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 Kundalini - AYP Practice-Related
 I Desire Death
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Delara

Lebanon
305 Posts

Posted - May 17 2012 :  03:32:12 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Message

I truly deeply desire death.Not for the sake of running away from reality.Totally tired of my mind-body system.I feel restrained by it.

Not sure how to put that in words.there's a strong desire to transcend both.

I sometimes look in the mirror & find myself saying "bye bye".heheh,I'm a ready- case for an institution!

but then again,I have a peak experience & freak out for sometimes & start blaming this and that!that's when I say,I change my mind... I love myself,I love my life...Don't want to die yet.

Last night,I felt I was dying & melting in a huge sun disc ...I was not there ...then I freaked out & started alerting myself to what's going on.

I might as well just hand this ego to Yassin.He'll be more than glad to tear it in to pieces.there maybe my release.

Love.


Swan

India
256 Posts

Posted - May 17 2012 :  03:54:35 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Who is tired, the ego? then don't listen to it. What is the point if you leave unresolved karma behind, which will bring you right here at this point again?

May be you can consider as overload and try self pacing! .. my two cents..

Love.
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swaha

Lebanon
88 Posts

Posted - May 17 2012 :  04:01:30 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
:)

i had a taste of beyond bodymind in Yassin's presence
a huge infinite universe was opening.. infinite vortex..
i found myself ascending, formless, sucked by this infinity
it felt cold, a cold light..crystal like..
i just wanted to leave.. such peace, lightness, fluidity, liberation..
there was not a single drop of fear.. there was nothing actually..
just bliss..nothing else..
..
i realized that unless i give it ALL to Him, i will remain in the vicious circle .. and personally, i am bored with it all..
no more WHYs, HOWs, IFs, WHOs.
time to JUMP IN with both feet and NO MIND.

Edited by - swaha on May 17 2012 07:40:00 AM
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Delara

Lebanon
305 Posts

Posted - May 17 2012 :  04:36:07 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
quote:
Originally posted by Swan

Who is tired, the ego? then don't listen to it. What is the point if you leave unresolved karma behind, which will bring you right here at this point again?

May be you can consider as overload and try self pacing! .. my two cents..

Love.



you totally misunderstood me dear Swan.I have no intention to drop the body.

thank you for your feedback.

[img]icon_heart.gif[/img]
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Delara

Lebanon
305 Posts

Posted - May 17 2012 :  10:11:58 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
quote:
Originally posted by swaha

:)

i had a taste of beyond bodymind in Yassin's presence
a huge infinite universe was opening.. infinite vortex..
i found myself ascending, formless, sucked by this infinity
it felt cold, a cold light..crystal like..
i just wanted to leave.. such peace, lightness, fluidity, liberation..
there was not a single drop of fear.. there was nothing actually..
just bliss..nothing else..
..
i realized that unless i give it ALL to Him, i will remain in the vicious circle .. and personally, i am bored with it all..
no more WHYs, HOWs, IFs, WHOs.
time to JUMP IN with both feet and NO MIND.



Dear sister Swaha;

thank you for sharing,this is beautiful & relieving. I haven't met Yassin personally as you know.But so far whenever I feel his energy,it's related to horror...I know it's an ego thing from my sideHe's a holy man & I still love him so.

Yesterday night I felt I need to skip my practices,when I closed my eyes to sleep...there was this sun disc & there was no I & there was happiness...then I asked where am I?and I figured out there's no one...only this warm light.this is when I got alerted...I might be dying.

Looking back at it today,why the fear!It's this ego that's spoiling...everything is so perfect.

:)
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Ananda

3115 Posts

Posted - May 17 2012 :  12:07:14 PM  Show Profile  Visit Ananda's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Dear Delara,

Thank you for sharing. I've been through almost exactly similar experiences myself. And yes surrendering to someone like Yassine would help a lot. I know from first hand experience that he has helped me and my cousin Josephe a lot... But with Yassine you really need to be brave and hold on... For some reason maybe an egoic one I surrendered and didn't hang on all the way... All I know is I benefited and the connection and this benefit is still here even though I am no longer in direct contact with Yassine or Sheikh Belgacem but they are in my heart and a part of me and my being...

So yes, surrender and die but be brave!

Love,
Ananda
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Delara

Lebanon
305 Posts

Posted - May 17 2012 :  1:09:13 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
quote:
Originally posted by Ananda

Dear Delara,

Thank you for sharing. I've been through almost exactly similar experiences myself. And yes surrendering to someone like Yassine would help a lot. I know from first hand experience that he has helped me and my cousin Josephe a lot... But with Yassine you really need to be brave and hold on... For some reason maybe an egoic one I surrendered and didn't hang on all the way... All I know is I benefited and the connection and this benefit is still here even though I am no longer in direct contact with Yassine or Sheikh Belgacem but they are in my heart and a part of me and my being...

So yes, surrender and die but be brave!

Love,
Ananda



thanx Ananda,This has always been your opinion.


I still feel I can do this on my own....

[img]icon_heart.gif[/img]






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Ananda

3115 Posts

Posted - May 17 2012 :  1:31:24 PM  Show Profile  Visit Ananda's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
The guru is in you in the end

All the best dear [img]icon_heart.gif[/img]
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LittleTurtle

USA
342 Posts

Posted - May 17 2012 :  1:56:40 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
I'm ignorant...who is Yassine??
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Ananda

3115 Posts

Posted - May 17 2012 :  2:24:22 PM  Show Profile  Visit Ananda's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hi LT,

Yassine is a sufi friend of ours who was a medium between us and Sheikh Belgacem in Tunis. I've had quite a few rounds with him. I still recommend him for someone who wants a traditional guru chila relationship. As far as teachers and saints go, Yassine and his Sheikh are very authentic. Experience speaks for itself.

Here's a topic on my ups and downs with them:
http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....OPIC_ID=9548

Love,
Ananda
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mr_anderson

USA
734 Posts

Posted - May 17 2012 :  3:23:45 PM  Show Profile  Visit mr_anderson's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hi Delara,

I know the feeling. So tired of the mind body system. So deeply long for that death which you speak of.

I find often, after this longing for death becomes very intense, a breakthrough comes like a new dawn after a storm, and the sky is clearer than it has ever been.

Love,

Josh
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Delara

Lebanon
305 Posts

Posted - May 18 2012 :  03:31:26 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
quote:
Originally posted by mr_anderson

Hi Delara,

I know the feeling. So tired of the mind body system. So deeply long for that death which you speak of.

I find often, after this longing for death becomes very intense, a breakthrough comes like a new dawn after a storm, and the sky is clearer than it has ever been.

Love,

Josh



Thank you Josh.
All's good.

[img]icon_heart.gif[/img]
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Delara

Lebanon
305 Posts

Posted - May 18 2012 :  03:45:39 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Dear Josh;

I feel my desire for death is nothing more than death is desiring me.There's a strong feeling that something major will happen in my country & maybe surrounding....& therefore,for everyone's benefit,this death of ego is necessary.

Just blabbering...

[img]icon_heart.gif[/img]
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LittleTurtle

USA
342 Posts

Posted - May 18 2012 :  12:53:54 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Thanks Ananda.
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Etherfish

USA
3615 Posts

Posted - May 21 2012 :  08:20:00 AM  Show Profile  Visit Etherfish's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
If you can keep yourself from being suicidal, I think longing for death can be a good ishta.
That is what Castaneda wrote of in his books. He called it "using death as an advisor". In other words, when you have a question in your mind, the first thing you think of is "What would be the significance of this question if I knew i would die soon?".
Death is a very good advisor. Of course you have to be relatively free of fear so you can live a good life. Meditation and some kind of faith help with that.
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Delara

Lebanon
305 Posts

Posted - May 21 2012 :  09:07:37 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
"If you can keep yourself from being suicidal"
Yes,don't worry I can't even hurt a fly intentionally...why would I hurt myself

"What would be the significance of this question if I knew i would die soon?"
I use that from time to time

"Of course you have to be relatively free of fear so you can live a good life."
there's no fear.Just sadness sometimes related to certain thoughts yet peaceful.


thank you Etherfish,[img]icon_heart.gif[/img]

Edited by - Delara on May 21 2012 09:21:28 AM
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