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noir01
USA
7 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 27 2015 : 02:11:24 AM
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We do not need to renounce the world nor do I want to, this is why we have karma yoga. I remember early on in spiritual practices, I would experience stillness only at home but whenever I left the house, I would lose it as I tried to manage navigating my own ego amongst a sea of others. As practices progressed, I was able to maintain that stillness wherever i went.
I'll make this short. My friends are not bad people. I am male in my mid twenties where dating and career aspirations are the dominant topics of conversation. At first these conversations and culture in general were very distracting. Now I am mindful all throughout and I am just no longer amused by it, though I still participate. I have met others who are spiritual or share similar hobbies as me but it all seems futile. I find myself taking refuge in books and other media for a week or so and then me being a social animal goes out into the world, socializes, gets bored, retreat for a week, and repeat. This is beginning to sound very angsty which I hate. I guess I'm just getting tired of socializing.
Has anyone here gone through something similar? If so what personal changes did you make? |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1730 Posts |
Posted - Sep 27 2015 : 07:44:19 AM
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Hello noir01
I can relate to your experience.
As I have progressed with my yoga, I have found that talking about the things that are most important to me, even with my nearest and dearest, is not easy. I have occasionally got frustrated by my failure to communicate - they go on caring about the things they've always cared about (dating and career aspirations included) and I go on trying to listen to them with all the interest I can muster.
The important thing - and the thing that, for me, rescues this whole communication business - is that I know there is another level of communication going on underneath the words. You being among your friends means more than contributing to the conversation. I like the way Eckhart Tolle puts it - you are a door through which consciousness enters this world. Your friends may now know it - although they are marginally aware of it without being able to define it - but they benefit from it.
You are right about "navigating your own ego". I think the ego is the one that gets a little upset about not being able to communicate at words level. I fall into this trap sometimes - only a few days ago I got frustrated with a very good friend. It was one of those rare occasions when I ventured to share something about yoga (he's not into yoga) and it struck me he wasn't even trying to process at a rational level what I was saying to him. For somebody who prides himself on being intelligent and well informed, I though he could have made a little effort to hear me. I told him that and he was quite affected by what he perceived as my criticism. Of course I had to spend time afterwards soothing his unhappiness. So I ate some humble pie and remembered that all the truths in the world are not worth hurting someone even in the slightest.
So it's not about renouncing friends IMO. I think it is about giving even if it is not thanked for or even noticed - giving for giving's sake. |
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kensbikes100
USA
192 Posts |
Posted - Sep 27 2015 : 07:49:41 AM
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I was in the middle of nice reply, when the PC lost my message. So let's just try it again ...
In my 20's I had a big crisis of life direction, and until I found a new and fulfilling direction (as Casteneda called it, a path with heart) I could not integrate with friends and their interest. Now much of the same is true, but I also know what my interests are, now nearly 40 years into a career. To let the friends go has proven acceptable, and then to rejoin with them later has been a great joy. If you can't be in each other's lives fully, that's ok. The TV show "Friends" is not reality.
Spirituality can be a chosen part of your path, no matter what. You don't need to lose that. Even if you leave it for a while, you can come back with you. I found that the mantras I learned in the past are still there, still mine, and they still work, but within a different psyche. Even the Tai Chi and dance, and voice training I had in the past is still here, though to regain the execution requires a new training plan.
The directional change in my 20s was to finally flunk as an unmotivated literature major, and boomerang back to my parents. They had the kindness and love to take me back and support me with finding direction. Finally my dad said, "your scores in math and sciences were a lot better than your English scores, though they were still excellent. Why not make a new start at the City Colleges, to re-take calculus and chemistry? I did that, had straight A's in a pre-engineering curriculum for two years, then transferred (by the skin of my teeth) into University. Four years later I graduated with a BS in Engineering, and many doors have been open to me. As I said, my old interests are still mine to keep active or to lie fallow.
I'm not saying your problem is life direction, but it could be. I am assuming it all seems futile because the question remains, which of these things can occupy and sustain me for the next 60 years? Survival strategy is kind of important, since we are, while also spiritual, animals that require energy input for effective survival. |
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Dogboy
USA
2195 Posts |
Posted - Sep 27 2015 : 08:33:34 AM
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| I was done with the bar scene in my mid twenties (mid fifties now), cultured friendships that enlivened me and left other relationships to drift. As you mature, so does your ability to discern what feeds your soul. I was not meditating or doing yoga then, but I imagine inner silence will aid this transition for you. It doesn't mean you have to sever friendships, maybe just reimagine ways and levels to socialize; some may be feeling similar angst, and not know how to alter the script. |
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AYPforum
351 Posts |
Posted - Sep 27 2015 : 08:55:00 AM
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| Moderator note: Topic moved for better placement |
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tonightsthenight
846 Posts |
Posted - Sep 27 2015 : 9:10:01 PM
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| Can totally relate. Life ebbs and flows and changes course. I would be careful not to make proclamations but rather move toward that which you have bhakti for. Above all, just keepgoing. |
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sunyata
USA
1506 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2015 : 2:17:56 PM
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Hi noir01,
Yes, been through it. I enjoy having friends around and so does Hubby. Everyone likes to have few drinks and talk about everything but spirituality.
In the beginning of my journey, I would bring spirituality into conversation. That has dropped as well. This body mind does not tolerate alcoholic beverages anymore. I get a few remarks here and there, I just laugh it off. Funny the silence gets stronger when I'm around my friends. The conversations do not interest me but I love their company. I may not add to the conversations but the silence and bliss in their company is priceless. Like everything, it's a phase you are going through.
Also, why would the divine create this world? If all it wanted to be by itself. There is a time and place for everything. Time to be by yourself (meditate, read, relax) and time to go out and share your joy. You are doing great- retreating when needed and socializing when needed.
Sunyata |
Edited by - sunyata on Sep 28 2015 2:23:32 PM |
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noir01
USA
7 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2015 : 3:32:59 PM
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| Thanks for your replies everyone. I guess the one thing I do dislike is just the gossipy nature of certain topics. For example, when conversations turn towards our mutual dislikes whether it's a public figure, specific person or an event or whatever. During the conversation I will be mindful and I just can't help but feel petty. I've hung out with enough different groups of people to know all social groups have this negative side to them. I guess I'll just change my attitude towards it. As long as I am mindful and do not take part, it could even be entertaining lol |
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tonightsthenight
846 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2015 : 10:23:53 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by noir01
Thanks for your replies everyone. I guess the one thing I do dislike is just the gossipy nature of certain topics. For example, when conversations turn towards our mutual dislikes whether it's a public figure, specific person or an event or whatever. During the conversation I will be mindful and I just can't help but feel petty. I've hung out with enough different groups of people to know all social groups have this negative side to them. I guess I'll just change my attitude towards it. As long as I am mindful and do not take part, it could even be entertaining lol
There is the moving inward and moving outward too. Eventually we need to meet people where they're at. |
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Beehive
USA
117 Posts |
Posted - Sep 30 2015 : 01:33:24 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by sunyata
Hi noir01,
Yes, been through it. I enjoy having friends around and so does Hubby. Everyone likes to have few drinks and talk about everything but spirituality.
In the beginning of my journey, I would bring spirituality into conversation. That has dropped as well. This body mind does not tolerate alcoholic beverages anymore. I get a few remarks here and there, I just laugh it off. Funny the silence gets stronger when I'm around my friends. The conversations do not interest me but I love their company. I may not add to the conversations but the silence and bliss in their company is priceless. Like everything, it's a phase you are going through.
Also, why would the divine create this world? If all it wanted to be by itself. There is a time and place for everything. Time to be by yourself (meditate, read, relax) and time to go out and share your joy. You are doing great- retreating when needed and socializing when needed.
Sunyata
this is lovely |
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Renouncing Friends/Lifestyle
