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maheswari
Lebanon
2516 Posts |
 Posted - Dec 24 2014 : 12:49:49 PM
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i thought i would share this, writing down experiences may be helpful to others too
the tantric union of the male and female energy has been going on since some time.
i always was inclined to Lord Siva and to Durga Ma
now it changed a bit
since few nights as i am feeling and expressing my longing for Siva , i felt myself as Ma for the first time!But not as Durga Ma. What came is Kali Ma
i never was inclined to Kali
Siva was seated crossed legged, drunk in his bliss and oblivious about everything else. And i as Kali was crossed legged on top of him, making love to him, face to face
Kali came as a dark / blue female, she is truly much wilder than Durga. She was screaming out of excitement and laughing madly, in a hysterical way.Also she was sticking her tongue out.She was doing her best to get a movement from Siva. But deep down she was satisfied whether she gets the movement from him or not. She seemed wild but deep down she could not care less about getting a full sexual gratification.She was just happy to be with him..She is wild but there is a silence too.
the next night, it go different. Kali was bored from the inertia of Siva.So now Siva is no longer seated crossed legged, he is lying on the floor like a corpse.And She is on top of him.Yet still no much movement from Siva. But she was satisfied cause she was embracing/worshiping his lingam.
At the same time, i felt as if her tongue was coming out from my vagina! and i felt that i really wanted Siva in me.
today i was told that the female tongue i felt coming from my yoni is my energetic lingam.
needless to say that these days i am self pacing and grounding a lot 
thank you all 
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Anima
484 Posts |
Posted - Dec 24 2014 : 4:15:28 PM
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I adore Her.
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BillinL.A.
USA
375 Posts |
Posted - Dec 24 2014 : 4:32:54 PM
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Maheswari I feel a little awakened to romance (Spiritual and otherwise) from reading your poetical prayer
...so devastatingly realistic. |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Dec 24 2014 : 4:55:55 PM
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| Very strong. Thank you for sharing. Full of inner sensuality. Wishing for this depth and satisfaction to continue for you. |
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Parallax
USA
347 Posts |
Posted - Dec 24 2014 : 8:34:20 PM
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Beautiful experience Maha!
Thank you for sharing with us |
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Radharani
USA
843 Posts |
Posted - Dec 24 2014 : 10:49:52 PM
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| wow, that is wonderful, Maha! thx so much for sharing your experience with us. I seem to remember reading something about the female "energy lingam" somewhere before and it sounded like what you described. enjoy! |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2516 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2015 : 02:20:24 AM
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few updates on the inner love making...
sometimes talking to a male friend ( there is only friendship, we are very clear about that ) triggers ecstasy in me ,he seems to be an external stimuli that soons turns turn into an internal ishta stimuli ( i visualize Lord Siva) , and so the marriage and ecstasy of the 2 energies in me happens
sometimes i dont need to talk to any male friend, i just feel the inner love making....
also when i am by myself and want to masturbate, sometimes i dont need any external stimulation i just feel ecstasy and i am with Lord Siva
and if extermal stimulation is needed, it is minimal...
Last night during my sitting practices, it was ecstatic all the time.I was meditating and feeling the ecstasy and if i wanted more ecstasy i would imagine myself to be Kali sitting on Shiva
the most important thing to remember is that ecstasy is never the goal, it just happens, it is always better to seek inner silence ....inner silence in the end is the core and it engulfes everything
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2015 : 07:25:15 AM
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Divine Romance
Thank you for sharing.  |
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Dogboy
USA
2195 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2015 : 08:22:51 AM
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quote:
the most important thing to remember is that ecstasy is never the goal, it just happens, it is always better to seek inner silence ....inner silence in the end is the core and it engulfes everything
So true about Inner Silence; upon bliss arousal in meditation, I check my instinct to drive and surrender "doing" to the Silence. It is there I dissolve into the passion play. |
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HathaTeacher
Sweden
382 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2015 : 3:08:43 PM
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quote:
...not as Durga Ma. What came is Kali Ma
i never was inclined to Kali
Thank you for sharing, Maheshwari!
"Only after trust is established there, only when the dark feminine lover knows she will be met by the dark masculine lover, will testing proceed toward the light." (David Deida)
I think this too is on Kali vs. Durga, and on accepting the composite nature of the human soul rather than reducing it to a clinically clean spiritual facade ).
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Jun 07 2015 : 03:10:47 AM
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| Thank you for sharing Maha, enjoy all experiences. |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2516 Posts |
Posted - Jun 07 2015 : 03:32:44 AM
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| Nice quote Hatha Teacher...thx for sharing :-) |
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juan
Spain
34 Posts |
Posted - Jun 10 2015 : 08:18:27 AM
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Thank you for sharing, Maheswari. I am not able to understand the nuances between Kali and Durga, but it seems to me that the gist of your experience was the perception of an energy flowing in the “wrong” direction. You were told (later) that you had perceived your “energetic lingam”, and this experience, for a woman, must surely be as strange as the perception of an “energetic yoni” for a man. Please excuse me if I missed the mark, but I think this subject of the sexual roles in tantra deserves some discussion, and I would be very happy if some experienced AYPer could shed some light upon that.
There is a similar thread in this forum from a male practitioner feeling penetrated. And, funnily, his visual representation of this experience is also similar to yours: he speaks about being penetrated by a reptilian god; you speak about the tongue of a goddess coming out from your vagina.
In my opinion, these experiences are difficult to assess because they hit against a very heavy block: “OMG, I’m not straight!” And my question is, do we keep our male-female tag all along the path of tantra, or is this dichotomy just another piece of luggage we have to leave behind?
A couple of months ago, after more than one year feeling the energy flows, my wife and I started to experience these “wrong” flows. She felt she was penetrating me; I felt penetrated by her. This first, confuse feeling has been refined with further practice, and now we see that our previous experiences of endless, immense orgasms, however terrific, were still missing half of the equation. I was always just the male, and she was just the female. Now we feel both at the same time; we feel the explosive orgasm of a man and the implosive orgasm of a woman.
As atheists, we never interpreted these experiences in terms of gods and goddesses, but as a discovery of our “hidden half”: our masculine/feminine side which had to be repressed in order to be accepted by the society, as gay people know very well. In other words: Shiva and Shakti are just symbols, and not external entities: WE ARE Shiva and Shakti at the same time. Our dark masculine/feminine lover is just this undiscovered half inside us.
Of course this is only our opinion, and we would be very happy to know what other tantric lovers think about this issue.
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Jun 10 2015 : 11:24:34 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by juan
WE ARE Shiva and Shakti at the same time. Our dark masculine/feminine lover is just this undiscovered half inside us.
That is who we are, the further on the road, the more we can experience. We are everything. Shiva, Shakti, and perhaps one day you notice, I am only energy. Emptiness, energy, manifest. Earth, water, fire, air, space.
ALL in one time. It is beyond thinking, beyond speaking, unspeakable.
Experience, enjoy and the only way to talk about is poetry......Divine Love.
So good that you are both on the same road, with each other! Thank you for sharing!
Edit; The "wrong" or "right" feeling is just the thinking dualistic mind, conceptions from the world, we are whole, All in one, but you know that already  |
Edited by - Charliedog on Jun 10 2015 11:47:53 AM |
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Dogboy
USA
2195 Posts |
Posted - Jun 10 2015 : 2:52:57 PM
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quote:
perception of an “energetic yoni” for a man.
For me this sensation is strongest as the answer to the "who am I?" Sutra in samyama which echos in the rest period following my practice. I take it as a sign the yoga is uncovering my complete self, for which I am grateful. |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2516 Posts |
Posted - Jun 11 2015 : 02:27:25 AM
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quote:
Shiva and Shakti are just symbols, and not external entities: WE ARE Shiva and Shakti at the same time. Our dark masculine/feminine lover is just this undiscovered half inside us
.
totally agrre with all what you said Juan
as for right and wrong , i dont give much attention to those mind labels in that matter , in the end all these are experiences , and experiences are scenery ....so o just go through them then drop them |
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juan
Spain
34 Posts |
Posted - Jun 12 2015 : 06:50:18 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by maheswari
as for right and wrong , i dont give much attention to those mind labels in that matter , in the end all these are experiences , and experiences are scenery ....so o just go through them then drop them
OK, then the case is closed. But before leaving, please allow me to insist a little bit.
Energy flows are strange experiences, especially the first time we feel them. And we try to understand what happened, using our previous experiences and beliefs. Or maybe we should not; this is only scenery so we better don’t even think about it. If the second option is the right one, then this whole conversation is useless, or even harmful, and we should stop it.
The other option is trying to know more about it, and (in my opinion) this curiosity is useful and compatible with detachment. But looking for info in the literature is an impossible task, as texts are inextricably obscure, quite surely by intent. So a meeting place like this one, where people having similar experiences can discuss about them from different perspectives, could be an excellent solution.
That’s why I stepped in this conversation. Feeling energy flowing in the “wrong” direction can be a disturbing experience, at least for a male like me, living in Southern Europe. (BTW: Please note the quotes in “wrong”: there is no right or wrong direction; unfortunately I used the right/wrong dichotomy which may be seen as a value judgement. Sorry; perhaps usual/unusual could be better).
How do we face an experience like this? For a man, the mere questioning of his straightness can be an unsurmountable block. For a woman, this brand-new feeling could perhaps be less distressing, but still difficult to explain: what is this thing going from inside-out instead of outside-in, as usual? And you visualized this thing as the tongue of a goddess. At least this is what I interpreted, sorry if I am wrong.
The explanation could be much simpler: we perceive for the first time a kind of flow which, normally, is only perceived by the opposite sex, and this is good. And this does not mean that we men have to wear fishnet stockings and high heels, looking for other men or behaving in a different way. To me, surrendering to this newly discovered flow means, no more and no less, that the exchange of energy with my wife, and the energy flows I can perceive when I am alone, are now much, much richer.
Of course this is just my explanation, and my suggestion on how to behave in these situations, and I would have been very happy to compare it with the opinions and suggestions of other people, male and female. But, if energy issues have to be swiftly discarded with the refrain of “this is useless scenery”, then this exchange of opinions is, obviously, an impossible task.
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maheswari
Lebanon
2516 Posts |
Posted - Jun 13 2015 : 02:30:13 AM
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dear Juan
seing experiences as scenery does not mean bypsassing them as you said
quote:
But, if energy issues have to be swiftly discarded with the refrain of “this is useless scenery
the thought whether i am straight or not did pass through my mind during the experience and after it for a short while .At the same time i enjoyed the experience in its totality with the right and wrong , with the usual and unusal as you politely put it.
The experience happened and i enjoyed it, it did raise some questions in me, but ALL of the experience , the enjoyment and the questions have passed, why keep on dwelling about them? to keep on searching for an explanation is just adding mind layers ...the reality is that the experience did happen...why keep on analysing? The excact same expeience will never happen again, every experience is different in its details, shall we continue analysing all our lifes?
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Feeling energy flowing in the “wrong” direction can be a disturbing experience, at least for a male like me, living in Southern Europe
i understand that, Lebanon is on the Mediterranean too, like the south of Europe (Spain, Italy , Greece , Cyprus , Lebanon.... )we still consider homosexuaality as a tabboo, although in ancient Greece homossexuality was not a taboo, on the contrary.
Plus Lebanon is an arab country 
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I think you already wrote what you need to question a bit and loose your identifaction with:
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Feeling energy flowing in the “wrong” direction can be a disturbing experience, at least for a male like me
is You only the male Juan?
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How do we face an experience like this?
the experience already happened , it is in the past.There is nothing to face
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what is this thing going from inside-out instead of outside-in, as usual?
it happened fron the inside out.This is the reality of what happened.Why put norms of how it should be?
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The explanation could be much simpler
i am not searching for any expanation. In fact i totally forgot about the details of my first post in this thread. Why are you searchig for an explanation? Does not all explanations imply we need some reassurance? What you afraid?
quote:
And this does not mean that we men have to wear fishnet stockings and high heels, looking for other men or behaving in a different way
no one is asking anyone to do anything. Keeping in mind that men wearing fishnet are no different/separate than you and me.
quote:
To me, surrendering to this newly discovered flow means, no more and no less, that the exchange of energy with my wife, and the energy flows I can perceive when I am alone, are now much, much richer.
coinfining your surrender to specific aspects ("with my wife or by myself") is no surrender . Anything is possible in expereince and surrender , it is all inclusive, while it seems that your experience/surrender should still happen according to certain acceptable guidelines made by mind conditining.
i apologize for being blunt, i tried to word this post as smoothly as possible.I have no hard feelings. I hope that my post did not create hard feelings in you either.
let us enjoy whatever appears on the path
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Edited by - maheswari on Jun 13 2015 02:42:06 AM |
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juan
Spain
34 Posts |
Posted - Jun 13 2015 : 1:50:54 PM
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Thanks, thanks a lot Maheswari for your answer. I don’t find it blunt at all, and I also apologize if my post could appear to be so. Quite the opposite, I greatly appreciate the time you spent answering me and trying to clarify things.
Love,
juan
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Dogboy
USA
2195 Posts |
Posted - Jun 13 2015 : 9:03:01 PM
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| I like talking about this stuff |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2516 Posts |
Posted - Jun 14 2015 : 03:51:30 AM
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maheswari
Lebanon
2516 Posts |
Posted - Jul 13 2015 : 02:11:27 AM
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and Her anklet made carzy melodious sounds as She stepped over Him
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Openup
USA
1 Posts |
Posted - Nov 22 2015 : 4:09:14 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by maheswari
i thought i would share this, writing down experiences may be helpful to others too
the tantric union of the male and female energy has been going on since some time.
i always was inclined to Lord Siva and to Durga Ma
now it changed a bit
since few nights as i am feeling and expressing my longing for Siva , i felt myself as Ma for the first time!But not as Durga Ma. What came is Kali Ma
i never was inclined to Kali
Siva was seated crossed legged, drunk in his bliss and oblivious about everything else. And i as Kali was crossed legged on top of him, making love to him, face to face
Kali came as a dark / blue female, she is truly much wilder than Durga. She was screaming out of excitement and laughing madly, in a hysterical way.Also she was sticking her tongue out.She was doing her best to get a movement from Siva. But deep down she was satisfied whether she gets the movement from him or not. She seemed wild but deep down she could not care less about getting a full sexual gratification.She was just happy to be with him..She is wild but there is a silence too.
the next night, it go different. Kali was bored from the inertia of Siva.So now Siva is no longer seated crossed legged, he is lying on the floor like a corpse.And She is on top of him.Yet still no much movement from Siva. But she was satisfied cause she was embracing/worshiping his lingam.
At the same time, i felt as if her tongue was coming out from my vagina! and i felt that i really wanted Siva in me.
today i was told that the female tongue i felt coming from my yoni is my energetic lingam.
needless to say that these days i am self pacing and grounding a lot
thank you all
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Kali stepping in
