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bedouin
USA
2 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 19 2015 : 10:10:49 PM
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First, I hope this is the right forum for this topic, if not, please suggest (or move to) another forum.
I won't mention my guru/path unless it becomes essential to the discussion, just to keep things as objective as possible. I will say that it is a kriya yoga path.
I've been practicing for about 1.5 years and at one point last year I was practicing pretty intensely. I kept noticing that I was calmer and had an inner joy much more often due to nothing in the outside world. I also noticed that many things in my life were dropping away in their significance/importance in my life. Such as career, certain friendships, the desire to be in a romantic relationship with someone, how others viewed me, traveling the world, even this desire that I've had for a long time that I need to really make a significant, positive impact on the world. All this was mostly fine with me, but some of it was a little unsettling.
At one point, while practicing asanas (in conjunction with my kriyas), I was struck with the realization that if I continued on the path I was on, it would be inevitable that I would lose all interest in most everything "worldly" and just move to the ashram full time. This scared the crap out of me, I thought of all the relationships I had in my life, my thirst to experience living in different ways, such as traveling and meeting new people, learning about the many subjects in life, and this idea that "my life" as I knew it would be over. I freaked out, stopped doing those particular practices and generally changed my course as much as I could including following certain guidelines about diet etc.
Well after some time I couldn't deal with this. The deep ecstasy, joy, and peace were not in my life they way they had been. I went back to my kriya practices, still with the fear that just by practicing, one day it would no longer be in my hands, because of the way I have to mold my daily life around my practices and the energies themselves, things will lose their "luster", their importance (this has already started to happen again, but to a smaller degree so far) and I would just end up feeling like the only place for me was the ashram. I have spent some time there already and I must say, not only was it incredibly challenging but I kept thinking that it was not where I wanted to spend my life, I would prefer one out in general society. But again, these desires can and would change I feel.
My question is, has anyone experienced something like this? Must I allow things to flow in this manner? I've heard that we always have a choice, but choice is only based on desires and if certain desires simply fall way, then what? Any advice or comments? I'm happy to elaborate more on any aspect, I'm not sure if I've filled in all the information necessary.
Thank you. |
Edited by - AYPforum on Aug 19 2015 10:21:31 PM |
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jonesboy
USA
594 Posts |
Posted - Aug 19 2015 : 11:59:56 PM
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Hi Bedouin,
the heart radiating like that is a beautiful thing. You are in a very beautiful place.
What you are letting go off is the desire for things #128522; as in the belief that you need a thing or outcome to be happy. That is the desire you are letting go of. What the ego is scared of.
Your heart is open it brings joy and the desire to help others. It feels good too. What you feel is your experience . Helping people is the easiest thing to do. Helping people just to help with no expectations or desire for an outcome.
No matter our job we can find ways to help those around us. With a heart open like yours life becomes pretty good.
Hope that helps,
Tom |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Aug 20 2015 : 02:38:53 AM
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quote:
At one point, while practicing asanas (in conjunction with my kriyas), I was struck with the realization that if I continued on the path I was on, it would be inevitable that I would lose all interest in most everything "worldly" and just move to the ashram full time. This scared the crap out of me, I thought of all the relationships I had in my life, my thirst to experience living in different ways, such as traveling and meeting new people, learning about the many subjects in life, and this idea that "my life" as I knew it would be over. I freaked out, stopped doing those particular practices and generally changed my course as much as I could including following certain guidelines about diet etc.
Dear bedouin,
This is the struggle with ego, the thinking that it has to be different then it is. It will pass. This journey is a changing of your perspective, the perspective that you had for a very long time. The resistance you feel is the fear for the unknown. But you know that already.
There is no loosing, there is an endless going in the moment.
From my own experience, my life changed completely, not by trowing my old life away, but step by step it changed. It takes time, time to reflect, to practice and just move on.
Most importent in my opinion is to live with your heart open, look around to the beauty of life, stay in the moment. As you say, go with the flow!
You do not have to live in an ashram to live from the heart, and if you later decide that that is your deepest wish, then it will be ok to.
Stay in this moment,
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maheswari
Lebanon
2516 Posts |
Posted - Aug 20 2015 : 02:39:07 AM
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hello Bedouin
welcome to the forums
lots of practioners here ( including myself ) have experienced what you are talking about
simply put, in the begining of yoga path, one might feel that he is loosing interest in mundane stuff and might consider joining an ashram...this phase is wanting the spiritual and avoiding the non spirtitual
later , this division of spiritual and non spiritual will be seen as mind stuff too.
there is nothing spritiual or non spirtiual, nothing good or bad, living in an ashram is no better than living in the city.....all those labels start to fall one after the other
the next phase will be to integrate whatever life offers to us, there is no more division (spiritual ..no spiritual etc...) all the pairs of opposites are equally valid ... total integration of everything instead of avoiding anything
There is a lesson in ayp that talks about this topic if i am not mistaken...does anyone remember which one?
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Edited by - maheswari on Aug 20 2015 02:45:54 AM |
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So-Hi
USA
481 Posts |
Posted - Aug 20 2015 : 08:25:25 AM
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Hello Bedouin this often happens with Kriya. It is also why there is also a strong admonishment in the Lahiri Family to stay in your everyday life and not become a renunciant. To do so prematurely will only be a waste of time.
If you have a wife or husband and children your first spiritual duty is to them. They and every day life in relation to Kriya practice and the paravastha are as much your teacher as any Guru or developments from spiritual practice the very people you meet and interact with on a daily basis are important to your growth as well.
Kriya was given as a path for the householder, to stay within the world as a productive member of society and grow from and in your practices will provide far more spiritual growth than living in an Ashram. The world is a far more challenging ashram, maintain your serenity and peace and divine love in the world ah now there is a true measuring stick for progress.
Trust that your most blissful states will blend in time with being in the world, this is what is meant by being in the world but not of it. That statement is often misunderstood as being in the world but separate from it like you are in hiding, but that is incorrect.
If you are single and have your worldly affairs in order and are young enough and apply and are accepted for Brahmachari training to one day become a monastic that is a different story. Better be careful not to burn any bridges and have a backup plan if this does not workout.
In the end your life is unique and yours alone no one can advise what you should do with it.
More concerning what you are going through, do not be afraid of loosing all interest in everything, this is just a transitional phase as you are adapting to what is becoming your new normal way of living. In AYP terms part of adapting to the witness state.
No matter what you practice AYP or Kriya as long as you are growing and making progress you will always find yourself adapting to what is becoming your “ New Normal” Your life as you once knew it is already over this is the very definition of adapting to your new normal it is also what is meant by letting go and yes it can be frightening but knowing that I a Kriyaban of different traditions and an AYP practitioner have lived this and still remain in the everyday world working and with a family can do it should give you some comfort that you can as well.
Clinging to the way you once were out of fear is silly, it would be like clinging to childhood once you have become and adult there is no turning back you can not become an arm baby suckling at your mothers breast again, that is a silly thing to imagine a grown man in diapers doing that is it not?
So now you have already done something, you have already changed from what you once were. Embrace it and welcome to the forums. |
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Dogboy
USA
2193 Posts |
Posted - Aug 20 2015 : 08:34:38 AM
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Welcome Bedouin,
You've received some good advice already. Your practice is challenging the mindset that your future lies in the extremes, in the "black or the white". Eventually the changes to your "grey matter" will reveal that living fully within the grey is all that matters.  |
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Holy
796 Posts |
Posted - Aug 20 2015 : 9:55:24 PM
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Hi bedoin,
very good posts already. Had the same experience as you whenever the kriya amounts rose past 144, it is not only a mental thing. The very flow of life changes in such a way, that it looks like everything will drop off. Which also is not untrue, at some point, earlier or later, everyone will have to let go. With increased practice this accelerates very much, still what will happen afterwards may not be what the mind is projecting.
Have exerienced KYI kriya ashram life too. For those very advanced kriyabans it may be an ok outer life with absolute paradise subjectively perceived. For me it was quite a boring combination alltogether. All available time goes to cooking and cleaning dishes, which is only a simplification of life to the minimum required (survival), while many other chakras cannot express in such an environment. I have also seen some people in the ashram suffering because of this.
There are many examples both in the kriya world and of other paths, that living as So-Hi has mentioned is possible. It may be very much required to withdraw from this type of life temporarily, also perhaps in phases more than once, but when the job is finished, there should be no conflicts or problems in any regards with any lifestyle.
Better being in "The deep ecstasy, joy, and peace" as you describe, at the same time keeping enough balance to keep the mind away from its different cries :P There is a realized man from the lineage of Ramana-Papaji called Samarpan. Remembering his words: "You can trust this peace"... therefore
no worry and happy pratice |
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LivingSpark
Germany
3 Posts |
Posted - Aug 21 2015 : 04:00:29 AM
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Hey Holy,
I go straight to the point - would like to send you an email but have to few posts for it. Could you please send me an Email instead so I could reply you? That would mean a lot to me.
Hey Bedoin,
The lust for life and the sex drive are the two ultimate things to overcome - they are so deeply embedded that it takes a long time to overcome them. This is natural and everybody seems to get their resistance at some stage. If you ask me - just continue do your Sadhana and this too will pass. |
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alecpeace
USA
95 Posts |
Posted - Aug 22 2015 : 02:18:16 AM
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bedouin,
Have you considered changing your lifestyle to accommodate for spiritual progress?
You could start living a "minimalist" lifestyle, and taking on a simpler job with little stress and exhilaration to maintain the inner peace, i.e. janitor, national park ranger. Perhaps move into a much cheaper apartment and switch to part-time work.
Whatever you do, don't stop your spiritual practices! no-one said this was going to be easy. |
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So-Hi
USA
481 Posts |
Posted - Aug 22 2015 : 10:57:32 AM
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If the practices one is doing are not doable within the context of your current life no amount of changing the outer life is going to make them work.
If anything the disruption of changes may make things worse.
A very large Part of Yogani’s system of Advanced Yoga Practices that he developed and introduced to the world and has refined over the last 10 years are all about effective as in doable spiritual practices which are scalable for daily life.
quote:
Originally posted by alecpeace
bedouin,
Have you considered changing your lifestyle to accommodate for spiritual progress?
You could start living a "minimalist" lifestyle, and taking on a simpler job with little stress and exhilaration to maintain the inner peace, i.e. janitor, national park ranger. Perhaps move into a much cheaper apartment and switch to part-time work.
Whatever you do, don't stop your spiritual practices! no-one said this was going to be easy.
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bedouin
USA
2 Posts |
Posted - Aug 22 2015 : 1:59:07 PM
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Wow, I'm really touched by the responses. Thank you to all. First of all I'm happy that we are able to come together on a forum such as this and support one another. This website seems to bring people from varied spiritual backgrounds and I really appreciate that because some people have only followed one path and it's sometimes difficult for them to relate to others' paths.
Many of your words rang true for me and it was helpful. It really does help to know that many others have gone through exactly or very similar things in their own lives and maintained a "householder" lifestyle, though I am single and without children.
The tricky thing is, and this was especially true when I was in the ashram, is that I and probably most people depend so much on our minds to navigate through life. When that clearly starts to fail us, in that it's seen as not only incorrect but also limiting our experience of life, it becomes very difficult to know what to trust. For me, trust is a theme that comes up over and over again in my life in one form or another. Trusting the authority figures, the guru, the universe, myself. And it gets to be daunting, knowing what or whom to follow.
I'm keeping up the practices but taking a note from Yogani and "letting up on the accelerator" a bit until things are a bit more manageable. Maintaining awareness regardless of what comes up seems to be like riding the razor's edge, but possibly the only way so far to handle so much rising to the surface.
Thank you all. |
Edited by - bedouin on Aug 22 2015 3:08:13 PM |
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Dogboy
USA
2193 Posts |
Posted - Aug 22 2015 : 3:22:05 PM
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Sol Invictus
91 Posts |
Posted - Aug 22 2015 : 10:28:33 PM
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Hi Bedouin!
People said pretty much everything,good stuff!
I just want to add two points.
If you were in particular instructed by Acharya to do those exact amounts of Kriyas,then all good.I'll assume that guy knows what he is doing.
If not and you are getting effects that are scaring sh*t out of you,as you said,you might consider to do less repetitions for now.
Through out month or two or three you could gradually increase it,get back to number you were doing and see how it goes.
I think that doing Kriya or any other sadhana with fear is not a good idea.
Another thing is misconception about Sanyasa(renunciation).
Sanyas is not the outer renunciation,it is actually inner renunciation,it is a state of sadhaka and what you have been experiencing,becoming dispassionate about worldly things are first tiny steps towards true Sanyas.
As Lahiri Baba said,if wrapping one self in ocher clothes would mean that one will become liberated,then we could wrap donkeys and horses in ocher and they would get liberation!
I believe that with time you will be able to fully immerse your self in Kriyasadhana while fulfilling all of your worldly duties.They complement each other.
All the best!
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Things are losing their luster/importance
