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 Tantra - A Holistic View of Spiritual Development
 Need advice on retention...
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reality11

USA
47 Posts

Posted - Mar 05 2015 :  03:00:48 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Message
Hi.. I figured this section is the best place to ask about my situation.

I don't have a partner, so I'm not really practicing tantra sex.. but I am practicing retention, for the sake of speeding up my progress.

I am 16 days in, and I am beginning to have a very hard time. I feel downright depressed at times, and very frustrated at other times. I do feel an increase in willpower and concentration, but only when I'm able to get my fantasies and desires under control. It's like my mind is polarized. When my mind wants to roam, it roams to the extreme. When my mind is concentrated, it is much more concentrated than without retention.

I guess I want affirmation that things will get better. I am starting to feel that sense of loneliness since I don't have a girlfriend. And I am beginning to feel more strongly these other negative emotions as well.

I am making sure I regularly do the practice twice a day, and I am also trying to maintain mindfulness throughout my daily life as well.

But like I said, I have been starting to feel almost drained and depressed. Will this all be worth it at the end, to continue practicing retention?

Charliedog

1608 Posts

Posted - Mar 05 2015 :  05:26:11 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hi reality 11,

Good to stay at your practise twice a day, and be mindful!
I can not say if it is better for you to speed up the progress....with retention.
You are so young and you are here on planet earth to enjoy life!
IMHO go out, seek company and enjoy!! Keep up the good work of your practice and live mindful and the rest will follow when time has come.
Don't worry and no hurry, enjoy your journey!

I wish you love
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BlueRaincoat

United Kingdom
1592 Posts

Posted - Mar 05 2015 :  06:12:36 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
It doesn't have to be all or nothing, reality11. Self-pacing applies in the retention of sexual energy, as in all practices. It's best to aim to retain more and more energy very gradually, as the months and years go by.
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Dogboy

USA
1748 Posts

Posted - Mar 05 2015 :  10:00:30 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
quote:
I am 16 days in, and I am beginning to have a very hard time. I feel downright depressed at times, and very frustrated at other times. I do feel an increase in willpower and concentration, but only when I'm able to get my fantasies and desires under control. It's like my mind is polarized. When my mind wants to roam, it roams to the extreme. When my mind is concentrated, it is much more concentrated than without retention.


This is a worthy intention (retention); by lasting as long as you have, look at all you have discovered regarding emotional states, willpower, mind musings, and concentration/directed attention. It is good to test yourself and your capabilities. That said, I completely agree with Charlieboy saying enjoy your core practices and people, and with BlueRaincoat, to aim for the long term intention of shifting sexual energy upward. If depression/frustration is fierce, it's time to end the retention this time around and then begin anew. You have already seen gains and you will continue to learn about capabilities. Progress is already happening; be joyful and grateful about that
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reality11

USA
47 Posts

Posted - Mar 05 2015 :  11:33:26 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Thank you. I will consider ending my retention.

I feel hesitant to doing so, because I've made it this far and I'll have to start over. And also, releasing always makes going back to practicing retention much more difficult. Like I remember how good an orgasm feels and I get addicted to feeling it everyday.

Dogboy:

My depression/frustration is at a moderate level at its worst. It is tolerable. If I continue with retention, will the negative side effects eventually fade?
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Dogboy

USA
1748 Posts

Posted - Mar 05 2015 :  4:43:29 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Reality,

Maybe yes, maybe no, we all react differently. If it's a moderate level and you think you can test yourself further, then try it. But there are no blue ribbons for holding out no matter what, and suffering for suffering's sake seems foolhardy. Besides, there's no shame in starting over. Do you think pearl divers could hold their breath for five minutes right from the start? They try again and again over time. Does that make them failures as pearl divers? Hardly, in fact, I would venture they become better because they test their limits and note progress.

Think of retention as training and there is no failure in doing it again and again. Each lesson will teach you more. Over time your orgasm flows upward naturally without effort. When you decide to break your sexual fast, do so in a loving, ritualistic way; light candles and/or incense,self massage, cue music, whatever feels loving to you. Make your release an offering to an ishta or a spiritual intention. I suggest rubbing the release into your skin, or if you're daring, ingest it. Don't flush or throw it away. By framing the session in this way it changes a "setback" into a act of spiritual love. Who could argue with that !

And when you do start over, take your attachment with orgasm into the silence with you as self-inquiry.

Edited by - Dogboy on Mar 05 2015 5:29:35 PM
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Sol Invictus

91 Posts

Posted - Mar 05 2015 :  5:06:30 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hi Reality!
In my experience,it comes naturally as result of sadhana.When it is like that,one can effortlessly be on such sexual fast for months.Forcing it is probably not right way to go as it isn't spontaneous,and as you have experienced causes frustration.In Kriya tradition we are told that having coitus twice per month is ok and won't have adverse effect on sadhana.So,along that lines,i would say go and help your self,just not to often!
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reality11

USA
47 Posts

Posted - Mar 06 2015 :  05:58:02 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
bleh, alright. I released recently and I actually feel even hornier than when I was retaining, in a way. My craving for sex and women is much higher, but just in a different way... not sure how to explain.

But I guess I just have to try my best to stay on track
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BlueRaincoat

United Kingdom
1592 Posts

Posted - Mar 06 2015 :  06:11:17 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
You are on track reality11

If a man your age didn't have a sex drive that would be worrying, wouldn't it? As you continue with your meditation and SPB, that energy will find different ways to express itself.
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Dogboy

USA
1748 Posts

Posted - Mar 06 2015 :  07:05:25 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
It's been said youth is wasted on the young; I don't know about that, but being an older married yogi is definately an advantage in this instance! Don't fret, R11, these cravings are temporary and don't have much pull in the long run.
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reality11

USA
47 Posts

Posted - Mar 06 2015 :  2:23:22 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
thank you. this is a humbling learning experience.
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