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Piruz
United Kingdom
73 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 04 2020 : 11:07:07 PM
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Before I start, let it be known that I've read all the lessons by Yogani and even more material elseware and have, more than once, answered the questionnaire presented to new members who complain about this dreaded Kundalini syndrome.
This is an update on my experience with Kundalini, which is 2 years old and started with the root chakra before finally breaking through the heart and is now knocking on new doors (chakras). As Kundalini makes its way up in my body (heart, lungs and throat, touching the crown and third eye every now and then, sometimes staying there when I'm sleeping, now more so than before), the heavy (sometimes crushing) weight of Prana is perhaps finally taking its toll on my organs.
The Prana is not as static as before (it's not stuck in one place for too long), but I don't know how much longer my organs can keep it together, especially at this pace. The congestion is unbearable (blocked nose and breathing from mouth and still not getting enough air thanks to the weight of Kundalini/Prana that's crushing my chest). X-ray scans say I'm okay and have normal lung fields and a healthy heart, but the white thick mucus that builds-up on the back of my throat and in my mouth by the time I wake up in the morning (most likely due to mouth breathing and feelings of congestion), my overall physical weakness and my inability to endure the same level of physical activity as before tells me a different story. For all I know, it's only a matter of time before my body organs are in fact reduced or damaged.
At 28 years old of age, I can't run or engage in any vigorous exercise without exacerbating the energy congestion in my blocked chakras. Falling asleep and waking up on time is hard. Physical weakness, as noted, has become the norm (though I don't know if it's the muscles or just the nerves, because sometimes I can't even properly move/feel my arms and legs, especially after a major episode). A relationship is out of the question, because sex drains the Prana downwards, disrupting the natural flow of energy (which tends upwards) and in doing so wrecks havoc (and I mean havoc!) on the overall Kundalini function (this comes from experience and is quite confusing, seeing as Kundalini syndrome is supposed to be an energy overload, and yet so easily exacerbated by energy being sexually released. Perhaps the kind of release Kundalini actively seeks is somewhere "up there" where it naturally and ultimately terminates, as opposed to "down there" where it actually comes from. This is a point of privilege which, as of yet, no teacher or experienced meditator would clarify to me).
What makes things worse is that, being a smoker, I naturally give my lungs a lot of hard work to do. All that poison from tobacco smoke (I don't smoke all day long, or even half-day long) means the lungs and heart have to work harder to function normally. It's obvious to me that this function, already exhausted by smoking, is made ten times more difficult by the weight of Prana.
I tried to switch to vaping months ago, but the experience triggered some sort of Kundalini episode. Even today, after my Prana had become more ethereal and less static, vaping tends to trigger a Prana flow that "burns" my body (though not as badly as before). I'm pretty sure this has not a lot to do with the substance itself because one the same Prana flow tends to be triggered by psychological factors, like being in a new place or having a new experience, and two, vaping isn't nearly as toxic as smoking from a chemical perspective. All in all my attempts at quitting smoking have not succeeded because, believe me, going through withdrawal when you're in the middle of a Kundalini awakening is the last thing you need! Can't smoke and can't switch; another trap I find myself in thanks to Kundalini!
And if you think it's just the lungs or heart, think again. Think how difficult swallowing has become, how food is always stuck at the back of my throat and how slow digestion tends to be when the energy is stuck. And as if to confirm the "slowing-down effect" theory of Kundalini syndrome, I am baffled to see how "slow" my psyche has become as well, like when emotions (good or bad) take longer to kick in or longer to dissipate later on (depression and/or over-fixation).
It's quite a dilemma, really; too much Prana rendering the physical body/brain slower and too low on energy. At times I try to accept the fact that my youth has been spent by Kundalini, just like my childhood before it. The only question, however, is on what? And will my 30s and 40s be any better?
By no means do I practice any more, and I wouldn't even dare meditate or interfere with my Prana/Kundalini, but I'm told the third eye is my only friend in this ordeal, and that when Prana finally (but naturally and spontaneously) reaches Ajna, all the bad karmas and blockages will begin to dissolve. Feeling pessimistic at the moment I'd say this is wishful thinking, but then again this is how I feel every time I'm in trouble.
Despite all the misery and slow pace, however, I've come to realize that some things tend to help rather noticeably, like (sexual) abstinence and gentle exercise (the former, in particular, seems a must, because it's like every time Prana is about to make a breakthrough, the energy gets drained down vie sexual stimulation and you're back to square one).
This brings me to a point I was trying to make months back. All that talk about Kundalini being a form of sexual energy (if not The sexual energy) really start to make sense when you learn that economizing on sexual release tends to give Prana a more balanced and sustained course throughout the body. By no means am I advocating permanent abstinence, because by most accounts the Prana "showers back down" after finally uniting with Shiva, and there comes a time when sexual release (guided by love and intimacy) becomes important for spiritual growth. But for people like us, well, we're not there yet, are we?
Enough has been said so far to try to pin this whole thing down to what seems to me a defining factor in the Kundalini journey. It's almost as if sexual energy helps Prana, not by giving it more force to thrust across the nervous system (that wouldn't even be very helpful), but by sustaining it and giving it new, more Shiva-proximate platforms to carry on from. The more energy is drained down vie sexual release, the more these "platforms" are undone.
That might sound like it's too much imagination, but deep down I feel like it's the only pattern that emerges out of this rather chaotic journey we call Kundalini.
Could it really be all about sex? |
Edited by - Piruz on Nov 04 2020 11:53:08 PM |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1730 Posts |
Posted - Nov 07 2020 : 11:26:54 AM
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Hi Piruz
Since you have read the AYP lessons, you already know that sexual abstinence is not recommended at times of serious energy overload.
Of course it is entirely up to you which advice you take, but if you are following a line that is entirely different from AYP, then the members of this forum will simply be unable to offer any advice.
Take care and all the best. |
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amuhai
USA
18 Posts |
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Piruz
United Kingdom
73 Posts |
Posted - Nov 10 2020 : 12:39:21 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by BlueRaincoat
Hi Piruz
Since you have read the AYP lessons, you already know that sexual abstinence is not recommended at times of serious energy overload.
Of course it is entirely up to you which advice you take, but if you are following a line that is entirely different from AYP, then the members of this forum will simply be unable to offer any advice.
Take care and all the best.
This has nothing to do with any system, it's just my experience. I'm not saying total abstinence but at least enough to get the energy to move up to new levels before it can "take a break" (which it must at some point). How else will Prana "complete the circuit" if it's not allowed to achieve breakthroughs across the body vie some sort of sexual regimen?
A perpetually incomplete circuit is hell! Sooner or later the Prana must reach the third eye because if it doesn't then it will keep on trying and that's taking a horrible toll on my body and health. |
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Piruz
United Kingdom
73 Posts |
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Christi
United Kingdom
4364 Posts |
Posted - Nov 10 2020 : 6:01:03 PM
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quote:
This has nothing to do with any system, it's just my experience. I'm not saying total abstinence but at least enough to get the energy to move up to new levels before it can "take a break" (which it must at some point). How else will Prana "complete the circuit" if it's not allowed to achieve breakthroughs across the body vie some sort of sexual regimen?
A perpetually incomplete circuit is hell! Sooner or later the Prana must reach the third eye because if it doesn't then it will keep on trying and that's taking a horrible toll on my body and health.
Hi Piruz,
It is not true that prana, at some stage needs to "take a break". It doesn't. It is also not true that at some point prana will "complete a circuit". It doesn't. And it is also not true that there is something magical about prana reaching the third eye, which will result in everything becoming stable. In terms of premature kundalini awakenings, things could easily get more out of hand at that point, rather than less, as prana moves into the higher centres.
It would be good to let go of all of these ideas, as they are not helping you. Read lesson 69 and follow the advice given to ground yourself. Stop all spiritual practices, including prayer. Celibacy is also a spiritual practice which will cause prana to rise up through the body, so this is best avoided.
Once you have reached a stable point, and remained stable for some time, I would recommend that you take up an AYP practice, so that you don't end up in this situation again. Begin at lesson 10 and work your way through the lessons from there.
Christi |
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Piruz
United Kingdom
73 Posts |
Posted - Nov 13 2020 : 05:40:31 AM
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You see, Christi, this is exactly what makes meditation a messy enterprise: the literature is inconsistent, and (therefore) the guidelines as well.
quote:
It is not true that prana, at some stage needs to "take a break". It doesn't. It is also not true that at some point prana will "complete a circuit". It doesn't.
Okay, poor choice of words on my part, so I'll rephrase. Perhaps not take a break in the sense of subsiding over long periods of time, but the Prana onslaught charging upwards does in fact "switch gears" every time acceleration is about to "exhaust the engine" (the "gear" slows down in other words). That is what I meant by "take a break". A vehicle would be blown apart if the gear didn't "reset", and so would a human body going through Prana. If it didn't, anyone with a Kundalini awakening would be dead in a matter of days!
quote:
And it is also not true that there is something magical about prana reaching the third eye, which will result in everything becoming stable.
No one said anything about magic. It was Yogani who said that the third eye tends to dissolve bad karmas and blockages, not magically (or even smoothly, for we know the process might be painful) but surely nonetheless. Why this should be (fundamentally) different in a person with a premature crown opening I have no idea.
quote:
In terms of premature kundalini awakenings, things could easily get more out of hand at that point, rather than less, as prana moves into the higher centres.
This is exactly what I came here asking about 4 months ago, that Prana moving into the higher centers would turn me mad. But people dismissed my concerns altogether and said I was being over-analytical. Now you're saying I may have been right. Like I said, I wish there was a true science of meditation and Prana that made the whole practice more understandable and its concepts more applied.
quote:
It would be good to let go of all of these ideas, as they are not helping you.
These are not "ideas" or preconceptions. This is me trying to make sense of what's happening to me AFTER THE FACT. I don't meditate anymore and I don't do anything that might interfere with Prana, so I'm fairly passive when it comes to energy.
quote:
Read lesson 69 and follow the advice given to ground yourself. Stop all spiritual practices, including prayer. Celibacy is also a spiritual practice which will cause prana to rise up through the body, so this is best avoided.
I do ground myself, by taking longs walks everyday and following other advice that's supposed to help my situation. I can feel the energy released upwards when I take long walks, but (and this is where I have a problem with sexual orgasm) a strong orgasmic dream (especially after a long period of no orgasm) is all it takes to undo all that grounding work and send me back to square one where the energy is, once again, stuck at the lower centers with the upper centers somehow "active" and yet lacking in energy. The energy "wants" to go up, so to speak, and is searching for "release" somewhere "up there", not "down here", a release which, by the way, feels nice when it happens.
I'm not making all this up, okay? It's a detailed narrative of how things are working in my body. |
Edited by - Piruz on Nov 13 2020 06:02:43 AM |
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Christi
United Kingdom
4364 Posts |
Posted - Nov 13 2020 : 07:48:42 AM
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Hi Piruz,
quote:
This is exactly what I came here asking about 4 months ago, that Prana moving into the higher centers would turn me mad. But people dismissed my concerns altogether and said I was being over-analytical. Now you're saying I may have been right.
It is not the case that people dismissed your concerns. You were advised to stop all the spiritual practices you were doing and to ground yourself until things became stable. You were also advised not to practice celibacy.
See here:
https://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic...18454#151924
and here:
https://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic...18454#151930
and here:
https://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic...18454#151939
and here:
https://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic...18454#151951
From somewhere, you have got the idea that you can deal with an energetic overload by somehow letting the prana "push through" to a higher level. This idea is not in the AYP lessons. The advice given is to self-pace on spiritual practices, if necessary stopping all together for some time and to become grounded by engaging in daily grounding practices. Prayer and celibacy are both spiritual practices, so both have to be self-paced accordingly along with all other spiritual practices. Self-pacing needs to happen until you are stable, whether something "feels nice" or not.
You should not be thinking in terms of dissolving karma or blockages right now as that could make your situation worse. If a river is flooding its banks, removing more stones from the riverbed upstream is only going to increase the flow and make the flooding worse. That is what happens to a person experiencing energetic overload, who does things to remove energetic blockages in the subtle body.
I realise that you got into this situation by using non-AYP practices, but the fundamentals of dealing with the situation (self-pacing and grounding) will still work. It sounds as if you have got yourself into a difficult situation and it will take time to sort that out. But if you do not follow the advice being given, there is not much more we can do to help. It is very rare in this forum for someone to be advised to stop all spiritual practices and only happens in extreme cases. You have been flying out on a wing for quite some time, using practices that were not safe, so it could take quite a while for things to become stable again.
It is good to hear that you are taking long walks every day. Have patience and follow the advice given and everything will be all right.
Christi
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Piruz
United Kingdom
73 Posts |
Posted - Nov 14 2020 : 3:10:45 PM
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quote:
From somewhere, you have got the idea that you can deal with an energetic overload by somehow letting the prana "push through" to a higher level.
I'll say it again, I have not practiced meditation or done any energy work since the first day my Kundalini awakening (around 2 years ago). I have, on very few occasions, tried to mitigate the crushing symptoms by trying to channel the energy, but it's always come back at me horribly and therefore only adds to my conviction that any kind of (conscious) interference is to be avoided at all costs.
But (and this is the point I'm always trying to make) no matter what I do (or don't do), the energy is always marching upwards. You say "letting it move up" but the truth is, it's doing that on it's own.
quote:
Self-pacing needs to happen until you are stable, whether something "feels nice" or not.
I've quit practicing altogether, and I AM NOT seeking "nice experiences" in any way (it was trying to reproduce "nice experiences" like OBE that got me here in the first place by prematurely awakening my crown chakra, on which I use to meditate for hours). I'm not after experiences of any kind. I want whatever is happening in me to balance out and stop destroying my life. I feel like a bird struggling to fly with one wing. My health is deteriorating, my luck is running out and my life is falling apart. I don't want to run away, for I know that's not possible.
It will take some time? It's been 2 years and it gets worse every now and then and so much of it makes no sense (that last part is a killer!). No wonder why prematurely awakened people become suicidal!
I just want to understand what the hell is going on. |
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Christi
United Kingdom
4364 Posts |
Posted - Nov 14 2020 : 5:42:45 PM
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quote:
A relationship is out of the question, because sex drains the Prana downwards, disrupting the natural flow of energy (which tends upwards)
quote:
I've come to realize that some things tend to help rather noticeably, like (sexual) abstinence
quote:
All that talk about Kundalini being a form of sexual energy (if not The sexual energy) really start to make sense when you learn that economizing on sexual release tends to give Prana a more balanced and sustained course throughout the body.
Hi Piruz,
Sexual abstinence is an energetic practice which causes sexual energy to build up in the lower centres and then rise up through the body. This is especially true for people who have an active kundalini. It is the reason that monks and nuns are celibate. If someone is suffering from energetic overload, then sexual abstinence will often make their situation worse. This is something to bear in mind.
The breathing practices that you developed and the crown chakra practices that you developed have left you in a difficult situation. So, you need to pay attention to the advice that is being given. Your situation is not simply going to resolve itself.
Christi |
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Piruz
United Kingdom
73 Posts |
Posted - Nov 15 2020 : 12:23:40 PM
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I've been doing everything I was told. I've been off meditation for over a year and a half, and I've been grounding ever since then. It's not been without benefit, of course, just not enough to get me out of this hell. Even after the initial awakening (lower centers) which was followed by up to 10 months of grounding (long walks, long working hours and a busy life) the Prana still invaded my heart later on in a way so aggressive I thought I was having a heart attack and called the ambulance. Slowly but surely the Prana has been climbing up to the throat and head, with "third eye" vibrations becoming more frequent and dreams more vivid (for good or ill).
There's way too much energy/tension in the body (as you say, from the lower centers, the sexual powerhouse Kundalini, or maybe not who knows?) but not nearly enough outlet/release. The system is dangerously out of balance because at any given point in time it is (somehow) drawing in more Prana than it can release. I know this from experience because I can at times feel the release physically (I'm not sure but I believe the release is most pronounced when Prana reaches the upper centers). This release, however, is unable to sustain itself or draw out all the excessive Prana that's destroying my body. If things carry on this way then I have no doubt that I will age 10 times faster than the average human being.
Oh and forget celibacy for now (it was just an idea/theory). You say my problem won't resolve itself? Well don't I know lol! Thing is, Christi, the other yogis here are saying the exact opposite (let it be and it will eventually sort itself out blah blah blah)! See my point about inconsistency? |
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Piruz
United Kingdom
73 Posts |
Posted - Nov 15 2020 : 12:46:50 PM
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Now the reason I invoked celibacy is because orgasm has been been getting more and more costly (Kundalini symptom wise) ever since Prana started reaching higher centers in the body (especially prolonged orgasms). Isn't this whole problem due to overload? So then why is release (from the lower centers) making the symptoms ten times worse? Doesn't this mean that, overload or not, the Prana is better off staying on its natural course (upwards) instead of being pulled down forcefully?
Also you forget that for so many people at some stage libido will actually subside for a period of time during upper chakra activation. This thing, in other words, might happen naturally.
Again I'm not invoking celibacy as a rule of thumb for managing Kundalini so please don't pin the whole problem on celibacy and deny the fact that, in so many people at least, Prana won't stop moving upwards at an alarming pace no matter what they do or don't do and that, in their cases, celibacy (for the most part but not total) MIGHT not be a bad idea. |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1730 Posts |
Posted - Nov 15 2020 : 1:30:55 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Piruz
Thing is, Christi, the other yogis here are saying the exact opposite (let it be and it will eventually sort itself out
It seems inconsistent, it's just a difference in time horizon. Things will sort themselves out in the long run if you stop putting gas over the fire. It's not possible to know how long, it could be weeks, months or years. What Chisti was saying is that you cannot will the energy back in the box. What you can do is use the levers described in Lesson 69 to gradually increased stability.
Look, we are trying to help as much as we can. I understand that you are uncomfortable and probably losing patience at time (yes, there are times when it may seem there is no light at the end of the tunnel), but arguing with us is not going to help you.
The lessons are the go to place for advice on how to handle things. If you need help understanding the lessons, ask questions for clarification in this forum. Debating the contents of the lessons with us is not going to be productive. Think about it: If our individual experiences went against what's written in the AYP lessons, would any of us still be here?
An ounce of patience and surrender would help too. Maybe that's one of the lessons you need to learn from this experience? Who knows?
I hope this helps. If it doesn't, please disregard it.
All the best. |
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Christi
United Kingdom
4364 Posts |
Posted - Nov 15 2020 : 1:34:41 PM
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Hi Piruz,
quote:
Oh and forget celibacy for now (it was just an idea/theory). You say my problem won't resolve itself? Well don't I know lol! Thing is, Christi, the other yogis here are saying the exact opposite (let it be and it will eventually sort itself out blah blah blah)! See my point about inconsistency?
The advice I have seen you being given in this forum has been consistent.
quote:
Now the reason I invoked celibacy is because orgasm has been been getting more and more costly (Kundalini symptom wise) ever since Prana started reaching higher centers in the body (especially prolonged orgasms).
It will be difficult for you to resolve your issues if you practice sexual abstinence. You also need to avoid prolonged sexual stimulation and prolonged orgasms, as these will both make your situation worse as well, as they will cause prana to rise in your body.
More information on the sexual aspect of yoga can be found in the Tantra lessons.
quote:
Also you forget that for so many people at some stage libido will actually subside for a period of time during upper chakra activation. This thing, in other words, might happen naturally.
It does not sound as if you are in this situation, so it is not something you need to worry about at this stage. Hopefully it won't become an issue for you.
Be patient and take your time to let things calm down. It could take a while. How long it takes will depend on how far you went over the edge in the first place. As we don't know the exact practices that you were doing, it is difficult to say how long it will take for you to become stable again.
Christi |
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Kundalini and deteriorating health (update)
