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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 08 2011 : 3:43:18 PM
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Hi all,
I've noticed there is limited material on AYP resulting in depression on the forums.
So I've been practising AYP with ample resting time, twice daily, since August last year. Mainly just a few asanas to get my blood flowing, DM and SBP for the prescribed periods.
Sometime last year, I think around December time, AYP stopped being joyful and ecstasy-inducing for me. In fact, it began leaving me feeling very cold and a bit bleak and depressed.
I've tried various types of self-pacing. I cut down to once daily meditation. I reduced the time of DM and the time of SBP (which make up the core of my routine). Sometimes I would just do 30 seconds of SBP and 5 minutes of DM.
REST: FYI, I'm definitely not cutting short on the rest. This morning, I awoke at 5.30am, performed just a few stretches and asanas, meditated/SBP for total 20 minutes and then rested until about 7.30am, for over an hour.
Frankly, all people's various kundalini overload symptoms, with strange heat arising etc seem exciting when compared with just feeling kinda depressed! ;-)
So around the time this first began in December I came across this book "Kundalini Postures and Poetry" by Yogi Bhajan (authored by one of his disciples). I felt drawn to it, and would occasionally replace my AYP routine with:
-Breath of fire pranayama (intense rapid breathing in and out of the abdomen)
-10 minute asana routine with lots of stretching of spine
-Breath watching meditation for 10-20 minutes
This will result in a whole body pleasure and a lot of joyous energy in the body for several hours after practise.
This seems preferable to doing a routine which makes me feel depressed, however, I don't want to be messing around with lots of different types of routines. I recognise that sticking with a set of practises and being consistent with them has value.
One thing that occurred to me to mention is that usually I can only breathe through one nostril, for some reason the air flow is always more constricted in one nostril than the other. Thought it worth a mention in case it's possible that it affects my pranayama.
I'm aware that depression is a possible overload symptom, but the self pacing doesn't seem to have helped much.
Keen to hear - any advice? Thx
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JDH
USA
331 Posts |
Posted - Feb 08 2011 : 3:56:25 PM
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hey mr anderson,
I'm not familiar with your practice routine, or your self-pacing history. But from just this post - it seems like you might be "underloading" rather than overloading. I could be way off on that - but I recently got somewhat bored with AYP after long period of self pacing, then things picked back up as I've added siddhasana into the routine. |
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Christi
United Kingdom
4382 Posts |
Posted - Feb 08 2011 : 5:02:31 PM
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Hi Mr. Anderson,
Yes, depression can be one of the symptoms of excessive kundalini, and self-pacing is the appropriate response. What you are doing is in fact self-pacing by cutting back to breath watching meditation instead of mantra based meditation. This is covered in lesson 367 as a recommendation for people who are over-sensitive to the mantra.
http://www.aypsite.org/367.html
Breath of fire is called bastrika in AYP and is not normally recommended if you are experiencing problems with kundalini. In AYP it is only practiced in conjunction with spinal breathing, but usually in Yoga bastrika is practiced as a pranayama on its own. It is covered in this lesson:
http://www.aypsite.org/171.html
The reason depression is not discussed much here is that it is not a very common side effect of excessive kundalini. There are various things that can help apart from self-pacing practices. Offering service to others is a great practice for overcoming depression. Make sure you get plenty of exercise and engage in regular grounding practices, covered in this lesson:
http://www.aypsite.org/69.html
Also, try to avoid sex as it aggravates kundalini and will tend to make the situation worse.
Depression, when it does happen is only a phase and is a sign that purification is taking place, so it is important not to give up. Take the lows with the highs and press on. 
It is normal for air to flow more predominantly through one nostril than the other, and this will usually change several times during the course of one day. Your body will naturally regulate this flow according to where the energy is needed in your body. It is nothing to worry about, and you are right that it is related to your depression. When you come out the other side (post kundalini) the air flow through both nostrils will be even for much of the time and breathing itself will become ecstatic.
Christi
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Kirtanman
USA
1651 Posts |
Posted - Feb 08 2011 : 7:57:58 PM
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Hi Mr. Anderson,
I agree with what Christi wrote.
I experienced some of this, too (periodic depression) years ago, seemingly in connection with practices, as well.
Much of what comprises kundalini, purification, and their results, goes on well below the surface.
Purification often comes to the surface in the form of either rajas (anxiety) or tamas (depression) energy.
Often, and counter-intuitively, increasing the total flow of energy (which you may doing with your new Kundalini yoga routine, though I can't say for sure, not being familiar with it) can actually increase a sense of depression.
High-energy deep inside, below/beyond perception often correlates as low-energy in surface-mind and surface-perception (in my experience). This can include a tendency to focus on "down" thoughts and feelings, which creates kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy, in terms of sense of depression.
And so, again, I agree with Christi -- practice wisely, take the lows with the highs, and just keep going.
As at least several of us here can attest: you'll likely be very glad that you did.
Wholeheartedly,
Kirtanman
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - Feb 08 2011 : 8:27:53 PM
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Kirtanman, Christi thank you very much for your detailed responses. Very helpful to me. :)
JDH, thanks for you reply, although I'm pretty confident that what I'm experiencing is over-loading as opposed to underloading. The more I ramp up the practises, the worse the depression gets - in fact, siddhasana made depression a whole lot worse :) |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Feb 08 2011 : 9:05:20 PM
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Hi Mr. Anderson,,
Sorry you are feeling down. I agree with Christi and Kirtanman,it is a purification phase and it will pass.
There are many topics discussing depression at the forum
http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....OPIC_ID=2855
http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....OPIC_ID=1015
There are some more.
I have dealt with depression a lot and any time I overloaded and/or went through excessive purification, depression and anger were my 2 best friends 
I have written some of the things that helped me here.
One very important thing to remember, when moving into a depression... movement... go do things that make you happy.. EXERCISE, eat heavier foods.. do whatever it takes to distract you and ground you. The crazy winter weather is not helping much either I am sure. You first need to get out of the depressed feeling. Then, going forward, keeping an eye on what kind of thinking pulls you into a depression and doing a bit of Katie style inquiry works great.
Again, it is just a phase, deep stuff needs to come out so you can open further. It may seem like the worst thing ever, but the opening that follows will be so worth it.
Here is wishing you - quick getting out of depression. |
Edited by - AYPforum on Feb 08 2011 10:27:13 PM |
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cosmic
USA
821 Posts |
Posted - Feb 09 2011 : 6:34:08 PM
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Hey Mr. Anderson
Sorry you're going through this, bro. Great advice has been given above. If self-pacing doesn't help, it could be something deep coming to the surface to be released. In early 2009, I experienced a month-long "relapse" into depression, which led to a catharsis and huge emotional release. This caused my practice to deepen, and brought me to a greater level of inner silence.
In that situation, letting go helps. As does living your life and continuing practices, even if your heart is not in it.
This will pass, but I hope it does so swiftly. Love to you [img]icon_heart.gif[/img]
Love
cosmic |
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Anthem
1608 Posts |
Posted - Feb 10 2011 : 08:05:58 AM
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Hi Mr. Anderson,
Great answers above.
Sometimes a complete day off from practices and then resuming a reduced amount of practice time can do the trick. The day off can allow excesses to dissipate and then a reduced amount of practice with perhaps no more than 30 seconds of pranayama worked well for me for quite some time. If you are able to remain stable with say 30 seconds or less of pranayama and at least 6 minutes of mantra meditation, then you are all set. If not, even after some time off, then there is nothing wrong with self-pacing with breath meditation either.
My perspective is that as we start to let go, it takes less in the way of practices to bring us to our daily limits of purification.
Best of luck! |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Feb 10 2011 : 10:58:10 AM
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Hi Mr. Anderson (said in my best Matrix voice  )....
Great advice from everyone so far.
One thing I haven't seen mentioned yet is inquiring into the source of the depression. Have you inquired into where the depressive feelings are coming from? I have been finding lately that if I inquire into where something is coming from, that seeing that "source" is often enough to release it. Often it seems that being unconscious of something's origin is what allows it to persist.
One other thing.... When depressive (or any feelings at all really) are noticed, it can be easy for the mind to latch onto these feelings, which will help them to keep a continuity. If we can just notice the feelings and not attach to them, they generally pass fairly quickly. This is obviously not always the case (especially when the feelings are the result of ongoing heavy purification... which is where self-pacing comes in) but in many cases, in my experience anyway, it is the "holding on" to the idea that "I am depressed" that allows the depression to persist. For example.... yesterday I had a really crappy day at work.... crappy meaning things were not flowing smoothly at all.... everything felt disjointed and out of sync (which is not usually the case). I watched feelings of frustration arise and I could see my mind wanting to latch onto these feelings and label them... "I am having such a $hitty day today!" but instead of grasping onto this, I chose to just relax into the sensations of being frustrated. Within minutes, the feeling of having a crappy day melted away into a feeling of peace and contentedness. Perhaps, if you can just look at the feelings of being depressed without any judgement, without any labelling, they will begin to melt.
Either way brother, whether this persists or not, you will be in my thoughts and prayers. 
Love!
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - Feb 11 2011 : 5:09:07 PM
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Dear Carson, Anthem, Cosmic, Shanti, everyone... thank you so much for your replies. It's really useful advice that I will take into account.
I have a fairly limited time here, so I'll just say: thank you so much! |
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nirmal
Germany
438 Posts |
Posted - Feb 14 2011 : 05:15:32 AM
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Hey CarsonZi,
Your response was a real eye opener for me. I have been exploring self inquiry, and your words were insightful. Thank you!
nirmal |
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - Feb 22 2011 : 2:04:10 PM
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just as an update, the depression passed. All has been quite blissful recently. Before the overload, bhakti had become so overwhelming that I almost lost interest in the world. I've regained a healthy interest in the world, and feel more balanced out these days.
The main solution was exercise. Usually I do a lot of vigorous exercise, but with the extremely cold weather, have tended not to go outside. A bit of sprinting and jogging seems to have blasted out the cobwebs and made meditation a much smoother experience. |
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Feb 22 2011 : 8:20:24 PM
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| Thanks for the update. |
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Nathan
47 Posts |
Posted - Apr 08 2011 : 12:26:38 PM
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Hi Mr. Anderson,
I've had depression coming from practice also, and there is good advice here on that from the spiritual viewpoint. But I also wanted to mention another possible cause of the depression could have been some seasonal affective disorder, or winter blues, as you mentioned this started in December. I've had problems with SAD and looked into and started using a light therapy lamp this year, and I really think it helped. I guess it's doesn't matter as much right now in April, but maybe next fall/winter, you could look into light therapy if you find depression returning around that time of year. |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2516 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2011 : 02:22:19 AM
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Mr Anderson
maybe this will help clarify things...or maybe not...lol...this is from AYP forums
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"Did you pick up the attachment there? Peace. Her attachment to peace and calm. She was saying, “Unless I’m peaceful, I won’t be happy.” Did it ever occur to you that you could be happy in tension? Before enlightenment, I used to be depressed; after enlightenment, I continue to be depressed. You don’t make a goal out of relaxation and sensitivity. Have you ever heard of people who get tense trying to relax? If one is tense, one simply observes one’s tension. You will never understand yourself if you seek to change yourself. The harder you try to change yourself, the worse it gets. You are called upon to be aware. Get the feel of that jangling telephone; get the feel of jarred nerves; get the sensation of the steering wheel in the car. In other words, come to reality, and let tension or the calmness take care of itself. As a matter of fact, you will have to let them take care of themselves because you’ll be too preoccupied with getting in touch with reality. Step by step, let whatever happens happen. Real change will come when it is brought about, not by your ego, but by reality. Awareness releases reality to change you."( Tony de Mello / Awarness )
...............
One day the Master announced that a young monk had reached an advanced state of enlightment. The news caused some stir. Some of the monks went to see the young monk. "We heard you are enlightened. Is that true?" they asked.
"It is," he replied.
"And how do you feel?"
"As miserable as ever," said the monk.
hehehe.... Is there anything more ordinary and overrated then awakening/enlightenment? |
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - Apr 18 2011 : 5:53:53 PM
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Thanks Maheswari. I know that Anthony Mello quote, as I've been listening to Awareness recently.
Nathan - I have no doubt it's connected with the weather. My mood seems to be completely synchronised with whether or not the sun is shining.
However, I haven't suffered from this so much in the past either, so there certainly is a connection with overload also. |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Apr 18 2011 : 6:06:56 PM
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If you don't get light hitting your skin from the sky 20 minutes a day, you can get vitamin D deficiency. Most cheap pills don't get absorbed, sub-lingual spray is best. Or try a tanning booth.
Vitamin D affects a lot of body processes and mood.
check this out:
http://www.mercola.com/article/vita...esources.htm
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AYP causing depression
