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 Yoga and Relationships
 How do I stop looking down on others?
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redbushlighter

USA
21 Posts

Posted - Dec 28 2019 :  12:14:13 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Message
I've realized recently that I've been feeding a superiority complex for at least a couple years now. It's so subtle, I could hardly tell.

It is difficult for me to truly listen to others. I, however, love expressing my views and perspectives on the world. Before someone is even done talking, I'm already thinking about what I'm going to say next.

It really impacts my relationships quite a lot. I feel this complex has permeated everything from my psyche to my behaviors in my day-to-day.

Whenever someone close to me expresses sadness or a problem they've been having, my first instinct is to tell them what they should do to fix that. Or if my girlfriend feels sad, I'll tell her to try not to judge the feeling, that kinda thing.

I feel like I've closed out a whole world. I don't even know where to begin. Empathy clearly is not my strong suit.

Does anyone have any advice for me? I really don't want to live like this anymore

SeySorciere

Seychelles
1200 Posts

Posted - Dec 28 2019 :  02:46:36 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply


I smile because I have spent years practicing Listening... listening properly with all your attention.
Like everything else you want to get better at, you practice !


Sey



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BlueRaincoat

United Kingdom
1527 Posts

Posted - Dec 28 2019 :  04:52:39 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
But you are realising it, redbushlighter. Your meditation practice has brought you to this realisation. This is progres!

From personal experience, I'd say inner silence fixes this. When the mind is still, the thoughts of others are your own thoughts. That is listening.

You are on the right track. Enjoy your practice!
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Charliedog

1583 Posts

Posted - Dec 28 2019 :  06:40:32 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
I totally agree with Sey and BlueRaincoat. To realize this deeply is a step forwards. From there compassion can be born.

Enjoy your practice!
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interpaul

USA
70 Posts

Posted - Dec 28 2019 :  12:26:10 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
The late Wayne Dyer once said "Is it better to be right or be kind?" I posed this question to some of my science minded friends and they told me they'd rather be right. In the US we are in somewhat of a crisis given our president doesn't value science and "fake news" runs rampant. These societal struggles are threatening our very existence (e.g. climate change deniers etc). Truth is so important. All of us are seekers who desire to know the truth. AYP is an experiential path to truth. If you know you are right how do you engage with others who are "wrong". I suspect some of the more experienced folks on this website have come to a deeper place on the non duality pathway and may question the very nature of right and wrong. As a physician people come to me daily seeking my opinion. Most patients accept and appreciate my opinion. At appreciate having knowledge I can share. Do I see myself as superior in this setting, no. I see myself as knowledgeable. I have many patients who "can't handle the truth" so I have to slowly share with them until they come to accept what is best for their health. Outside of work, life is much more complicated as the doctor/patient relationship is hierachical social relationships are much less clearly structured. In marriage I have come to realize being right, can and often does, get you in the dog house if you use your truth as a weapon to prove superiority.

If you know you are correct, why is it so important to you to feel superior? Often psychologists will argue people who express superiority are compensating for feelings of inferiority. When I know I'm "right" at work, I can accept the struggles of my patient and offer them support and understand they may not be ready to engage in the treatments they need. When my wife is "wrong" about something at home, I am getting better at not trying to fix her and accepting she is doing the best she can. I really have to check myself and ask myself why is it so important for me to prove my "rightness." Try being kind a little more often. Acknowledge your "rightness" internally and let it go. Try accepting there is a scorekeeper out there who is giving you credit for being right and let it go.

Sey speaks to the truth with respect to how this can translate in your actions. Accept what you know to be true and consciously force yourself to be curious about the other person's perspective. If you engage them fully you may learn something and they will feel appreciated. They may then be more interested in hearing what you have to say (or not). As BlueRaincoat points out you are clearly on the path to a deeper understanding as few people who are truly stuck in the trappings of Narcissism ever have the capacity to self reflect and desire change.

I like this quote by Kahlil Gibran "Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self. Therefore, trust the physician and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility"
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redbushlighter

USA
21 Posts

Posted - Dec 28 2019 :  9:28:53 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Thank you everyone for the supportive words and advice! It is truly appreciated.

Interpaul, thank you for typing that up. It's given me a lot to think about.


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interpaul

USA
70 Posts

Posted - Dec 29 2019 :  11:31:34 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
redbushligher, Yeah, I got on a roll there. Not sure if it was more for me or you! Good luck, I hope you find the right balance.
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Steve

269 Posts

Posted - Dec 30 2019 :  08:02:40 AM  Show Profile  Visit Steve's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
interpaul ,

A belated welcome to the forum ... thank you for a beautiful sharing ... there is much Heart within it ...

L&L,
Steve
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interpaul

USA
70 Posts

Posted - Dec 30 2019 :  12:40:56 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Steve, Thanks for your belated welcome and kind words.
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Presence Light

Algeria
7 Posts

Posted - Jan 02 2020 :  5:02:16 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
BlueRaincoat

''When the mind is still, the thoughts of others are your own thoughts''.

Does this mean that when we are with the mind, we all share ideas and fears in one field, in other words, can it be a personís thoughts or feelings from a remote location that do not belong to me?

Edited by - Presence Light on Jan 02 2020 10:51:45 PM
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BlueRaincoat

United Kingdom
1527 Posts

Posted - Jan 17 2020 :  09:40:49 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hi Presence Light

quote:
Originally posted by Presence Light
Does this mean that when we are with the mind, we all share ideas and fears in one field, in other words, can it be a personís thoughts or feelings from a remote location that do not belong to me?


I have not experienced the "remote location" situation, or at least I have not be able to verify it beyond doubt. But I have had proof that, when two beings reside in silence, they share emotions to the point that it's hard to say in which of them the emotion first originated. In the case of human beings, thoughts can be shared to the same extent i.e. sometimes I have not been able to tell whether a thought started in my head or in the other person's head.

Sorry for the delay in replying, I have only just spotted your post on this thread.
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Presence Light

Algeria
7 Posts

Posted - Jan 24 2020 :  09:43:26 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
BlueRaincoat, Thanks for your response and Clarification
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