2010 : 7:47:08 PM
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| Yes you still have intention, but it is more pure. The intention of doing your best at anything you undertake. It makes work easier because you aren't distracted by ulterior motives. You can be more in the moment, which is easy and peaceful. |
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Hopes without hoping/doing without acting?
