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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 24 2010 : 2:04:17 PM
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Practices: DM for 20 minutes, twice a day, every day for about 2.5 months. I tried to incorporate SBP, but it sent me into overload. At first even 20 minutes of DM was too much so on maybe 5 or 6 initial meditation sessions I'd go with 10 or 15 mins depending on what felt right.
I've had 5 years prior of sporadic meditation (watching the breath), reading a lot of enlightened teachers, and integrating Eckhart Tolle teachings into daily life so that I'm residing in awareness. I can look back and see how this has purified my nervous system, complete changing the person who I am today, and his motivations, psyche and character.
Results after approx 2.5 mnths AYP DM:
Positive
Unreasonable happiness!: I quite often have this sense that there is a little babbling brook inside me of humor and happiness. It occurs for no reason at all, even if my circumstances are seemingly very miserable. I get a sort of small, quiet smile, which gets glued to my face (I think I freak out my fellow New Yorkers  ), and I get to laughing over nothing, and life seems a continual source of playful amusement. It's an interesting type of happiness though, as it seems to be proving quite a compassionate one, it can quickly turn to tears of compassion for others. But these compassionate tears are detached, they kind of feel like "he's miserable, and I'm joyful, but I know how miserable feels and I want to help". In that respect they're almost joyful tears, while still appreciating the meaning of sadness.
Bhakti: There's a gradual realising of one's faults, one's occasional shallowness, the unkindnesses one has perpetrated, one's egocentricity. With this (and many tears regretting/lamenting my past ignorance) has arisen a strong desire for the opposite ideal, for enlightenment, for union with god, for the ability to help others, to be free of ego, to act selflessly, to bring light to the world. There's also the understanding that my OWN past harmful actions or states of being, and all past and future harmful actions/states of beings of OTHERS, come from a place of darkness and suffering. This makes me feel very tolerant and understanding of everyone, even people who commit the most terrible things. It also makes me unreactive in my own life, if someone is horrible or rude or just insensitive to me (which frankly doesn't happen very often), or if they're just angry because of their own problems, I don't get upset by them. I don't feel the need to react to them in anyway, there's just a slight feeling of compassion there. Prayer has now become a big thing in my life.
Confusing
On the not so obviously positive side:
-For years I've worked in a very driven type of career, working closely with Wall Street / Hedge Fund types and big financiers. There's always been the prospect of being very young, and very rich, and I've been incredibly driven historically by this.
-I've been finding it a bit hard to take this or any of the 'serious' aspects of my life (e.g. Finances) at all seriously. This obsession everyone in the whole industry seems to have with numbers on computer screens, and putting money into their own pockets, has started to seem a little pointless to me.
-Moreover, I'm not living in a reality where I'm quite so ruled by concepts anymore (concepts such as 'job', 'finances', 'rich', 'long term planning', 'bills')
-Consequently, if I'm not careful or lucky, I can see my whole world, and everything I've worked for, crumbling around me, losing my job, and encountering some fairly hard times.
-Startlingly, I'm finding it slightly difficult to be particularly worried about this. It seems to run completely contrary to 'every day serious common sense'  (I've never been a person particularly oriented towards common sense, and accepted ways of thinking, more of a questioning philosopher naturally), which is in some way, a little concerning. I still do care a little bit, and occasionally there will be a feeling of anxiety. However, generally, I'm living in the present moment, enjoying the feeling of sun on my face, or the sound of wind, or eating some food, or laughing, or doing yoga asanas.
-Time will tell what happens I guess. I think I've become so free of anxiety, which I'm not used to, that a part of me is going: "shouldn't you be anxious about something? you used to be usually?" and giving me an uneasy feeling like "yeah maybe I should find something to be anxious about!!!!" It's quite possible that everything will work out well and surprise me.
Anyway, thanks to God, to Yogani, and particularly everyone on these forums. It seemed AYP was almost a science - you apply them the practises, and you'll make progress. I could see from so many forum posts that the people who put in the work, got the results out. This is what encouraged me to stay with AYP consistently enough to see a glimmer of something. |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Sep 24 2010 : 3:41:45 PM
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Awesome 
From here, I can't see anything that doesn't look entirely positive in your "progress". So much of what you've said is almost the exact same as my personal experience since starting AYP. The smiling, the loss of anxiety (which was a near constant for decades here), the bhakti....it's all recognized here as well.
Thank you for sharing and don't worry about not worrying 
Much Love!
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Sep 24 2010 : 3:50:41 PM
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No words... just thank you for sharing.
_/\_ |
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - Sep 24 2010 : 4:57:05 PM
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Thanks Shanti and Carson.
And I should add, for anyone new to AYP who might be reading, that I also always have 10 minutes of rest after my 20 mins of DM.
I feel like during the rest period I integrate the purification that happens in DM. During the rest and after, I feel energy movements in my spine, that seem to me to be linked with integration.
Rest is absolutely as essential as any other part of yoga practise to me. I'm surprised that many other forms of meditation don't emphasize it.
Finally one last thing: I also practise the 5 tibetan rites. Somewhat like a short yoga asana routine, the rites take about 10-15 minutes. I feel some sort of physical routine complements the meditation very well. |
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HathaTeacher
Sweden
382 Posts |
Posted - Sep 25 2010 : 09:25:22 AM
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Congrats!
If you or your library have The Way of the Superior Man, by David Deida, you might feel like browsing it/browsing again. Especially chapters 12 + 14 describe this situation pretty well:
12. Be willing to change everything in your life
14. Don't get lost in tasks and duties.
Balancing DM and body exercise is also wise, especially given a white-collar job.
Best of luck,
Hatha
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Sep 25 2010 : 10:28:42 AM
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Yes, the rest period does a lot for me too. When I would overload, I did an entire session of just resting, no mantra, it helps tremendously.
Along with Yogani's starter kit asanas, I do the 5 tibetan rites too.. well I do 4.. don't do the spinny one (rite#1)... and incorporate the others, rite#2, #3 and #5, in with some of the asanas and rite 4 I do stand alone.
Just one thing I would like to add, and maybe you know this already, but this lack of interest in doing things, this loss in motivation is only a phase... it is an unlearning phase of the attachment to desires. Once this phase passes, you will be more motivated to do things but there will be no attachment to the outcome.
I am saying this here just so others reading along don't feel like this path is not for them, because they want to be somewhere and Yoga will make them lose interest in life. That is not how it works. Yes, we do go through a phase on non-interest/detachment, but it is only so we can un-learn the concepts of getting something/somewhere... then once the attachment to the fruits of labor is gone, the fruits are enjoyed even more, because now we are not bound by the ideas of the mind of what the fruit should be/look like.
Thanks again for sharing mr_anderson. |
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - Sep 27 2010 : 10:05:32 AM
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Thanks HathaTeacher, that's a good recommendation, one which I will look into. I'm having to relearn how to live my life.
Shanti - Yes, I'm thinking of stopping doing the spinny one, it's not very enjoyable! Regarding the unlearning of attachment to desires, it's always reassuring to know that others have experienced similar states.
RE: the entire session of resting, thanks! good to know.
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Sep 27 2010 : 1:53:42 PM
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The detatchment manifests into something else which is a long way from apathy and neither is it replaced by trying to do something good in your world. More like a limitless energy which runs parallel to how we view illusory life. Once you feel it, sense it or however you percieve it to be (and doubtless it is nothing really like that)then it is easier to understand which is the tail and which is the Dog
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - Sep 27 2010 : 5:10:47 PM
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| thank you Karl! That's interesting. |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2010 : 1:33:25 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by mr_anderson
thank you Karl! That's interesting.
Your welcome. I can only stress that it is important to continue with regular, twice daily meditation practice and self regulate.
I had a time when I stopped the practise all together. The forum helped me get back on track. It's always at the point of wondering where it is all going, or just when you think you have it perfected that suddenly you get smacked around the back of the head with a huge sign that reads "ha ha got you pal".
"The universe is not only stranger than we imagine, it is stranger than we can imagine"
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cosmic
USA
821 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2010 : 11:35:28 PM
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Great to hear, Mr. Anderson. I'm happy for you
It all sounds positive to me too, even everything after "Confusing".
Thanks for sharing! |
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - Oct 05 2010 : 11:18:01 AM
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| thanks cosmic and karl |
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smile glued to face
