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Godslave
Canada
108 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 16 2016 : 1:08:13 PM
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I have a question about my experiences with prayer.
I've briefly read the FAQ about prayer and I have a copy of the Samyama book which I hope to read eventually.
My background with prayer is with Christian prayer and also some yoga-like personal experiences that I had without a Yoga teacher, but more when I was experiencing with my energy and my mind.
I find when I pray it seems to have an effect just on me, a psychological effect. I find it very difficult to think that there is a real external result of the prayer. This is the problem I have with it: I don't think it has an effect other than to help me change my own thoughts or feelings.
However in the past I have had instinctive experiences which may fall under the category of prayer:
1) I finished scanning in all my important notes into a computer and finally felt I could release them. I felt a huge expansion of feeling where I just released the tightness inside myself out to the world around me. It was like a bubble expanded out from me, which I experienced mentally. I had finished shredding the notes. The next day when I woke up, the computer had been stolen from the house. I never retrieved it. The computer was the only thing stolen.
2) I was sitting in a small forest on a log from where I could see the surrounding land. I could see a horse and rider approaching from the distance. I mentally visualized/projected a bubble of energy surrounding myself and the forest, pushing outward like an invisible force field. The rider and horse stopped at the edge of the bubble and hesitated for a while. Then they left.
I've also had prayer experiences where I was praying and something opened up inside me, like when I learned to drink my pain and pass it up to God to have it released. But later I learned that this could be a mostly psycological phenomenon where I'm releasing tension with my mind... so does "God" as an external entity/being really exist? Even though I can always feel that something like a "God force" exists, is it a person, or a mind, or the mind behind the physical reality, that we all tap into and are expressions of?
From my writing here it's fairly clear I'm not sure how to think of these things or define them. And I find that I rarely pray any more, for I'm uncertain what I'm doing or what effect, if any, it could have. I also have a jaded view of some of the teachings I grew up with, as they seems like a shallow hollow shell which doesn't really contact the true reality of my spiritual situation. The religion I grew up with has things in it that don't make sense, and seems to be missing important factors.
I have a feeling of disconnect in relation to this, and I don't feel a need to maintain a certain practice to re-connect. It's like I'm OK being in a disconnected state. I have been doing spinal breathing followed by deep meditation most days though.
This confusion about the beliefs I was raised with bothers me regularly. The prayer aspect is especially confusing as I have no way of telling if it has an effect, and I'm inclined to think it does not.
This is also partially a clash between my very science-based way of thinking that I have for work, and the more religious way of thinking I was raised with. They conflict and don't integrate with each other well. I don't want to be superstitious and think that things are true just because I'm told. I want my thoughts about reality to match my experiences and make sense.
Any thoughts or help? Any feedback would be appreciated... |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1730 Posts |
Posted - Apr 16 2016 : 4:48:06 PM
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Hi Godslave
The God experience is not the result of an intellectual exercise. My advice is to pause these questions for now if you can, just carry on with your regular practice. When you are ready for that experience, it will find you.
However if you feel attracted to an Ishta (a spiritual ideal), cultivating your devotion towards that Ishta will help you along the way. You can pray to your Ishta for help and guidance on the path.
You are doing well keeping up your practice. That is the most important thing.  |
Edited by - BlueRaincoat on Apr 16 2016 4:50:44 PM |
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Godslave
Canada
108 Posts |
Posted - Apr 16 2016 : 5:52:53 PM
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Hi BlueRaincoat,
Thanks for the reply. I have experienced the "God experience" in the past, at least what from my perspective was the "God experience". However, I don't find it any more in religious ceremonies or experiences. I see those as external and only find the "God experience" when I am in silent solitude, a state of forgetting external concerns/worries and forgetting myself but feeling at peace in the moment and feeling connected within. Outwards, I don't really feel connected much but when I can be alone doing something I enjoy I do find a sweetness within.
I feel that I've had these experiences but I don't have a conceptual framework to understand them. I've had other experiences as well that are on the spiritual scale but I don't understand them intellectually either... It's frustrating to not be able to make sense of what has happened. I just go with intuition most of the time, when it comes to these matters. I would like to have more of an understanding. |
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sunyata
USA
1505 Posts |
Posted - Apr 16 2016 : 7:35:33 PM
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Hi Godslave,
Everything sounds good. No need to understand, just experience the joy. The mind will never be satisfied,enjoy what's happening now. And from what you have written sounds lovely.
Sunyata |
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Dogboy
USA
2193 Posts |
Posted - Apr 16 2016 : 9:10:55 PM
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Cheers Godslave, a great name btw...
Intuition is the voice of Guru Inyou; keep up your practice and you can trust this voice. I too have had many God Experiences (synchronisities among them), some that made me laugh aloud. If you write down dreams, you remember them more; if you maintain daily practice, God Experiences come a'knocking.
Yoga is playful. A disconnected state can be playful too, if you're open to that. Self inquiry is prayer to me, and I always get some kind of response. I say things aloud when I'm alone, often in a mirror; it connects my inside with my outside. You may as well surrender knowing anything for sure until you get the knowing. Let go of belief confusion, be open to the idea that daily practice will handle that for you as you purify, through that intuition of yours.
Enjoyed you sharing this thread. 
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Apr 16 2016 : 10:43:26 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Dogboy
Yoga is playful. A disconnected state can be playful too, if you're open to that. Self inquiry is prayer to me, and I always get some kind of response. I say things aloud when I'm alone, often in a mirror; it connects my inside with my outside. You may as well surrender knowing anything for sure until you get the knowing. Let go of belief confusion, be open to the idea that daily practice will handle that for you as you purify, through that intuition of yours.
Strong. 
I speak to the mirror too.  |
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Dennis
USA
83 Posts |
Posted - Apr 17 2016 : 01:24:37 AM
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For what it's worth, there are a number of 'scientific' studies done that show that prayer does work and helps a person heal from a sickness and other such things. I also guess it depends on what you pray for.
I'm curious of the effectiveness of Samyama. I see a lot of people on the healing list but have't heard if they're getting better.
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Apr 17 2016 : 02:27:00 AM
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Looks like you are cleaning out the believes of God and religion as they were conditioned inside you.
Now you can experience and leave everything open, no thoughts about it, just experience.
It's beautiful and also the word beautiful is not what it is.
Thank you for sharing Godslave,
love, radiance, unity. |
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Godslave
Canada
108 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2017 : 10:26:53 AM
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I was just re-reading this post today and it helped me again to read your responses, and also my own writings. Thanks.
I'm also thinking I should read more about Self-Inquiry, such as on the lesson (http://www.aypsite.org/322.html) and in the Self-Inquiry book which I have a copy of.
It's funny / strange to me how I've come across so many of these things on my own automatically, just by following the feeling of kundalini inside of me, and listening to my heart. I had a heart opening experience in 2004 which was revolutionary for me, it felt like my spirit was rebirthing, and it was accompanied with a voice inside my mind talking to me, and responding to questions I asked it, etc. It was very disturbing in a way for me, but also very comforting as I felt and knew that I could trust it absolutely, especially after testing it in my life and finding that even in severe risk situations it was always right. This voice is still there but I've grown more afraid of talking with it, as I think it's wierd or strange... and sometimes it leads me to difficult things which I don't understand and are hard to fit into my mental framework. It's like a continual expansion.
But it is great to have found AYP, and to find that there are names for these things, they are understood, and known to make sense within the framework of AYP, and that others have experienced them.
I eventually opened my heart more through a strong experience which is something like a shamanic walk. After walking for 2 weeks I reached a place where I was able to finally let go of a childhood experience in which I had always judged myself to have done something wrong, and had never forgiven myself. I was finally able to let go of that, and start connecting to the real world again. Then the inner voice from my heart said to me, "You'll never have to worry about glut or flow, as long as I'm with you". And things have been going gradually uphill and getting better since then. |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1730 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2017 : 10:46:21 AM
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| Nice to hear from you Godslave. You are making progress and finding freedom. |
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Dogboy
USA
2193 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2017 : 3:45:12 PM
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sunyata
USA
1505 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2017 : 5:06:53 PM
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| Happy to hear, Godslave. |
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Herb
Canada
111 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2017 : 9:17:20 PM
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| Hi Godslave, I recently started a thread about the relationship between prayer and meditation. You may find it interesting, here it is: http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....PIC_ID=16660 All the advice given to you sounds very good. I agree with the above comments that you are on the right path |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1532 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2017 : 01:21:51 AM
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Somewhere - One of Yogani's books or a thread on this site - I read, something along this line:
The effectiveness of prayer is a function of our surrendering and not our expectations.
Sey
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Godslave
Canada
108 Posts |
Posted - Feb 02 2017 : 3:14:42 PM
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Thanks for the replies
I'll be looking further into this, including the topic link from Herb.
I have started reading the Samyama ebook |
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prayer confusion and questions
