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Larimar
Poland
19 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 27 2019 : 7:19:58 PM
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Hi!:)
I'm from Poland and English is not my language so keep this in mind when reading this. I will hurt your language!:))
This will be my journal here where I will put everything I want to put in but it will be all connected to my awakened kundalini for sure. I can't write about it somewhere else. I actually tried this. I was dummy.
There will be for sure many emotions that I will put into text, because I actually have so much of them sometimes and writing them into text is helpful.
And a lot more. I will write always only about kundalini related things not about me doing dishes. ;D
If someone after reading this will feel like writing anything be welcome to do it. :) I'm always looking for help and I will be so grateful if anyone will try to help. :)) That's why I chose this forum. :) I will be understood here. |
Edited by - Larimar on Apr 27 2019 7:23:00 PM |
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Dogboy
USA
2193 Posts |
Posted - Apr 27 2019 : 8:32:33 PM
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| Go dog go! |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Apr 28 2019 : 03:09:23 AM
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sunyata
USA
1505 Posts |
Posted - Apr 28 2019 : 8:08:22 PM
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Looking forward to reading your journal Larimar.
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Larimar
Poland
19 Posts |
Posted - Apr 28 2019 : 8:29:52 PM
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I love you all! :)
I trully feel in my heart that this is the place where I should express myself.
I'm so limited by my English, but this is something I still look foward to do here. I just won't use complicated words to better describe my inner world.
I actually still didn't read much about kundalini. I'm doing it slowly, step by step. I'm still not meditating much, because I'm overwhelmed by kundalini 70% of my life since I have it and I feel like meditating only makes it stronger. It has been 2-3 months right now? I'm just finding balance in myself and learning how to be grounded all the time. I think today I'm fine, but I'm still dizzy and it's hard to focus a little bit. ( Is it because I'm not grounded? I don't know. ) And there is "electricity" all over my face. It actually works 95% time only there.
Hi.  My name is Chris, I'm 25 and I live in Poland.
I will put my deapest fear below. ( I don't know how to deal with my fear. I know how deal with my emotions, or I should say I'm learning to do it, but I have no idea how to deal with fear... )
I went into psychosis 4 years ago after having awakened kundalini for 1 year. I'm not exactly sure what happened back there, but I still remember talking with my father while in it and I felt like there is no my father but only his ego that I'm talking with.
It was so scary in my point of view back there.
I was feeding his ego with exactly the answer that it was wanting to hear and then he was answering exactly as I expected.
I was scared back there even more.
I remember that my fear took control over me before even this talk with my father happened.
My deepest fear at that time was that there will be the end of the world and slaughter of humanity by dark forces and it actually started to happen, when I was putting my focus into looking if this is happenning while fearing it.
I felt like this is happening.
I was seeing like this is happenning.
And it was happenning in my point of view.
Even though it was just a normal night.
I didn't know that I was just spirraling into psychosis.
And I went into it so hard...
I have no idea how to deal with that state of consciousness that I was in that time and it lead me into psychosis.
I was reading in the internet and found that it was "Psychosis due to complete mental ego self-identification".
I have found that I need to be grounded and it's easier much more back then. But at that time I was so, so... Let's say I was not grounded at all. :))
I feel like there is less of my ego day after day. There is so much suprises in this road. The only answer to all of them is "surrender"?
I have no idea.
It's 2:36 AM in Poland. I wanted to write more and put "all my fear" but I'm so tired. Haha. I won't sleep though. It just won't happen but I still feel like stop writing.
I love you all.
Seriously! It's so good that there is forum like this. I was so lonely, because no one in current moment in my real life can understand what is happening and just... be with me.
But I have you. Doesn't matter if this is just internet... It's still so, so good! 
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Edited by - Larimar on Apr 28 2019 10:57:02 PM |
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Larimar
Poland
19 Posts |
Posted - May 02 2019 : 7:41:25 PM
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Kundalini as always works only in my head, but sometimes it moves into other parts of my body.
I was thinking maybe I should look for someone in my real life who could assisst me and help with this process but it is actually pretty difficult if not impossible to achieve it. The only lead for me is Yoga School where Yoga Kundalini is teached to students. The problem it is 90-120 minutes of non stop travel by car from my house and I have strong agoraphobia and... No. Too early.
I think I'm on my own, but I put my fate on the hands of God and I believe he will guide me.
Last weeks I spend to heal my heart and allow old emotions to leave it.
These emotion are anger, pain, sadness and being hurt.
The source of this feelings is fact that I was forced by my family to be drugged with psychotropic pills that KILLED ME and kundalini also and made me vegetable for 4 years and my reason for life was almost only void after being influenced by them.
It is actually really hard for me to move on right now, because wherever I look I see that I was dead for 4 years.
I concentrate on my heart and I speak to it with empathy when emotions are showed and felt by me in my heart.
It is slow process and very painful, but I'm getting healed in this sphere of my life, because I feel like my heart is feeling better after this.
And kundalini is working and working meanwhile.
I ACTUALLY FOUND AMAZING WAY TO GROUND MYSELF ENTIRELY!
I meditate with stone with strong earth energy and I mean by that stones who support Root Chakra.
My favourtie stone is right now: Galena.
Actually I'm going to meditate with it right now, because my head is too "lightweight" than rest of my body. I have no idea if this will change, but I feel my head so strange inside.
I love you all but I feel in my heart so much of feelings that reminds me of being so much hurt also... And there is so much pain and sadness too. But there is no anger or rage.
Wow. I would like so much to life elsewhere than with my family that I grew up with and who did all this to me. Yet it is SO HARD to work and find different place when you have awakened kundalini, agoraphobia and neurosis... 
I'm as much patient as I need to be in my life and I know that in time I will let it all go and be healed.
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Edited by - Larimar on May 03 2019 12:03:56 AM |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - May 03 2019 : 03:49:41 AM
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Hi Larimar,
Thank you for sharing your journey here
Kundalini yoga is not a good idea for you, it would be too much energy work. Grounding in ways of eating healthy and take long walks in nature is a better idea at the moment 
quote:
I concentrate on my heart and I speak to it with empathy when emotions are showed and felt by me in my heart.
It is slow process and very painful, but I'm getting healed in this sphere of my life, because I feel like my heart is feeling better after this.
Do you love music? Some music has healing abilities in this.
quote:
I would like so much to life elsewhere than with my family that I grew up with and who did all this to me.
Even if we are hurt and is our past painful, most parent do the best they can, they just don't know it either. Parents are human beings with their past and their parents as the role models, mostly they do the best they can to take care for their children. Not always an easy task, because we all have to deal with karmic obstructions.
Be patient and send some loving kindness (metta) to them in your prayers or during the day, you could be surprised how healing that will be to yourself and all of your family members (I do not say it is easy, but it will be easier after some time). If we change our automatic reactions in carefully chosen words and acts, change is possible, always. Every day, every moment is a new beginning.
Practicing loving kindness to all living creatures (including yourself) is step one on the journey of yoga, (that does not mean that we have to be weak and let others walk over us). It is a practice of love, strength and wisdom including ups and downs, like all journeys of life.
Take care!
PS I love stones too.
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Edited by - Charliedog on May 03 2019 05:30:59 AM |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1730 Posts |
Posted - May 03 2019 : 2:46:28 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Charliedog
Kundalini yoga is not a good idea for you, it would be too much energy work.
I would have said the same.
If you come to a point where you are able to do any practices, it should be just meditation, starting with a gentle form.
Are you spending time outdoors, grounding? The weather should be getting nice, with the summer approaching.
Best wishes |
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Larimar
Poland
19 Posts |
Posted - May 06 2019 : 9:11:46 PM
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Hi Charliedog and BlueRaincoat :)
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Thank you for sharing your journey here
NO! Haha! I thank you for being here, reading and writing! :))
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Kundalini yoga is not a good idea for you, it would be too much energy work. Grounding in ways of eating healthy and take long walks in nature is a better idea at the moment
I actually thought that "kundalini yoga" is just a term for people who have awakened kundalini, but now I used google and now I know that "kundalini yoga" is something different and DEFINITELY not something that I need at the moment as I barely survive somtimes, just like right now. It is funny but after I have stretched my face all reaaally intense and hard to describe feelings have gotten away and I feel "normal". I wanted to go to this yoga school actually only to find if there is someone which I could talk about having awakened kundalini and be not send into mental hospital after this, haha.
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Do you love music? Some music has healing abilities in this.
I started to use music ( binaural beats ) to help me with it. ;) Thank you for the idea. After I have read what you suggested I started to use it daily, even to help me with grounding.
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Even if we are hurt and is our past painful, most parent do the best they can, they just don't know it either. Parents are human beings with their past and their parents as the role models, mostly they do the best they can to take care for their children. Not always an easy task, because we all have to deal with karmic obstructions.
I have never thought about this in this way. Wow, having this point of view is easier to let all this go.
:)
quote:
Be patient and send some loving kindness (metta) to them in your prayers or during the day, you could be surprised how healing that will be to yourself and all of your family members (I do not say it is easy, but it will be easier after some time). If we change our automatic reactions in carefully chosen words and acts, change is possible, always. Every day, every moment is a new beginning.
THANK YOU. :)) I will do this. Day after day as my negative emotions are melting and leaving my heart all is easier to let it all go.
Few days ago I started to feel so strange feeling in my heart and I felt like it is time to forgive my mother and I did it. I feel so light after this but I still feel like there are some emotions that are still waiting to be discovered in matter of my past with psychotropic pills, but it will be time for this. After this sending loving kidness is sooo easy, especially in moments like this. I will do this after this message or later, because I start to feel like I really need some grounding activity again.
quote:
Practicing loving kindness to all living creatures (including yourself) is step one on the journey of yoga, (that does not mean that we have to be weak and let others walk over us). It is a practice of love, strength and wisdom including ups and downs, like all journeys of life.
I never knew about this. I kind of feel feeling that can be described as "loving kidness" to all things but it is clouded so often by many things and especially my emotions.
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Take care!
You too.
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PS I love stones too.
ME TOO! I love you! They are so amazing! Feeling their energy is my favourite spiritual activity. There is nothing in life that I love so much as this. It is sad sometimes that I'm limited only to grounding stones, because there is no way I can use other just like before kundalini. You know... But I sometimes I do cheat, haha, and use my favourite Larimar. Just like this morning :D I loveee it so much! I was really ungrounded after this but It was experience that I couldn't resist. It was like my soul was burning with desire that I couldn't resist and I had to meditate wit it. ;D I love energy of this stone because it feels ALMOST PERFECTLY as feeling of Bliss that I have after awakened kundalini. They happen really rare but using this stone is like bringing this back.
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I would have said the same.
If you come to a point where you are able to do any practices, it should be just meditation, starting with a gentle form.
Yes. I totally agree with it. What about simple asanas for my spine health? I really like doing them, because my spine sometimes hurts still, but I'm not pretty sure if this is good because sometimes I react to them strangely... ( I actually wrote on this forum about this. IT WAS SO FUNNY! That was my kundalini awakening and I thought I overdid yoga for my spine health. :))) Now I react to asanas for spine differently, but not "THAT" intense. :D )
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Are you spending time outdoors, grounding? The weather should be getting nice, with the summer approaching.
YES! There is finally spring in Poland. :D This is very sad, because winter is sooooooooo hard to survive. I'm spending time grounding in nature but I feel like I shouldn't rely on grounding in nature so much, because spring and summer will end and there will be hard to ground when all nature is sleeping and forests are feeling like dead.
I live in forest so it's not far away to go for a walk into wild nature. :D
Thank you all for writing! :)
Love you all!
***
JOURNAL UPDATE
***
There is not much to write about.
I'm using grounding stones all the time and walking with them in my pockets and when I'm starting to feel "spaced out" I'm meditating with them.
I have found perfect way to tell if I'm getting ungrounded.
I'm trying to leave my body and "appear somewhere near", like in the next room. If this is coming soooo easy and I lose myself into this and even start to completely feel this room and seeing what is "happening" in there I KNOW that I'm ungrounded for sure.
I always do then grounding activities and then, after I'm done I'm trying to do this and It neveeer is like when I'm ungrounded.
Grounding with friends is amazing too. I was meeting my friend today and we were talking for 5-6 hours. :D It was AMAZING!
I'm thinking that every "grounding activities" are working in "grounding area" differentely? Or maybe I'm overthinking this? I'm not pretty sure, but I feel like I need all of them, and sometimes they still aren't enough, because I still have right now so strange and lightweight head even though I'm after stretching and meditation with grounding stone and still wearing peace of hematite in my neck...
Maybe I need to stretch my face more? ( It sounds strange, haha ) Kundalini is working there ALL THE TIME. Like 90-95% times. Sometimes I think if this reverses completely damage that was done in my brain due to of fact that I was forced to take psychotropic pills..
I'm not pretty sure somtimes what Is happening, haha.
Wow.
It is sometimes so hard to understand this process.
Is it even possible?
I also found that I need "routine activities" every day, because I'm changing so fast and I need some things that are making my day at least a little bit the same.
I was looking for some book about kundalini and found autor "Gopi Krishna". The problem is I REALLY don't like reading about kundalini. I don't actually understand why. I feel uneasy when doing this. I don't understand this.
PS
WOW.
Strange feeling of my head are passing if I stretch it... It isn't being ungrounded, because my "out of body test" is failing too.
So.
It is time to watch Game of Thrones and do strange things with my fingers on my head and face to stetch it. Good that there is 4:14 AM at Poland and there is no one to see it. |
Edited by - Larimar on May 06 2019 11:17:03 PM |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - May 07 2019 : 03:48:19 AM
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quote:
I started to use music ( binaural beats ) to help me with it. ;) Thank you for the idea. After I have read what you suggested I started to use it daily, even to help me with grounding.
I am sorry that I was not more clear. Taste of music is personal, that is why I did not give examples of music. I meant soothing music like Deuter for instance or to listen to a healing mantra (Deva Premal, Snatam Kaur, Krishna Das, Jai Uttal for instance) every now and then, if you are in a releasing mood. Just laying on the floor and surrender to the music and let go....
With binaural beats, I really don't know, speaking for myself they give me headache, and I know not everyone is responding well to them, so take care, better not listen to binaural beats everyday (my intuition and opinion).
quote:
I was looking for some book about kundalini and found autor "Gopi Krishna". The problem is I REALLY don't like reading about kundalini. I don't actually understand why. I feel uneasy when doing this. I don't understand this.
The uneasiness is quite common in the beginning, reading about kundalini touches something inside which is not easy to express. Still there is that drive to understand oneself. This process is changing us physically, energetically and emotionally. We need to embody or realise this process, this takes time.
If you feel ready for it you can read one lesson of Yogani a time from the start, every now and then. Never hurry, never rush, take all the time you need. Reading through them, even if you do not practice yoga, might give you so much insight in yourself and this journey. Yogani is a key in expressing in understandable words this journey. AYP lessons might answer unasked questions and help you with the integration (embodiment or realization)) of your experiences.
Enjoy spring and summer in nature
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Edited by - Charliedog on May 07 2019 04:04:56 AM |
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slegrand
Canada
6 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2019 : 2:00:26 PM
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Hi Larimar,
It's nice of you to share your experience.
In this new world you are discovering they are two major "forces": Love and fear. As fear goes away only Love will remain.
Trust Shakti in leading you in this way.
Regards! |
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Larimar
Poland
19 Posts |
Posted - May 16 2019 : 03:32:39 AM
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quote:
I am sorry that I was not more clear. Taste of music is personal, that is why I did not give examples of music. I meant soothing music like Deuter for instance or to listen to a healing mantra (Deva Premal, Snatam Kaur, Krishna Das, Jai Uttal for instance) every now and then, if you are in a releasing mood. Just laying on the floor and surrender to the music and let go....
I actually love all kind of music!:) ( Most, as I cant stand heavy metal. ) This is what I do. I lay, listen, surrender and let go.
quote:
With binaural beats, I really don't know, speaking for myself they give me headache, and I know not everyone is responding well to them, so take care, better not listen to binaural beats everyday (my intuition and opinion).
Yes, I know about what kind of binaural beats are you talking about. I have exactly the same opinion. :) But I listen to something gentle like this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFGsZ6ythQQ
quote:
The uneasiness is quite common in the beginning, reading about kundalini touches something inside which is not easy to express. Still there is that drive to understand oneself. This process is changing us physically, energetically and emotionally. We need to embody or realise this process, this takes time.
So true. :) I hope that in time I will feel like reading something. I just can't right now. I feel so unseasy when trying to read anything connected to kundalini and I almost immediately start to think that I need to do something else when trying to. True that there is drive to understand oneself also.
quote:
If you feel ready for it you can read one lesson of Yogani a time from the start, every now and then. Never hurry, never rush, take all the time you need. Reading through them, even if you do not practice yoga, might give you so much insight in yourself and this journey. Yogani is a key in expressing in understandable words this journey. AYP lessons might answer unasked questions and help you with the integration (embodiment or realization)) of your experiences.
I will try. Thank you for the link.
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Enjoy spring and summer in nature
YES! :D It's so beautiful and everything is so alive. :D Enjoy too!
quote:
It's nice of you to share your experience.
Thank you. It's the best place to do it here and I will always do it as it helps me.
quote:
In this new world you are discovering they are two major "forces": Love and fear. As fear goes away only Love will remain
This is the true I so much resonate with. Feeling love to all that is or fear, especially about my future with kundalini are the most itense feelings that I expierience right now.
quote:
Trust Shakti in leading you in this way.
I know nothing about Shakti. Can you tell me more?
***
Journal Update
***
As I write this I have strange feeling.
It's like my head and blood veins in it are fulled with liquid-electric-fire sensations. Really strong, intese and painful.
I feel like it was so much time since I posted.
So much happpened.
I remember nights when I couldn't sleep, because I was burning inside with electricity so strong that I felt like I'm melting. I was lying and surrender to it. This was and this is the only option to live with it. When doing this it gets easier and is starting to be "normal".
I remember nights when I was stretching after electricity burned enough of me and I felt like all my bones are moving and entire physical body too. It was hurting so much too and after this I was so spaced out I needed to meditate with grounding stone very long.
I really like some kinds of pain.
I feel like there are 2 kinds of pains.
Neccesary and unecessary.
This first is part of healing and other is opposite of it.
When feeling this first it is easy to love it as you feel like there is coming more of light where it was darkness.
When I pray I mostly ask God to protect me from myself as I know that I'm the only danger to myself. So many wrong desires were dreamed be me in the past and lead me into psychosis and killing me and kundalini in result.
There is fear this will be back, but when I feel this fear, I surrender to God and change this feeling of fear into peace when I know that my fate is in his hands. It actually really helps me to deal with fear.
I had strange experience.
The only spiritual practise I keep going is meditating with stones.
I kind of feel like I shouldn't be meditating with Larimar, but at the same time I feel sooo strong inner desire to do it.
I was meditating and I felt like energy of this stone completely fulfills me and I went fast into strong ecstasy... It lasted for some time, but when I felt like this is it I stopped. After this I was feeling very strange and my head was sooo strange too. It was like I was still filled with energy of Larimar even though I stopped, but it was less itense than in meditation. I had very, very intense pain in place between my eyes. I was feeling spaced out too, but in different way than being ungrounded and I felt strong fear.
I took many really light psychotropic pills as they are opposite to spirituality and they actually "helps" me sometimes. I don't know if I "should" do it, I feel like this is the way to go sometimes as kundalini burns them out almost immediately too.
After some time it started to fade so much and I felt "normal", but I still felt like energy of this stone is trapped in my brain and was feeling very strange. It lasted few hours.
I don't know if I should meditate with it again, but the inner desire remains, but now connected with fear.
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Edited by - Larimar on May 16 2019 03:55:52 AM |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2019 : 02:53:56 AM
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Did you notice that never two practices are exactly the same? How long is your meditation practice?
Keep walking Larimar.
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Larimar
Poland
19 Posts |
Posted - May 19 2019 : 7:56:10 PM
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quote:
Did you notice that never two practices are exactly the same? How long is your meditation practice?
Keep walking Larimar.
YES! I feel like energy is same, but it is felt always differentely, probably because there is many factors that compose ( is "compose" right word? I don't know, I found this in translator and it kind of describes polish word) to the meditation experience. I always feel stone different yet actually the same and this is why I love it so much, because there is always different expierience and all stones have different energy too.
My meditation always lasts around 25-40 minutes. I feel like I stopped meditation and came back to do normal life too fast and thats why it happenned.
What are your 3 favourite stones?
My are Larimar, Galena and Seraphinite.
***
I won't update journal right now. I don't feel like this is the time for this. |
Edited by - Larimar on May 19 2019 8:59:57 PM |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - May 20 2019 : 07:39:43 AM
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Hi Larimar,
quote:
My meditation always lasts around 25-40 minutes. I feel like I stopped meditation and came back to do normal life too fast and thats why it happenned.
If you notice this, it could be possible that your daily meditation practice is too long. Shorten the practice time, and take some minutes of rest afterwards, better a daily short practice then to meditate once in a few days for a longer periode. Here at AYP we call this self-pace. Self-pace is to regulate the practice time.
quote:
What are your 3 favourite stones?
I just follow my intuition, for a longer periode of time, I think a year it was a big red Jaspis, I felt a strong desire to have a stone like that close to me during my morning DM practice. Since some months however this suddenly changed. Since then it is Pink Mangano Calcite. I am kind of surprised myself about this sensitivity and desire to have a stone close to me during practice.
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Larimar
Poland
19 Posts |
Posted - May 20 2019 : 9:07:28 PM
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Hi Charliedog,
quote:
If you notice this, it could be possible that your daily meditation practice is too long. Shorten the practice time, and take some minutes of rest afterwards, better a daily short practice then to meditate once in a few days for a longer periode. Here at AYP we call this self-pace. Self-pace is to regulate the practice time
I feel like this is very wise thing to do and I will self-pace from now on. I was meditating once per few days but very intensively and it is true that it is better to self-pace, because sometimes I felt actually worse after meditation than before because it was too intense. Thank you.
quote:
I just follow my intuition, for a longer periode of time, I think a year it was a big red Jaspis, I felt a strong desire to have a stone like that close to me during my morning DM practice. Since some months however this suddenly changed. Since then it is Pink Mangano Calcite. I am kind of surprised myself about this sensitivity and desire to have a stone close to me during practice.
What is "DM practice"?
Is it daily meditation?
I follow my intuition too, but there are always some stones and their energies that I can't live without. Larimar is like part of me, but I don't know why and I don't understand it. I'm actually so attracted to red Jaspis too. Look how beautiful this stone is. :D I'm going to buy it soon.
https://allegro.pl/oferta/min-121-j...m-7531223455
Pink Mangano Calcite looks so attractive. I have feeling its energy does warm and wonderful feelings inside heart. And they actually have color like strawberry ice-creams. :D
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - May 21 2019 : 02:32:11 AM
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There are many beautiful stones.
quote:
What is "DM practice"?
Is it daily meditation?
Meditation is the process of systematically allowing the mind to become still for specific periods of time each day. In doing this daily over weeks, months and years, quietness, consciousness, gradually becomes more evident when the mind is active while we are not meditating, and worldly life is enriched. Through meditation, the relationship between consciousness and the world gradually changes. This is a process of yoga, the joining. It is the first step. Read more, Deep Meditation
This is a powerful practice. As you are sensitive, if you would like to try, keep it very short (5 or 10 minutes maximum)daily and take the same amount of rest afterwards.
There are more gentle meditationpractices, like sitting with eyes closed and observing the breath as it is, or global awareness (sitting with eyes closed and be aware) which might be a better choice for you at this moment. Grounding is important. Like we said in earlier posts.
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Larimar
Poland
19 Posts |
Posted - May 22 2019 : 06:51:51 AM
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quote:
There are many beautiful stones.
They all are beautiful. :)
quote:
Meditation is the process of systematically allowing the mind to become still for specific periods of time each day. In doing this daily over weeks, months and years, quietness, consciousness, gradually becomes more evident when the mind is active while we are not meditating, and worldly life is enriched. Through meditation, the relationship between consciousness and the world gradually changes. This is a process of yoga, the joining. It is the first step. Read more, Deep Meditation
This is a powerful practice. As you are sensitive, if you would like to try, keep it very short (5 or 10 minutes maximum)daily and take the same amount of rest afterwards.
There are more gentle meditationpractices, like sitting with eyes closed and observing the breath as it is, or global awareness (sitting with eyes closed and be aware) which might be a better choice for you at this moment. Grounding is important. Like we said in earlier posts.
I can't meditate unfortunately. Maybe very shortly. I only meditate with grounding stone's and I think and feel thats about all I can handle right, because I'm struggling with being 100% grounded all the time (is this even possible?).
***
JOURNAL UPDATE
PHYSICAL CHANGES
***
I wanted to write about it very long time.
Very intense physical changes are occuring in my body.
It feels very strange, when your bones and everything in the body is changing it's place and in need of stretching.
The worst it is when spine in my neck is changing it's place. It hurts so much and I need very STRONG grounding.
I can handle the pain.
The problem is grounding. I feel a little spaced out right now, but I did what I could best to ground myself.
My whole skeleton is changing. I feel it.
And I have found, that I need to stretch my face and head all the time. I have physical need of using my fingers and press with them into my skull. Everything is connected and I intuitively know what place in my body is connected to other and I *know* what to do, stretch everything. I need to do it so often I'm tired of it, but if I don't do it for longer period of time I feel uneasy and wrong and it grows stronger and stronger and can't live with that. It's like having awaken places in myself that are in need of breathing, but they can't until I stretch myself and allow air to go into them. That's how I feel it.
I have friend on facebook from Poland who also has awakened kundalini, but she doesn't have any physical changes I think, because she never heard of stretching, and they are part of physical changes I think. I know that kundalini works different in all people, but I thought that everyone have this symptom.
It is funny.
I wanted to buy so many things, but I know that when I will have money I'm going to buy more grounding stones.
I'm in desperate need of having more grounding necklaces, because they are actually life saver's.
I have right now only 1 and it is hematite and 6 grounding bracelets, but it is not enough.
Everyday is "normal" and kundalini is almost perfectly silent, but in the nights, hahaha.
Nights belongs not to me, but to kundalini. So itense they are.
How many there is grounding activities? I know about being in the nature, physical exercises, food and grounding stones.
Is sex grounding activity?
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Edited by - Larimar on May 22 2019 07:12:55 AM |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - May 22 2019 : 07:32:16 AM
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I can't meditate unfortunately. Maybe very shortly. I only meditate with grounding stone's and I think and feel thats about all I can handle right, because I'm struggling with being 100% grounded all the time (is this even possible?).
What you do is listening to the body and that is enough for now.
quote:
I wanted to buy so many things, but I know that when I will have money I'm going to buy more grounding stones.
I'm in desperate need of having more grounding necklaces, because they are actually life saver's.
Earth is grounding, walking barefoot, in summer outside, feel how your feet touch the ground, while walking....see the beauty of nature, we do not 'need' more stones or necklaces, or bracelets for grounding. Maybe you want them, but we do not need them for grounding. Enjoy what you have, take care of what you have and let go the feeling of not having enough.
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Dogboy
USA
2193 Posts |
Posted - May 22 2019 : 11:11:51 PM
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Is sex grounding activity?
Releasing semen can reduce symptoms, but prolonged sexual activity (as well as vigorous exercise) can excite kundalini and make things worse. Other grounding activities: heavier protein diet, swimming or bathing, cold showers. |
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Larimar
Poland
19 Posts |
Posted - Jun 02 2019 : 7:59:53 PM
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What you do is listening to the body and that is enough for now.
It feels sad when I think about tha last 3-4 years when I was drugged with strong psychotropic I didn't hear language that my body speaks to me with.
quote:
Earth is grounding, walking barefoot, in summer outside, feel how your feet touch the ground, while walking....see the beauty of nature, we do not 'need' more stones or necklaces, or bracelets for grounding. Maybe you want them, but we do not need them for grounding. Enjoy what you have, take care of what you have and let go the feeling of not having enough.
Very true. There is so many ways to ground myself that I was ashamed kind of my silly need of buying lots of grounding stones. I still bought some, but I don't feel that I want them as much as when I was writing last post. They are very useful at night and when there is winter and I can't enjoy beauty of nature. In Poland winter is very harsh and walking barefoot which I love so much is hard to do. I don't know if this is kundalini, or not, but I feel forest and nature so differently than "before kundalini". It is so... alive. I don't need anything. Just being in the forest and drowning in its presence is all I need when I trully need grounding. I feel so much bliss when I'm in deep forest. It's like I'm part of it and we are one. I don't know if I ever felt this in my life, but now I have it everytime I'm there. It is so beautiful and unique feeling of being one with something so perfect like nature.
quote:
Releasing semen can reduce symptoms, but prolonged sexual activity (as well as vigorous exercise) can excite kundalini and make things worse. Other grounding activities: heavier protein diet, swimming or bathing, cold showers.
I didn't know it. They are exciting kundalini because they make root chakra stronger ( I heard that it is place where kundalini resides ) and then kundalini is stronger because of it? I have no idea.
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Journal
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I have more itense nights or less.
I feel kundalini 24/7, but in the day it is very, very weak, but when it is time like this... It is now 1:17 AM and I will sleep 4 hours later. It is "kundalini time".
Today it is weak, but since I posted last I had very, very hard nights.
I always have same symptoms.
Its like my head and veins in it are fulled with liquid, electric fire sensations that hurts, but sometimes pain is just as intense as I can bare it.
I actually feel that there is pattern and I know much more about my kundalini case.
There is all the time this fire in my head and when it burns enough of whatever it is burning I have to "help" my physical body "change".
It sounds strange.
I need to press with my fingers or something else ( It sounds funny but I use 2 spoons hahah ) particular places in my body. Actually all of them, but especially those places where are my bones, spine and knuckles.
When I do this I have response.
It's like I have cold-pleasant electric feeling that goes through my spine and there is very often feeling like there is some physical change inside some places in my body. I have no idea how to describe it, but it is very pleasant when feeling it.
I need to this in my face and skull all the time.
Now it is normal activity for me. I watch some movies in the internet while pressing with my spoon some particular places on my skull or face. It looks so very weird, hahahah. But I HAVE TO DO IT. If I don't I have like very strange fever in my face/head and I feel so dizzy I'm dying and it's like I'm "addicted" to this activity. I CAN'T STOP. I remember I had this 4 years ago when my kundalini was awoken too.
So I'm sure it's connected to kundalini.
I don't know if this is normal part of physical changes? Why I have to "help" my body so it can change? I don't think it matters, because all I need to know is that I have to do it, or else I will suffer until I will do it.
After I'm done with "helping" my physical body to change I'm sooooooooooooo ungrounded.
Very, very much.
That's why I need grounding necklaces, stones and bracelets, because It always happens at night, just like now and I'm afraid of going into deep forest right now, because I feel so much and it is kind of scary.
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I also started to found balance in my diet. I need to eat very often vegetables like potato. I feel like my body really want something that was growing inside of earth. Peanuts are amazing!!!
There is also another thing.
I started to take very, very light psychotropic pills. I don't even know if they are psychotropic or antipsychotics. My psychiatrist told me to take them. I don't feel like I need them, but there are moments when I found them useful. The biggest reason why I take them is my family. I feel everything so intense since I have kundalini and their fear is very bothering me and affecting sometimes even. When I take them they fear is immidiately gone and I feel peace because of it. ( I'm diagnosed with "schizofrenia" and they afraid when I'm not taking any pills.......)
I remember those pills.
When I was taking them they were "lasting" for 3 hours. I felt like I'm under negative effect of this chemistry and had headache after them...
But now...
They last like 10-30 minutes and they are completely gone and I don't feel them.
I kind of like them. I really feel that they can not only help me with fear that my family feels ( biggest reason ) but they really help me to sleep. I really like feeling "slow" in my brain sometimes, because since I have kundalini it is very hard to fall asleep.
I was at first kind of scary that while taking them kundalini will be gone, just like because of those much stronger which I was forced to take, but this one are very, very light. Previous one lasted 24 hours and I was talking one pill and this new lasts 3 hours and I'm taking one pill too just before sleep. ( I don't count shorter times that I have right now because how different my body works with kundalini ) Do you think they can be dangerous to awaken kundalini?
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I want to be artist and start making with this activity. Now I'm getting used to kundalini and all my days are "normal", because "kundalini time" is always at night. I'm getting used to all this and time of reading books about kundalini is very fast coming. :) I want to read something about spiritual cases of psychosis connected to kundalini cases, because this topic is very close to me, as I had very intense past with this. If anyone have any info I would be really happy to read:)
Good night!
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Edited by - Larimar on Jun 02 2019 9:34:52 PM |
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Larimar and Kundalini - Journal
