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back2body
Germany
1 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 22 2017 : 05:16:02 AM
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Hello,
Last weekend I attended a retreat for ayahuasca and the secretions of the bufo alvarius toad. I have been practicing various kinds of meditations for years (AYP, mantras, alchemy, various Hindu/Tibetan practices, asanas etc).
During the first bufo session, I experienced inner communion with Jesus Christ in my heart (I am not even a faithful Christian), then the AEON (Eternal Peace), and in the session in the evening, I went even one step farther, which I could not believe was possible: I experienced paramatman. This was absolute love, light and infinity of infinities. However, even then, I experienced great fear, because fully entering into it / reaching liberation, would mean the extinction of myself as a personality. I could have gone there, but I choose not to. I then also had visions of the shining cross and of the legion of 144.000. I understand that the 144.000 are symbolic of the souls who are here to spiritualize the earth.
It has been a week, but my crown still hasn't closed! I feel as if in every moment I could slip, enter the golden light and never return! Please please help me, I am not ready to give up my will to the LORD
For all that is good, please help me
Max |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Apr 22 2017 : 08:02:07 AM
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Hi backtobody,
Sorry to hear about your difficulties after the ayahuasca retreat. It's best at this moment to stop all your spiritual practices and to ground. This below links will provide you with a lot of information.
http://www.aypsite.org/69.html
http://www.aypsite.org/201.html
If you have more questions after reading, don't hesitate to ask.
Hopefully you will be feeling better soon,  |
Edited by - Charliedog on Apr 22 2017 08:11:24 AM |
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Parallax
USA
347 Posts |
Posted - Apr 22 2017 : 12:21:49 PM
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Hi Back2body/Max,
I am sorry for the difficulties you are experiencing and I can understand where you are coming from. I had an experience from a ceremony like you attended...and the experience was something I was not ready for (See Lesson 307.1 for a discussion).
What I have been doing to find balance since then has been to do what I can to ground, focusing on daily life, daily activities, taking care of my family etc. It has not necessarily been easy to do, but it can be done. There are ups and downs, each day and each week...some days I feel good and others not particularly good, but slowly more balance has been coming into my life.
The links CharlieDog provided have been very helpful to me; in addition Lesson 15.1 and Lesson 372 have been invaluable in helping to process the fears and strong emotions that have been coming up. In addition these are some other things I have found helpful in managing through this period:
* Light excercise
* Spending as much time outside as possible; if you can be barefoot on the grass and focus on your feet rooting into the earth. If you live near water, a swim in the ocean or a lake is also super grounding
* Gentle diaphramatic breathing when the emotions/fears/sensations become intense. Use your breath as your anchor
* I've seen a therapist for about a year who's specialty is cognitive behavioral therapy and ACT (acceptance and Commitment Therapy), these have been helpful adjuncts to process some of the fearful thoughts that have come up
* Ayurvedic diet principals can also be quite helpful, for me a vata balancing diet has been helpful, but you need to pay attention to how you are feeling day to day and address your dietary need accordingly.
* Establish a support network of people that you can talk to; surrounding yourself with people that love and care for you will be very helpful
* Upbeat movies or tv shows to refocus and occupy the mind, and help your maintain a positive outlook.
If I think of more I'll add it to the list. You CAN get through this but it can take some finesse to regain balance. Remember, we strengthen what we focus on, so try to focus on the intention that you want to create. Perhaps it is balance or groundedness or fearlessness...and put your energy into that.
I hope some of this helps. Please keep us posted on how things are going
Much Love to you 
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Lakulisha
USA
12 Posts |
Posted - Apr 23 2017 : 1:33:54 PM
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Max,
Relax.
You say that:
I feel as if in every moment I could slip, enter the golden light and never return! Please please help me, I am not ready to give up my will to the LORD
Don't worry you aren't going to 'slip', 'enter' the golden light and never return.
There is NO CHANCE of that.
How do I know this? Well, you’ve pretty much said it yourself: you aren’t ready.
There’s more though. Your language, the way you are casting this tells me that you aren’t ready. You see the LORD as THERE, somewhere other than HERE, and are worried about not ‘returning’ here. You still have things upside-down. You aren’t going to be plunged into GOD upside-down. It doesn’t happen that way. In fact, the business of being plunged into GOD is a righting-up thing.
Something else – you said in the subject: Please, I need advanced help / God Incarnating
What do you mean here by ‘God Incarnating’? Do you mean yourself? Do you mean the YOU are god incarnating? If this is causing you distress, I may be able to help.
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Edited by - Lakulisha on Apr 23 2017 5:33:25 PM |
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Please, I need advanced help / God Incarnating
