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 Tantra - A Holistic View of Spiritual Development
 A Woman's Inner Loving
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23 Posts

Posted - Aug 11 2005 :  05:42:22 AM  Show Profile  Visit Amaargi's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Message
Hi everyone,

I'd like to post about a technique I found very useful when I found I was in an abusive marriage and then repeated my behaviour in a following relationship.

During this time I was following a 'personal growth'
path and eventually had my kundalini awakened

AYP has helped me immensly in this area by helping me settle my kundalini down to a more livable level and life isn't so crazy anymore...except with an occasional flare up.

To help me through what I considered my own addiction to abusive relationships - in addition to my regular meditation - was to create for myself an empowering self confidence booster by 'owning' my
own orgasm and sexuality while self pleasuring with masturbation.

The majority of Tantra lessons cover extensively the male orgasm/retention but it's difficult to find information for women.....especially as our sexuality can be different in some ways.

The technique I use is mainly what I created for myself by using loving caring thoughts for myself and my orgasmic energy...taking back my own power into myself and 'owning' it. I'm sorry if I'm not
providing a clear explanation but I believe there are some books and workshops that are available to learn these techniques.

I found it helped me emotionally especially as it
stopped the 'drain' I felt which was leading to fear, depression etc etc..

The method seems to have a flow on affect into all areas of my life, not only sexually. As women we are the nurturers, the givers, ruled strongly by our hormones and our emotions. By empowering ourselves it can make us deal better with children, lovers, life...

I was amazed though at how strong I felt to stop empowering myself because I felt I would be selfish if I did so...that I'm betraying my lover and my sense of responsibility :)

I persevered and I soon realised overcoming the desire to stop because of selfishness was well worth it....the freedom and joy were wonderful rewards...

In my abusive relationship it helped me realise that we can't always change others, but by changing ourselves *really* does help and flows to those around us.

The practise may help and improve abusive relationships, or it may end always, we just need to be faithful to ourselves and trust the outcome is the best for all concerned.

I'm very interested to hear other people's perspectives....

kindest regards


Moderator note: This beautiful Tantra post is related to AYP main lesson #272 at
and the follow-on forum topic on 12 step programs at


5192 Posts

Posted - Aug 12 2005 :  12:01:24 PM  Show Profile  Visit yogani's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hello Amaargi:

Thank you for your intimate sharing. It gets to the core of the matter of self-love and self-nurturing, and is at the core of the cultivation of ecstatic conductivity in yoga as well.

Of course, masturbation has been a taboo in many cultures for centuries. It is a two-edged sword. It can be for hedonism (sense gratification) or for divine union (tantra). The first will be leading to the second if we are engaged in daily practices of deep meditation, spinal breathing and other sitting practices. The same can be said for the impact of yoga practices on any sexual activity we may engage in, and on life in the world of the senses in general. What is sensually self-indulgent today can become spiritual practice a short distance down the road if we are seriously engaged in sitting yoga practices. Yoga will transform our experiences in that way.

Obviously, you have found this to be the case in masturbation. It is a profound transformation that is accessible to all of us. The mysteries of sex revealed!

The essence of tantric transformation is a shift from sense gratification to conscious cultivation of ecstatic conductivity, which has a profound effect on our sense of self in the ways you have described. When ecstatic conductivity is blended with rising inner silence gained in deep meditation, then we have the essential elements for the enlightenment process present within us. So the expansion of our sexual function from reproductive urge to spiritual urge has far-reaching consequences.

Whether we are talking about self-pleasuring in masturbation, sexual relations with a partner, or stimulative yoga practices used by both celibates and non-celibates like siddhasana, mulabandha/asvini, sambhavi, kechari, etc., the same principle is involved -- preorgasmic cultivation of sexual energy throughout the nervous system. This applies equally in both women and men. The longer we are cultivating preorgasmically, the greater will be the effect. It leads to a permanent transformation to higher functioning in the neuro-biological functioning throughout our nervous system. This is what the AYP tantra lessons are about.

The practice you are describing is in this direction. It is a yoga technique, which, when added to sitting practices, can play an important role in opening our full inner potential. This is not a call to masturbation for everyone. It is a call to take note of what our current sexual habits can become in the future in relation to yoga.

All of this is in addition to the practical benefits you have found in self-nurturing to rise above a tendency toward undesirable relationships. Interestingly, it is the undesirable relationships that have led you to your discovery. So, no matter where we are in our life experience, God is always present showing us our doorways to the divine. All we need to do is notice and walk through them.

As Rumi, the great Sufi mystic, said, Keep walking ... Move within ... But don't move the way fear makes you move.

The guru is in you.
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870 Posts

Posted - Aug 13 2005 :  01:27:30 AM  Show Profile  Visit Manipura's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hello Amaargi - Thanks for sharing your experience. I agree that all too often a woman's loving is directed outward rather than inward. We're taught to be the nurturers, but rarely taught to nurture ourselves. I've found that inner silence, or my attempts at it, has been extremely nurturing. Alone in one's inner chambers without distraction - what a great place to learn the art of self-love and self-acceptance! I look forward to reading about more of your experiences.

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