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 loosing everything
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maheswari

Lebanon
2178 Posts

Posted - Apr 07 2012 :  01:39:56 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
quote:
I'm a domestic God

your wife is lucky
house work is very grounding
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karl

United Kingdom
1664 Posts

Posted - Apr 07 2012 :  04:02:20 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
I think she would prefer I returned to work, or got a business started

One of the reasons I quit was a due to a realisation that money had formed a cuckoon and I was feeling less and less grounded. I wasn't rich, but there was never a question of 'can we afford it' and none of that brought any happiness at all. It seemed like looking for ways to fill the free time and compensate for the company culture I was participating in.
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maheswari

Lebanon
2178 Posts

Posted - Apr 08 2012 :  08:04:32 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
now looking at people and seeing that how impersonal they are...they are not really choosing anything...they are a manifestation of consciouness ..and consciouness seems to like variety because of the variety of its manifestations from the "ugly sad" things to the "beautiful joyful" things.....
not only maheswari is impersonal but also other people are impersonal beings....so one feels relief,expanssion, happiness cause one knows that nothing is personal! even when others are wicked it is not personal!
since all is impersonal,you trust and surrender more to the flow and notice that even the 'wicked,ugly stuff" have all of a sudden decreased in intensity! it is all part of Oneness....
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miguel

Spain
1197 Posts

Posted - Apr 08 2012 :  09:31:44 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
quote:
now looking at people and seeing that how impersonal they are...they are not really choosing anything...they are a manifestation of consciouness ..and consciouness seems to like variety because of the variety of its manifestations from the "ugly sad" things to the "beautiful joyful" things.....


And if you look closer you see that "they" and "you" are just manifestations that happen in You as consciousness."They" and "you", the "world" and "the universe" are toughts and forms also that happens in You. The conscioussness is one. All happens in you. This is an amazing and exciting realization. You are the only real thing that exists...and its not personal..its your real self...crazy

Edited by - miguel on Apr 08 2012 09:33:54 AM
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maheswari

Lebanon
2178 Posts

Posted - Apr 08 2012 :  3:21:15 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
quote:
And if you look closer you see that "they" and "you" are just manifestations that happen in You as consciousness
.
yes i noticed that...but chose to express it as they and me because wanted to keep it simple, sometimes this kind of sharing might seem too philosophical...
Love
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emc

2065 Posts

Posted - Apr 09 2012 :  10:23:09 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hm. Interesting. I recognize the increased speed, Maheswari. For me, however, things seem to go the other direction. It was like a push into another platform, and now things are sorting themselves out. I'm looking forward getting a job, I suddenly got a wonderful new partner, I'm more relaxed about what's happening, Life is getting a wonderful place, all overload symptoms are diminished or gone, I'm much more ALIVE in daily LIFE than ever. The escape to stillness/meditation/spirituality is over. Life is a pleasant place to be in. Home is here. This is home. Not only the nothingness and depths of silence. Silence has come to Life. It's living the world.

You wrote:
quote:
the real reason is the culmination of years of practices and of dealing with life difficulties


I can very much relate to that. Seems like all years of working through fears, and balancing practices are bringing fruit here now. There's so much awe and gratefulness. And everything is allowed to take its time. No rush, yet I'm amazed by the velocity with which the cleansing occurs, but it seems that the platform is stable enough for the cleaning patrol.

I haven't quit the AYP practices. It's thanks to AYP and all the learning how to calibrate the self-pacing that this can happen the way it does. I'm forever grateful for Yogani and all the advice during the years and still coming.
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maheswari

Lebanon
2178 Posts

Posted - Apr 09 2012 :  12:06:05 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
sounds great dear emc...all the best!
in my case it is fear of loosing ...the reality (at least until now) is still the same....it seems that all kind of deeply buried fears were popping from my subconscious at high velocity.....
few days ago i was seriously thinking to self pace...but since few days the fears have stopped...
yesterday i got a bit emotional...cried for few minutes but quickly i moved on...the usual soft opening and cleansing nothing overwhelming...the usual learning to let go and releasing it all into stillness
i am still functioning very well in daily life so it seems i am ok.....but will keep a close attention and will resort to self pacing if needed
Love
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emc

2065 Posts

Posted - Apr 09 2012 :  3:33:50 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Sounds very good! I love this forum so we can join eachothers journeys.
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maheswari

Lebanon
2178 Posts

Posted - Apr 09 2012 :  3:36:24 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
indeed...each one's journey is different!
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Radharani

USA
718 Posts

Posted - Apr 16 2012 :  11:08:19 PM  Show Profile  Visit Radharani's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
you are all so very dear to me.
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maheswari

Lebanon
2178 Posts

Posted - Jun 13 2012 :  09:11:42 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
a quick update...the high velocity events are back (whether at work or in private life)...all is crazy and quick....in this high velocity sometimes i dont feel i m the one talking,working,teaching,handling job problems..i just feel that it is being done through me (me ??)....in that case the mind is totally turned off...i dont know what i am doing or where i am going yet i am doing and going perfectly! ...it is very very moment by moment...i dont remember really the previous past moment and i have no clue about the next following moment ...to the extent that at the end of the day i dont remember really in details all that i have done during the day...oh i did that? wow.. there is a feeling that "i dont care" ,nothing is really my business yet i am acting perfectly...aloof yet down to earth...working talking and laughing with people....

and sometimes "i" gets back into the picture...so "i" feels threatened ,worried,not in control...the mind is agitated and having a thousand thoughts in the same time...very hard yet i am able to watch it...im able to see this craziness in the mind and let it appear and disappear...
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maheswari

Lebanon
2178 Posts

Posted - Jun 14 2012 :  02:21:09 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
so when i am having a thoughts spring cleaning (ie too many thoughts rushing in) i naturally find myself asking: to whom is this thought/feeling coming? to me...
who is me?
is it the body? no
is it the mind? no
is i the reflection i see in the mirror? no
it is none of all that
so all day long one is dying to the little i
all day long one is dropping the identification with thoughts/emotions
all day long..moment by moment one is surrendering
it is not easy...it is like puragatory
but the benefits are very very worth it
.
underneath all this chaos created by the identification with thoughts/feelings (which come back with a vengeance when the ego feels that it is loosing its grip) there is something that never is affected...always the same....does not change...always silent
so dear Ishta you can do whatever You want with this little i that is wrongly identifying with thoughts/emotions
dear Ishta you can annihilate this little i to dust...
.
ps: please note that as very well explained in ayp lessons, the ego (also called mind,thoughts,feelings etc...) is not the ennemy...we dont want to kill the mind...nor do we want to become lazy on the contrary real self enquiry happens only with enough inner silence and going out and getting very active in mundane stuff...

Edited by - maheswari on Jun 14 2012 02:27:22 AM
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karl

United Kingdom
1664 Posts

Posted - Jun 14 2012 :  04:52:31 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
quote:
Originally posted by maheswari

a quick update...the high velocity events are back (whether at work or in private life)...all is crazy and quick....in this high velocity sometimes i dont feel i m the one talking,working,teaching,handling job problems..i just feel that it is being done through me (me ??)....in that case the mind is totally turned off...i dont know what i am doing or where i am going yet i am doing and going perfectly! ...it is very very moment by moment...i dont remember really the previous past moment and i have no clue about the next following moment ...to the extent that at the end of the day i dont remember really in details all that i have done during the day...oh i did that? wow.. there is a feeling that "i dont care" ,nothing is really my business yet i am acting perfectly...aloof yet down to earth...working talking and laughing with people....

and sometimes "i" gets back into the picture...so "i" feels threatened ,worried,not in control...the mind is agitated and having a thousand thoughts in the same time...very hard yet i am able to watch it...im able to see this craziness in the mind and let it appear and disappear...



oh definitely recognise that.stage and now beyond that, automatic involvement, like food from plate to mouth but wiithout any hunger or satisfaction.

Once I stopped looking for a purpose and just asked God to guide me I find I'm being guided in the weirdest ways with no idea if there is a point and not caring anyway. I'm suddenly into economics in a growing way. I never had any interest in this area. It's not a financial interest or a career interest, it's just like breathing. No reason but it's in front of me.

I feel like a tiny little seed as though the Ego has receded to an extent that I'm somehow tiny in the world, insignificant a disappearing point. But the seed seems to growing outside of itself without the Ego interfering anymore it just tales a back seat and let's the seed grow out of itself and into the world without attraction. It seems so natural and unforced. Where at one time I was trying to become, it's as though I'm becoming because I stopped trying, but the becoming isn't a feeling of success, it's inspite of any feeling at all other than a calmness. A freedom to be without being.

If I peer in the box, try to grasp what's happening, then the evolution seems to halt, but I have quickly learned that peeping doesn't work because it makes the ego want to interfere.

Thanks for sharing M. Looks like the path is coming to you.
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maheswari

Lebanon
2178 Posts

Posted - Jun 14 2012 :  05:06:44 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
quote:
If I peer in the box, try to grasp what's happening, then the evolution seems to halt,

true..and here is our margin of choice...here we choose to peer or not to peer
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miguel

Spain
1197 Posts

Posted - Jun 24 2012 :  8:26:56 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
This initial seeing brought deep insights, profound changes and shift of prespective. But on the other hand i started to build lot of intelectual stuff and casttles in the air (difficult to see and acept then) around it, and an horrible snese of superiority and egotic behaviour... that was not very good here. After some time 100% out of it and forgetting it i clearly see the whole picture. No more mental stuff and superiority but finally i got many benefits from this risky asventure at unleashed theres no doubt. But i dont think about it now....it was an episode in the path and now life life continues as it is


Edited by - miguel on Jun 24 2012 8:36:41 PM
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maheswari

Lebanon
2178 Posts

Posted - Jul 12 2012 :  12:57:27 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
these fears they come by waves...ie one gets periods of rest (days or weeks) then blam you get another wave of fears...nothing really specific...it is just fear in general...
when these thoughts and feelings appear i autommatically find myself asking : are these thoughts true?
99.99% percent of the time these thoughts and feelings are made up cause there is no real danger....these thoguhts and feelings do not have any reality in this present moment....
after these waves of fear (sometimes pleasant sometimes unpleasant depending on the presence of inner silence or not) there is a phase of release...a phase of stopping any kind of grasping....
it is a continuous process with periods of breaks,untill all the fears are totally reviewed,revisited and checked to be totaly untrue....some deep digging is going on
it is amazing to see how much the mind is the source that creates division and uneasiness...it is all made up
...off course denying the mind turmoil is no good....just letting the mind tell its stories....
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maheswari

Lebanon
2178 Posts

Posted - Jul 25 2012 :  09:27:51 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
a quick update

early june i was overloading big time so i stopped all my practices

early july i resumed them but very lightly (5 min SBP+10 min DM+ 10 min final relaxation) so i ended up overloading again (psychological and physical symptoms) so i stopped again all my practices last Thursday

it seems my batteries are too full....no more practices for some time (maybe a long time ...one can not know in advance)
this gives more free time which is good and bad at the same time

it is bad if one is bored
but it is good because the practitioner discovers he/she has too much attachment to his/her yogic identity...for example i am supposed to have 2 sittings ...or i am supposed to read only spiritual stuff....or i am supposed to only eat vegetarian ( i have eaten a bit of fish lately...have not eaten all kinds of meat for years)...or i am supposed to teach asanas (which lately is not exciting me that much anymore)

in the end even this yogic identity is a sort of attachment...it is a play/ a lie where the ego can easily hide behind

the Self has no identity whatsoever and it is totally free to choose whatever manifestation or life style it wants ! including eating meat!

i feel like i am back to square one ..in the sense that it is a journey from here to here...now i am supposed to do more mundane things!

all is supposed to be integrated in the One...nothing is left behind because it is not "good enough"...in the end all is perfectly valid as a manifestation of the Self
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kevincann

USA
335 Posts

Posted - Jul 27 2012 :  1:14:32 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
quote:
Originally posted by maheswari

a quick update

early june i was overloading big time so i stopped all my practices

early july i resumed them but very lightly (5 min SBP+10 min DM+ 10 min final relaxation) so i ended up overloading again (psychological and physical symptoms) so i stopped again all my practices last Thursday

it seems my batteries are too full....no more practices for some time (maybe a long time ...one can not know in advance)
this gives more free time which is good and bad at the same time

it is bad if one is bored
but it is good because the practitioner discovers he/she has too much attachment to his/her yogic identity...for example i am supposed to have 2 sittings ...or i am supposed to read only spiritual stuff....or i am supposed to only eat vegetarian ( i have eaten a bit of fish lately...have not eaten all kinds of meat for years)...or i am supposed to teach asanas (which lately is not exciting me that much anymore)

in the end even this yogic identity is a sort of attachment...it is a play/ a lie where the ego can easily hide behind

the Self has no identity whatsoever and it is totally free to choose whatever manifestation or life style it wants ! including eating meat!

i feel like i am back to square one ..in the sense that it is a journey from here to here...now i am supposed to do more mundane things!

all is supposed to be integrated in the One...nothing is left behind because it is not "good enough"...in the end all is perfectly valid as a manifestation of the Self



When all the cleverness fades away one is left with one's true nature.

Keep up the good 'not work'

Kev
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maheswari

Lebanon
2178 Posts

Posted - Jul 27 2012 :  1:41:18 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
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maheswari

Lebanon
2178 Posts

Posted - Aug 01 2012 :  11:44:05 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
due to my current oversensitivity to practices,a friend suggested that i try the breath meditation as per lesson 367
i have a feeling it will work very well!
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