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zeroman52
United Kingdom
47 Posts |
 Posted - Dec 01 2011 : 7:58:50 PM
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| I tried to castrate myself by alcohol injection,my sex drive/desire seems dead. i used to have alotof energy moving inside now nothing, is kundalini gone? and is tantra pointless with no balls? i really startingto regret it. |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Dec 01 2011 : 10:06:28 PM
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I strongly suggest you go get medical help. I don't know why one would do what you did but in no way does it seem like it would benefit spiritual advancement. As for becoming enlightened, you can do it without tantra... And nope kundalini is not gone, its' center isn't in your balls.
Hope you get better! |
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zeroman52
United Kingdom
47 Posts |
Posted - Dec 01 2011 : 11:19:10 PM
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| its because of the kundalini it drove me nuts wouldt leave up so i went and did this it seemed like a great idea at the time,i couldnt handle the contant urge for sex. |
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zeroman52
United Kingdom
47 Posts |
Posted - Dec 01 2011 : 11:20:13 PM
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| another reason is i was convinced wanted to be a woman not a man, kundalini again making me feel feminine. |
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mathurs
United Kingdom
197 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2011 : 04:12:02 AM
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Hello Zeroman,
It is extremely important as Ananda has suggested that you book an appointment with a doctor straight away or just go into your nearest A&E.
Once you have checked yourself out and are better read through:
lesson 13 : http://www.aypsite.com/13.html and start meditating.
I hope things settle down for you. |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2011 : 04:26:11 AM
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Well it was a very bad idea, but I think you'll get better with proper care. On the other hand, in case you haven't. I strongly recommend reading Lesson 69 - Q&A – Kundalini symptoms, imbalances, and remedies: http://www.aypsite.org/69.html
And of course start afterwards from the beginning with deep meditation and spinal breathing.
I would also recommend lots of physical activity, lifting light weights have helped a lot over here.
This is for the spiritual side, which if you don't follow the advise I just gave then you have non to blame but yourself.
Concerning the gender change issue, I don't think it's kundalini related. I am very in touch with my feminine side even though I don't always show it. All men and women are formed this way and it's best to make peace with both sides. You are neither this or that, best to identify yourself with awareness and play the role which feels most normal for you.
On the other hand, if you are seriously considering a sex change why not just go to a specialised surgeon and ask his opinion on the matter. If it's been hanging there for years and you really feel like doing it then why not.
I hope things have settled down now and that you've went for medical help. Because if you haven't met a specialised doctor who can guide and help you I don't see a great benefit in keeping up with this topic. Running away to the spiritual in your case right now would cause more harm then do any good.
Love,
Ananda |
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JDH
USA
331 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2011 : 04:49:14 AM
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Zeroman,
I'm not a medical professional, but I did some quick internet research on castration by alcohol injection. It sounds like people use multiple injections over a series of weeks to complete the "castration." If you only did one injection, you probably did some level of permanent damage to your testes, but you also probably didn't fully castrate yourself.
In any case, go with the flow of your sexuality - whatever it is or isn't. Just be with it. Be glad to have a sexuality, whatever it may be. If it feels good, who cares about the labels. And if you no longer feel sexual... that's OK too.
I also really deeply agree with everybody on this post. See a doctor about all this. See two doctors. See one doctor to physically check on your reproductive system and this attempted castration (you may need Testosterone supplementation if it worked). And a second about sex/gender therapy and counseling. They can help with the identity issues.
Good luck. |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2516 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2011 : 05:01:38 AM
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take good care of yourself and accept yourself as you are
peace |
Edited by - maheswari on Dec 02 2011 05:02:47 AM |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2011 : 07:59:58 AM
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If you ever get the "constant urge for sex" again, it can be taken care of with spinal breathing. Don't get rid of that energy; it is valuable for yoga. Either ejaculate or move the energy instead of trying to get rid of it.
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zeroman52
United Kingdom
47 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2011 : 09:04:30 AM
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| My sex drive is there it just lowered, myfeet do not shake after one day of not releasing, itwas everyday sometimes twice to calm it down. I feel alot more calm peacefull skin feels softer and i got a weird smelling body ordor. Sexually alot harder to turn on there seems to be no urgency i can start stimulation and it is alot less intense the peak is very hard to reach because that first stimulation is not redhot but i prefere it because the urge to finish off with ejaculation is gone it seems too be alot deeper in feeling there is no sense of must keep going, see how it goes.someone mentioned to fully be successfull multiple injections should be done but i used rubbbing alcohol which i later found out has harmfull chemicals so itcan not be drank, might make a difference. |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2011 : 09:37:32 AM
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Might've been great if you went to a doctor in the first place, there are many healthier ways to calm down sexual tendencies like cold showers or drinking Kaffour for that matter which is given to army men when they train (but I don't know how much drinking kaffour is healthy...) All in all I still think you should go visit a doctor, we all wish you well my brother and it's hard for us to see you treat yourself like this. Please go get some medical help.
I'll pray for you.
All the best! |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2011 : 09:45:42 AM
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Go get your testosterone levels checked out. You will need management if you have reduced or terminated it.Testosterone is required for more than sex drive, it is vital for mental function as well as bone density.
You should start talking to a gender support group such as the Beaumont organisation, they can at least help you to understand if you are committed to a gender change.
It's not always a need for gender change, there are many reasons for attempting something like that. You need to pluck up the courage to speak to your local GP about your feelings. There are lots of options to help you cope.
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zeroman52
United Kingdom
47 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2011 : 1:17:17 PM
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| Thanks for responses.i take many cold showers a day. im not sure what im going to do, i allways thought about HRT to change gender. |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2516 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2011 : 1:51:15 PM
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quote:
drinking Kaffour for that matter which is given to army men when they train
i googled Kaffour...did not find anything...what is it? |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2011 : 2:14:15 PM
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| It's a herb which people use over here in the east, it's usually made to be drank as tea or to be put in food. It's mainly given to those in the army who are training so that there sex drive is completely turned off. The word is in arabic so I don't know if there's an equivalent to it in english. Sorry! |
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Yaming
Switzerland
112 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2011 : 3:38:04 PM
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| Are you sure cold shower helps? I heared and experienced exactly the opposite. It only kills the sex drive in the very moment but over days it actually increases it. |
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zeroman52
United Kingdom
47 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2011 : 4:12:34 PM
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| I think thats the case yes.i orginally did it for that reason to get energy moving it felt real blissfull after. it became something i did al the time as it had other benifets i didnt feel right without a cold shower several time a day. |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2011 : 7:57:04 PM
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Potassium Nitrate (common name salt peter) kills sex drive more safely. They used to put it in drinking water of prisoners. i don't know how you would dose it though. it is an oxydizer used to make gun powder, and also the active ingredient in sensodyne toothpaste made to kill tooth sensitivity. It's dangerous to get too much though.
OMG rubbing alcohol is very poisonous! It contains some wood alcohol that can cause blindness, quite different from drinking-type alcohol.
But I wouldn't recommend killing your sex drive at all. Instead learn to handle it and use the energy to your advantage, but that's probably what you are doing.
Make sure you do a lot of investigating before you change your body. I have noticed feminine tendencies for years in myself, but there are masculine also. So then I closely watched women, how they act, think, talk, everything, and I found that the vast majority of those characteristics are not like me at all.
I think a lot of people look at men on TV who are considered "real men", and think they have to be just like that to be a man. Not true. Diversity is built into everything in nature. |
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zeroman52
United Kingdom
47 Posts |
Posted - Dec 03 2011 : 1:04:56 PM
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| tbh i can not cope with this life i may do something more stupid next time. im not going to a doctor. |
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Wolfgang
Germany
470 Posts |
Posted - Dec 04 2011 : 04:56:35 AM
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I can understand your hesitation to see a doctor.
Do you have a real life friend who you could talk to ?
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zeroman52
United Kingdom
47 Posts |
Posted - Dec 04 2011 : 5:50:55 PM
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| Ball seems to be bouncing back! was real tired and depressed yesturday. I have no friends been living like a hermit, i want to be away from people they affect me but i need them sometimes, not good when there is no one. |
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Radharani
USA
843 Posts |
Posted - Dec 06 2011 : 02:12:05 AM
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| Be your own friend first. You are a unique manifestation of Love, different from everybody else, beautiful just the way you are! So right now you are suffering, but yoga can help. If you get into a routine of a good daily yoga practice, ultimately your sexual energy will be a blessing, although it may not seem that way right now. I also agree with physical exercise being beneficial. Please don't do anything drastic. One step at a time, one day at a time. Hang in there, bro. |
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zeroman52
United Kingdom
47 Posts |
Posted - Dec 06 2011 : 10:41:39 AM
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| heard it all, i dont feel like yoga i dont feel like anything but sleeping, theres no love and I curse who or whatever forces me to experiance this. |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Dec 06 2011 : 10:57:25 AM
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Why are you here Zeroman?
What are you expecting from us?
Not meant in a mean way, just trying to understand what it is you think we can help you with?
Are you just looking for a place to vent?
I know you said you are not going to see a doctor, you say you dont have friends, people here try to help and you say you want to curse them for trying to help.
If you really did only want to sleep, you would not be here.
So why are you here?
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zeroman52
United Kingdom
47 Posts |
Posted - Dec 06 2011 : 12:43:56 PM
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I woke up to the thought of wanting to go home whatever that means... i want to go where i do not know but it makes me cry everytime it comes up, the first thing i did was go on here, sorry it is abit of a vent, i was not cursing anyone on here just whatever created me and this matrix of suffering that i can not escape.
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brother neil
USA
752 Posts |
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Did something very stupid......
