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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 08 2016 : 8:56:33 PM
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I've been struggling recently. I've found out that one of my sisters is experiencing the same thing I am on the same days. She's not into meditation. She's hard headed like me, so there's no reason to tell her to do this or that.
I was wondering if there's a way to do this for both of us. If I can sit through the crap and let some stuff go, will it help her? I'm willing to do anything for her. I don't want her to suffer.
Thanks! |
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sunyata
USA
1505 Posts |
Posted - Apr 08 2016 : 9:52:17 PM
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Hi Lalow,
So sorry to hear about the difficulties.Calling on Isthas may help in this situation. Do you like devotional songs? Listening to them is good. I keep pictures of my Isthas next to my bed and around my house.Reading spiritual books. Focussing on the positive things in Life instead of the negstive. When you are with her, just residing in the silence will help.
I like to chant mantras.Of course you know this is not part of AYP baseline practice.Gayatri mantra, ganesh mantra, Shiva mantra are some of my favorites .You can find them in youtube. Just play it, they have divine vibrations.
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Edited by - sunyata on Apr 08 2016 9:59:55 PM |
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Apr 08 2016 : 10:00:00 PM
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| Thank you, sunyata. I wasn't sure anyone would know what I was talking about. I feel like it's easy to let things go sometimes, but other times I go blind and fall into my patterns. My sis has suffered enough. If I could do something so she doesn't suffer, well sign me up. Bhakti overdrive! This girl has been through enough! I can't tell if she's feeling my crap or I feel her crap or we just have the same crap. |
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sunyata
USA
1505 Posts |
Posted - Apr 08 2016 : 10:03:00 PM
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Hi Lalow,
I don't know of any such technique. The only answer I keep getting is inner silence and surrender for what goes around here. The more I do this, the easier it becomes to navigate through Life. Life is not perfect but there is strength.I feel you Dear sister.
I'm devotional by nature but AYP has made me intoxicated with devotion. I went to a Catholic school so I even sing hymns and pray. Now this probably explains the extent of my craziness of my love for the Divine . Try cultivating it- it keeps filling you up. This is what works here. May be others have better techniques to share.
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Edited by - sunyata on Apr 08 2016 10:13:02 PM |
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Apr 08 2016 : 10:14:46 PM
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| I'm feeling desperate. I don't want my sister to suffer. She's lost her son, she is having anxiety. She is the only person who has never judged me. I don't judge her either. It's the only unity I've experienced longterm. I want the best for her. |
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Apr 08 2016 : 10:20:00 PM
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sunyata, I've been reading a translation of the Upanishads. I'm enjoying it.
I just want to get this done for the both of us. My sister has been through the worst of the worst. |
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sunyata
USA
1505 Posts |
Posted - Apr 08 2016 : 10:21:37 PM
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I can see your love for your sister. It's such a lovely bond. She has been through a lot. If it's really bad, have you considered professional help till things even out? |
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sunyata
USA
1505 Posts |
Posted - Apr 08 2016 : 10:24:48 PM
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| Ok. The mantras are really powerful, try finding them as well. Hanuman ChaLisa is another healing mantra. Medicine Buddha mantra. Pray to the ascended masters to help you through this. They will support you. |
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Apr 08 2016 : 10:44:11 PM
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Hi sunyata, I can no longer tell what is " mine" if that makes since. I wouldn't know how to explain that. I'd probably get a crazy label. My sister is poor. It's not an option.
I've actually had a small heart opening, where I see beauty daily, feel centered sometimes , some sentimental tears, yet I feel what she feels when she feels it. I can't distinguished between us. I can't say it's all her stuff; it's my stuff, too.
I release her name in Samyama. This isn't about me. I just want to know if I can do something for her. |
Edited by - lalow33 on Apr 08 2016 10:45:31 PM |
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Apr 08 2016 : 11:10:55 PM
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I have felt drawn to Ganesh and Hanuman. This is good advice. I want the best for my sister. I'm serious.
I know no one wants to here this. I'm very sensitive. I felt metal going through my head for a month. I had a vision of me and my sisters crying in a white room, but couldn't tell why and when I looked to see, I came out if it. My nephew died. Metal through the head and the same scene I saw in my vision. I take stuff seriously!!!
I can't let my sister suffer. I just can't.
Sometimes, I feel my inner guru is superpowerful, like anything is possible. Sometimes, I feel weaker( like now), when I question things. |
Edited by - lalow33 on Apr 08 2016 11:20:33 PM |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2016 : 12:03:22 AM
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I have a twin brother, as well as another younger brother, who I've had to learn to meet in the middle. It's a process of staying out of their personal aura, and putting a light focus (samyama-style) in the space between us. When I touch the middle point, and release intentions in that neutral field, there is much less friction than when I have imposed my will directly into my brothers' matrix of obstructions. I've been using this "meet in the middle" technique for a couple years, and it's basically a spin-off of the samyama principles, mixed with tonglen, which is a Buddhist technique that helps transform other people's suffering.
Ultimately, we want to let the stillness do the work by feeding the spaciousness that resides between all of us.
I'm wishing you and your sister great harmony and bliss. |
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2016 : 12:12:01 AM
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I haven't leaned how to not feel everything. I can't guarantee it's my sister's stuff. I just don't know. We are so close that I don't want distance at all,know what I mean? Even if I have to deal with stuff.
Even though I'm not that advanced, I can see a way out. It's just letting go. It's so simple when I'm clear. |
Edited by - lalow33 on Apr 09 2016 12:15:31 AM |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1730 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2016 : 06:03:19 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by lalow33
it's my stuff, too.
Yes, it always is.
Being conscious when she's around helps her. She will share in your consciousness even is she doesn't understand what's going on.
You are already helping her. Your practice and your progress you will always share with everyone around you.
Best wishes |
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sunyata
USA
1505 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2016 : 09:19:04 AM
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quote:
Hi sunyata, I can no longer tell what is " mine" if that makes since. I wouldn't know how to explain that. I'd probably get a crazy label. My sister is poor. It's not an option.
I've actually had a small heart opening, where I see beauty daily, feel centered sometimes, some sentimental tears, yet I feel what she feels when she feels it. I can't distinguished between us. I can't say it's all her stuff; it's my stuff, too.
I release her name in Samyama. This isn't about me. I just want to know if I can do something for her.
Hi Lalow,
I have been there. I was born an empath and sensitive person. I went through all the awakening symptoms mentioned.
There was a time when I could not go to malls, grocery stores, social gathering because I could feel everything thing/everyone's pain. It was overwhelming with no boundaries. Tsunami of emotions that would come. But I got through it and you will as well.
Like Bodhi and Blue mentioned, you can give the greatest gift of staying in silence and holding the space to your sister. When strong emotions arise that I am not able to stay present with, I usually listen to music and let that pass through me. Instead of letting the mind add stories to it and reinforce the suffering. Hope you are self pacing.
With practice of Samyama, I can now see the gift of being sensitive and an empath. It's easy to drop in silence whatever comes this way. Staying connected to all and being a vessel through which some things dissolve but at the same time not getting affected. I'm sharing my story because I want you to know that it will pass. Keep up your practices and silence will heal all.
Below are few more songs that helped me.
Snatam Kaur - By Thy Grace
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6agBMFujPU
Mantra Music: Ong Namo by Snatam Kaur
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1XCS0g6J4A
and Hugs,
Sunyata
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Edited by - sunyata on Apr 09 2016 09:23:06 AM |
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dv2014
USA
93 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2016 : 12:11:15 PM
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Hi Lalow,
I am sorry to hear about your sister's suffering.
I can't actually relate much to any of the energy experiences, since I haven't had any; but I am writing because I have gone through a similar situation in my relationship with my father. I have been knowing that he was suffering a lot, but since he was not at all open to meditation or any spiritual practices, all I could do was bless him daily (my own crude way of samyama), and pray for him. I also used to visualize his face in a happy, cheerful mood. I can't be sure if my prayers helped him or not, but there were small positive changes. In last November, I finally decided to take the plunge and wrote him a long letter pitching for meditation, although I was apprehensive if it would be accepted in the right sense. But things changed for the better - and he now practices deep meditation twice daily. I am not saying that this is the end of all his sufferings, he will have to go through his journey - but I am glad he is on the right track now.
I don't know how easy it is to convince your sister about meditation - but until then, perhaps you can only pray for her and do samyama to slowly bring her to her own path of awakening.
When emotions overwhelm, like others mentioned here, chanting, releasing to ishta etc have worked for me. I often visualize I am kneeling down in front of the ishta and She is extracting all my emotions and sorrows and transforming them into beautiful flowers with her beautiful gaze - not sure if such graphic visualization is recommended, or preferred by advanced practitioners, but that works for me 
Hope you feel better soon, and your sister finds a way out of her suffering.
@ Sunyata - thanks for introducing the medicine Buddha mantra - never knew about that. It's beautiful and is going to be one of my favorites now on |
Edited by - dv2014 on Apr 09 2016 1:03:44 PM |
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Beehive
USA
117 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2016 : 4:59:28 PM
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lalow I am so sorry about your sister's loss and suffering. And I am so sorry you are suffering with and for her, But your love for each other is deeply touching and will shine the light forward for you and, I bet, for her.
I will tell you of my experience since I am an empath like you and have had loss and sadness like your sister. (Though my loss was not that of child, which is simply beyond comprehension).
It is as everyone has said before, your inner silence and clarity are your greatest gift to your sister. My own sister held me (though thousands of miles apart) through my difficulty. There was nothing she could say except "I just don't know or understand why this is happening but I will be with you and listen to you or be silent with you while you wait for the tiniest bit of light to show the way forward." She would regularly ask me if I needed or wanted any physical things. She would mail small gifts but she did not offer any advice other than that she was not afraid of my pain and she would share with me whatever experience I was having.
This may sound like a bit of tough love, but since it was my experience, I will share it and hope that you see by the end that the tough love was what has brought me to a much better place of both love and more wisdom and willingness to look at what is. When the experience that is causing the suffering is the loss of a child, there is no answer, no thing you could say or do in the immediacy of it happening that could ever remove the suffering or make it understandable in any way. So her suffering is entirely appropriate and to be expected. The ONLY thing she would find acceptable is to have her son back.
I'm not sure if this will make sense, but I think it stands to reason, that by you wanting to remove her suffering, then you too are by default, also wishing to bring her son back. So now both people are standing in resistance to what is. So though everyone's desires are so understandable and driven by a foundation of love, staying in that expectation is futile and you have two people's desires that simply CANNOT be met. Her son cannot be returned and you cannot take her pain.
That was the situation I found myself in. Standing, holding myself tightly, refusing to accept what had happened and there was no way to undo.
The first obvious step for me was to be totally ok with the complete horror, sadness, stuckness.. I told myself I would stay with those feelings as long as I chose. I allowed myself to be all those things. But by saying over and over "I am ok to be totally sad" I found myself move slowing toward just "I am OK"
Even if your sister cannot do this herself, you can do this for her. You can hold in your mind that it is expected for her to have unimaginable grief, how could she not. But you can simultaneously hold the vision of the tiniest crack in her pain, that light will shine through and help her take one step forward. You can hold that vision forever. You can imagine many people coming to comfort her. You can imagine that she is trying to figure out what would give her the tiniest bit of peace and imagine that coming to her. I do think its important to imagine for her what she thinks would comfort her, not to imagine what you think she needs, unless it is something general like peace and love and comfort.
You can also read books about people who have experienced what she has experienced and they have inched their way forward. SHE may not be ready to read those books and may not want to hear that you are reading them either, but it will help your mind stop telling the story that this will never be ok. Your mind will have proof that many others have gone before and not only been ok but have perhaps gained greater depth in life. Then you will also be able to keep "hope" alive in her field.
Try not to pity her. It's horrible to be pitied. Try to imagine that she is strong and that with you strong beside her you will open to new levels of life. And try if you can, to take deep pleasure in the love you feel for her. I would say very few people have the experience of having a sister they love so much that they would be willing to take the sisters pain.
Try to take all the suggestions here of ways that help you build your own comfort and inner silence - then that's what you'll share with your sister.
My difficult stretch of time has made it possible (at times!) to simultaneously feel the paradox of extreme love within extraordinary difficulty. I have a feeling you know that now.
Again, very best wishes to you. Thank you for sharing your love for your sister here. I'll hold both you and her in my thoughts, wishing you hope and comfort too.
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jusmail
India
491 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2016 : 7:17:06 PM
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Maybe you could add your name and that of your sister to the weekend group healing samyama. That will really ease the burden a lot for both of you.
Wishing you and your sister all the best |
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Dogboy
USA
2193 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2016 : 8:23:10 PM
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Apr 10 2016 : 03:21:22 AM
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Quote by lalow33 quote:
I can see a way out. It's just letting go. It's so simple when I'm clear.
The healing power of listening and chanting mantra's can be of great help, when listening to manta's you feel attracted to some, why is not important.
Sunyata describes it beautiful.
For me there was one which brought me in tears every time again, it didn't matter who was the singer, which melody, it was that same mantra and it only where two words. That one had so much power to me. I surrendered to the pain with that mantra.
It was before I knew more about mantra, but I am sure it healed my heart, all tears made my heart melt.
Don't try to be strong Lalow, not for yourself, not for your sister, cry your eyes and heart out if you feel like this is what you need at this moment, surrender to the pain, alone, together with your sister, with or without mantra. Love to you
edit:
We would sometimes take all the burdens of loved ones, and especially if they are loved family members it it not easy to keep a distance. Like in the above replies of others I imagine them samyama style, smiling, peaceful. Release this in silence, also this is healing for yourself....
On the other hand sometimes we need space, then it is very useful to have some tools like Bodhi and Blue mentioned.
For myself I had some experiences that I almost literally carried loved ones around on my shoulders, massage therapy is helpful if you feel those heavy shoulders and neck. I'll do my best to not let that happen again. Not easy imo 
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Edited by - Charliedog on Apr 10 2016 10:41:09 AM |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1532 Posts |
Posted - Apr 10 2016 : 04:21:18 AM
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Oh sweetie....
Sey |
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Apr 10 2016 : 9:21:07 PM
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Thank you all. My sister isn't into meditation, but I guess I could be short changing her by thinking I know more or the" way". This is something I need to look at. I'm the older sister, so of course I think I know more. I do need to listen to her, not tell her what is what. Heck, she could know more than me. I really appreciate all the responses.
Maybe, she needs to teach me.
P. S. I love, love my sister no matter what. Of course, I love my kids, it's still feels different to me. I could tell her all my skeletons in my closet, she doesn't care. I have never said a bad word about this girl as an adult. She could tell me just about anything, and I'd love her the same. |
Edited by - lalow33 on Apr 10 2016 11:26:55 PM |
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Radharani
USA
843 Posts |
Posted - Apr 20 2016 : 02:29:41 AM
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Everybody has already given you great advice, above. You are a light to the people around you, including your sister.
I have nothing useful to add other than God bless you and I hug you from across the miles. Much Love to you, dear. |
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Jun 05 2016 : 6:24:29 PM
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| Mmm... my inner guru says that I've repeatedly asked for others' suffering( which is true), and I can simply choose something else. |
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Purging for someone else
