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 Tantra - A Holistic View of Spiritual Development
 Dude, where's my sex drive?
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anthony574

USA
549 Posts

Posted - Sep 03 2007 :  11:26:08 PM  Show Profile  Visit anthony574's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Message
I just wanted to share an interesting experience that has been creeping on, and hopefully you guys can give me some guidance with this issue. Despite the preliminary humor, it is kind of worrying me!

Anyway, as you may know, I am 20 years old and I have been doing AYP since mid March. My "progress" so far during sadhana is mild but observable - I experience a deeper connection with the mantra and during most meditations and sometimes pranayama I experience very light sensations on my spine - most often on my left side up near the top of my torse and trapezius and neck. Always on the left - I don't know if this plays a role or not. I also do asanas, but mainly just to prime myself for pranayama and meditation. Nothing too serious - I will usually do a few sun salutations and then either Yogani's series or a different longer-held sun salutaton. Outside of sadhana I experience a greater peace about things, much more awareness of my thought patterns and complexes (especially negative ones), a reduction in my depersonalization episodes, an increased goodwill towards others, and an increased sensitivity to hatred and negativity. I also experience somewhat often lately and have for a month or so what I call "inner laughter" which is when, either triggered by a certain thought, breath, or nothing at all I will feel a rising giddyness and it will make me physically want to smile or laugh. It is certainly managable and pleasant so I take it as a good thing. That is basically the gyst of my yoga so far in the best words I can summon.

Anyway, I have also studied Tantra. I initially sought Tantra a while ago before AYP as a cure for premature ejaculation. I utilized the concept of breath awareness and it helped. Since starting AYP I try the best I can to refrain from ejaculation. During sex with my girlfriend I may ejaculate once a week, sometimes use perineum press, and sometimes not orgasm at all and during masturbation 95% of the time I use perineum press.

Now to get a bit personal. Growing up I would consider myself to have been overinfatuated with pornography. I think this is due to premature exposure to it. This lead to excessive masturbation and I would say I've at least masturbated once a day my entire life since my earliest memories up until I started getting into yoga and energy preservation. I still struggle with pornography, but I hope I will get it under control. It seems now to simply be an impulse based on habit rather than actual desire. Most often I will be completely unaroused when the urge strikes leading me to believe it is simply nueroloplastic association that needs to be undone. Masturbation outside of pornography isn't too much of a problem and when I am not in an environment that allows me access which is most of the time I will only masturbate a few times a week at most.

Anyway, here is my "problem". I have been noticing a decrease in my libido physically and mentally. This has been happening for at least a couple months and is getting very noticable now. I notice it mainly with my girlfriend. I used to be always pawing at her and animalistically craving sex with her...now it is very mild and sex almost seems like a chore, though I still very much enjoy it while it is happening. I do not think this is a result of us being together for half a year because I have been in longer relationships and have never EVER noticed an overall decrease in libido. Even when walking in public I still notice female figures and look at them longingly (hey, it;s a reflex) but I do not often get physically aroused. I notice it takes more for me to become physically aroused and even when I am it does not seem as strong. This could have something to do with porno as I have read in a book recently...but I feel there are other forces at work. I do not think about porn all day nor do I think it warps my standards for real sex or my image of a sexual female.

I thought the problem was soy when I found out it had phytoestrogen and is known to decrease sex drive...but even after cutting off my main exposures it persists. I do not know what the deal is. I used to be I guess you could say hypersexual - that is as a child I fantasized about sex A LOT...but who knows what is considered standard for that sort of thing. I feel now I could go a LONG time without sex whereas during being single I would be climbing the walls. I'm not sure if there is any cause to really be worried here other than the fact that I am still young and I do not expect a decrease in testosterone until I get considerably older. I noticed a decrease in libidio after I became vegetarian, but that was about 6 months ago and somewhat mild but noticable.

I am driven by these deep intuitions that I most and foremost need to quit cold turkey on pornography. It is causing my great angst and self-resentment when I indulge. I also think I need to forgo masturbation...at least until I become more sensitive to energy and can do it tantrically.

Does anyone have any guidance or experience with this? I suppose you could say this is not a serious problem in that I do not have erectile dysfunction or anything like that in the bedroom...but I worry it will happen eventually at the rate I am going. Sometimes I have tested myself and imagined a vry erotic scene in my head and found it did not trigger ANY response in my body.

I know that in yoga there is a path leading away from physical sexuality and more towards spiritual sexuality...but what happens when the physical side is waning but there is no tantric side to pick up the slack? I do not experience any amazing yogic sensations during sex. The only change I notice is that I do not look at my girlfriend as something to be dominated and rather something to be worshiped and serviced during sex and I think my overall mentality during intercourse is much healthier - that is less Western and pornographic. I have had moments in the beginning of yoga when during sex I would sometimes get this notion of reuniting with some kind of feminine presence accompanied by this feeling of being in surrender to my mother as a very young child and being nurtured by her. It was a beautiful thing, but does not often happen anyore.

I know this is a flurry of facts and thoughts, but it is hard to piece it all together. I just hope someone can make some sense of it.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, any response would be greatly appreciated.

yogibear

409 Posts

Posted - Sep 04 2007 :  09:26:13 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hi Anthony,

Eat some meat regularly and see what happens. When I started eating meat again, my miles per gallon in my Prius droped from 49 to 44.

There was a significant increase in my sex drive. Meat is rajasic and stimulates the passions according to yoga. It bears out in my experience and if you want that, then you can give it a try if you like and see what happens.

I know you are liking vegetarian lately so it may not be an option for you.

Best, yb.

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Jim and His Karma

2108 Posts

Posted - Sep 04 2007 :  09:39:16 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
a few things to think about:

1. the first way bhakti manifests is in sex drive. and, by extension, people driven to spiritual work are driven by greater-than-usual bhakti, and so they often have greater-than-usual sex drive.

2. as other channels for bhakti open up (as a result of spiritual practices), sex urge lessens*.

3. all this stuff is almost unbelievably dynamic. Next week you may well feel completely differently. Enjoy the ride!

J&K

* - until later, when all one's drives start amplifying through your increased silence...but at that point you'll have sufficient dispassion and clarity to recognize and handle the issues.

Edited by - Jim and His Karma on Sep 04 2007 09:39:57 AM
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lorf

48 Posts

Posted - Sep 04 2007 :  2:24:02 PM  Show Profile  Visit lorf's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Having entered this path you will find a lot of things changing as you move on. Your sex drive will come and go but as you proceed you will see the energy essence of sex and later on that the sexual energy has a quality of awareness. And that awareness has a quality of sex which is cool:)
But don't listen too much to me I'm changing all the time...
/rolf
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bewell

1271 Posts

Posted - Sep 04 2007 :  3:28:15 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
quote:
Originally posted by anthony574

I am driven by these deep intuitions that I most and foremost need to quit cold turkey on pornography. It is causing my great angst and self-resentment when I indulge. I also think I need to forgo masturbation...at least until I become more sensitive to energy and can do it tantrically.




I think your intuition is right on track!
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anthony574

USA
549 Posts

Posted - Sep 04 2007 :  8:14:30 PM  Show Profile  Visit anthony574's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Well, bewell, it is certainly one of those classic impulses that sets in, somehow manages to manipulate and coax your my better and higher judgment, and then immediately when its work is done, and i mean IMMEDIATELY, its like "doh! why did i do that!?!?!?!" you have to figure, if one begins masturbation at a very eraly age as most children do, and then take it on as a nightly before-bed habit for most of a lifetime...thats quite a few thousand instances. quite a hard synaptic circuit to snip! i am confident it will fix itself in time
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SuperTrouper

USA
49 Posts

Posted - Sep 05 2007 :  11:00:50 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hey there, Anthony!

I've gone through exactly the same thing you have. But when it started for me, I didn't have a forum from which I could get validation that it does inDEED happen to others as a byproduct of meditation. Almost every single piece of yoga material always told me that my sex drive would increase! I never heard anything about decreasing... yet this was exactly the case. Before having started yoga 2.5 years ago, I was a pretty typical guy... maybe moreso, though, at 1-3 times a day. This never really bothered me, but when I started doing yoga, after about 7 months, I noticed it decreased to about once every other day, then 4 months later to once a week. When I started kriya yoga/SB a year ago, it began to average once every other week, which is where I'm at now.

At first it bothered me. I thought there might be something wrong, or I wasn't doing something right. After reading some of Gopi Krishna's works, I realized that this is fairly natural when dealing intensively with spinal currents and energy. But I still couldn't fully break the habit -- most of the time I had no physical interest in sex, yet my mind would compel me to think about it... because I wasn't doing it, it was somewhat of a cause for concern for me, being that it was a habit since I was 11 years old, and thinking about it as a cause for concern naturally lead to thoughts about sex and masturbating and over a day or two, that created the physical desire that corresponded with the mental habit and I'd do it again... and then I'd have the same after-feeling that you just described... "doh! why did I do that?!?!?!" lol.. although I say "yargh" instead of "doh".

After time, however, I continue to occasionally masturbate. I don't really need porn anymore, my sexual response and climax is the quickest it's ever been, and I don't feel that sort of terrible energy-depression as I did before. After it's done, I rarely think about it again... as if it didn't even happen -- or register enough response within me that a thought about it has enough force to arise within my waking consciousness, I guess would be a more accurate way to describe that.

Gopi Krishna stated that at the beginning of one's kundalini awakening, one should completely abstain from any sexual contact or rise altogether until the severity, or intensity, of the situation subsides... then one can resume if he wishes. I, personally, don't think forcing the sex drive into sublimation is a wholesome way to approach the issue... I think the after effects of earnest spiritual practice should instead replace the feeling of need to masturbate -- to temporarily fill that hole within us longing for some sort of intimate excitement.

I guess as a side-note, because you mentioned your girlfriend... I happened to be in a relationship when my sex drive started taking sudden nose dives. The person I was with could easily go 1-3 times a day... and they wanted to do it with me. But I made it clear that I had little interest in sex, mentally or physically. I simply wanted to develop an intimate bond that didn't rely on a foundation of physical sensuality. After 6 months of this, however, they couldn't handle the internal pressure of a sex drive not receiving the fulfillment they were hoping for. And I was getting to the point where I couldn't handle the pressure to have sex when I didn't desire it. They didn't practice yoga at all... even with some kind coercing, they didn't intend to take it up. Sex was the reason we split up. But, I'm definitely happier to be who I am than to bend to someone else's whims whenever they catch them.

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mikael

27 Posts

Posted - Oct 31 2007 :  04:41:41 AM  Show Profile  Visit mikael's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
well, i think there are a few things.

the first is that you are neglecting your lower chakras, if you are aiming for kundalini awakening then meditating on the root chakra is important to raise sexual energy up the spine

the second, and probably whats going on if you practice AYP, is that your sexual energy is turning into spiritual energy. in daoism its called alchemy.
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brushjw

USA
191 Posts

Posted - Apr 10 2008 :  9:28:49 PM  Show Profile  Visit brushjw's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
I did a search in the forums for "decreased sex drive" and this was the only post to come up. As always, it's great to hear from others who have similar experiences.

The first time I tried siddhasana, my body writhed in longing. After masturbating I realized that physical release wasn't what my body craved. Since then my sex drive has decreased markedly. It really feels strange to be missing a big part of "me". I find myself masturbating out of a desire to bring back old feelings, rather than from a current sexual desire.

Lately my ejaculate has also decreased, and orgasm is accompanied with orgasmic feelings in other parts of my body - my legs tingle and feel cold, chills go up my spine to my head, I get a warm feeling up my stomach. Last night the right side of my head sort of went numb, but with a tingly feeling that was quite pleasant but hard to describe. If this sounds weird, well, yes, it feels weird, too.

I'm having these experiences without practicing perineum pressure or other tantric methods. Mikael must be right: Yogani's methods do lead to a transmutation of energy. It's strange inhabiting a stranger's body, though.

aum namaste,
Joe
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avatar186

USA
146 Posts

Posted - Apr 11 2008 :  12:58:45 AM  Show Profile  Visit avatar186's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
sex drive is one of two ways. either you are driven twards sex like i was and you seemed to of been, or your cultivate that motivation, or drive upwards into infinity. so its infinity either out or in.

im i the same state, i have no sex drive right now, you can either try going celibate for about a month see if ay energy builds, or lear to cultivate it up very succesfully.

otherwise i call it the neaturall state, enough up to conquer the down, but not enough to convert the down drive completly into the up, or the rest of the body.

like fire.
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Etherfish

USA
3615 Posts

Posted - Apr 11 2008 :  8:12:47 PM  Show Profile  Visit Etherfish's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
I've found if you just let it go and forget about it, it will come back on its own, and stronger than ever, from time to time.
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HathaTeacher

Sweden
382 Posts

Posted - Apr 20 2008 :  4:37:27 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Yogibear mentioned food. It has some influence. Several veggie ingredients are quite effective: avocado, olives, oat flakes, millet, raw mung bean sprouts, spices particularly garlic (either for both of you or a long-enough time in advance... :-))

I've noticed that the woman is probably the greatest external influence, although books rarely mention it. A calm woman, cuddly rather than passionate, or a bit too wide for me, makes it easy to have sex less often and yet to stay preorgasmic for a week whereas a hot, easily ignited passionate one, or very "conductive", or my exact "Kama Sutra match" or narrower, makes it difficult to stay preorgasmic for an hour despite having sex more often - this simply requires more interplay. In a long-term relationship, it's good to praise and ecourage her ways or features that lead you towards balance between enough drive and enough-staying power.
I also agree with Etherfish: detach from it, don't make it a big deal, it will always vary over time anyway.
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HathaTeacher

Sweden
382 Posts

Posted - Apr 28 2008 :  10:21:25 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Apart from a 'Kama Sutra match', there is a more hazy, rare, shifting (and more exciting) energetic match with a woman. They're few, and unfortunately, it's never printed in bold on their T-shirt :-)

It's not about state only - although state is a perceivable influence (a pure body, a clear mind, suitable foods), as are sadhana practices (during the half a day or so) preceding sex.
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Piruz

United Kingdom
62 Posts

Posted - May 14 2020 :  9:53:21 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
The same is happening to me right now (I'm going through a full-blow heart opening). The Prana energy is driven upwards, as it were, and when it meets all sorts of blockages in our upper chakras, it summons even more energy from the lower chakras to overcome the blockages. This keeps on happening until the blockages are overcome, and energy flow is more smooth and more even. Literature tells us to expect everything, from a numb penis and or what might even appear as erectile dysfunction to a mentally asexual state of mind (decreased libido). This is even though you might otherwise be sexually hyper.

Yes, your "old habits" might still be there, but they will feel devoid of content, for they draw on your libido, which happens to be busy elsewhere during chakra opening.

Edited by - Piruz on May 15 2020 04:12:05 AM
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