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Chard
250 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 22 2019 : 12:46:02 AM
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Hi Everyone,
I haven't shared in a while and I really could use support from this community... So after moving cross country with our family and seeing how burned out my husband was from working I stepped up to the plate and I've been working 30 hrs per week at an outpatient treatment center for teens and adults with mental illness/drug addiction (and it's heavy work to be constantly working with highly depressed and suicidal clients all day and yet also an incredible learning opportunity) and then putting the pedal to the medal to build my private practice work as a therapist in our new location. It's been a really big adjustment and I've been really tired.
My husband owned his own business where we used to live and doesn't want to continue doing it anymore. He's been working since he was 12 pretty much and has never really had a season in his life to really explore what he wants to do and so I feel on a soul level that right now I'm meant to support his journey in allowing him time and space to explore what he wants to do. But the reality is that we need his income and he's had some random gigs here and there and a few wks ago he hit a wall crying feeling lost and depressed. He's been depressed for a while and has had a lot of issues with anger and childhood trauma. So he checked himself ironically into an outpatient mental health treatment center (a different one from where I work) and is doing 12 hours of therapy each week. I'm very happy for him that he's really ready to do his own inner work. We've been struggling in our marriage for sometime now as well so it just feels like a ton of external stressors right now and the financial strain feels enormous. I'm not sure what our future holds in terms of our marriage but I want to stand by him during this time just as a person, a friend, a companion. I realize I love him as a person so deeply and I just really want him to be finding his own path and happiness and I want to do what I can to support that (which often means leaving work, picking up kids then working in the evening etc)
I guess I'm writing for emotional support right now... I'm just tired right now working a lot in my day job and supporting my husband (and children). I see the things I want to do in my own career and I see I've taken steps toward that which I must acknowledge. There are many things I desire to do in my career and I see I am moving in that direction... but perhaps I just need patience right now.
There are things I want to do like: lead a women's retreat one day... do an Ayurvedic training... get trained in energy psychology work like TFT or EFT... work with high functioning clients doing holistically oriented psychotherapy work.... write a daily inspirations/reflections book...continue creating videos on holistically-minded topics and maybe travel somehow in my work. Ohh and I want to do a panchakarma retreat big time. OH AND TAKE A VACATION!
It feels good to share these goals because sometimes I just feel tired and like I'm under a thick dark cloud right now- a lot of dark energy around me. I feel like a pretty light upbeat person and yet there's been a lot of heaviness around me lately. I've needed to spend a lot of work lately doing energy clearing (and luckily my yoga classes and recovery mtgs just to stay sane!)
I just needed a place to share and a place to hold the space for my dreams... A place where I don't have to have it all together and be strong...A place where I'm not the therapist but just a person being vulnerable and reaching out for support and to be held by this community. Love to hear support and feedback.
Love, Chard |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Feb 22 2019 : 04:19:52 AM
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Share away Chard, it is great to have inspiration and making plans 
To be mother, wife and career woman is a tough job, especially if we want to do everything perfect. Children grow up very fast, I can say that looking back. You are their mother, they need you, if you ask for feedback here, let loving and supporting your children be the number one in life.
Hopefully you still do your daily DM practice. Which as you know will give you inner peace, bliss. Share DM with your husband, it might help him.
Love&Light   |
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Stille
Germany
76 Posts |
Posted - Feb 23 2019 : 09:33:10 AM
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I can't really give you profound advice on your situation but I want to wish you all the very best. May the light inside you shine brightly!
Besides that I would suggest looking into the habits of yourself and your family. Sometimes changing very little details, like for example switching off the lights when no one is using a room, can already save some money/reduce work. And I would also encourage you to keep on meditating!
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Chard
250 Posts |
Posted - Feb 23 2019 : 1:55:36 PM
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Thank you CD! It great to hear your feedback... you’ve been a wonderful wise and supportive presence to myself and others here on the forum.
I love your reminder about the importance of taking care of the kids. Even with everything going on I actually do feel very present to them as a mother. I’m grateful that because of meditation and staying on my path of recovery that I actually can say I love how I am as a mother and being a mother brings me joy and purpose. I’m very affectionate with my kids, I acknowledge them and tell them how much I deeply love them everyday. What feels out of alignment in regards to parenting is my physically being away from them while working full-time. That’s a big reason why I’ve been so eager to build my private practice so that I can work about 20-25 hrs per week and be physically present for the kids outside of that. I know many mothers feel fine working full time when their kids are young but my heart aches everyday knowing that I’m living out of alignment in my current work situation. I view my children as an element of my spiritual journey. They have much to teach me and me to teach them- I just want to be present for that.
So it hurts to be away from them and home life feels a bit chaotic as a result. I like to make home cooked meals for our family and be able to create sense of rhythm and routine for the kids and my work schedule makes that hard. My husband and I are not aligned in regards to healthy eating so that makes it challenging for me when the one doing the cooking. Agh this is a tough life season! My marriage feels really painful right now and yet I’m fully present to my fear of being alone.
Thank you for Charliedog for reminder about meditation. That’s another thing that’s going well for me. I do it daily, and often on weekends I’ll give myself luxury of sitting for sometimes an hour at a time which is like a mini retreat for me-I love it. My husband is sometimes open to meditating occasionally but has no commitment to have a practice. It’s pulling teeth often to have him join our family meditation routine.
There’s been such an internal evolutionary type shift for me over the past 2 yrs that I often feel like things that used to make sense and serve me just don’t anymore. I understand other people and yet I feel on a different plane than others at the same time and not deeply understood by most. There feels like a lot of shedding happening in my life and a lot of uncertainty.
Thanks for letting me share and for feedback and I’m grateful to have the forum.
Much love Charliedog and all! Chard |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Feb 24 2019 : 04:12:06 AM
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If it is tough, surrender and be you,
.....as you are.
If you feel the heaviness of all those duties.
Put the duties down, you do not have to carry them.
Realise yourself, all is happening NOW,
in this moment...
The only thing you can do is,
go with the flow,
create wonderful memories
for a future, yet to come.
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Chard
250 Posts |
Posted - Feb 24 2019 : 1:41:05 PM
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Thank you Stile for your feedback...yes it’s important to assess the practicalities of our spending/lifestyle habits as well. I’m pretty active and on point in regards to that with having clarity around our finances and using a spending plan etc and I don’t incur debt/use credit cards and that feels good.
Charliedog, thx for those reminders to be in the moment. I spoke with my sponsor yesterday and she reminded me to ask myself, “what will bring me joy today?” I had a great day yesterday. I took a day of space from my husband and played tennis with my son and did a yoga class and just enjoyed a full day with my kids. I’m glad to continue to have this space to share when I need it.
Thanks all! C |
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dietarydongguan
USA
22 Posts |
Posted - Apr 21 2020 : 2:18:22 PM
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| I admire you for being strong, just share away if it makes you feel better. I also would like to suggest that you take a vacation to relax. |
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Career feedback pls!
