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greendecker94
USA
12 Posts |
 Posted - May 03 2019 : 01:31:40 AM
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Hi everyone,
I seemed to have awakened my kundalini about 3 months ago through a sexual stimulus, after practicing semen retention for 2 and half years. I get the sense that I awakened it prematurely or improperly. Recently, I have been experiencing overwhelming energy that just feels unpleasant, because I don't really know where to put it. I get a compulsion to stare at women on TV/videos to help the energy feel more free and flowing, but that just leads to it getting even stronger and more unpleasant in following days. I also take a medication Vyvanse for ADD which seems to make me more anxious and therefore feel more energy and have lustful compulsions. It is as if I just cannot relax and need to resort to masturbation even though I consciously do not want to. When I don't take my Vyvanse, my body, mind, energy feel much better as a whole. However I get very tired and unproductive when I do not take it and can't really afford not to.
Anyway, I get this sense that my blockages are due to being afraid of losing control and releasing semen because of how long I have carried a streak. This fear has developed other obsessions (germs, etc.) in my life that are from energy that isn't being expressed purely. My Vyvanse now is just making it more obvious to me it seems. Last week I tried to get over this fear by forcing myself to watch videos (not porn) that I used to masturbate to, and to just feel the energy in my body wherever it went and not try to do anything. This resulted in me ultimately becoming fearful and forcing the prana up my spine so I wouldn't release it, causing intense electrical sensations and burning out my body. Even though I didn't seem to release anything, I noticed a noticeable drop in energy that I had not felt in years. A week later I still feel this noticeable drop and just a stronger compulsion to give into lustful feelings.
I get the sense that I was never worthy to handle Kundalini, and ever since I improperly stimulated it it has been on a quest to make me pay lol.
I don't do any yoga practices really besides occasional Shambhavi/Upa yoga techniques I learned from a Sadhguru program.
Anyway, sorry for the long post but was just wondering if anybody had any insight on similar issues and how to transcend these lustful feelings by accepting them. I am really trying to reduce fear in my life in a productive way.
Thank you
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Edited by - AYPforum on May 03 2019 02:20:37 AM |
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AYPforum
351 Posts |
Posted - May 03 2019 : 02:20:37 AM
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| Moderator note: Topic moved for better placement |
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slegrand
Canada
6 Posts |
Posted - May 09 2019 : 07:29:55 AM
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Hello Greendecker,
You answer to your own questions in your post in saying: "how to transcend these lustful feelings by accepting them. I am really trying to reduce fear in my life…"
Do not try to control and direct this sexual energy that flows in you body. Simply accept it and fear will melt by itself. Take the time to simply observe where it moves or wants to move. With time it will transform in ecstasy or pure bliss. You may even come to observe each one of your cells vibrate in this process of transformation.
Shakti
Take me all
I'm completely and totally yours |
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Dogboy
USA
2198 Posts |
Posted - May 09 2019 : 1:33:47 PM
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Hello Greendecker, welcome 
Awakened prana is one part of the journey to liberation, but only one part. The goal for a yogi is to (ideally) awaken inner silence first, so that along the way when prana is awakened, it can play off of/ merge with/compliment the already-present silence and provide a stable spiritual platform in daily life and the journey forward. A dedicated meditation practice, over time, instills within your being the needed inner silence.
You have inadvertently put your cart before the horse, and this horse is not too happy! To correct things you should 1) avoid all energy practices (shambhavi, semen retention, and pranayama to name a few) and ground your being to calm the energy way down. Check out this lesson for some grounding tips: http://www.aypsite.org/69.html. 2)After you have stabilized, begin a dedicated meditation practice (this one, for instance: http://www.aypsite.org/10.html). 3) I would completely stay away from semen retention for a half year beyond starting meditation, reintroducing it only when you can sense a quality of inner silence bubbling forth.
quote:
Anyway, I get this sense that my blockages are due to being afraid of losing control and releasing semen because of how long I have carried a streak.
Inner silence, over time, will also give you a command of surrendering attachments to your lustful thoughts and desires.
quote:
Last week I tried to get over this fear by forcing myself to watch videos (not porn) that I used to masturbate to, and to just feel the energy in my body wherever it went and not try to do anything. This resulted in me ultimately becoming fearful and forcing the prana up my spine so I wouldn't release it, causing intense electrical sensations and burning out my body. Even though I didn't seem to release anything, I noticed a noticeable drop in energy that I had not felt in years. A week later I still feel this noticeable drop and just a stronger compulsion to give into lustful feelings.
A quality "spiritual engine", primed by a dedicated meditation practice, naturally draws your sexual essence upwards in the shusumna, converting it as spiritual fuel rather than your current desire to expel it outwards in masturbation. For you to be drawing this essence upward now, without allowing your neurobiology to transform through practice (as you have discovered) is causing you all these major energy issues.
I would continue taking your Vyvanse, but if it is making you too anxious, consult with your doctor about reducing the dose a bit. See if you can find that sweet spot between lethargy and anxiety.
quote:
I get the sense that I was never worthy to handle Kundalini, and ever since I improperly stimulated it it has been on a quest to make me pay lol.
This is not true. You are this energy, so worthiness is not the issue, your lack of knowledge is. Take time to read the free lessons on this site so that you can again assume command of your awakening spirituality. Good luck!  
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Edited by - Dogboy on May 09 2019 11:14:01 PM |
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greendecker94
USA
12 Posts |
Posted - May 14 2019 : 9:57:32 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Dogboy
Hello Greendecker, welcome
Awakened prana is one part of the journey to liberation, but only one part. The goal for a yogi is to (ideally) awaken inner silence first, so that along the way when prana is awakened, it can play off of/ merge with/compliment the already-present silence and provide a stable spiritual platform in daily life and the journey forward. A dedicated meditation practice, over time, instills within your being the needed inner silence.
You have inadvertently put your cart before the horse, and this horse is not too happy! To correct things you should 1) avoid all energy practices (shambhavi, semen retention, and pranayama to name a few) and ground your being to calm the energy way down. Check out this lesson for some grounding tips: http://www.aypsite.org/69.html. 2)After you have stabilized, begin a dedicated meditation practice (this one, for instance: http://www.aypsite.org/10.html). 3) I would completely stay away from semen retention for a half year beyond starting meditation, reintroducing it only when you can sense a quality of inner silence bubbling forth.
quote:
Anyway, I get this sense that my blockages are due to being afraid of losing control and releasing semen because of how long I have carried a streak.
Inner silence, over time, will also give you a command of surrendering attachments to your lustful thoughts and desires.
quote:
Last week I tried to get over this fear by forcing myself to watch videos (not porn) that I used to masturbate to, and to just feel the energy in my body wherever it went and not try to do anything. This resulted in me ultimately becoming fearful and forcing the prana up my spine so I wouldn't release it, causing intense electrical sensations and burning out my body. Even though I didn't seem to release anything, I noticed a noticeable drop in energy that I had not felt in years. A week later I still feel this noticeable drop and just a stronger compulsion to give into lustful feelings.
A quality "spiritual engine", primed by a dedicated meditation practice, naturally draws your sexual essence upwards in the shusumna, converting it as spiritual fuel rather than your current desire to expel it outwards in masturbation. For you to be drawing this essence upward now, without allowing your neurobiology to transform through practice (as you have discovered) is causing you all these major energy issues.
I would continue taking your Vyvanse, but if it is making you too anxious, consult with your doctor about reducing the dose a bit. See if you can find that sweet spot between lethargy and anxiety.
quote:
I get the sense that I was never worthy to handle Kundalini, and ever since I improperly stimulated it it has been on a quest to make me pay lol.
This is not true. You are this energy, so worthiness is not the issue, your lack of knowledge is. Take time to read the free lessons on this site so that you can again assume command of your awakening spirituality. Good luck!
Thank you for your response! Was wondering if you had any idea why this suddenly may have happened within me? I actually had attained some sort of inner silence which inspired me to do semen retention in the first place, and had complete control over lustful thoughts, etc. This is why I feel no need to end semen retention, because I consciously do not have a desire to waste my energy in that way. I seemingly did transmutate this energy in the past 2+ years through a very strong inner calmness. I had a growing perception of my energy body that was much more pure and balanced than now after my Kundalini awakened suddenly.
Since the "awakening" it's like my mind is constantly searching for bliss from outside when I spent years cultivating this feeling pretty strongly inside myself. I'm not saying I was always feeling enlightened, but I had a certain calmness inside me nearly constantly that was very manageable. I'm not sure if the current uneasiness is simply due to letting my sexual energy open up freely for the first time in years. Feels like such a mistake lol |
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Dogboy
USA
2198 Posts |
Posted - May 15 2019 : 1:43:37 PM
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quote:
I don't do any yoga practices really besides occasional Shambhavi/Upa yoga techniques I learned from a Sadhguru program.
Do you have a dedicated meditation practice? Meditation is the best way to assure (over time) inner stillness. Right now energy seems to be blasting through interior blockages, so perhaps you were not as prepared internally as you thought you were. |
Edited by - Dogboy on May 15 2019 1:44:42 PM |
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greendecker94
USA
12 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2019 : 10:23:33 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Dogboy
quote:
I don't do any yoga practices really besides occasional Shambhavi/Upa yoga techniques I learned from a Sadhguru program.
Do you have a dedicated meditation practice? Meditation is the best way to assure (over time) inner stillness. Right now energy seems to be blasting through interior blockages, so perhaps you were not as prepared internally as you thought you were.
no I don't meditate consistently. Have started to for the past couple days, seems to be helping a little bit so far |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1730 Posts |
Posted - May 18 2019 : 03:35:15 AM
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hi greendecker
The advice is to establish a solid meditation practice first, and then slowly build in energy practices like semen retention. Doing it the other way round typically leads to the sort of problems you describe and worse. So do be careful.
If you need guidance through a yoga method, the lessons on this website will help you. Start Lessons Here |
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Kundalini / lust / semen retention
