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redbushlighter

USA
19 Posts

Posted - Nov 03 2019 :  2:39:41 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Message
Hello everyone,

I'm 21 year old male and since I was about 16 or 17 I've struggled with depression. I used to self-medicate with marijuana, alcohol, cough syrup, basically anything I could get my hands on that would distract me from the pain. After years of self-medicating, I've started to veer away from that (rather ineffective) approach.

Both my parents are diagnosed bipolar, my mom has an anxiety disorder and my dad has major depressive disorder. They're both medicated. A couple years ago I started taking wellbutrin (300mg) for anxiety and depression and it has helped. Although lately it doesn't seem to be as effective anymore.

I have my ups and downs. Sometimes I feel good, and other times I feel horribly depressed. It seems like a cycle between feeling good and depressed every few weeks or so.

My AYP practice is as follows: 10 minutes pranayama and 20 minutes mantra meditation 2x per day. I had a spontaneous kundalini awakening almost 2 years ago that caused major emotional upheaval, however I am more balanced nowadays compared to last year.

I'm starting to think I need to see a psychiatrist and maybe try some new medication. I'm in a depressive state right now. I've been self-harming and having suicidal thoughts.

Part of me is telling myself that I can work with all of these feelings with meditation and everything AYP has to offer. The other part of me says that some outside intervention is needed.

Does anyone here have experience with this sort of thing? Can I work with all of this with the help of just AYP? Will my practice be hindered if I get on medication? I suppose I'm just looking for some consolation here.... I don't know what the best route to take is. I suppose only I can answer that....

Anyways.... I'd love to hear some of your experiences with this kind of thing and how you went about it. Take care everyone.

smileforme

Kenya
23 Posts

Posted - Nov 04 2019 :  5:11:14 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
OM Shanti,
Hi Redbushligher,

You will be alright using AYP.The good thing is you wanted to change that is not easy to admit that what you are doing right now is not working. Most of the time people don't like to admit it and that by itself takes courage. I have lived with my brother for 12 years where he was diagnosed as bipolar and then they say schizophrenia. The sad part is all the time if he had listened once he would have been perfectly fine or healed whatever you want to call it without any medication. The problem is he doesn't listen.

Obviously, it is a way of thinking which labels one normal or abnormal. From my experience, ego is the biggest issue here. Ego to the highest level. I'm right. I know. Other people's perception is nothing but trash. Even if you agree on one thing the motive is totally different. You are useless in the eyes of those people and sometimes you are like an angel to them.

That is how they see it and I can understand that and you should to. He used to insult me flat out disgusting curses but I don't hate him. I love him so much and you should to. Because I understand why he is doing that. He is not a bad person. So your mother and father.

It is not good to argue with anyone so avoid that. The moment you argue with anyone I call a clash of egos. Unless you have a feeling of being right, you don't argue. Remember everyone is right only their point of view is different. If you don't understand why they are the way they are, you shouldn't have to blame them too. Rather, you can send them a positive vibration healing vibration every time you meditate. Remember, you can only change yourself and it is not your responsibility to change them. However, sending a positive vibration helps them a lot. From experience, I know it does a lot.

Here is what my brother said to our family after he went to the US when they asked him about the mediation I do. He said, "I'm afraid of looking at his eyes cause his eyes don't blink. However, he doesn't care if I insult him and he smiles. He is so calm and doesn't bother about anything. He doesn't care if he makes a lot of cash, he doesn't care if he doesn't have cash. He doesn't feel sad. He is just happy the way he is." I assure you you don't have to worry about him. This is what he said.

I'm not telling you this to brag or anything. I'm telling you this to understand your mother and father. It is expected that they will laugh at you. My brother told our family that but when he was with me he used to come and dance in front of me wearing underwear only while I'm sitting in lotus form for meditation. He smiles and I smile with him cause I understand why he is doing it. And he will call me a fool and go to his room.

I will tell you this, It is challenging at first for you. when you start first playing a piano it is very hard to even lift one finger but day by day it will become second nature. In a similar way, the happiness you will get from AYP might not be consistent but little by little you will become stronger and stronger.

But this is important. Remember the moment you point out your fingers at others those three are pointing at you. Om Shanti
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lalow33

USA
962 Posts

Posted - Nov 04 2019 :  8:09:49 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hey,

Self-harming is not good. I'd see the psychiatrist for sure.

Take care,
Lori
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SeySorciere

Seychelles
1178 Posts

Posted - Nov 05 2019 :  05:33:13 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Dear redbullighter,

I would also strongly recommend that you seek professional help from a psychologist.

But yes, do keep up your AYP practices, it will help over the longer term.



Sey
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Blanche

USA
578 Posts

Posted - Nov 05 2019 :  06:28:49 AM  Show Profile  Visit Blanche's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hi Redbushlighter,

You are right: Ask for help and support from people close to you, and go today to see a psychiatrist. When the depression gets more serious, the brain does not work quite right, and medication helps. Do not harm yourself: As a yogi, you know that karma exists, and everything you do has consequences.

Meditation and other AYP practices will make a difference in long-term, when done regularly. The depression got here over some years, and it is reasonable to expect to take time to deal with it. Medication works much faster. Once you start the treatment, you could work with your doctor to find the dose effective for you, and maybe adjust it as the meditation starts to kick in.

There are other things that help with depression. Work out for an hour every day, and you will see a difference. Eliminate sugar and processed food/drinks from diet. Eat more fresh fruit and veggies. Make a list of things you enjoy, and include some of them in your daily life.

Keep a journal. Find out what works and later you may be able to help others who deal with the same problems. Some ups and downs are part of this world, sometimes we are happy and sometimes we are sad and this is ok. But depression as a form of suffering does not have to be part of life, and you can do something about it.

Wishing you the best!
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redbushlighter

USA
19 Posts

Posted - Nov 05 2019 :  1:02:54 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Thank you everyone for your replies. I've been feeling a little better the past couple days. Mostly because I've made it a point to make some art for at least an hour each day. I forgot how helpful creative activity is for my mental health.

I've been wanting to take up yoga for some time now, but I don't have the money to afford yoga classes. I'm a bit hesitant to learn by myself because I feel like it's important to have a teacher so they can point out when you're doing something wrong. Are there any yoga practices you guys recommend for someone who'd be doing it by themselves?

Thanks again everyone.
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Dogboy

USA
1646 Posts

Posted - Nov 06 2019 :  1:12:26 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
No shame in DVDs I started with Rodney Ye, a twenty minute morning routine. Also some local studios often have a free introductory class (check out all in your area) and that may be enough to get a general understanding of a proper pose. (Upright spine, palms and shoulders gently turned out, upper thighs gently turning in, are common body placement).
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