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Zaelithe
United Kingdom
33 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 26 2021 : 07:38:33 AM
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Greetings all. I am in need of a bit of advice/support regarding some recent experiences I have had.
Background: I have been self-pacing a lot over recent months as I seem sensitive to EC and have overloaded a few times despite minimal practice. I had got relatively steady on a short session of DM and Samyama (10/5 mins) 2-3 x weekly and a couple of short asana sessions a week.
I got the call up for my Covid vaccine a couple of weeks ago and because I like to do things wholeheartedly and with minimum fear or anxiety, I set a clear intention that the vaccine would be welcomed in and made the best of in my body. On a physical level I haven’t had a single side effect or symptom [:). However, about an hour afterwards I experienced strong energy surges in my lower 3 chakras and then a rather wild night of EC flow during which not much sleep was had. Since then I have not felt stable, a short meditation about 3 days later resulted in another surge of ecstasy but feeling shaky and over-energised since. I have stepped back from any practice again at present but am left feeling weirdly angry, restless and purposeless. Coincidence? Nothing to do with the vaccine or a trigger to some energy movement? Anyone else had anything like this?
My relationships are all in good fettle and harmonious, but inwardly I don’t much like who I seem to be at the moment in terms of the sort of angry-at-the-world thoughts that seem to arise out of nowhere much. Unfortunately, Covid has put paid to all the service and volunteering that I was doing so it’s down to gardening and long walks for grounding. I feel like I’m in a bit of a ‘Catch 22’ - the peace and joy I get from practice is off limits as I am overloading easily but not practicing makes it harder to find inner peace and a way out of where I am at right now.
Advice or opinions gratefully received. |
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zamolxes
Romania
93 Posts |
Posted - Mar 26 2021 : 6:41:38 PM
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Hello Zaelithe,
As for the vaccine, who knows? It indeed creates a bit of chaos in our biology of course, so being sensitive to EC coule make you see the changes the body goes through while digesting it. As for the over-sensitivity, welcome to the club . I have been doing practices normally for about 2 years, and slowly but without realizing it I became extremely sensitive to any kind of spiritual practice. Which is sad, because I too felt pretty relaxed and self-confident in my inner silence, and oh how I loved samyama. But now.. I meditate for a couple of minutes every 2 or 3 days, and it overwhelms me for the first hours. Yesterday I did breath meditation for less than 5 minutes and for the whole evening there was anger coming out, as if the entire universe was conspiring to make me breakdown and let something come out.
I don't really know ehat happened along the way, and there is not much to do, for it seems that I cannot observe and neither participate in the dance of energies that moves deep inside of me, all that's left is sticking to that short amount of meditation whenever the stars align and I am in the mood. Some subtle stillness in action while doing stuff, flowing with the stillness and with all the noise in it too. Releasing throughout the day emotions, repressed feelings that arise naturally. As for samyama, when my mind activity becomes gross, when I am unhappy with situations, when I stress over my spiritual process.. I release all of that into silence. And well, whatever it may be, so be it! Maybe some day we will become stable, maybe this is another path, a challenge of bhakti, enlightenment in the midst of action, and not deep in silence.
Hope you manage to find a stable routine, and keep us posting to let us know how your process develops. Wish you all the best.
Peace |
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Zaelithe
United Kingdom
33 Posts |
Posted - Mar 27 2021 : 03:51:18 AM
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Thank you Zamolxes
* and oh how I loved Samyama * ....right with you there, me too. I had a year or two stable period, able to go to retreats and practice at the basic AYP twice daily normal but somewhere the sensitivity crept in and has stayed. I think you are right, the vaccine probably just stirred what was moving anyway. Writing down my situation yesterday has allowed some kind of release in itself - maybe I need to write a journal but staying active and releasing into silence looks like my ‘homework’ for the foreseeable future.
Blessings,
Z. |
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zamolxes
Romania
93 Posts |
Posted - Mar 27 2021 : 07:42:58 AM
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| Yes Zaelithe, sharing our concerns is healthy because we tend to tense our minds, writing here on the forum has been a good release. And having a journal, or just writing things ups as they come through you can be very rewarding, because as you write based on your feelings you go deeper and release them into paper. |
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Blanche
USA
859 Posts |
Posted - Mar 28 2021 : 07:29:28 AM
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Hi Zaelithe,
Your posts suggest that you are going deeper into knowing yourself. The effects of the vaccine might or might not be physical (like you, I took the vaccine and have not noticed any side effects), but it seems that there are some psychological residues. Setting a positive intention is good. In the same time, it is good to stay open to the reality that most of the experiences come with a mix of emotions: positive, negative, and neutral. You might have some concerns that are not fully acknowledged. Even if you addressed them rationally, some concerns and their emotional baggage are not rational, so logic will not affect them.
You could try this: Sit comfortably, with back support, like when you prepare for meditation. Turn the attention to the breath, notice how the breathing slows down, and the emotions calm down. Allow any concerns related to the vaccine, no matter if rational or not, to show up. Notice what emotions come with them. Invite them in. Do not attempt to change them in any way. Then, remind yourself than everything will pass. “I am free of this emotion/concern.” And then allow it to dissolve. Repeat until you allow all of them to take center stage.
Sometime one practice is enough to deal with a problem, sometimes we need multiple practices. But dissolving the problem eventually allows us to move on, and get back to other spiritual practices.
Best wishes.
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Edited by - Blanche on Mar 28 2021 10:57:40 AM |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1730 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2021 : 07:21:49 AM
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HI Zaelithe
You have already received good advice.
I can say from experience that a step up in the the body's immune response can lead to energetic overload. I have not had my Covid vaccine yet, but I have had overload symptoms triggered by bugs. Self-pacing is on order.
quote:
Originally posted by Zaelithe
I feel like I’m in a bit of a ‘Catch 22’ - the peace and joy I get from practice is off limits as I am overloading easily but not practicing makes it harder to find inner peace and a way out of where I am at right now.
I know how you feel. Remember that the intervals of no practice are part of the journey too. Sometimes it takes a while for the effects of practice to bed in. Walking and doing whatever grounding activities are in you reach at the moment is the right approach.
All the best
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Gustavo Woltmann
Italy
22 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2021 : 08:02:30 AM
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"angry-at-the-world thoughts"
I don't think you should add fuel to them.
As for the vaccine, pretty sure it is a coincidence. |
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Zaelithe
United Kingdom
33 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2021 : 09:47:11 AM
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Blanche: thank you for that technique suggestion - I have used I it as you suggested and it was interesting what came up and was released/dissolved.
Blue Raincoat: now that’s really interesting and feels convincing in terms of my experience. I have noticed in the past that if my husband has had some cold or other bug, although I seem now never to get ill myself, there has been a surge in EC symptoms. I thought it was my system ‘fighting something off’ - a step up in immune function would explain the effect of the vaccine and this similar phenomenon. I have also noticed that although I am long past menopause, I still get what I call ‘shadow cycle’ symptoms- a residue of the old cycle. At these times, I have learnt to self-pace more carefully as I can overload quickly on the same amount of practice. I wonder whether younger AYP folk have noticed anything with regard to overload symptoms and the menstrual cycle? Thank you for your input as I now feel much more settled about the whole matter and difficulties have abated. |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1730 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2021 : 06:28:23 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Zaelithe
I have also noticed that although I am long past menopause, I still get what I call ‘shadow cycle’ symptoms- a residue of the old cycle. At these times, I have learnt to self-pace more carefully as I can overload quickly on the same amount of practice. I wonder whether younger AYP folk have noticed anything with regard to overload symptoms and the menstrual cycle? Thank you for your input as I now feel much more settled about the whole matter and difficulties have abated.
Yes, there is an influence.
More importantly, the relationship between kundalini and sexuality is a two way street. After a while, we begin to notice more how kundalini influences sexuality than vice versa. As you progress on your journey, you will probably notice changes in the "shadow cycle" you mentioned.
I hope you are feeling more stable as the effects of the vaccine are fading. Good luck with your self-paging. If your sensitivity to yoga practices persists, have a look at Lesson 367 - Suggestions for Over-Sensitive Meditators
All the best
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Cause, coincidence or a ‘phase’
