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Beehive
USA
117 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 30 2015 : 1:36:56 PM
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Hello AYP people. I'm another new person, full of happiness at having found AYP. Just like all of you I'm amazed and grateful for the lessons and for the love and support that comes through in the forums. This is a wild and wonderful journey and it really does help to know you all are out there!
Like many of you I found AYP by pulling on a loose thread in my life. I had a couple years of deep trauma, loss of - well, most every material thing. Knowing my nervous system was completely shot; jumping every time the phone rang, my mouth full of the bitter taste of fear (the saying "tastes like fear" is not just a saying), the feeling of hot liquid pouring through my chest and into my arms. I knew my physical body just couldn't stay in that state.
If you have read Yogani's lesson about Trauma and Bhakti - THAT IS ME! I couldn't believe it when I read that lesson! The enormous load on my nervous system cracked something open and in rushed spirit. It started simply by listening to an Andrew Weil Breathing tape. Though I had been exposed to meditation many times, I'd never really "experienced" much from it. An hour with the breathing tape and I then knew THAT was what it could feel like. It started and avalanche of reading, an ever more established meditation practice, and an introduction to a spiritual guide - all of which has not only sustained me through these years of difficulty and instability, but my nervous system is not only just healing but even experiencing some bliss and ecstasy. Quite remarkable considering the ongoing challenges.
That in itself is GRACE, right? I know. I think about grace a lot now. When I first started this difficult time in life, people would stop me and say "There but by the grace of God, go I". Initially, I was just thankful for people brave enough to reach out to say something comforting to me in my hard spot. Then I stared to realize the implications of what that old cliche is saying. God has grace for YOU but not for ME?? God's lack of grace brought this to me? Wow, It kind of crushed me even more. I've thought about it enough now to know it is just a horrible cliche - one that means well but just misses the mark. God's grace is ALWAYS there for EVERYONE. The wonderful, magical part of grace for me is not what it is but why we finally open to it. It's like Yogani says, If someone offered you practices that would give you peace, love, fullness....EVERYONE would do it, wouldn't they? But no, they don't. Why did it take my life falling apart to open to grace. I love thinking about it. I think sometimes it is our mind, the one we so often blame for our suffering that also opens the door to grace. Because I sure know I hadn't accessed much of my "consciousness" at the point grace and spirit came rushing in.
Thank you all for being part of the grace in my life. I've loved reading so many of the questions and loving, wise, patient responses.
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kumar ul islam
United Kingdom
791 Posts |
Posted - Apr 30 2015 : 4:06:13 PM
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Thankyou and peace and love to you ,i knocked and the ayp door opened ,i stepped inside and now ive forgotten from where i came ,i die each new day but live every momment. |
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Dogboy
USA
2193 Posts |
Posted - Apr 30 2015 : 4:12:24 PM
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Beehive, you're welcome and you are welcome here! Thank you for sharing your path here!  |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1730 Posts |
Posted - Apr 30 2015 : 4:59:01 PM
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Welcome Beehive
What a lovely post! thank you for sharing
I hope your troubles will soon be over. May the Grace be with you always  |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - May 01 2015 : 03:30:11 AM
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Hi Beehive,
Welcome to this forum, thank you for sharing your grace!
quote:
Why did it take my life falling apart to open to grace.
That question came up to me very often too, is it that I took so much for granted in my life? There was nothing wrong in my life, but still there was that voice, that dissatisfying voice in me. Saying that it has to be different, better. My perfectionism drove me to the point of completely break down.
As I see it now, that was the point the wonderful mystery of grace came in. I needed that breakdown, I can say that I am grateful that it happened, my life changed in many ways but that is said afterwards.
I wish you a life full of Grace.
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Beehive
USA
117 Posts |
Posted - May 03 2015 : 11:37:35 PM
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| Thank you for your kind words and welcome.... |
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Grace - A wonderful mystery
