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 Healthcare - Holistic and Modern
 Healing Advanced Twisted Spine
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Larimar

Poland
8 Posts

Posted - Mar 10 2019 :  12:47:35 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Message
Hello guys I hope you have a good day:) I really need help of someone who has expierience in yoga and holistic healing. I will be really happy if someone try to help me:)

I made topic in this forum some time ago, but reading it it's not that important. I had serious accident in childhood and not healthy lifestyle for my back and I have really serious spine issue.

https://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic...PIC_ID=17920

I actually I'm doing presently only 1 asana from this yt movie, because I have really serious consequences of doing some of 2 poses in this video. I mean I feel acutally really great and they are healing my spine really fast, but of course there is a high price. After 1-2 day of making 1 of these 2 poses AT LEAST 1 TIME ( I know...) I feel SOOOOOO bad and... great. I mean like inside of my head is like working washing machine, its soooo lightweight and I also feel like I'm daydreaming in real life, like this is all a dream. I can't do anything, can't focus at all, and I'm also really dizzy while in this state and also have a lot of pressure in my head. Also combined with symptoms that I have written above are some physical changes in my body that when they happen they reinforce symtomps that I have mentioned. So. No wonder why I actually don't do much of asanas. I can't live at all when feeling like this. I'm actually barely surviving what happens after doing just one of this 2 poses at least 1 time... It's ridiculous but it's true. I can't also do Savasanas at all also, because when I'm doing it I feel sooo much in my head and I can't do anything else but to dive into this sensation's, and the kundalini awakens again, and I don't want it in my life again, because I'm not ready for it at all. I feel burned out in this matter also.

(Below video with asanas)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQX...1D_NvnQ&t=1s

This pose is made in 0:32 and it is actually the only one I'm doing.

And I'm also doing some other exercises like pulling myself on a bar. I just grab it and allow my body to be in straight position and I feel like it perfectly hits the spots. Ah, and I always start healing my spine when it starts to hurts, so I don't overdo anything. I do some other poses similar to asanas but they are soooo easy to do for a normal person so I don't know it is worth to mention them, but they are perfect for me. Everything what happens when I heal this way is actually OK, I don't have sensation's strong like with asana's. I just wan't to mention that sometimes, especially when I try to sleep I feel some sensation in my body that don't seem to be physical... Unfortunately. I have spendt some time to recognize if this is kundalini again, but it is so weak I actually have problem feeling it and be sure of it's origin. Better to be safe than sorry so I actually changed my lifestyle and started to do a lot of physical exercises like running, training my muscles, eating very heavy food, and meeting friends and having sex as much as I can, but I actually don't have girfriend curerntly and porn is not right for me, I mean it's kinda ok, but it's too weak stimulation to make me feel anything 90% times so.. It's bad. And I can't drink alcohol... I just... I can't. I drink beers with 0% alcohol and I'm hoping that it will help. ( Hahah) I'm kinda afraid it's not enough to stop kundalini if this is it actually, because I get this feeling for some time actually. :(

There is also another thing. When I'm healing my spine I get sooooo emotional. 90% of times when I get emotional I'm always sad and crying a lot and 10% being very, very angry. These emotions are that strong that I actually have really big problem to survive them without doing something to survive them. Even though spirituality is closed chapter for me for time being I had no choice but to be back and doing some old things to actually survive these emotions, because no one can bare me in this state, not even me. So. When I start to feel too much emotions I do things like this. Use Incense, vaporize herbs used in ayurweda, use stones on my chakras. I don't combine these practices, almost always 1 of these practices is enough, but I don't know, is it right to use any of this things, when I don't want to do anything with spirituality? I mean I love spirituality, yet I'm burned out totally. And I don't wan't to change other than physically actually... and... when I look in the mirror and see my spine I'm really sad and it hurts me both physically and emotionally.... Yet I don't want to be different other than physically because even being just myself I have problems to be with some people and I don't wan't to change even further, at least not for a long time, because my life isn't ready for it. Should I deal with emotion's in different way or it is ok as being used only to deal with emotion's?

HERE COMES THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION, IF SOMEONE WILL ANSWER IT IT WILL MAKE ME REALLY, REALLY HAPPY. :)

The problem is, that when I was doing kundalini many years ago... and I also was doing a lot of psychedelic drugs, especially marihuana and amanita muscaria combined with eating only 1 meal per day and drinking almot nothing, below 1 l as much as I can remember. I also had no friends, had no work, I lived only spiritual. I was so young. It ended in serious psychosis that almost ended my life.

So.

When I was doing this things I actually was healing spine in similar way. I mean it felt really similar inside myself like now, but it's not kundalini that's doing the work this time.

So.

You think it can trigger any kind of psychosis?

And what are your feelings and thoughts after reading this?

Anyone feel like sharing something that could help me and do you feel like I'm healing in safe way?

I just...

I actually wan't to be just only myself, but in healthy body.

I almost never speak english but I feel like expresed myself as much as I could.

Have a good day!:) I will thank anyone who try to help me, because I really need advice.


Edited by - Larimar on Mar 10 2019 01:00:21 AM

Charliedog

1522 Posts

Posted - Mar 12 2019 :  11:57:35 AM  Show Profile  Visit Charliedog's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hi Larimar,

Is it possible to find a good osteopath somewhere in your environment? That might work for you, someone with an holistic view who can help you with your posture, or an Iyengar or critical alignment (CAY)!! experienced!! yogateacher.

It seems that you have a lot of suppressed emotions, sorry to read that. If we face reality, you need to see them for what they are, suppressed emotions, luggage that you carry from the past. The past has gone and never wil repeat itself the way it did. Every moment is a new beginning. This might sound harsh, then sorry for that, but it is what it is. You can heal yourself, yes you can. You need to face truth, and you know this already. You need to look inside yourself to heal, with help from dear friends, and maybe professionals.

Yoga/Meditation is a way to heal yourself, not a quick-fix but a real journey with ups and downs. We can advice you to start reading here http://www.aypsite.com/10.html and maybe you would like to give it a try for six weeks.

Strenght, Wisdom, Light to you.

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Larimar

Poland
8 Posts

Posted - Mar 12 2019 :  10:03:57 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hi Charliedog,

I don't feel like thing you said is by any means harsh. Truth is a truth. You know, from 2-3 months I'm feeling so much and by that I don't only mean my emotion's. When I'm going through the street and I look into someone's eyes I feel this person inside myself. I don't know, how to explain this. It's not like I feel their emotion's written in their eyes, it's like something more, and I don't know how to explain it. It is strange, but most people don't seem to feel like I'm "feeling" them. But when someone do the same I feel shock. And the same way I feel people I started to feel my body and it's language that it is speaking to me. I feel like it's crying and begging for attention. I feel like it's hurt, twisted and crushed and it makes me feel sad and I can't refuse it's call for healing. I can't. It's my own body, how can I deny this to it, how can I deny to myself to be healthy? I feel so uncomfortable in this body right now.

I walked through the street today looking for someone interesting and I saw men and woman and I felt their love for each other in myself and it was so beautiful feeling that awaken in my body call for looking the same feeling in my life. Yet at the same time I felt like I'm so damaged I can't do it. I can't survive something like this. Then I realized I can't believe anymore that healing I'm doing right now is something I need to investigate. I just wan't to be in love like they were with each other, but I can't right now. I... feel like my body and heart want's it, but it can't do it. I just allow my body to heal itself, and it actually isn't hard at all. I just let it and there is all to it. I just... I don't care anymore about judging my healing. Or at least right now. I remember now when my body died. I remember being so young and I felt love for 3 young womans in high school. It ended the worst possible scenario. My heart was hurt by rejection 3 times when I was loving with all my heart and it hurted me so much, that I felt like I'm dying, and it lasted for months. For each woman same scenario. I... Couldn't heal this emotion, I knew nothing about life, everything went into my body and after some time this lead me to accident when my back was destroyed. I remember when I went for doctor and they made X-Ray of my spine, and when doctor saw that he was so shocked. He thought that there is something wrong with the photo, because I shouldn't live or at least walk with spine like this. I felt like he wan't to be in contact with me, so he can watch my progress. I was so young. I denied everything I saw and felt in this discussion and tried to live like nothing has happened. My body was dying even more yet I didn't feel anything.

It was so long ago. I have changed milions time since then. When I heal my spine right now... All I need to do is allow it to happen. I can't do any advanced yoga practices. They are too strong. All I need to do is some little simple yet creative physical exercises and thats it. Then I need to just accept what my body is doing and I feel so much inside myself. Everything is changing. I don't know if this is actually kundalini, because it actually doesn't feel this way, as I remember when I was following this path. I feel like if there is some kind of kundalini energy it is barely any, my body is doing all the work. I feel consequences of my healing everywhere. Even in my skull, face, feet, fingers actually everywhere. I just see my face in the mirror, my body and I feel like I shouldn't look like this. I just don't know if I can survive that intense changes without any professional help, but I'm that sick I can't go further into city than 5km. But if you know anyone or at least some kind of holistic forum please let me know. But I have friends who care about me. I'm not strong, but I feel like I'm as strong as I need to be. It is actually funny, because I'm all about water element in my life. I'm pure intuition, very sensitive kind of guy who lives in wonderland and actually every of my close friend is entire opposite of myself. So I have a lot of grounding in their presence. I can describe my healing proces as ... It starts from pain. Then I go and do some simple physical training. I feel like my spine stops hurt and i feel some strange sound in it. After 8-16 hours I feel intense need of stretching... I do it, and I feel like my body is a little different, like it's permanently stretched a bit. There is a little, just a little pressure in my head but rarely. I need to stretch actually everything, even my face. I need to do retarded face expression to stretch my face. I actually need to stretch almost everything. But when I actually feel like I missed something I watch porn and when I feel sexual energy it goes without my influence to the place where attention is needed and I allow my body to stretch this place... But then sexual energy is off and I actually can watch porn and be "in love with computer" for as long as my body needs stretching. It is actually annoying and helping a lot at the same time. After I have stretched everything I usually go to sleep, yet have a lot of energy after this. I feel strange sensation inside my body, like my body is starting to pulsate inside in way that I can't actually accurately describe. I feel like blood is coming to place where it couldn't previously go. It still has some almost kind of electric way of feel with a "fleshy" sensation also. I feel lighter where it happens, stretched too also. It is the most intense after full body stretching and it's starting to fade until I need to stetch again, but there is the last cycle of healing.. After 24-48 hours starts the emotion attack time. Then I do what I have mentioned in post above. Okay. So this is complete circle of healing. Everything is repeating over and over, yet sensation's are a little bit different. If anyone knows someone with holistic expierience can they ask if this is the safe way? I feel like this is the best I can do.

Is is kundalini? I just don't wan't be something more than myself because I had shift of counsciesness few months ago and I don't want more. Yet I can't ignore what my body want's.

I really appreciate your help. You helped me not the way I wanted, but the way I needed and I hope and I believe you will recieve the same.

Thank you.

Edited by - Larimar on Mar 13 2019 01:02:02 AM
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Charliedog

1522 Posts

Posted - Mar 13 2019 :  08:45:26 AM  Show Profile  Visit Charliedog's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Dear Larimar,

When we are on this journey, there comes a moment that we realize the moment we shut ourselves down when we were young. I remember my moments too.. We all had our moment when the heart was hurt too much. Growing up is not always easy, if we are sensitive, we often build a wall around the heart and suffering starts. We want to be different, trying to please the ones around us, thinking we do not deserve love etc. We stop loving ourselves. We loose ourselves, that is what happening, we separate ourselves.

You are on the way back, healing yourself, if you allow it to happen.

Kundalini awakening is a healing process, surrender, observe, every moment is new, allow yourself to heal. Kundalini is YOU, the potential to heal, to love, just surrender, bow, It's Grace if you experience her. You become Yourself, after a long time of suffering. If you let it happen and do not resist the process.

Just Listen to your body, it Knows and read the lessons of Yogani, they will provide you with insights.

Take Care,


Edited by - Charliedog on Mar 13 2019 09:28:50 AM
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Larimar

Poland
8 Posts

Posted - Mar 13 2019 :  10:42:05 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Dear Charliedog,

When I hear about kundalini all I can feel is fear. Fear of what I have expierienced during this process. I remember psychosis that strong I actually made chaos in my entire city. Police was looking for me with all their force. Helictopers were flying all over the city with car patrols. My parents and brother were so scared, because they saw me commiting suicide and then running away with hole in the throat. I remember some of moments from that time. I remember seeing invisible things, thinking and feeling that I have superpowers and actually using them, hearing inside my brain non physical beigns and feeling their presence. I don't actually know what was true during this time, but I felt like all my biggests fears stopped hidding and forced me to confront them and they were so real and strong I didn't feel like myself anymore. I couldn't handle it. It was too much. Or maybe it was something different? It's all so foggy, but the fear is real.


My family was drugging me with psychotropic pills for years, but in 4 years I started to rebel inside myself, but I didn't feel almost anything during psychotropic pills. I... I don't know if I wan't to risk this again. Still I remember when I was going kundalini path I wanted to heal my body in the beginning, but then my insane dreamer nature started to put shadow on this process... Then I wanted to stop eating and drinking at all and run away and leave all of society... Because of fear of something evil ruling this world. I wanted to be so free. Yet I was forcing all of this, inedia, only because of fear and it fueled my desire. In the mean time I was doing a lot of psychedelic drugs. Marihuana and Amanita Muscaria. And kundalini. It was soooo strong back then I was spending all nights lying on the bed and letting it do it work. Yet. I still don't remember feeling that something wrong is going to happen with me. I still remember that I felt like I was doing everything right. I don't actually know, maybe I was doing it right? I actually don't know and thats scaries me. I don't know if I'm ready, because I failed once and actually I'm not pretty sure how I should do all this.

Just let body do anything it want's and in meantime live like I want? It actually sound easier than inedia skill and running from home, haha. I have no idea where it will lead me at all. You know, I just actually want my body to be healthy, to feel that it is happy, and comfortable just like it was when I was young. I'm talking with friends and I feel like my body can't
"sing" like theirs do (body language etc. I can't express myself). It makes me sad. I don't feel like I'm ready to remembering how it is to be enlightenment any time soon...

Can I just heal spine and don't change more?

Yet I'm so tired of trying to control anything I just actually don't care that much. I don't feel like kundalini is a grace, I rather feel fear when thinking about it.... I didn't do actually anything special to have it. I just do physical exercise and feel my body and do physical exercise on my spine as it wants. And I'm empath. But how can I not have it? If I refuse what my body wants it will start to die again...

Is there non kundalini way of healing?

I'm so afraid I will fail again though and hurt myself and my family. They trusted me and let me stop taking this pills but they are so afraid everything will repeat itself and I will dive into another psychosis and result will be pills and stopping feeling anything at all while they will force me again to take them. Wow.

Wow. I'm actually doing this again. I'm overthinking. I'm overusing my imagination.

So complex problems, aren't they?

You know.

I don't care. I'm going outside for running.

I still remember some glimpse of feelings while being someone who sees bigger picture, then this that I'm seeing right now. This message sounds probably much different from point of view someone with higher perspective of seeing things. I find this funny.

If anyone feel like talking more I would really appreciate it, but if you don't want, its' ok.

Thank you again for your message.
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Larimar

Poland
8 Posts

Posted - Mar 13 2019 :  7:35:26 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Wow... Actually almost everything I have written above doesn't have match in my reality right now, even though so little time has passed. And when I think about what was yesterday I feel like it was years ago or more. I will write more later if I want. I feel so deep peace. Wow. Just wow. I really wan't to find someone who will talk with me about this process. I will dream about this. Good night.

Edited by - Larimar on Mar 13 2019 11:45:01 PM
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Charliedog

1522 Posts

Posted - Mar 14 2019 :  03:03:03 AM  Show Profile  Visit Charliedog's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
You discovered writing, great! Writing or journaling is a healing practice to let go the past. Life becomes much lighter if we let the past go.

Life becomes also lighter if we do not look too far ahead. Who knows what the future will bring?

In reality nobody knows. We can do the best we can today, one step a time.


Edited by - Charliedog on Mar 14 2019 03:09:22 AM
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Larimar

Poland
8 Posts

Posted - Mar 14 2019 :  11:01:23 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Yeah I think it discovered me. I just don't even want to read what I have written above. It doesn't matter anymore. I actually just don't care. I'm just so ****ing tired of trying to control every aspect of my life so I can be seen as normal and feel like I'm normal. It doesn't work at all and doesn't make me happy. I just don't care anymore. I'm careful though.

Hmm...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDh...index=2&t=0s

I have found this video.

This guys says something about bringing energy from brain in head into root chakra if I understand correctly, so It will aid physical body. He also says about someone else helping in this. I mean I actually feel pressure in my brain sometimes. Is it this energy? It actually goes away. My body is changing I feel it, and it feels so good. I just don't know If I should think about channeling this energy back to root chakra as I actually feel my physical body changing. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO IT. I mean, how can I do this transfer? Like how? :O But he says about this in this movie. Did I actually understand all this correctly?

Any help? Please?

Wow. Just wow.

I'm feeling so good right now.

Charliedog, thank you that you are writing in this topic with me. I feel I can handle all of this... I mean with all the help I can get. ;DD Wow. Just wow. xD I just don't know what to say anymore. ;PPP I'm so happy and full of energy. But it's 4:12 AM right now. xD I just don't care.



PS Maybe actually right now I will in time be able to find in life some woman and have family, work as artist as I actually always wanted and the most important I will feel in time like my body is not so destroyed. I just don't feel like making too much plans. I just don't think it is important. You said good thing about not going with thinking too much into future.

I mean It actually can end as it suddenly appeared I feel. I remember now I was praying to the God I felt was universe and I prayed with my feelings, wanting to feel normal with my own body, and changing my life which is actually sooooooo destroyed by myself. I was dreaming about it so much. Okay. Ignore some lines of my message as I'm doing writing unconsciously. xD Please just answer question above if you feel like you want.



Here comes another writing so ignore it. xdd

I was thinking about my psychosis and I actually think I know some reason why it actually happened. I feel so full of myself. So full of energy. And I was putting it to make happen things I wasn't ready for. I wanted them so much too happen that I actually didn't hear my body warning me and in time it stopped warning. I feel like this is true. It is funny, because I actually get what I wanted in the end. Kind of. But coudn't handle it. I dream now about things I feel like I can handle. And If I'm not sure I ask God for protecting me from myself. xD My first dream right now is... I mean it is the most silly thing ever. I don't know if I even should say that, but I actually don't care. I mean I don't have to say it, but I actually feel like sharing it. You guys know sea horse animal? I have read somewhere they're not doing fine. I mean they're the cutest animals I have ever seen and the most beautiful ones. When I have too much energy like now I dream and imagine and feel inside me like theyre doing fine. It may sound soud childish, but I actually fell in love with them. I don't know why though, but it doesn't matter. Okay, I go now before I will talk too much. But I it's too late for this, because I have talked too much actually. Who writes things like this? I was always so childish and insane and I'm actually coming back. It is so strange to starting feel like myself again.

Edited by - Larimar on Mar 15 2019 04:33:24 AM
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Charliedog

1522 Posts

Posted - Mar 15 2019 :  09:53:57 AM  Show Profile  Visit Charliedog's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hello Larimar,

This forum is part of a whole system (Advanced Yoga Practices) in many lessons, written by Yogani. You can find here, for free, all you need to purify and balance yourself, to work on your inner self. You can start to read here from the beginning. Keep it simple for yourself, you do not have to read them all at once. One step a time.

Two practices are the most important, Deep Meditation and Spinal Breathing Pranayama. Best is to start reading some of the lessons and ,if you would like, to start with Deep Meditation and later ask the questions here in the forums. It could be as simple as start with a daily practice of 2 times 10 minutes of DM, and take some minutes rest afterwards. Let's say you practiced this for some weeks, you found benefits, then you can add 5 minutes of Spinal Breathing Pranayama before the practice of DM.

Pranayama is energy, Meditation is stillness.

quote:
I mean I actually feel pressure in my brain sometimes. Is it this energy? It actually goes away. My body is changing I feel it, and it feels so good. I just don't know If I should think about channeling this energy back to root chakra as I actually feel my physical body changing. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO IT. I mean, how can I do this transfer?


Everything is energy (prana) and we need purification to let the prana flow freely without obstructions through the nadis. Pressure means, the energy is not free to flow, there is an obstruction. We al have obstructions. Spinal Breathing Pranayama. SBP is the practice for this. This pranayama will balance and quiet the nervous system and provide a fertile ground for deep meditation. Deep Meditation is to find in lesson 13

Practicing and reading will give you many insights, Yogani is much better in explaining.


quote:
Who writes things like this? I was always so childish and insane and I'm actually coming back. It is so strange to starting feel like myself again.


It is beautiful to be your unique self, never loose your sensitivity, vulnerability, humor and your innocence, those are the qualities which will lead you to your inner strength.

Let us know how you are doing. Take your time to explore this environment of AYP.

Good luck!


Edited by - Charliedog on Mar 15 2019 10:12:56 AM
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