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YogaIsLife
641 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 21 2008 : 4:32:54 PM
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Hi,
I've been wondering: how can we gain back a certain certainty (pun intended) and serenity when it comes to tough decisions? A lot of people seem to have that strong intuition (gut feeling) that just tells them what is right. I think even I had that (maybe when I was a child!) but lost it big time along the way.
Is there a method that we could use to gain or re-gain a clear vision? I know what you are going to say: meditation and other yoga practices over the long term are great to get in touch again with your intuition. But I need to feel it now! Don't get me wrong, I've been meditating for some months now and it has been great. I have been surprised at how stable I remain even in stressful times, such as these, where I have to make a tough decision.
But why is it that sometimes it feels that we are facing the same challenges time and time again in life without ever them getting any lighter? When will we be 'rewarded' with some peace? When we make the 'right' choice I guess. But how do we know we made a good choice? How can we make that choice? And how can we just FEEL certain of a given choice without ever looking back??
I was reading the samyama book and I guess samyama could help with that as well, no? Sutras like inner intuition, future, or karma could help us regain a better inner vision?
These moments stir up so many emotions in me again. Especially fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of making a huge mistake again. But it boils down to just one: fear of dying along the way without having truly lived. I know, it sounds and feels irrational. Are all this illusions? I guess they are great motivators of change but still, how do we know what is right for us? I know that for some people it must be obvious, they just feel it or not even think about it! But for me it is a big dillema! I think I have trained my mind along the years to be skeptical or doubt everything, so I guess I ended up doubting even my gut feeling and it just slipped away! I read somewhere that intuition is like a muscle: if you train it it will develop. How do you do that then? By switching off your skeptical mind? How? How to reconnect?
Although meditation and teachings such as Tolle's The Power of Now have been extremely valuable and helpful to me it still all boils down to a moment of truth, THE moment of decision, where it feels like life is testing you again, and it seems to me I am not up to the challenge yet, or did not learn anything. How can yoga help us with this? To remove the anxiety form decision-making, to have some serenity and clarity. Preferably in a very short time! 
Thank you. I've been searching for answers everywhere, even inside, but it is not that easy. Not expecting a magic formula, just any thoughts will be appreciated. |
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Scott
USA
969 Posts |
Posted - Aug 21 2008 : 4:48:19 PM
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quote:
Although meditation and teachings such as Tolle's The Power of Now have been extremely valuable and helpful to me it still all boils down to a moment of truth, THE moment of decision, where it feels like life is testing you again, and it seems to me I am not up to the challenge yet, or did not learn anything. How can yoga help us with this? To remove the anxiety form decision-making, to have some serenity and clarity. Preferably in a very short time!
Great topic! I luuuurrrvee the honesty in that part which I bolded...so true!
In my opinion, this is what spiritual practices do for us...they make the learning experience faster. So that's why you're facing this stuff. This is part of the yogic process.
The way to get out is to go through...so the trick is that you HAVE to confront these issues. This is the stuff that you're cleaning up right now. You can't pick up a broom and just wish the dirt to be gone from the floor, you have to sweep it. Sure, during the sweeping you can dream about having that spotless floor and be totally hating the dirt ...but it's just life. Gotta deal with it.
So to be more specific about what I think could help: samyama is a good idea.
Also, if you're experiencing some negative emotion like fear or distress in those critical moments, just sit with that feeling and really let it be there. Focus on it, and keep focused on it. That's the quickest way to get rid of it.
Hope this helps! |
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Nancy
USA
71 Posts |
Posted - Aug 21 2008 : 5:57:45 PM
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Thank You for sharing as I have the same feeling and curiosity.
Nancy |
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machart
USA
342 Posts |
Posted - Aug 22 2008 : 12:45:58 AM
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Something that is very important to me that may be of benefit for others in making decisions...
Isvara Pranidhana...one of the niyamas
Surrender to your Ishta......
After one has exhausted his own resources and still not succeeded, one turns to the Lord for help for He is the source of all power. It is at this stage that Bhakti begins. In bhakti the mind , the intellect and the will are surrendered to the Lord and the sadhaka prays:'I do not know what is good for me. Thy will be done.'
Extracted from 'Light on Yoga' .... BKS Iyengar |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Aug 22 2008 : 01:04:25 AM
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'I do not know what is good for me. Thy will be done.'
Absolutely wonderful, machart! |
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neli
USA
283 Posts |
Posted - Aug 22 2008 : 03:54:17 AM
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Every one of us has felt that way, its normal. It lasts till you surrender to Shakti, she is proving you, and she sometimes is hard to understand. But if you open your heart with love, not with fear, Shakti will be doing the transformation in you.
One thing that can helps you is NLP, if you change the word fear to Joy, you'll see that it really works. And the other thing that helps is to open your heart to true love, and surrender to Shakti, but this practice take time, faster is the NLP, I have proved it in terrible moments, and it works ! all my phobias disappeared with NLP, and at the moment, without meditation or anything like that, and you know what is a phobia, I had one to the air planes time ago, and went panick each time I saw one,(and worst if I was inside) and now I enjoy even the small planes, its just like magic !
NLP is a very fast and safe method. (at least for me and for many)
Neli
quote:
Originally posted by YogaIsLife
Hi,
I've been wondering: how can we gain back a certain certainty (pun intended) and serenity when it comes to tough decisions? A lot of people seem to have that strong intuition (gut feeling) that just tells them what is right. I think even I had that (maybe when I was a child!) but lost it big time along the way.
Is there a method that we could use to gain or re-gain a clear vision? I know what you are going to say: meditation and other yoga practices over the long term are great to get in touch again with your intuition. But I need to feel it now! Don't get me wrong, I've been meditating for some months now and it has been great. I have been surprised at how stable I remain even in stressful times, such as these, where I have to make a tough decision.
But why is it that sometimes it feels that we are facing the same challenges time and time again in life without ever them getting any lighter? When will we be 'rewarded' with some peace? When we make the 'right' choice I guess. But how do we know we made a good choice? How can we make that choice? And how can we just FEEL certain of a given choice without ever looking back??
I was reading the samyama book and I guess samyama could help with that as well, no? Sutras like inner intuition, future, or karma could help us regain a better inner vision?
These moments stir up so many emotions in me again. Especially fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of making a huge mistake again. But it boils down to just one: fear of dying along the way without having truly lived. I know, it sounds and feels irrational. Are all this illusions? I guess they are great motivators of change but still, how do we know what is right for us? I know that for some people it must be obvious, they just feel it or not even think about it! But for me it is a big dillema! I think I have trained my mind along the years to be skeptical or doubt everything, so I guess I ended up doubting even my gut feeling and it just slipped away! I read somewhere that intuition is like a muscle: if you train it it will develop. How do you do that then? By switching off your skeptical mind? How? How to reconnect?
Although meditation and teachings such as Tolle's The Power of Now have been extremely valuable and helpful to me it still all boils down to a moment of truth, THE moment of decision, where it feels like life is testing you again, and it seems to me I am not up to the challenge yet, or did not learn anything. How can yoga help us with this? To remove the anxiety form decision-making, to have some serenity and clarity. Preferably in a very short time!
Thank you. I've been searching for answers everywhere, even inside, but it is not that easy. Not expecting a magic formula, just any thoughts will be appreciated.
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Manipura
USA
870 Posts |
Posted - Aug 22 2008 : 08:12:09 AM
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Dear YogiIsLife - It sounds to me that your uncertainty is deeply rooted in self doubt and second guessing. I'm familiar with and excel at both of these activities. Does meditation and other practices help? Sure, of course. But I don't think as a stand-alone practice meditation is always enough to pierce the layers of doubt. Like a good mechanic, meditation will give you insight into what needs fixing, but you'll still need to get the work done. Therapy is amazing.
Second guessing is an undermining activity that stems from a weakened ego (or an inflated one. Same thing really). When faced with a decision, your higher Self immediately knows which option is best for you. You make this decision from your gut, often without thought. All is well. Then there is the space of a few minutes, hours, or days, during which doubt is seeded, watered, ripened, and harvested. Ego, the lower self, has successfully undermined your certainty and presented you with an opportunity to engage in self destructive patterns.
When faced with a decision, I immediately come up with a choice or plan and have little doubt about it. It's in the aftermath, while I'm enjoying the jelly donut, that I wonder if I should've got the glazed. A weakened ego will always undermine confidence and prevent you from enjoying the fruits of your decisions. That's not to say that you'll never make a bad decision, but this is different than the activity from which you suffer. Even a bad decision, when recognized for what it is, can be held with confidence; a doubted decision, however, is held with fear, dread of failure, and the hindrance of further activity.
Meditation is an awesome tool for helping us to isolate the voice of the higher Self. But it doesn't deal directly with the underlying fracture - it only can make you aware of it, and then it's incumbent upon you to get help, if needed. If you're inclined to see a therapist, you'll get to the root of the matter. Everyone's ego is damaged in some way; how that surfaces is unique to the individual. By working with a good therapist, you can learn to recognize the mind's activity when it goes into Ego or lower self mode. Unfortunately it doesn't come with an 'off' switch, but when you become familiar with the negative mind patterns and isolate them, they become much easier to ignore. |
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YogaIsLife
641 Posts |
Posted - Aug 22 2008 : 09:42:24 AM
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Hi all,
Thank you so much for our replies. I hesitated in writing the post above but now I am happy with all the valuable viewpoints I got and happy that it resonated with some of you.
Thanks Scott, I think you're right: we have to face the issues or they will keep coming back, they will follow us where we go. Or will they? I am chaning so much from meditation that I feel that I might start ending regreting or thinking about teh past soon. 
Well,from my experience is HOW you face the issues: there are good and useful methods and some not so good or useful. So one can be ready or not to face the issues. I feel I am now, but I haven't been before many times. In any case I am going for it. The proof is in the pudding as they say
What do you people think about using Samayama for this? Too much too soon? Overdoing? Stepping ahead?
Thank you so much machart for your beautiful quote and insight. Yes, I had that feeling. When one has really no-one or no-thing to cling to, all that remains is faith in something bigger. But in cases of extreme anguish, for me, most of the time that did not work and seems to increase more my feeling of powerless and impotency. I tend to feel even worse, more worthless when that happens. In other words, I need to FEEL the strength inside of me ("seeing is believing" as they say ). Strength, in this case, is inner silence.
Neli, is NLP neurolinguistic programming? I heard of it but I'm not sure how it works. Funny you mention fear of flying, I have the same fear! Actually it is a big part of my decision problem because it involves some plane travelling which I really (really?) dislike. So what do you do, you substitute fear by joy? So instead of saying "I am afraid of flying" you would say "I enjoy flying"? I tried that and it works! At least when I said it I felt a wave of good feeling in my body (a shift) and a smile came up . Would this work for the long run though? Aren't we substituing a belief by another but still not getting to the bottom of the issue?
Hi meg, thank you so much for your insights. You say "Dear YogiIsLife - It sounds to me that your uncertainty is deeply rooted in self doubt and second guessing." I think you were spot on on this one. It has always been a problem for me, a lack of self-confidence and determination. Why, I don't know, I think I was born like this. Funnily enough my mother uses to say to help me that I need to "inflate my ego" or strenghten it, that also is in accordance with what you say. So one can have a too little ego and also be a bad thing?! And how does one strengthens it's ego? A new spiritual practice: learn to inflate your ego! This complicates further things when it is believed that ego is such a bad thing But philosophies aside I think you are right and I saw a few conselours along the years, on and off, although I always had a sense (like I said I am a bit stubborn and have a very active critical mind) that it was a mind game and it would never work, maybe I never gave it a real chance. Meditation at least gives me real results where I don't feel shaken by the things that used to shake me before, I face everything with more ease and calm. I feel more robust inside. And I do see that in the long run this will give me more self-confidence and ease in dealing with decisions. I think meditation will make my ego stronger hahaha
So could therapy still work for me? I cringe a bit from it...I don't think it is because I have some kind of "fear" of facing insecurities or a dark past or something but more as I feel that this is really a spiritual problem (lost connection with my "other side") and questions and guessing of some hidden trauma may be just messing up things, as if digging indescriminately creating many holes, no? Not sure, I saw a therapist recently (only one session!) and I liked her because she incorporated mindfullness techniques and such to her practices and so I felt different. I might see her again when I go back. By the way, the decision is about living abroad again for a year.
Also about what you say about knowing deep down what is true and only doubting afterwards. I sense that is true but I don't even allow myself to feel deep down (or forgot how to) because my mind fires and I immediately start building up scenarios and "ifs" and "feeling" "things". Those have to go and I guess that takes training.
Well, I'll try a bit of everything! Meditation will continue to be the basis (very rooting and centering for me) and then, as challenges arise, will use the tools available. My favorite is Tolle's inner body awareness because I think there is no mind involved, just feeling. Other techniques are the awareness of feelings and thoughts as they arise and I just heard about NLP and maybe I'll try therapy as well. And of course always, always, some faith . Just don't want to mess too much with too many methods! Less is more as Yogani uses to say!
Thanks again! Feel free to comment or add any other ideas! I love to "read" you! |
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Manipura
USA
870 Posts |
Posted - Aug 22 2008 : 1:37:13 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by YogaIsLife
Hi all,
So one can have a too little ego and also be a bad thing?!
Yes, a diminished ego is the source of endless suffering, and the ways in which it manifests vary widely. You got off easy if all you have to contend with is some self doubt.
On the spiritual path we're invited, advised, or commanded, depending on the teacher, to relinquish the ego. Ironically and paradoxically, this cannot be done if the ego is diminished to begin with. In order to fully disengage from ego activity, the ego has to be healthy and grounded. If inflated, it needs to be put into proper perspective. If deflated or flaccid, it needs to be nourished. In either case, the ego must find its appropriate place as being neither less nor more than another person; in spiritual terms, unified with the whole of humanity in our divine nature.
I don't believe that meditation in and of itself has the ability to undo the damage caused by emotional pain from the past. Most childhoods come with a good dose of psychological scarring, which begets damaging behavior patterns in the present. As I said before, meditation is an excellent tool for pointing out where we are damaged, but it then takes action and will to reverse the damage.
Therapy is almost by definition spiritual work, as it's turning the focus inward with the goal of improvement. Think of therapy as meditation on speed. It hastens the healing process, and like yogic practices, works with the 'active & critical mind'.
quote:
So could therapy still work for me? I cringe a bit from it...I don't think it is because I have some kind of "fear" of facing insecurities or a dark past or something but more as I feel that this is really a spiritual problem (lost connection with my "other side") and questions and guessing of some hidden trauma may be just messing up things, as if digging indescriminately creating many holes, no?
No one goes into therapy with a stellar past. If you go into therapy with the sincere intention of 'filling emotional holes', you won't be guessing for long at your hidden traumas - they'll present themselves to you without ambiguity. One session with a psychotherapist is like a scratch from a massage therapist, or a note from a symphony. Ain't gonna cut it. A therapist who engages you in mindfulness techniques sounds awesome.
quote:
Also about what you say about knowing deep down what is true and only doubting afterwards. I sense that is true but I don't even allow myself to feel deep down (or forgot how to) because my mind fires and I immediately start building up scenarios and "ifs" and "feeling" "things".
This is different from the self doubt which I deal with, but I imagine that it can be paralyzing at times. But very common, and easily dealt with. I mean, when you look at some of the physical and psychological handicaps that some amazing people have learned to negotiate, you have to look at your own issues and feel very blessed that they leave you relatively unscathed.
I'm not currently in therapy, but was for about 10 yrs., and the older I get, the more thankful I am to have persevered. I see people my age and older who have never taken the dive, and I don't see that it gets any better with age. Demons in the unconscious get bolder with age. Meditators or no, when you've taken a long look at the dark corners of your soul, and when you know what lurks there, you at least have a good inventory of your demons.
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YogaIsLife
641 Posts |
Posted - Aug 22 2008 : 3:07:05 PM
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Thank you so much meg, for your thoughts.
quote:
In order to fully disengage from ego activity, the ego has to be healthy and grounded.
It is very interesting what you say here and I never heard it before but it feels good and healthy to me to think like this. Reminds me of a passage in the bagghavad gita (I think) where krishna explains to his disciple that in order to relinquish the world one first have to be fully in the world. One cannot give hand of something they never possesed. Sounds right to me.
Well, me, I have suffered from depression and negative thoughts and feelings (handicaping at times, like in the recent past) for some years. It was hellish really. Like I said before I think part of it (or most) has to do with my own personality (with which I was born with I believe - sensitive to the world around me, a particular way of seeing and thinking the world, etc.), and the way that made me relate to the world. I feel it is there that the shift can happen: in the way you relate to the world, your feelings and thoughts and patterns. I agree with you that meditation can point to the scars and give us some clarity and then it is up to us to want to fix it and use the best tools available to us. I will consider therapy, at least I'll try it again with a more open mind, through teh coming challenging times. I hope you understand, I think I was very much engaged in non-relational self-inquiry as yogani explains in his self-inquiry book. It is mind trying to control mind, quite forcefully most of the time. As you can imagine this scenario is not pretty - trying to control yourself all the time, mind, body and soul. It messes one up, not recomended! So my mind got really really tired and sensitive, any thought will sink like a thorn. That is where meditation is helping me a lot: gives me a strong witness of solid rock from which to observe my patterns. That is why I am so happy with it, no mind involved, no analysis needed. That is why, also, I am afraid of therapy: playing with thoughts again. I do know therapy helps a lot of people (people I know as well) and I kind of wished it could help me as well, until now no consellour has been able to made it clear for me. Maybe I just need to find the right one |
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neli
USA
283 Posts |
Posted - Aug 24 2008 : 08:06:07 AM
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Hi Portugal
Yes NLP is a Neurolinguistic program. It works with words, at least in my case. I swift the word "flying" for "swinging", and immediately the subconscious mind took it, and the fear, a terrible one, dissapeared almost immediately and forever!
Sometimes it works with images, or thoughts, it depends on the case.
When I overcame the phobia, I thought "this is not an airplane but a swing" I reapeated it to myself many times in my mind before taking the plane, and when inside it worked, the phobia went off and I enjoyed all, the take off, the landing, even the thunders, or the big vibrations of the planes. I hear sometimes the prays of people cause the vibrations of the plane are very strong, and I feel happy cause I feel it like something funny, but feel very sorry for the people that gets frightened.
But time ago, I would be like dead if I would feel the vibrations of the plane, or thunders of the storms.
You have to repeat it several times at the beginning, but then is captured by the brain, and is not necessary to repeat it.
You have to find a theraphist that works with NLP, or someone that handles the NLP.
In phobias, we don't get to the bottom of the issue, that's a long story, we only want to get rid of the irrational fear, cause sometimes that fear comes from another reincarnation, so its useless to dig what caused the problem, sometimes is not from this life, I mean this is with phobias, but with another problems maybe you can go to the bottom, but I prefer not to know and erase it, cause sometimes is very painful to dig deep inside.
Neli
[quote]Originally posted by YogaIsLife
Hi all,
Neli, is NLP neurolinguistic programming? I heard of it but I'm not sure how it works. Funny you mention fear of flying, I have the same fear! Actually it is a big part of my decision problem because it involves some plane travelling which I really (really?) dislike. So what do you do, you substitute fear by joy? So instead of saying "I am afraid of flying" you would say "I enjoy flying"? I tried that and it works! At least when I said it I felt a wave of good feeling in my body (a shift) and a smile came up . Would this work for the long run though? Aren't we substituing a belief by another but still not getting to the bottom of the issue?
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decisions and fear
