|
|
 |
|
| Author |
 Topic  |
|
|
ak33
Canada
229 Posts |
 Posted - Dec 12 2014 : 8:03:23 PM
|
Hi guys, a question has been arising in my life for the past few years which always stumps me. Its actually a feeling, one of fear. During the school year I don't feel it, when I'm at work I don't feel it, when I'm with other people I don't feel it. I feel it when I have vast amounts of free time, not many people to talk to, and nothing really to do. This is when I start feeling like I am wasting my time and get into depressive thought patterns. Accompanied by a feeling of fear and uneasiness. My question is, why am I so afraid of facing myself. I don't have problems with loneliness, I have always been alone and like it better anyway. But I feel like I always have to keep myself busy or this dark side will just destroy me. Have any of you faced this issue? More important, can any of you do nothing for 24 hours a day and be at peace with yourself? Sure, another option is to meditate, which is basically what a retreat is like.
|
|
|
Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Dec 12 2014 : 10:07:29 PM
|
I mean, are we talking about sitting on a couch staring at a wall? Catatonically lying in bed for many hours? Curled up in the fetal position in a corner?
"Doing nothing" over a 24-hour period is no easy feat. When I was in a depression streak about 15 years ago, I would play for hours on the computer, and interacted very little with human beings. It was a slump.
Now when free time comes, I relish it. So much to do--even if it's just swinging in the hammock and staring at the trees. I have several extracurricular points of focus that keep me engaged outside of work, AYP among them.
What are you passionate about? If you could discard all the practical barriers, what would your dream world look like? These are the kind of questions that moved me away from depression and into a little bliss.
Dare to dream, and dare to act on your dream. [Yogani]  |
 |
|
|
BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1730 Posts |
Posted - Dec 13 2014 : 1:26:53 PM
|
How intense is it? Can you delve into it and try to find out what it's about?
Perhaps you have already tried to focus your attention on it, as you do in meditation with strong feelings/sensations that distract you from the object of your meditation? If you have, has that got you anywhere? |
|
|
|
Anima
484 Posts |
Posted - Dec 13 2014 : 9:06:48 PM
|
| Interesting questions on doing and not doing. My one friend liked using a sensory deprivation chamber for a couple hours, which suspends her in a tube of liquid without light or sound and, oddly enough, increases her astral vivacity, so she is still acting vicariously in some form. |
|
|
|
ak33
Canada
229 Posts |
Posted - Dec 14 2014 : 12:46:13 PM
|
| BR, it has not come up for a while as I have been busy, but I will once it does. It is the destructive thought pattern that wreaks havoc rather than the action of me doing nothing. Once in this frame of mind, any activity I do seems like a means to an end to fill up time. |
|
|
|
kumar ul islam
United Kingdom
791 Posts |
Posted - Dec 14 2014 : 4:25:48 PM
|
krishna said this .He who sees inaction in action and action in inaction he is wise among men ,he is a yogi and he has performed all action .knowledge is better than practice and meditation is better than knowledge .renunciation of the fruit of action is better than meditation ,peace immediately follows renunciation.i hope this helps. |
|
|
|
ak33
Canada
229 Posts |
Posted - Dec 14 2014 : 5:05:50 PM
|
Nice 
I guess I am very attached to the fruits of the actions, which is why I feel I am wasting time. |
|
|
|
BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1730 Posts |
Posted - Dec 15 2014 : 06:35:51 AM
|
By the way, this is how I do this mindfulness exercise:
Witness the mind story, but go on the emotion/ physical sensation thread. It's the usual “don't will it away”, “don't fight it” approach. If I fall into silence and the issue does not come up again in the sitting, I'll call it “sorted for now”. It if pops up again later, I will direct my attention to it again.
Once you start to do that, you may even find it's only the memory of a fear rumbling at the back of your mind.
Hope you find a way to sort this that works for you. Good luck and keep us posted |
|
|
|
lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Dec 15 2014 : 10:55:25 AM
|
quote:
Originally posted by ak33
Hi guys, a question has been arising in my life for the past few years which always stumps me. Its actually a feeling, one of fear. During the school year I don't feel it, when I'm at work I don't feel it, when I'm with other people I don't feel it. I feel it when I have vast amounts of free time, not many people to talk to, and nothing really to do. This is when I start feeling like I am wasting my time and get into depressive thought patterns. Accompanied by a feeling of fear and uneasiness. My question is, why am I so afraid of facing myself. I don't have problems with loneliness, I have always been alone and like it better anyway. But I feel like I always have to keep myself busy or this dark side will just destroy me. Have any of you faced this issue? More important, can any of you do nothing for 24 hours a day and be at peace with yourself? Sure, another option is to meditate, which is basically what a retreat is like.
Yes, I often feel the same way you do. I can not do nothing for 24 hours and feel at peace. Inquiry/mindfulness isn't help at this point because of a subtle resistance to what I'm feeling. I find the most benefit in doing my practices, doing what I do, and just letting whatever emotions come up. Just letting whatever comes up be there. Mindfulness takes effort at this point, that's the problem. If you are already spinning depressive stories, it may be the same for you. |
|
|
|
parvati9
USA
587 Posts |
Posted - Apr 20 2015 : 11:20:52 AM
|
quote:
Originally posted by kumar ul islam
krishna said this .He who sees inaction in action and action in inaction he is wise among men ,he is a yogi and he has performed all action .knowledge is better than practice and meditation is better than knowledge .renunciation of the fruit of action is better than meditation ,peace immediately follows renunciation.i hope this helps.
Kumar, can you supply a source for this?
The fruit of our action may be wonderful, but what if we are clinging to the fruit and identifying with a separate consciousness to claim ownership of that? Renunciation is non-ownership of the fruit.
The man with a spiritual message...
A few months ago, a man came into my life who seemed to have no other purpose than to communicate his spiritual insight. That insight specifically regarded renunciation of the fruit of action. We talked maybe 8 or 9 times. No matter what he said, my response was always the same: But those of us who may be close to enlightenment have an obligation to be an uplifting influence (and of course our actions do matter). His point was that this very intent was blocking any liberating influence. He said that emphasizing the fruit of action was invalidating whatever semi-enlightenment I thought was motivating it. Hmmmm....I just wasn't getting it. And he was absolutely determined that I should get it.
Since he would not give up on me... one day he came in a very determined mood with his message. He said... you know how everything is vibration? I said yes, I understand what you are saying. Then he told me that enlightened beings uplift the world and everything about them with their silent vibration. I said yes, that is so. However we both knew that I was still hung up on the fruit of one's actions. I was thinking that enlightened beings would do whatever they did as a result of being enlightened. And that the fruit of their action would be to uplift all consciousness wherever they went.
That may be so. However I was emphasizing the fruit of action and he was saying the fruit didn't matter... only the consciousness mattered. The point he was making is how to get to the consciousness of unattachment (renunciation) regarding the fruit of action.
On that final day of our discussion, he employed a koan which produced in me not only a quiet and peaceful mind that had no answer for the koan, but a simultaneous understanding of the insight he was attempting to communicate. We never talked again after that. He made his point. For a few precious moments, renunciation of the fruit of action was known... which meant that the separate mind ceased to exist and it was the separate mind which was hung up on the fruit of action. His only purpose in talking was to deliver me into that awareness.
love
parvati
|
Edited by - parvati9 on Apr 20 2015 11:53:09 AM |
|
|
|
Purohit
India
43 Posts |
Posted - Apr 21 2015 : 12:54:52 AM
|
Amen... May I also be visited.. |
|
|
|
SeySorciere
Seychelles
1532 Posts |
Posted - Apr 21 2015 : 05:54:02 AM
|
This very point made by Parvati's spiritual messenger has been on my mind for sometime and creating some uncertainty within. Should I ever try to influence another in taking up spiritual practices? Should I ever try to heal another? Imagine that my practices are in anyway helping to raise consciousness? Stuff that can easily trap the ego with wanting to see the fruits of one's actions. Or better I close my mind to all of that and just practice.
Sey |
Edited by - SeySorciere on Apr 21 2015 05:55:27 AM |
|
|
|
BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1730 Posts |
Posted - Apr 21 2015 : 06:26:28 AM
|
I've asked myself the same questions, Sey.
I'll share some of my thoughts, but I do think you'll come to your own answers anyway, regardless of what others will say - it seems to me these are question for your inner guru.
Should I ever try to influence another in taking up spiritual practices?
Realistically, I don't think we can - not with words anyway. What I do these days is point people to sources of info (like the AYP site) if they show some sort of interest in spiritual practices.
Healing others - well, I find that a really difficult one. Since I believe my own problems are challenges that spur my spiritual growth, and therefore blessings in disguise, why would I try to take away other people's challenges? On a different line of thinking, I'm also very aware that detachment from the fruits of one's actions is paramount for healers. If they don't get that right, they will soon know it, because they will get saddled with the problems they are trying to heal. Since I'm not completely ego free at this point in time, healing is not something I can safely do anyway.
That's where I am at the moment - who knows what I may be thinking one or two years down the line? |
|
|
|
ak33
Canada
229 Posts |
Posted - Apr 21 2015 : 06:54:00 AM
|
I am so filled with attachments, desires, and faults that I don't think I am qualified to give any sort of advice to anyone  |
|
|
|
BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1730 Posts |
Posted - Apr 21 2015 : 07:22:09 AM
|
| Ah well, if I keep thinking about all that, I'll never open my mouth again |
|
|
|
BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1730 Posts |
Posted - Apr 21 2015 : 09:27:53 AM
|
| By the way ak33, how are you doing with those feelings of wasting time/depressive thought patterns you described back in December? Getting better? |
Edited by - BlueRaincoat on Apr 21 2015 09:46:58 AM |
|
|
|
parvati9
USA
587 Posts |
Posted - Apr 21 2015 : 11:27:24 AM
|
Joseph sensed that I might be able to eventually understand. But I don't think he would have been too disappointed if I didn't. He was relatively detached from the consequences of his teaching. If I ultimately failed to comprehend...it really didn't matter. All he was doing was radiating awareness, like the sun, and I just happened to be there to experience it.
Deeply affected by his presence, I was eager to understand the message. But my eagerness wasn't helpful.
I felt that Joseph had no interest in my personal welfare nor my spiritual evolution. He was simply moving as spirit guided him.
Since then, my approach to all the world's suffering has radically changed. Before I felt it my responsibility to do whatever was in my power to diminish suffering. Now I almost don't care...in that my eagerness to do so has definitely subsided. That may sound very cold and selfish. But I feel it is actually the opposite. Now there is the capacity for waiting. Waiting for spirit to move me. And in order to allow spirit to move me, my eagerness had to subside.
And so whatever fruits are the result, accrue to spirit, not to my individual self. So if there is failure - it is spirit's. If success, it is spirit's. None of it can be claimed by me or attributed to me.
I recently became involved with a homeless man who appears to desperately need medical attention. Spirit led me to be his friend and in no way was I to try to get him to a doctor or heal him. I was to do whatever the man asked me to do, rather than impose myself on him in any way. This is contrary to my personal desire. At this time, we are no longer near each other. In waiting for spirit to lead me, something very subtle is happening. It seems that I can hold his presence in my heart. That is what spirit is telling me to do. Nothing else. I keep wanting to DO SOMETHING. Spirit says no, don't. Just enfold him in your consciousness, in the love of your heart. That will be enough.
My eagerness to mitigate suffering, my own or that of others, has gone through a profound transformation... as a result of Joseph befriending me, even as brief as it was.
love
parvati |
|
|
|
Dogboy
USA
2195 Posts |
Posted - Apr 21 2015 : 12:40:10 PM
|
| Parvati, your story is timely for me |
|
|
|
BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1730 Posts |
Posted - Apr 21 2015 : 12:59:19 PM
|
For me too, thank you Parvati. I even had a penny drop. I just realised I'm not used to associating silence with persistence.
You said "one day he came in a very determined mood with his message", then later "I felt that Joseph had no interest in my personal welfare nor my spiritual evolution. He was simply moving as spirit guided him"
These two were like piece from different pictures to me and now they came together... I feel like a bulb has just lit up in my head. I'm still taking it in.
Thank you Parvati! |
Edited by - BlueRaincoat on Apr 22 2015 05:02:23 AM |
|
|
|
ak33
Canada
229 Posts |
Posted - Apr 21 2015 : 1:49:43 PM
|
| BRC, thanks for asking. Yes it was just a phase. Things are much better now |
|
|
|
kumar ul islam
United Kingdom
791 Posts |
Posted - Apr 21 2015 : 4:11:59 PM
|
| hi the quote given is from the gita krishna talking to arjuna in the gita. |
|
|
|
SeySorciere
Seychelles
1532 Posts |
Posted - Apr 22 2015 : 04:06:30 AM
|
That was indeed very helpful Parvati. I get it (until I don't again )
Thank you Beautiful Blue for your thoughtful help always
Sey |
|
|
| |
Topic |
|
|
|
| AYP Public Forum |
© Contributing Authors (opinions and advice belong to the respective authors) |
|
|
|
|
Questions about Worldly Life
