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 Satsang Cafe - General Discussions on AYP
 Renouncing sex completely, a goal?
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lalow33

USA
962 Posts

Posted - Oct 19 2019 :  2:47:36 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Wow Blanche!

There's a certain beauty in honesty. I think you nailed it!

It's so nice that we can share our different perspectives.

Edited by - lalow33 on Oct 19 2019 2:51:27 PM
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interpaul

USA
53 Posts

Posted - Oct 19 2019 :  8:45:35 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
lalow33 and Blanch, Thanks for your comments. Lori, I assume when you recommend talking with common sense friends you are suggesting my exploring these esoteric practices is a bit out there. Maybe I am misunderstanding your comments. When I speak with my friends who know my wife and I well, they all raise concerns about her unwillingness to meet me half way after years of trying. I have devoted myself to my wife and kids. I have tried many many things to connect with her. I have to the best of my ability focused on connecting with her in all other arenas of our life. I sense from Blanche's comments the assumption is I am not trying hard enough. I realize this is an online forum where anyone who is willing to share their thoughts does so with the limited information they have to work with. I do appreciate your comments,Blanche, as many of them fit with suggestion friends of my have made. I have developed a deeper love for my wife despite our struggles. Divorce is not something I desire in my 50s and I posted not to be told whether to divorce or not but rather to get a sense from this community of AYP practitioners if the idea of renouncing physical sex is a realistic part of the path or just something we read about in spiritual books. That is has anyone here found that sacrifice has brought them closer in relating to others or if, as lalow33 suggests, may not fit with common sense. Ultimately AYP is not a "common" path, therefore it may not make "sense" to most of the world. Thank you all for engaging with me in this exploration.
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sunyata

USA
1404 Posts

Posted - Oct 20 2019 :  06:53:44 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hi interpaul,

You’ve received excellent advice from everyone. Look up spiritual bypassing if you haven’t already.
I commend your devotion to your wife and family. I’m really enjoying reading all your posts and inquiry.

Continue with your practice and do not make drastic changes as Sey suggested. Remember to be kind to yourself and love yourself big just like you do to your family. This path is about transcendence and ecstatic bliss. But, it is equally being with parts of us we may have rejected and disowned. Sometimes on the path there can be a tendency to cling on to spiritual concepts and ignore our humanness. Wholeness seems to arise when we are totally okay with all aspects of us. As they say the only way out is through. Perhaps this is what Yogani calls being divine human.

Much Love,
Sunyata

Edited by - sunyata on Oct 20 2019 07:00:12 AM
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Blanche

USA
578 Posts

Posted - Oct 20 2019 :  08:46:44 AM  Show Profile  Visit Blanche's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hello Interpaul,

I do not assume that I know everything you have done for your relationship. I do assume that you have done your best. My first post in this thread focused on suggestions for a new perspective on relationships. The only way to get a different outcome is to try something new. For example, do you know that when it comes to choosing partners, men are tuned to visual information, while women pay attention to olfactory stimuli (smells)? Hence, the shower and the new shirt. Overall, doing the things that we all do naturally when we are in love makes for better relationships and a more fun life. We can all use more of these.

AYP is dealing with the classic yoga path in a clear and open way. We are all on a spiritual path, if we know it or not. As we become more aware, we realize that everything is a yoga lesson, including our relationships. And we have the option to engage in our relationships as a form of bhakti yoga (loving devotion to the Divine) or karma yoga (yoga of action, selfless service to others). You could do this more consciously now, or you will find that these come things come naturally to you as you continue with the AYP practices.

Your posts make a very important point related to non-attachment. Yoga requires practice and non-attachment. The practice is clear – see the AYP lessons. Your question about “renouncing physical sex” as a “realistic part of the path” might seem to refer to the practice aspect, but in this context it refers to non-attachment. A yogi that renounces sex to preserve sexual energy, but experiences this as a “sacrifice” will have to deal sooner or later with his decision and his sexuality. This is the reason living in the world and dealing with all the daily consequences of our actions and beliefs make for a better spiritual school that going to a cave to try to get away from everyone and everything. We carry our attachments with us, in our mind. We take our problems and the world with us everywhere we go. Non-attachment is not the result of a simple decision. Practice helps, especially mantra meditation, by dissolving our identification with the objects of perception. I would argue that changing our attitude, focusing more on others than ourselves, shifting from I, me, mine to “the Beloved” (the object of your devotion) will cultivate non-attachment and make for a smoother faster journey.

Best wishes for your chosen path
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lalow33

USA
962 Posts

Posted - Oct 20 2019 :  11:32:49 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
quote:
Originally posted by interpaul

lalow33 and Blanch, Thanks for your comments. Lori, I assume when you recommend talking with common sense friends you are suggesting my exploring these esoteric practices is a bit out there. Maybe I am misunderstanding your comments. When I speak with my friends who know my wife and I well, they all raise concerns about her unwillingness to meet me half way after years of trying. I have devoted myself to my wife and kids. I have tried many many things to connect with her. I have to the best of my ability focused on connecting with her in all other arenas of our life. I sense from Blanche's comments the assumption is I am not trying hard enough. I realize this is an online forum where anyone who is willing to share their thoughts does so with the limited information they have to work with. I do appreciate your comments,Blanche, as many of them fit with suggestion friends of my have made. I have developed a deeper love for my wife despite our struggles. Divorce is not something I desire in my 50s and I posted not to be told whether to divorce or not but rather to get a sense from this community of AYP practitioners if the idea of renouncing physical sex is a realistic part of the path or just something we read about in spiritual books. That is has anyone here found that sacrifice has brought them closer in relating to others or if, as lalow33 suggests, may not fit with common sense. Ultimately AYP is not a "common" path, therefore it may not make "sense" to most of the world. Thank you all for engaging with me in this exploration.



Hey interpaul,

It's cool to disagree with me.

Sometimes, we don't listen or hear our common sense friends. We aren't open to that.
Guilty!

What you should do is in your own heart. Just listen to that if ya can. If not, I highly recommend common sense friends.

Take care,
Lori
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interpaul

USA
53 Posts

Posted - Oct 21 2019 :  12:41:37 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Sunyata, Blanche and Lori, Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply to my questions. I feel a lot of love being shared here and for that I am deeply grateful. Yes, I've wondered at times if I am on a spiritual bypass path. Having struggled so much for so long with my marriage I've gone down many different dead end paths. I do hold onto some hope for my marriage as my wife and I still do share love for each other, yet, I don't feel like she enjoys being with me as much as she used to. Fortunately I do shower regularly and have upgraded my wardrobe at times . Doing my AYP practices has forced me into a place of feeling my feelings a lot more than I used to. I feel much more sensitive now to emotional distance from my wife and teenage daughters. This does not affect my work as I have a lot of love to share and fortunately at work people enjoy the attention I have to give. I do sense I am facing some of my burried woundsfrom early life. Hopefully the growing bliss I feel with these practices will give me the strength to face my fears rather than run from them.
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sunyata

USA
1404 Posts

Posted - Oct 21 2019 :  1:57:42 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
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