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interpaul
USA
524 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 19 2022 : 6:37:57 PM
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| I sense a profound shift continuing to occur as these practices burn away so much of what I've been attached to for years. Paired with the ecstatic experiences has been a striking amount of emotional pain as I've dealt with many of my suppressed childhood struggles. It occured to me today the model I hear often that our ordinary life is like a dream and enlightenment is the process of seeing life as it really is. This always reminds me Plato's allegory of the cave and the movie The Matrix. This morning I experienced back to back profoundly different states charged with very different emotions. During my meditation I felt the inner silence and ecstatic currents very strongly. This was then followed by many intrusive thoughts, as if answers to the questions that have been posed in self inquiry. The intensity of the pain I feel in facing my inner demons is so strongly contrasting the ecstatic bliss of the practices. Feeling these states back to back made me realize why I continue to struggle to figure out the path forward. I see how the ecstatic realm has brought me so much in my life yet I see the necessity of working through the emotional pain. The deeper I go into the practices the more the negative stuff erupts. I sense in the practices the goal is to face the pain of our past and release it, somewhat samayama like, yet, the practices feel more and more of an escape from the suffering but also a greater lens to bring into focus the suffering. I have this nagging feeling I am pulled in opposite directions. Facing the painful stuff without feeling equiped with many new tools just feels hard. (I have been told the innner silence will bring the answers and ease the path yet I am not 100% convinced that has occured yet). As always it seems I must just carry on, ground, self pace and trust all will work out. I feel like a broken record here. I always appreciate hearing from others who have worked through this stuff as my sense is this is a necessary transition just like Neo's pain in transitioning out of the matrix. |
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Dogboy
USA
2193 Posts |
Posted - Apr 22 2022 : 03:54:41 AM
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To Be or not to Be. That is the question.  |
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interpaul
USA
524 Posts |
Posted - Apr 22 2022 : 8:31:58 PM
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| Dogboy, Thank you for this playful response. As I was rereading the main lessons I reread 321, "an inquiry about ending suffering". This spoke to this struggle. It seems inner silence is the answer to this type of suffering I find myself reexperiencing. The challenge with this journey is having the patient and resilience to keep at it even during the difficult times trusting the practices will ultimately lead to an easing of the suffering. A good friend recently reframed this for me as well. He reminded me these life struggles are very real and one shouldn't avoid them. Experiencing the pain and workiing through this stuff is very different from dwelling in the suffering. Hopefully these practices will ultimately lead to abiding inner silence. |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1730 Posts |
Posted - Apr 22 2022 : 9:04:32 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by interpaul
The deeper I go into the practices the more the negative stuff erupts.
This is normal. The deeper you go into the practices, the more you see the negative stuff. It is a sign that you are gaining in awareness.
The onset of inner silence can be subtle. Some people don't immediately realise hey have stepped into. It is noticeable in your posts though. You are not quiet the same interapaul as you were a year ago.
Of course, self pace as necessary. |
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lightandlove
Germany
85 Posts |
Posted - Apr 26 2022 : 08:49:48 AM
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| At some point in the process I realized that all these things coming up will eventually fade as they are not what is essential (arriving again and again and again at the same place, inner silence). This took a lot of fear away of going into difficult feelings and states. |
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interpaul
USA
524 Posts |
Posted - Apr 26 2022 : 10:16:40 PM
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BlueRaincoat, Thank you for your reassurance. I am aware of a gradual change as many times I do feel a deeper calm and growing inner silence. The negative stuff is much more compelling as it can trigger a fear response making me reluctant to dig deeper.
Lightandlove, I am glad to hear your practice hs been infused with inner silence and reduction in fear. I sense I need to find the inner strength to feel and process these emotions before I can release them permanently. |
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leaving the matrix
